Suicide?

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    Feb 28, 2008 8:59 AM GMT

    Anyone thought about commiting suicide in their teenage or after?

    A gay person is more likely to commit it than others as the pressure of life is bigger on him..

    I hope no one will ever think about it again .. but did you even once had this idea in you head?? and why?
  • kjm1990

    Posts: 209

    Feb 28, 2008 10:44 AM GMT
    yep tryed it,went hosp,6 months later ran my car in 2 a tree, a month afer that took drugs

    now i hvnt done it an i neva want 2 but i think about it
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    Feb 28, 2008 11:46 AM GMT
    Me.

    When I was 17-18 or something. The guy I fell in love with in High School (who never had a girlfriend) turned out to be straight.

    I slumped into deep depression. I was spending days just sleeping, with no appetite, no drive at all. I felt like everything was pointless. Even though I turned agnostic at 16, I began to believe again in damnation and all that nonsense. The reason I didn't go through with it is a bit of logic, icon_wink.gif.

    I'm gay, my life will be hell.
    I'm gay, when I die 80 years from now, I'll still go to hell.
    I'm gay, if I commit suicide, I'll only go to hell faster.

    icon_rolleyes.gif So no escape. icon_razz.gif I chose life.

    I only managed to pull out of it like 3 years ago. When I did, the first thing I did was to become a full-fledged atheist, heh. I started to basically just live life as it comes. Of course, the fact that I get a lot more disappointments than successes gets me down a lot. ROFL. But I don't dwell on it too much anymore. icon_wink.gif

    Gay teens are 5 times as likely to commit suicide as straight teens, I think. The main reason? Religion.
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    Feb 28, 2008 12:26 PM GMT
    I went though a lot of emotions in high school. I was constantely praying that God would make me "normal". At one point I prayed that God just take my life just so that I wouldnt have to go through life as a gay man.

  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Feb 28, 2008 12:41 PM GMT
    I'm very happy to see that you guys did not succeed.

    The world is a better place with you in it.

    I was on antidepressants most of my life. I don't think I would have the courage, to take my own life. Never tried, but I have felt very down at times. Every night I went to bed hoping and praying, I would wake the next morning, and not be gay. That never happened icon_lol.gif

    My partner, gave me the courage to get off the antidepressants, and I would never take them again. They don't solve any problems. I still get depressed from time to time, but I have learned how to deal with it. Anxiety is also a problem for me, but I'm dealing with that also.

    Mike
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Feb 28, 2008 1:16 PM GMT
    I've always heard about the stats about suicide with gay men. However as a teenager and early 20 something, I had girlfriends and "being gay" was something tucked away and not acknowledged. I was focusing on school and some major personal goals, which went well.

    I don't think I have ever given it any kind of consideration, nor would I.
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    Feb 28, 2008 1:43 PM GMT
    The thought of suicide has NEVER crossed my mind. I would be scared for myself if I ever got to the point where I would have those thoughts.
  • NickoftheNort...

    Posts: 1416

    Feb 28, 2008 1:56 PM GMT
    Certainly; I had thoughts about it last night as I failed to get back to sleep. I am currently staying on the 21st floor of a hotel and started thinking about the possibility of opening one of the windows and going through it.

    Then I started to think of all of the things that piss me off about our human world and I was able to move away from the jumper-thoughts (my anger is a far better motivator for hanging on than any concern or love for others).

    Once I had my night's sleep, I was not further troubled by these thoughts.

    At this point in my life, I trigger thoughts of suicide primarily by being bored and feeling trapped in an inactive, going-nowhere life. The worry of living for naught is a pesky one.
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    Feb 28, 2008 2:20 PM GMT
    Yes, the last time was in July 1986. I was severely depressed about being gay. I had it all planned out, method, time, etc.. Then I imagined my Dad discovering my body and how upset he would be. From then on I resolved to keep living no matter at what cost or how miserable I was. Funny thing is for the time period I had resolved to kill myself, I was very relaxed and happy. That supposedly is one of the signs of someone who is about to kill themselves.

    Before that the winter of 81-82 was really bad. I thought my 21st birthday was going to be my last. I was living alone for the first time, felt estranged from straight people, had not accepted being gay (matter of fact I tried to make myself straight that winter), and was generally very isolated. Don't know how I managed a B average in University.

    I have come to the conclusion I am not really the suicidal type. I am the kind of person who wants to know what is going to happen in the future, that and my natural pig-headedness have always kept me going.
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    Feb 28, 2008 4:09 PM GMT
    I never considered suicide - even during a few brief times of depression. I have the ability to optimistically see the light at the end of the tunnel, and pull myself out of sad times. Counseling can help, or just getting out of bed and going for a swim, a bike ride, a run, throwing a ball for your dog, calling up a buddy and hanging out with him, or maybe a long sunny drive in a convertible along the ocean - whatever works for you. I know many cases are so serious that these simple solutions of mine are insufficient remedies for some guys who need psychiatric help to overcome their problems. I don't want to make light of those situations, but am offering the solutions that have worked for me.

    During my college years, a buddy of mine jumped off of the Golden Gate Bridge and was luckily one of the very few jumpers who lived (thanks to being an excellent swimmer, and due to the fortunate way in which he landed - hitting the water first with the back of the legs, thighs and butt). My friend says he knew he had made a huge mistake the very second he jumped. His unhappiness was over ending a relationship with his bf. Thankfully my friend lived and got counseling. He is a great guy - and would be the first to tell other guys not to contemplate suicide, which he now considers a permanent solution to temporary problems. Those of us who know and love this guy are all very glad he did not leave us back on his dark day almost 30 years ago, and we're greatful for all the intervening years of great times with him that we would have been deprived of had his suicide attempt been successful.

    Remember the Freddie Mercury song lyric that says in part, "Don't try suicide - you're just gonna hate it!"
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    Feb 28, 2008 4:19 PM GMT
    Not sure what this says about me, but I've never wanted to kill myself - I've only wanted to smite those who've tried to pin me/us down because of their judgments and perceptions of me/us.

    For example, if I saw Pat Robertson, James Dobson, Dick Cheney, or Peter LaBarbera drowning...I would in fact let any of them and several others sink without a twinge of guilt.
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    Feb 28, 2008 4:21 PM GMT
    Alot of gay men feel that way, especially when they are coming to terms with it, or coming out, etc etc. I first tried when I was 18, just out of HS, came out to almost everyone, lost all of my friends, family wasn't too happy either. I went to the bathroom one night, tore open a razor, got the blade out, and went to town on my wrists.. I was laying in the floor with a pool of blood around me, my cousin came in and seen me like that, got rushed to the hospital, had 20 stitches in my left wrist. Had to stay in the hospital for about a week, as I was on suicide watch. About a year later, I took a handfull of sleeping pills, hoping I wouldn't wake up again. My mom found out and I got rushed to the hospital again, had to get my stomach pumped. I'm glad I got through those 2 times, but I still have thoughts about it every now and then. I just think about my nephews whenever the thoughts enter my mind, and it helps a little. I hope none of you ever do it, and those that have tried, I'm glad you didn't succeed. Much love guys.
  • drakutis

    Posts: 586

    Feb 28, 2008 4:24 PM GMT
    I thought about it as a teen but not for being gay. At that point, I thought life was too hard with school and such. BUT now, I WISH I could go back. It was a much simpler time, although I don't regret where I am and how I got here. I just had more fun then.icon_lol.gif
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    Feb 28, 2008 4:31 PM GMT
    gymguy1 saidI went though a lot of emotions in high school. I was constantely praying that God would make me "normal". At one point I prayed that God just take my life just so that I wouldnt have to go through life as a gay man.



    I have to say I think this is more likely what most have thought. In one way or another, just let me die. I've never thought about what way would be best or anything but definitely have wished it was just all over.

    One thing I really struggle with is others that I know who have committed suicide. I know two families who's teenage children have committed suicide and I'm not sure it's because of my own sensitivity but it was really hard for me. I wasn't best friends with these families, they were more acquaintances but I felt the deep pain and loss as they struggled to pick up the pieces.

    There's always a way out and so many people who will help but when you're on the edge, it's so hard to be anywhere near rational about it. So make the promise now, while you're rational that if you ever get to that edge, you'll turn and come back to the rest of us!

    Peace.
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    Feb 28, 2008 4:33 PM GMT
    GLBT teens are more than twice as likely to commit suicide. According to a 1999 report 30% to GLBT youth will attempt suicide.

    GLSEN's 2005 National School Climate Survey reports the following:

    1) 75. 4% of students heard derogatory remarks such as "faggot" or "dyke" frequently or often at school, and nearly nine out of ten (89.2%) reported hearing "that's so gay" or "you're so gay" - meaning stupid or worthless- frequently or often.

    2) Over a third (37.8%) of students experienced physical harassment at school on the basis of sexual orientation and more than a quarter (26.1%) on the basis of their gender expression. Nearly one-fifth (17.6%) of students had been physically assaulted because of their sexual orientation and over a tenth (11.8%) because of their gender expression.

    3) LGBT students were five times more likely to report having skipped school in the last month because of safety concerns than the general population of students.

    4) LGBT students who experience more frequent physical harassment were more likely to report they did not plan to go to college. Overall, LGBT students were twice as likely as the general population of students to report they were not planning to pursue any post-secondary education.

    5) The average GPA for LGBT students who were frequently physically harassed was half a grade lower than that of LGBT students experiencing less harassment (2.6 versus 3.1).
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    Feb 28, 2008 4:33 PM GMT
    lilmaninsc saidAlot of gay men feel that way, especially when they are coming to terms with it, or coming out, etc etc. I first tried when I was 18, just out of HS, came out to almost everyone, lost all of my friends, family wasn't too happy either. I went to the bathroom one night, tore open a razor, got the blade out, and went to town on my wrists.. I was laying in the floor with a pool of blood around me, my cousin came in and seen me like that, got rushed to the hospital, had 20 stitches in my left wrist. Had to stay in the hospital for about a week, as I was on suicide watch. About a year later, I took a handfull of sleeping pills, hoping I wouldn't wake up again. My mom found out and I got rushed to the hospital again, had to get my stomach pumped. I'm glad I got through those 2 times, but I still have thoughts about it every now and then. I just think about my nephews whenever the thoughts enter my mind, and it helps a little. I hope none of you ever do it, and those that have tried, I'm glad you didn't succeed. Much love guys.


    I am sure I speak for others on RealJock in saying that I am very glad you were not successful lilmaninsc. Someone very close to me has tried four times (including Christmas Eve 1985) and it is still a worry when she goes through another serious depression.

    I often hear people saying that someone who kills themselves, or tries, is weak, selfish or a coward. I try not to rush to judgement. What people have to cope with in life varies considerably. Some people have a charmed existence, others are cursed. Until you are in their shoes you should keep your mouth shut and try and help them get past the pain.
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    Feb 28, 2008 4:35 PM GMT
    The thought has crossed my mind, but usually when I'm driving. I would never hurt myself on purpose and when I have thoughts like this I just remind myself of everything I have to live for.
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    Feb 28, 2008 4:37 PM GMT
    jbedwards said[quote][cite]lilmaninsc said[/cite]Alot of gay men feel that way, especially when they are coming to terms with it, or coming out, etc etc. I first tried when I was 18, just out of HS, came out to almost everyone, lost all of my friends, family wasn't too happy either. I went to the bathroom one night, tore open a razor, got the blade out, and went to town on my wrists.. I was laying in the floor with a pool of blood around me, my cousin came in and seen me like that, got rushed to the hospital, had 20 stitches in my left wrist. Had to stay in the hospital for about a week, as I was on suicide watch. About a year later, I took a handfull of sleeping pills, hoping I wouldn't wake up again. My mom found out and I got rushed to the hospital again, had to get my stomach pumped. I'm glad I got through those 2 times, but I still have thoughts about it every now and then. I just think about my nephews whenever the thoughts enter my mind, and it helps a little. I hope none of you ever do it, and those that have tried, I'm glad you didn't succeed. Much love guys.


    I am sure I speak for others on RealJock in saying that I am very glad you were not successful lilmaninsc. Someone very close to me has tried four times (including Christmas Eve 1985) and it is still a worry when she goes through another serious depression.

    I often hear people saying that someone who kills themselves, or tries, is weak, selfish or a coward. I try not to rush to judgement. What people have to cope with in life varies considerably. Some people have a charmed existence, others are cursed. Until you are in their shoes you should keep your mouth shut and try and help them get past the pain.[/quote]

    Yea, you're right there.. people look down on you if they know you tried.. but like you said.. if they could walk a mile in my shoes.. or anyone else who has tried for that matter, then they can see what we we went through and I'm sure they would try the same. I try to look at the brighter side of things now. Like the quote, "That which doesn't kill us, makes us stronger." The life lessons we go through only make us stronger and wiser as an individual..
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    Feb 28, 2008 4:42 PM GMT
    Oh yeah... I thought about so often I thought it was weird that others didn't after a point. My misery used to be centered on self hatred for who being who I was, gay, perfection, and popularity still weren't/aren't important to me. I thought that I as a person in this world wasn't good enough. Over the years the pain subsided, but came and went after that too. During my last long term relationship I came to terms with a lot of the issues from my past and worked through them everyday until one day I was a brand new person, as far as perspective goes, who loved life and loved myself.

    To be honest, last week it crossed my mind, but as a sign or progress I said it out loud, like a teenage drama queen asking to be gagged with a spoon... it took a comical air to it, and my best friend and laughed it off still knowing what I was like before.
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    Feb 28, 2008 4:51 PM GMT
    If G Bush gets re elected l might consider it!
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    Feb 28, 2008 4:54 PM GMT
    Kebab saidIf G Bush gets re elected l might consider it!


    Ditto!!! Even though he can't be.. but that would be such a scary thought!
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    Feb 28, 2008 4:59 PM GMT
    i've had recurring bouts of depression throughout my life. the first time i had suicidal thoughts was at 12, but completely unrelated to sexuality and related to family situations. i was very self-destructive from 13-22, not because i was ashamed of being gay, but sick of being treated poorly because of it. i was free of those thoughts from 23-26. then i became a school teacher and was plagued by them because of work and a relationship i was in from 27-28. did pretty well from 29-30. had a rough 30 when i found out my bf had cheated on me with over 30 people and stole $20k from me. i've been fine since i left him.

    i'm best when i'm single and dancing. jobs and boyfriends tend to wreak havoc on me emotionally.
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    Feb 28, 2008 5:06 PM GMT
    Hey guys, thanks for your honest responses. I can relate to what many of you said. I tried twice when I was a teenager. I lived in a small town, was religious, and was bullied every day at school and at home. I prayed every night that God would make me straight or that I would die in my sleep. I'm so glad I made it through that time and am where I am now.

    I've also known far too many people who have committed suicide and know how devastating it is. One of the hardest for me was a guy I had dated; he hanged himself in a cemetery. My cousin's daughter hanged herself in the backyard and he was the one to find her. I've known bipolar friends who succeeded and others who were, thankfully, unsuccessful.

    I just hope that future generations of gay youth will have it easier than many of us did.

    Imagine by John Lennon just came on the radio. How appropriate.
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    Feb 28, 2008 5:14 PM GMT
    This thread is very emotional and disturbing. Parents need to read these things and realize they have to take extra care to protect their gay children.
  • dfrourke

    Posts: 1062

    Feb 28, 2008 5:18 PM GMT

    nope...

    I have always had a theory that people ended up on a spectrum where suicide was on one end and homicide was the other...and to some degree we fall closer to one of those camps...[grant you it doesn't mean we do it]...

    ...that being said, I am more apt to take out a whole McDonald's and end up on the front page news than quietly go out on page 6...

    ...whew...glad I got that off my chest...

    - David