Are people too lazy to give a one sentence rejection or what does it mean?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 19, 2010 5:23 AM GMT
    I met this stranger last Saturday for some fun.When he left he said he might want to meet up again, and I also kind of wanted that.

    So yesterday I sent him an online message suggesting meeting again. He did not reply me so I sent another rather LONG message telling how I had a lot of fun and how I really wanted to meet up again. Judging from the effort (20+mins?) I took to write that message, I thought at least I would be getting a one sentence rejection, in the worst case he is not interested. But again I got no reply so I got a bit confused. Normally I'd stop here but maybe was extra horny last night I sent yet another message EXPLICITLY saying if you are not interested and do not want to be bothered by my msgs please give a straightforward rejection, or else I'd continue to be a stalker which is annoying to both of us.I said I might end up calling him if there is no reply. But no reply still...

    Are people just too lazy to give a rejection nowadays or what???Yeah, every logic is telling me he is not interested and It would make me feel bad to give a call, as if I am really a stalker! But at the same time I did had a refreshing experience the other day so something is driving me not to give up...

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    Sep 19, 2010 5:27 AM GMT
    It's the double edged sword because different people respond to the same rejection almost in an opposite manner.

    The common rule is to "ignore" someone and they'll get the hint and leave you alone. However there's people like me who HATE the silent treatment and will flip out. Also, I never give people the silent treatment to be congruent. I want people to tell ME that they DON'T want to see ME, not hint vaguely or covertly by not responding to texts. Likewise, I tell people they're not my type.

    Of course if you tell someone they are not your type there's a strong chance they'll throw a shit fit, tell you how much they don't like you, and talk shit about you for the rest of your life. This is the problem with being honest. Gays are fags.

    So either way you are fucked, but I think it's best to be candid as opposed to being oblique.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 19, 2010 6:13 AM GMT
    One msg is enough, two is questionable, three makes you look desperate with stalking tendencies. Give up. You're becoming what you fear.
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    Sep 19, 2010 6:27 AM GMT
    Wait, did I not read the post correctly? I have been drinking...
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    Sep 19, 2010 6:41 AM GMT
    if you know he read the first message and he didnt respond, chances are hes not interested. I know its brutal, but he probably thought ignoring you would be less cruel than giving you a straightforward rejection. Like Jake said, its definitely a double edged sword.
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    Sep 19, 2010 7:43 AM GMT
    Also writing a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG message at this stage is probably off-putting.
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    Sep 19, 2010 7:51 AM GMT
    KardioKing saidif you know he read the first message and he didnt respond, chances are hes not interested. I know its brutal, but he probably thought ignoring you would be less cruel than giving you a straightforward rejection. Like Jake said, its definitely a double edged sword.


    Ok, I guess I will give up. But I just do not understand why doesn't he give me straightforward rejection which I explicitly requested...in my 3rd frustrated msg I actually explicitly said that I'm assuming silence treatment to be an encouragement and to stop me please give a straightforward rejection or I might call (which, of course, I didn't)

    Guess people are just too lazy...
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    Sep 19, 2010 8:48 AM GMT
    There's more to life than waiting for a respond from a guy you only met once. Move on.
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    Sep 19, 2010 10:00 AM GMT
    Lostboy saidAlso writing a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG message at this stage is probably off-putting.


    Possibly.

    But I was just trying to show some efforts and explain my feelings more clearly instead of letting him think I am hitting up ppl randomly online...

    Ironic how things could go wrong when you actually start to think someone might be a bit special and then you just put him off...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 19, 2010 1:59 PM GMT
    You sound very desperate!
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    Sep 19, 2010 2:09 PM GMT
    Lostboy saidAlso writing a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG message at this stage is probably off-putting.

    Writing a long ecstatic message to someone you just met and don't actually know is a sure sign you've crossed over into stalker territory.
    One short light message would have been appropriate. If it's ignored, anything after that means you're threatening to boil the bunny.
  • MarvelClimber

    Posts: 511

    Sep 19, 2010 2:22 PM GMT
    I often read messages and don't respond to them right away. Sometimes I don't have time. Other times I know that if I respond and the person is online it will suck me into a conversation, which I am either not willing to have or don't have time for. You should have given more time (4-5 days) before following up. (I'm assuming you can check whether he has read your messages.) The root of the issue is that you think there is something special with a stranger you met for a hookup... not whether someone is lazy or not. Sometimes people are just being whoever you want them to be to get laid. Have you stopped to ask yourself how much do you know about this guy? When we're lonely we can get hung up on someone when they show us attention. You have to let that go and move on.

    Guys online aren't lazy... they'll put an incredible amount of effort into hooking up. Once you give it up, they figure they have you and can call you at their leisure. Guys who respect themselves and others will let you know whether they're interested in getting together again. Yea, like Jake said, some will ignore you... nothing you can do about that. Sending a long, heartfelt message certainly won't change anything. It's more likely that they'll really want to ignore you. You just met someone for the first time to sleep together... obviously he's not looking for any kind of committment. The 2nd message was off-putting and the 3rd was demanding. Just learn from the experience and decide what you really want... no strings attached sex or some kind of relationship.
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    Sep 19, 2010 3:38 PM GMT
    lol, hey McD, you wouldn't want to have a relationship with someone who has issues communicating from the start.

    You'd love to have something happening where both guys feel the same way, right? If he felt the way you do he'd have texted you a couple of times by now.

    He didn't. Give up and walk completely away from this. Delete all his info. You've done way more than enough, so walk away (and this is the best part) satisfied. Concentrate on this feeling of satisfaction that you behaved in a way many men would flip for.

    -Doug
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    Sep 19, 2010 3:42 PM GMT
    No response usually means he is not interested or not interested right now. It was just a hook up after all. He might send you another message when he feels like hooking up and then it will be your call.
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    Sep 19, 2010 3:48 PM GMT
    Perhaps he has a boyfriend....or a wife. Are you certain he received any of your messages?
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    Sep 19, 2010 4:29 PM GMT
    TexDef07 said
    Lostboy saidAlso writing a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG message at this stage is probably off-putting.

    Writing a long ecstatic message to someone you just met and don't actually know is a sure sign you've crossed over into stalker territory.
    One short light message would have been appropriate. If it's ignored, anything after that means you're threatening to boil the bunny.


    Thanks. Feels rather bad for having been a stalker for two days, indeed was very desperate of me!

    My second LOOOOOOOONG msg was just meant to tell him that my first msg was not randomly picking up ppl online for hookup, as it could have been interpreted to have been sent to a bunch of guys and I'd then pick up whoever is available for the night.

    I guess it's rather difficult to initiate something after a hookup...if it's too casual it will be interpreted as just a hookup, if it's not casual then it becomes off-putting.

    Argh...
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    Sep 19, 2010 4:56 PM GMT
    meninlove said lol, hey McD, you wouldn't want to have a relationship with someone who has issues communicating from the start.

    You'd love to have something happening where both guys feel the same way, right? If he felt the way you do he'd have texted you a couple of times by now.

    He didn't. Give up and walk completely away from this. Delete all his info. You've done way more than enough, so walk away (and this is the best part) satisfied. Concentrate on this feeling of satisfaction that you behaved in a way many men would flip for.

    -Doug


    Thanks a lot Doug for your kind words.

    Despite what you said, I still feel as if the whole failure was my responsibility, for sending him too many messages, which could be misleading, off-putting and bothering. But somehow when I had some good feeling, I just feel compelled to hold whatever slim chance tight because I do not want to lose anything out of my hesitation. Maybe this is really stupid of me...

    Anyway, I am definitely not going to contact this person again, in the future I guess I'd better consult RJ my moves...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 19, 2010 5:25 PM GMT
    I have definitely felt the "OMG he is amazing I wanna meet him, I'm gonna send ANOTHER message!!" feeling. It grips you and sometimes there's not much you can do about it aside from showing your intense infatuation.

    But in your case McD, you guys have communicated online, met and all that. I'd feel awkward by NOT responding to your first email, post-meet. Even if he responded with a quick, "sorry dude im reeely busy, cant talk" etc, at least it shows he has a backbone and isn't a complete slimeball. As many know, the internet allows us to get away with shit that most people would not tolerate in offline life.

    The one problem I tend to have with guys is that when I go on yahoo/msn, etc, some guys just start up a convo at the WORST possible times about shit all. I personally do not SIT and CHAT for hours on end about nothing, I tend to go online for a purpose.

    Another problem I face is the type of guy who persists even though he knows that I'm NOT into him. For example, If on your profile you say you like fat hairy asian midgets (yes I know this is almost biologically impossible) and a 6'3 ripped white guy hits you up asking to meet, that raises some flags. I tend not to respond to those types at all.

    Anyways McD, there are other good guys out there, happy hunting brother icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 19, 2010 5:30 PM GMT
    People who are broken because of a bad personal history are oftentimes ill equipped to respond to something more than utility or abuse. Apparently you were offering something more, even if it was just approval and attraction.

    Maybe this guy was broken like that.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11821

    Sep 19, 2010 6:39 PM GMT
    After most dudes get off...you cease to existent....it's what you expect from a booty call ....nothing more...Seriously...I don't want to hurt ya by saying this but....that's reality brah....Cold...cruel world times 100....BUD
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    Sep 19, 2010 7:08 PM GMT
    I'm gonna go with people just being lazy and having no class at all. I talk to people online like I talk to people in public. I don't suffer from OLC (OnLine Courage) and if I'm interested or not interested in someone then I just let them know. No games, no silliness, no misinterpretations.

    It takes two seconds to do and after that whatever happens happens. If the individual in question gets all pissy about my response THEN I'll ignore them like I would in public and just block them if online. I have no respect for people who use the silent treatment because I feel it's cowardly and I feel it speaks volumes about a persons character and personality. It says "weak" to me and I don't want to deal with a weak minded person who can't just man up and say to me "I'm not interested".

    At the same time you did seem a bit stalkerish/desperate the minute you started writing LONG and EXPLICIT messages to this dude. By doing so you practically demanded an answer from this guy and that's a big mistake when dealing with a guy. You aren't in a position to demand an answer especially when you only met this person once and did nothing that would demand an answer. You didn't sleep with him (yet) so no worries.

    It's all good. In situations like this you should just go with your gut feelings and never second guess them. He wasn't interest and did the bitch move of using the silent treatment. Just move on from this one and find someone better.
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    Sep 19, 2010 7:28 PM GMT
    McD_1111 said

    Despite what you said, I still feel as if the whole failure was my responsibility, for sending him too many messages, which could be misleading, off-putting and bothering. But somehow when I had some good feeling, I just feel compelled to hold whatever slim chance tight because I do not want to lose anything out of my hesitation. Maybe this is really stupid of me...



    On one hand, I might agree with this: some people might misinterpret your actions and words simply because of their mindset, which may be so different from yours. Thats ok though, you can hang around, ask questions and be more tolerant and understanding when it comes to communicating with others.

    On the other hand, the extreme of this is losing your self and your beautiful unique personality while trying to fit the style and needs of someone else. The whole friendship ++ thing is only alive and vibrant if both people allow each other to be themselves without changing or shaping them according to their likes or dislikes. Do not choke yourself for the sake of someone who might never be more than a line of text to you.

    So, basically, keep a balance, thinking well and responsibly while feeling comfortable with all your desicions.
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    Sep 19, 2010 7:34 PM GMT
    Andrew86 saidI tend to just ignore people because when I DO politely reject someone, a lot of times they think they still have a chance... 4 out of 5 times I end up getting another call/text from them anyway. I'm sure lots of people know exactly what I'm talking about.

    So yeah, I just ignore and figure they'll delete my number and move on. It's not meant to be rude, it just works out better in the end.

    It may not be meant to be rude, but that's exactly what it is, IMO. You couldn't write something as simple as "Thanks for the note. I'm pursuing different things at this time, and wish you all the best."
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    Sep 19, 2010 7:37 PM GMT
    Andrew86 saidI tend to just ignore people because when I DO politely reject someone, a lot of times they think they still have a chance... 4 out of 5 times I end up getting another call/text from them anyway. I'm sure lots of people know exactly what I'm talking about.

    So yeah, I just ignore and figure they'll delete my number and move on. It's not meant to be rude, it just works out better in the end.


    Oh my, big regrets coming down the pipe to you one day.

    -Doug
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    Sep 19, 2010 7:38 PM GMT
    Seems to happen all the time, it just seems easier for people to just ignore you than man up and tell you what happened. Personally a long message would be nice, but three messages in a row, would seem kind of desperate.