Active RJ Forum contributors: does this also affect you?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 28, 2008 1:24 PM GMT
    I don't know if it's just me, but do you feel some sort of "bonding" with members here who you frequently "hear" from the forum?

    I ask this 'cos right now, I just have to acknowledge this certain sadness caused by those members whose opinions matter to you but don't have a pic on their profile to humanize them.

    It's a confusing, conflicting feeling. Almost incomprehensibleicon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 28, 2008 1:38 PM GMT
    I dont share your feeling at all.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 28, 2008 1:42 PM GMT
    Caslon saidI dont share your feeling at all.


    Two more consecutive posts like yours, I'm booking an emergency session with my therapisticon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 28, 2008 2:27 PM GMT
    Yes I do feel a bonding. Although I cannot hear a person's voice, their opinions give me an insight into their character and personalities. I try to imagine what they sound like in real life. I do the same when I read a novel (especially Dickens) it is like a movie or a play going on inside my head. The better the writer the richer the reading experience. Perhaps that is why I am not crazy about TV, everything is done for you, imagination is not necessary.

    There are people on this website who I wish I could see, not because I want to drool over them, just that seeing their face gives them another dimension.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Feb 28, 2008 3:49 PM GMT
    Well Zim, I agree with your first premise, but don't so much with the latter.

    Sure I have some "bonding" with those in which you converse on the forums. I mean look at you and I.... I have grown to appreciate your fun loving personality... its how many of us (I would suspect) add "buddies" to our profiles. Caslon is a "buddy" because of the volume of posts we have both shared and I've gained a sense of appreciation (and respect) based on who he is and his experiences. Of course there is bonding.

    As far as those who don't have pictures, I probably haven't chatted as often with those guys.. thus I can't talk about bonding with them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 28, 2008 4:06 PM GMT
    oh I bond with the folks here. But I dont feel any sadness if they dont have a pic posted
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 28, 2008 4:15 PM GMT

    I smell smoke.
    This innocent suggestion could easily descend into a firey discussion about pictureless, which could get ugly.
    Oh well, gonna respond anyway, i'll just forego the Aqua-Net today.

    A pic is worth a thousand words, but that doesn't downgrade the power of words to reflect a persons personality, their likes , dislikes, values, and beliefs, who they are. However, In this limiting medium the only tools we have to reach out to eachother are words and pictures, which work best together to deliver the most information possible about a person. In light of this, I completely understand Zimatar's discomfort when he only gets half the material needed to make his mind up regarding who he is communicating with.
    Caslon's disdain, however...well, atleast I can see the vessel (only in picture form unfortunately) in which that sweet, compassionate, intelligent, allbeit, sometimes too provincial a spirit lies.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 28, 2008 4:17 PM GMT
    It's the internet. I don't take any of it too seriously. That said, I love to talk/type, so I can't help myself. It's that or booze.
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    Feb 28, 2008 4:20 PM GMT
    I get the reason why some members don't have pics posted (and those reason can be numerous). Notwithstanding the fact that this is understandable it is diminishing unless the opinions expressed are so blazingly clear that they leave little doubt as to the type of person who is posting.

    Having been on the net for a loooong time I can remember when there just weren't pictures at all. I will confess to some nostalgia for that.

    I like the people on RJ. I don't know that I would use bonding as a word.

    Peace
    Terry
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    Feb 28, 2008 4:32 PM GMT
    I think I understand where you're coming from with this. When I first starting on the internet years ago I was bothered by the same thing, more or less. It was more common to find people like who actual decented from internet forums and chats for this very reason. I wasn't one of them, but bothered by it just the same. Actually, it was this long struggle trying to bond with those whom hide their identities, and a lot of other things, that led me to permenantly refrain from attempting form relationships with them.

    I've to the conclusion that these hidden profiles are either or celebrities, politicians, or important business or religious men, who fear being out, but love the benefits of being in the closet. I think them fools and not acredit to the gay society I would to see evolve over the coming decades. Sure, they have their reasons, but those reasons only serve to compromise themselves and us. I know 'if I was' any social figure head with any ability to make the slightest change in the world view of gays I'd take a firm stance and risk money, fame and social status for the chance to be accepted for me... oh wait, I already have... I can hear a joke now, "If my aunt had balls, she'd be my uncle" har-har. Don't bother please.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 28, 2008 4:36 PM GMT
    Caslon saidoh I bond with the folks here. But I dont feel any sadness if they dont have a pic posted


    I'm with Caslon on this one (and the others). Bond yes, great to develop the online relationships, but pic or not, doesn't affect me. Nice to see a face but hey, more into the conversation I guess.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 28, 2008 4:38 PM GMT
    I have experienced similar feelings in other forums, but not as much, here. It seems like there is a lot of posting for posting sake, here. I have bonded with a number of RJers, but those bonds have been forged in email vs. the forums.

    Regarding pics, that polarizing topic has been vigorously debated within these forums. I think most people are willing to share private pics with forum buddies, even if they don't post a public pic or a public face pic. Perhaps just ask those people you care about to share their private pics or to email you a photo.
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    Feb 28, 2008 4:39 PM GMT
    Well I definately feel a bond with some of the guys here. As for the faceless people.. I try not to talk to them.. it may be rude, but they can see what I look like, why can't I see them??
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 28, 2008 4:41 PM GMT
    Oh, I think bonding could definitely be a word i'd use to describe what goes on in the forums often. Many times, people have opened up a lot in here and revealed aspects of their lives and personality i'm willing to bet they don't share with flesh and blood people they see every day. Many RJ's have revealed certain diseases they have or have had, painful breakups they've gone through, childhood trauma. I for one revealed recently that I have major issues regarding my masculinity. Everyone who knows me sees the manly confident side...they don't know that I often contemplate dressing up in drag and roping a calf in the G STAR R.
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    Feb 28, 2008 4:45 PM GMT
    GuiltyGear saidOh, I think bonding could definitely be a word i'd use to describe what goes on in the forums often. Many times, people have opened up a lot in here and revealed aspects of their lives and personality i'm willing to bet they don't share with flesh and blood people they see every day. Many RJ's have revealed certain diseases they have or have had, painful breakups they've gone through, childhood trauma. I for one revealed recently that I have major issues regarding my masculinity. Everyone who knows me sees the manly confident side...they don't know that I often contemplate dressing up in drag and roping a calf in the G STAR R.


    Oh yea, definately.. There are things I say on here that I would never tell anyone I know in RL
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    Feb 28, 2008 4:48 PM GMT
    lilmaninsc saidWell I definately feel a bond with some of the guys here. As for the faceless people.. I try not to talk to them.. it may be rude, but they can see what I look like, why can't I see them??

    Just ask them. Live and let live.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 28, 2008 5:11 PM GMT
    guilty gear - i think you'd be fabulous doing something burlesque. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 28, 2008 6:44 PM GMT
    My guiding rule is this: how would I do it in real space?

    Would I walk around naked in public? Of course, not? Would I spew vermon and engage in name calling in public? Likely not. Would I have a face, a smile and a handshake? Of course. Would I drop my pants and show people my pee pee in public upon a first meeting? Of course not.

    Some folks are so head-fucked that they create a duality of personalities. One for online; one for real life. That's mental illness caused by low self-esteem, self-loathing and the like. If one has to use another's picture, and creates a false online persona, they have some serious issues.

    I have one individual who has a major fixation on me (MikePhil). You can count on him coming along and insulting me at the personal level, no matter what. He's mentally ill, and it's blatantly obvious. Cyberstalkers are weird...they have a screw loose. In this case the cyber-stalker resents everything about me, and whatever I say, there's name calling and put downs. It really doesn't get to me, because I understand he's a nut, but, nonetheless, he is mentally ill, and it's a shame that he doesn't seek help, and it's pretty pathetic that he doesn't get thrown off the board. On chat client from gayboi.org, there's a feature called TPI (Total Permanent Ignore). That would be nice when one encounters a sicko such as the guy I mentioned above, but, nonetheless, every so often you run into folks that really are nut cases, and this is one of those times.

    In my experience, very insecure, self-loathing, gays, lash out to those they'd often like to emulate. E.g., some person comes along and propositions me, that's not at all my type, if I say "not my type", then, they go into a tyrade about what a terrible person I am, while just moments before, they told me that I walked on water. No matter how eloquent the rejection, if there's a rejection at all they spew forth venom. I've heard it all: I'm bitter. I'm judgmental. I'm mean and nasty. A myriad of projection onto me upon rejection. It's sick.

    It's no wonder the public thinks some of these folks are weird. They are!

    I have a few people from RJ I correspond with regularly. Most are advanced athletes and have very good self-esteem.

    These sorts of places seem to draw the "needy." Those seeking validation. Those who live a dual personna between online and real space.

    I never associate with pictureless / discreet / not out and so on, because there's just way to much baggage and lack of honesty, and selfishness on the part of those people. Most of the paranoia is self-inflicted.

    I say it over, and over, and over, and I'll say it again: if you come to like yourself the rest will follow.

    The pictureless are so mentally ill that they believe someone is online looking for them. That's just sick.

    I've heard it all, from muscle worship to water sports to toe sucking, folks really are really strange. When I tell folks I like guys that are built like me, I sometimes hear that I'm an arrogant, conceited, fuck, even though that person was just going on in adoration. (They didn't get what they wanted so they lash out.) Many guys seem to have this venom syndrome, where they don't deal with reality well.

    While I don't know how to fix it, I believe that much of the head-fucked are self-imposed. My sexuality does not define my life. It's only part of it. I like who I am, and if that bothers the cyberstalkers, or the self-loathing, paranoid, folks, well, that's just to bad. I know that acting as an enabler is not the solution and that's why I have nothing to do with the pictureless / discreet / not out. I don't want those sorts of folks in my life.

    I want positive, realistic, folks, with focus, confidence, self-like, work ethic, and common sense, with virtue and integrity in my life. I will not pander to the fucked up among us.

    I completely understand that, for some, they have this duality of personality; I don't let it get to me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 28, 2008 6:49 PM GMT
    I post regularly on another forum in which profiles without pictures of the actual person are the norm. In fact, in most internet forums an avatar that is not of the actual person is considered far more normal than a picture of someone.

    I'm of the opinion that I don't need a face picture to get to know someone well. I have bonded with many people on that other site without ever seeing their faces. I figure that if I get to know them well enough, I'll see their face in person someday and that's just fine with me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 28, 2008 6:55 PM GMT
    I'm with anyone who thinks showing yourself to a pictureless person's a bit unbalanced. Otherwise, I've managed to get a few good online friends from guys who at least had up-to-date images, but even people with the pics can be a little odd.

    Go read some psych stuff--a lot of guys here really do have some issues and I think Chuck's about nailed the archetypical online personality.

    For the record, there's a couple guys pissed off as all hell with me because I wouldn't let them see my dingy, LOL!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 28, 2008 6:59 PM GMT
    dood said
    For the record, there's a couple guys pissed off as all hell with me because I wouldn't let them see my dingy, LOL!


    4010Dingy.jpg

    Rawr!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 28, 2008 7:01 PM GMT
    Do you have a little sailing boat? That's too bad, you have my sympathies.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 28, 2008 7:04 PM GMT
    Dood and his dingy. Hee hee.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 28, 2008 7:07 PM GMT
    I have developed a fondness for alot of the regular posters on the forums...but a bond...i'm not too sure about. Maybe over time i may, but at the moment i can defintiely say that i enjoy the communications via the forums because i get the freedom to be myself and express my opinion wihtout being judged (well...at least i dont think n e one has judeged me...i might be wrong about that)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 28, 2008 7:12 PM GMT
    Chewy Delt, you make a point, which is very valid, however, in this context, pictures are the norm.

    Imagine going to the game, Chewey. Most folks play by the regular rules (pictures and profiles) but there's a few who are parasitic in nature. They want to look at all the pretty pictures, and read all wonderful profiles, but, they don't want to contribute. They take, take, take, take, take, and are very self-involved. Poor me, I'm different, I'm discreet, I'm not out. I can't play the game by the rules, because, I'm special. I'm a parasite. In real life, you'd throw those folks out of the game, and, in fact, some boards do require pictures. That an outgrowth of the fact that The Internet now has more bandwidth to support that multimedia. Chewy, I was on IRC (Internet Relay Chat) before you were likely born. I've been on The Internet since 1988, and I've made a buttload of money off of it.

    While your point, as I said earlier, about avatars is valid, it's not valid in this context. This service is based upon pictures,profiles, and so on, and is not a text-only board.

    I'd venture a guess that a good many of the men here are here to look at the pictures, and read the profiles, wouldn't you? One should not support the ones who would mooch from the populous because they are weak or timid. You get them to walk into, through, and beyond their comfort zone, and into a better place of being. Acting as an enabler only lowers the bar, and really does the weak a huge disservice, because, from a logical perspective, you allow them to remain weak, or become even weaker, and your reinforce their bad behavior. By putting up with them, you make them worse. Welfare is a classic example. While it's compassionate, caring an the like, it's created situation where we had 3-rd generation recipients. If you let people walk the path of least resistance, many times they will. Do your part in helping the pictureless step up, Chewey, instead of letting them remain weak.

    You felt doing your profile and having pictures was worth your time, and I'm sure many have enjoyed viewing your stuff, and reading what you had to tell us about yourself. You felt it was worth doing well, and it shows. Leadership by example is a good thing. Now, you just need to extend that further in setting up standards.

    By showing the weak that they are capable of having a picture, or doing a profile, you take them to a new level.

    Folks like The Army do this all the time. They take timid young guys, and turn them into men that realize they control much of their destiny than they thought and with planning, determination, discipline, and focus, you can accomplish so much.

    Most "real jocks" get that, intuitively. They've trained through pain and pushed their limits, and...they've seen the rewards. A lot of folks here really aren't "real jocks" or even jocks at all. They're here for (LOL) the pictures.

    To coddle a pictureless, in this context, truly does them a disservice.