I wish I wasn't gay!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 20, 2010 3:31 PM GMT
    I wish I wasn't gay! ..(and I'm starting to question how gay I actually am)

    It feels like I am on an island all by myself. I am 26 I been sexually active since I was 16, the first time I did anything with a guy I was 24. I know that I am attracted to guys without a doubt, but beyond the physical I dont think it's anything else there. I have tried but I cannot find a connection with any gay guys. Not emotional or intellectual only physical.

    I was raised in a household of jocks and athletes. My father was a man's man my brothers are too. You know the type, testosterone driven athletes that get all the girls. So expectedly I'm this type of guy too. In the straight world I have tons of friends, I get invited to all the parties and there's never a lack of people to hang out with. I often laugh off the advances i get from girls because quite frankly I'm not interested. I am very masculine and most people wouldn't believe i like guys unless I told them and they're still in shock. I'm not acting, this is just who I am.

    All cool and well but in the gay world, from my experience, most people just use me to fulfill a fantasy. I always get... "I never been with a black guy before, are you hung? come pound me, use me" lol it's true, thats what i get. or "I need a real man like you" I guess because there's some type of fantasy of being with a str8 guy?? Either way, every time I actually make a legitimate effort to get to know someone mentally or intellectually or anything else other than physical I get the cold shoulder.

    At first I thought it was because I was in the closet. So I opened up to really experience the gay world, but once I scratched the surface it's no substance. I tried going to the gay clubs and bars and its the same thing, a place of liquor and lust lol. I find that I just don't fit in. I don't like Lady Gaga, matter of fact I can't stand her or what she stands for, I don't like Britney Spears or Desperate housewives or any of that stuff, and even when I do find things in common with gay guys when the conversation shifts from anything sexual I hear crickets...

    And maybe it's just the cities that I've been but I notice that gay people are THE MOST judgmental people EVER! You gotta have the latest fashion, nicest car, stylish haircut and you BETTER be in good shape with a nice body, worse than some women I have dealt with. Which I'm good because i have a nice car and take good care of myself and all that but I do it for me. I just notice how that seems to be a requirement in the gay world. Gay guys, at least the majority of the ones i met, walk around with an air of superiority and a feeling of self-rightousness that is a complete turn off to me. I'm very confident in myself but not cocky or arrogant, those traits are a turn off to me. All the shallowness that goes on in the gay world is a turn off to me. And it's not like I'm looking for a soulmate I just want to find other regular guys that just so happen to like other guys.

    Is this all I have to look forward too? Maybe I should go the old-fashioned route and just find a girl, go get married and forget about this shit...

    btw homosexuality is nothing more than a sexual preference it should NOT be the defining thing in your character.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 20, 2010 3:37 PM GMT

    " btw homosexuality is nothing more than a sexual preference it should NOT be the defining thing in your character. "


    Well, I'd say that to reduce deep and true love between two men to simply sex is problematic. It appears that one of the issues you have with gay men is that they do that very thing.


    -Doug
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 20, 2010 3:49 PM GMT
    Ah…the obligatory semi-weekly. “I’m to straight to be gay” post.
    No offence…maybe a little, but this sight is full of guys that feel or (hopefully) felt like you…you’re in great company.
    Gay men are all around you; you only notice a certain type, in time that will change if you open your mind.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 20, 2010 3:54 PM GMT
    May be you are a bi...what about your heart..where it tilts?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 20, 2010 4:06 PM GMT
    meninloveWell, I'd say that to reduce deep and true love between two men to simply sex is problematic.


    Thats a problem indeed. I wouldn't mind having something more, It's just that all i can find or all that present itself IS sex.




    dustin_K_txAh…the obligatory semi-weekly. “I’m to straight to be gay” post.
    No offence…maybe a little, but this sight is full of guys that feel or (hopefully) felt like you…you’re in great company.
    Gay men are all around you; you only notice a certain type, in time that will change if you open your mind.



    I don't think I'm to straight to be gay. I accept who I am on all levels. and hopefully i will see something that can change my viewpoint


    VenkyJockMay be you are a bi...what about your heart..where it tilts?

    I am bi. I spent my entire adolescence and high school life chasing women, but I always knew I liked guys too. Now more than ever. It's just that the more I explore the gay side of things I dont like what I see. icon_sad.gif I wish it was different. that's what makes me not like the fact that I like guys...
  • disasterpiece

    Posts: 2991

    Sep 20, 2010 4:24 PM GMT
    I have to agree with you on many of your points.

    You are obviously disgusted by the stereotyped gay. The thing is, when a guy comes out, he needs to get accepted really fast and attach himself with a group that represent his "new life" : the gay community. Then, he slowly (and often uncontrollably) grabs every single stereotypes that comes with the 2010 gay men. I think the whole thing is psychological...

    And cliché : the straight looking guy that says "I'm gay, but it won't change anything about me" is probably gonna look a little more gay 6 months later. It's not necessarily a bad thing, human needs to be attached to a group.

    The problem appears if you get turned off by that stereotyped 2010 gay men...

    Then, here's what I think : EVERY single gay is not like that. Of course, and unfortunately, a huge majority is, or at least, are close to it. But you are the living proof that gay guys that didn't let their sexuality define their personality still exist. You just have to find another one like you. But that might be hard, 'cause they're not walking in the Village wearing a Dolce&Gabbana saddle-bag. icon_rolleyes.gif

    Anyways, good luck ! But as much as sexuality shouldn't define your personality, I'd say that you shouldn't let the huge majority/generalization define your sexuality. ;)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 20, 2010 4:27 PM GMT

    VenkyJockMay be you are a bi...what about your heart..where it tilts?

    I am bi. I spent my entire adolescence and high school life chasing women, but I always knew I liked guys too. Now more than ever. It's just that the more I explore the gay side of things I dont like what I see. icon_sad.gif I wish it was different. that's what makes me not like the fact that I like guys...
    [/quote]

    I know it is very hard if you get to see only arrogant gay men, but world is not over with them, There are good guys with soulful heart too. Its just that we have to try harder which i am doing too.


    I wish i was there near you, i would give you all my hearticon_smile.gif or atleast a warm hug as a good friend.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 20, 2010 4:49 PM GMT
    Your gripes are totally valid. I personally find the stereotype disgusting as well. The gay community gets its stereotype from facts...the majority really are superficial assholes concerned with nothing but looks, car, and money.

    But rest assured that you're not the only gay man who does not conform to the stereotype. Although the majority may be unpleasant, there are lots of guys who are excellent to be around. You just have to be patient, and get out in the community more.

    I was raised on a cattle farm, herding cows and mending fences, doing the country boy thing, etc. Ya don't get much more "masculine" than that. As you can imagine, I absolutely hated the gay world when I was first introduced to it. It took several years of patience [and moving to a big city] to find guys who didn't fit the stereotype; but they're out there.

    PS. When I mention "stereotype" I'm NOT referring to feminine behavior. I'm referring to the superficial and stuck-up nature of many gays. I know plenty of straight guys who aren't afraid to show their feminine side.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 20, 2010 4:53 PM GMT
    Homosexuality is not a preference. Shoe style is a preference. Sprinkles on your ice cream is a preference. Wake up.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 20, 2010 4:54 PM GMT
    McGay saidHomosexuality is not a preference. Shoe style is a preference. Sprinkles on your ice cream is a preference. Wake up.
    Sprinkles on ice cream is a REQUIREMENT! icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 20, 2010 4:57 PM GMT
    OMG!! I can't believe I'm reading this!!
    I woke up at 3 a.m. this morning...thinking much of the same stuff you posted!!
    And I'm 63 years old!!
    I've dallied on the "other side of the fence"...so I know what it is like to be with a woman, in every aspect. But physically, NOTHING beats the look of a hot man.. I don't even have to stop and think about whether or not I find that attractive.
    BUT, I have never felt like I fit into the gay lifestyle, per se. On a one-to-one basis, I'm fine... even maybe two or three. But get me in a large group of gays and I feel like a total outsider. Always have..
    Sometimes I wonder how I ever managed to have sex with men at all...to say nothing of several long lasting relationships.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 20, 2010 4:59 PM GMT
    i'm so happy that i'm gay, never have i imagined that i'll feel like this. when i see all these bitchy, whinny, materialistic chicks i'm so relieved that i will have a MAN by my side, not a doll or a pet with boobs icon_razz.gif

    i think you are just searching in the wrong places
  • OklahomaBreak...

    Posts: 167

    Sep 20, 2010 5:12 PM GMT
    Have you tried going to a more "mainstream" part of the gay community? There are a lot of sports bars and bear bars that do not fit the 2010 gay man stereotype.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 20, 2010 5:12 PM GMT
    paulflexes you hit it on the head.

    it's not that I'm against feminine gays. I know straight guys that don't know the difference between a lay-up or a home run. That really has nothing to do with it.


    Its just this sense of self-righteousness that I find with a lot of gay men. The "I go to the gym everyday and if you don't look like me then I don't want to talk to you" type. The "I came out why can't you" type.(you don't know what someone is going through.) The "He only has a 3 series BMW I need 5 series or better" type.

    I think you may be right, maybe I just don't like stereotypical gays.

    McGayHomosexuality is not a preference. Shoe style is a preference. Sprinkles on your ice cream is a preference. Wake up.


    You know what I mean. Don't play the semantics game with me. Ok so you didnt choose to like guys but you do choose what clothes you wear, how you walk, talk and act. So because I'm black I have to walk around in a dashiki saying 'peace my brother' to everybody, holding a glock sideways while I bust raps? get outta here!
    Nature vs Nurture prick! I know nobody's parents are raising them to flail their wrist, dress in drag, say 'oh girl' etc. And I know your smart enough to know there isn't a gay gene that makes you act this way.
    Homosexuality should NOT be your defining character. Yes it can HELP shape who you are just because the experience you may go through because of it but that's it.

  • TristanLane

    Posts: 118

    Sep 20, 2010 5:17 PM GMT
    questions bb.

    do you go to bars to enjoy your free time or are you going to bars looking for a friend?

    are you sleeping with guys first then trying to get to know them?

    if this has happened more than once then why are you putting yourself in the same situation?

    just clone yourself. it seems as if thats the only way you will be happy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 20, 2010 5:17 PM GMT
    1daman23 said

    And maybe it's just the cities that I've been but I notice that gay people are THE MOST judgmental people EVER! You gotta have the latest fashion, nicest car, stylish haircut and you BETTER be in good shape with a nice body, worse than some women I have dealt with. Which I'm good because i have a nice car and take good care of myself and all that but I do it for me. I just notice how that seems to be a requirement in the gay world. Gay guys, at least the majority of the ones i met, walk around with an air of superiority and a feeling of self-rightousness that is a complete turn off to me. I'm very confident in myself but not cocky or arrogant, those traits are a turn off to me. All the shallowness that goes on in the gay world is a turn off to me. And it's not like I'm looking for a soulmate I just want to find other regular guys that just so happen to like other guys.



    I must live in an alternate universe. There are tons of judgmental straight people in this world, this is not a gay thing. The media is full of examples of straights who are the epitome of judgmental fashionistas.

    Why do gay people always attribute all these negative qualities to the whole gay community, and then say but not me, I'm different. I am the one gay in the whole world that escaped these vile attributes.

    It seems the grass is always greener for some people.

    Of course there are many gays that have qualities that we don't like, we are just a small part of the human race which is flawed.

    Wouldn't life be great if we could all just walk out the door and find our soul mate standing there. Life doesn't work that way, fairy tales do.

    Recognize that life is just as much about the journey as the destination. Go out and enjoy your time as a single man until that special guy comes along. Get involved in things you enjoy doing and inevitably you will find people you connect with.

    Don't let the idiots in the community define you or prevent you from finding happiness.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 20, 2010 5:19 PM GMT
    "Don't play the semantics game with me."

    Stop playing with yourself, then.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Sep 20, 2010 5:20 PM GMT
    NOT ME!!

    I'm what many of you guys would call a "Late Bloomer"...i was well into my 40's before i figured myself out.

    dating, relationships and sex with girls was irritating, exasperating and darn near castrating.

    hanging out with gay guys, gay friendships, gay dating and gay sex is SO much more enjoyable and easier than the other side of the pasture was.

    my only regret is it took me 20 years too long to understand why dating girls was so much work.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 20, 2010 5:26 PM GMT
    TristanLane said questions bb.

    do you go to bars to enjoy your free time or are you going to bars looking for a friend?

    are you sleeping with guys first then trying to get to know them?

    if this has happened more than once then why are you putting yourself in the same situation?

    just clone yourself. it seems as if thats the only way you will be happy.


    Haha that's a good idea. Know where I can find a machine to do that? lol jk

    But seriously I'm kinda new to all this so maybe I'm just looking in the wrong places. I've only been talking with and dealing with gay guys for about a year and a half but most guys just seem to be interested in the head in my pants and not the one on my shoulders. I have met some cool guys but I can count them on one hand, but as a whole I really don't like what I see. my bad if I sound bitter cause I'm not, maybe I just type aggressively.


    @creyente
    Thanks for advice
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 20, 2010 6:06 PM GMT
    Just relax and be yourself! icon_smile.gif Find out what u like, what u stand for and what your ideals are - that is of course what makes you unique, it makes you YOU! And don't wish for not being gay - it is part of your uniqueness, believe me! U said yourself - your sexual preference is not the defining trait in your character. Tell yourself, what are the things that the other guys might do to make you feel special and appreciated and then it will be easier to filter out all one-night standers and other self-centered people.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 20, 2010 6:10 PM GMT
    BuckYou saidi'm so happy that i'm gay, never have i imagined that i'll feel like this. when i see all these bitchy, whinny, materialistic chicks i'm so relieved that i will have a MAN by my side, not a doll or a pet with boobs icon_razz.gif

    i think you are just searching in the wrong places

    You do realize that there are quite a few gay men who still fit into your bitchy, whiny, materialistic category, right?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 20, 2010 6:11 PM GMT
    Yea..you are 100% uncomfortable with being gay.

    You should probably working on accepting yourself before you try to accept others.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 20, 2010 6:40 PM GMT
    ShinyToyTrev said
    BuckYou saidi'm so happy that i'm gay, never have i imagined that i'll feel like this. when i see all these bitchy, whinny, materialistic chicks i'm so relieved that i will have a MAN by my side, not a doll or a pet with boobs icon_razz.gif

    i think you are just searching in the wrong places

    You do realize that there are quite a few gay men who still fit into your bitchy, whiny, materialistic category, right?


    yeah but not all of them. the girls are all bitchy and like to create drama ugh
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Sep 20, 2010 6:42 PM GMT
    This is not a question of sexuality or gender preference, this is question of emotional intimacy, period.

    So few people, so VERY few people are personally evolved and thus available to communicate and connect on a level deeper than mere sexual objectification. Sex is great. It's an amazing, powerful, heady experience, and it can be - and should be - something that acts as a bridge as well as a magnification of something powerful between two people, not just two bodies.

    Sexual intimacy between men affords us the opportunity to connect with a ferocity of spirit that turns up the volume on some very particular and uniquely male traits - physical abandon and exchange of power, the extraordinary dichotomy of physical control and physical surrender, honor, grace, and pure fucking animal passion. The very idea that another "protector" may pull you in and hold you, and let you relax into that hold, and protect you, nurture you, be tender with you while also being excited by your power, your strength, your energy. That requires a great deal of trust. And with sufficient trust comes a reward that is hard to fathom in any other relationship. That's a LOT to handle. A lot to tolerate and navigate and work on so that it grows, and lasts. It takes maturity, a powerful and confident sense of self, and a willingness to open in ways that most of us are not wired to do so easily. It takes trust, and the very frightening concept of letting someone know you.

    So not finding it immediately is not a sign that you're failing, or that you're broken as a gay man. It's evidence of how much you need something that you're not getting. Conversely, it may be evidence of something you're not yet willing to give, or how much more you need to be open to the possibility and willing to make some of the effort. None of us know what you're dating and sex life are like, exactly, and how you communicate with the men to whom you're attracted, so we can't gage that. Only you can do that.

    But intimacy is more than fucking. And with some effort, some self-actualization and some patience fucking can become much more than a hook-up. It can be a life-changing, life-building experience that you share with someone when words fail you and the only sufficient communication is a kiss and a touch. Somewhere in the carnality is a longing - a deeper longing, that is asking you to be open to being known.

    Good luck. It's not easy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 20, 2010 7:48 PM GMT
    well, i certainly can identify and empathize with the OPs points. There is no need for anyone to get defensive or put up the hairs on their back, more than one poster here agrees with him, myself included for the most part.

    I am an extremely late bloomer that loved the girls close up and the guys from far away and am now going thru a very indepth time of soul searching. I like to think that RJ is not an example of the real gay world but i do see some outstanding negative and bitchy people here. That is not to say there are not great guys also, and i am privileged to have some for friends.

    I live in a small city of 160,000 with a somewhat limited access to anything gay. There are no gay bars, i'm not into the bar scene anyway, and virtually no place to meet other than the local glbt centre, which i tried and found totally unresponsive to new folks. Even the Pride dance didn't leave me impressed and i stayed for 3 hrs and shook by booty. So i too have tried. I know it takes time, but i understand what the op is putting forth.

    To us it is real, instead of some folks bitching that we're not trying, help us enter this new forest, it's dark and intimidating. Montgomery Clift once said about his bisexuality, "I love sleeping with men....but I love women". I know exactly what he means.....Keithicon_cool.gif