Can we make it work?

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    Sep 21, 2010 6:46 PM GMT
    My boyfriend and I have been going out for 3+ years. We have had our ups and downs and lately we seem to argue about everything...big and small. We discussed marriage but I explained to him that we both had to change certain things within ourselves before we took that next step. I am trying to work on my issues and so is he...but i feel like he takes 2 steps forward and 3 steps back. This weekend I had enough and decided to end it with him last night. Its tough because we own a place and a dog together. My heart wants us both to grow from this and work things out but some friends are saying let it go. Has anyone gone through issues in your relationship were you break up (for whatever reason) and then get back together again. I do love him and im hoping we work things out.
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    Sep 21, 2010 6:50 PM GMT
    gymguy1 saidMy boyfriend and I have been going out for 3+ years. We have had our ups and downs and lately we seem to argue about everything...big and small. We discussed marriage but I explained to him that we both had to change certain things within ourselves before we took that next step. I am trying to work on my issues and so is he...but i feel like he takes 2 steps forward and 3 steps back. This weekend I had enough and decided to end it with him last night. Its tough because we own a place and a dog together. My heart wants us both to grow from this and work things out but some friends are saying let it go. Has anyone gone through issues in your relationship were you break up (for whatever reason) and then get back together again. I do love him and im hoping we work things out.


    So you actually threatened him by breaking up with him? Where's the logic if you're sincere in "hoping we work things out."?
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    Sep 21, 2010 6:55 PM GMT
    We have gone over the same issue over and over again.....been through therapy but things arent changing. I wasnt using it as a threatening mechanism. I really just reached my breaking point. Do I still love him, YES. But i couldnt take it anymore.

    Sorry, im being really vague on some things because I dont want to bad mouth him since he isnt on here to defend himself.
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    Sep 21, 2010 7:00 PM GMT
    You didn't sound vague, nor did I feel that you bad mouthed anyone.
    In short, you actually tried various avenues (enough? correct/appropriate?) without success and decide to end it. That's cool if you want it to be. But then you're not "hoping we work things out."
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    Sep 21, 2010 8:41 PM GMT
    Relationships are tricky things but are these things he's struggling to change really that important? Are they life altering things? Are they things that cause you to feel less then who you fully are? If he is trying and he's doing it sincerely then damn man, what are you doing?

    There is nothing wring with arguing it's an important aspect of any relationship to be arguing shows that you have passion and desire for a person.
    Its when the arguing stops that's the problem you've lost all passion and are for each other and can no longer even bother to fight.

    It does seem like you've broken up with him to get your own way, he doesn't seem to be changing so I'm going to break up with him and hope he ones around.... Shaky ground. But we don't know the whole story so cant really comment properly
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    Sep 21, 2010 8:48 PM GMT
    I was with a guy for five years. We split up for a year and got back together a month ago. We had many conversations about what went wrong with our relationship and ways we could have possibly fixed it. Then, finally, we decided that since we had thoroughly dissected the problems and agreed on solutions to work towards we might as well get back together.

    It sounds like you two have identified problems but that you don't feel he is working towards solutions to them. Assuming you have expressed this to him, I don't see why you two should stay together. If he is not willing to fix things, your relationship will not get better.

    I recommend, however, that you spend some time apart. You sleep on a friend's couch for a week then he does the same. Sometimes you need a little distance to prioritize things.
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    Sep 22, 2010 12:39 AM GMT
    Words of wisdom from MunchingZombie. Space Space Space. Sometimes you need to remove yourself from the situation to get a better perspective and figure things out. When in a constant conflict, you lose that perspective - I have.

    On a side note;

    MunchingZombie proves my point that maturity is not mutually inclusive to age. Some younger guys are far more mature than some older guys, and vice versa.

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    Sep 22, 2010 12:44 AM GMT
    I agree with the above
  • joncfernan

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    Sep 22, 2010 12:49 AM GMT
    yep. Same here.

    And true, space might help you see things clearer. Step back and look at the big picture - bad or not - you'll know what route to take when you get back icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 22, 2010 4:24 AM GMT
    What was it that attracted you to each other in the first place? Can you find that magic again?
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    Sep 22, 2010 5:07 AM GMT
    My advice is not to end a relationship because of peer pressure. Your friends care about you.. but they can't read your thoughts.. they weren't there to see every argument, or perfect moment between him and you, for themselves. It's impossible for someone to understand a relationship they aren't a part of.

    If you want things to work out, then get with him and stay with him. People do change, but it can take years and years..
    If it's becoming emotionally unhealthy for you and you have to end it, then do your best to accept it and give it time to heal, even though it's gonna suck.. a lot.
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    Sep 22, 2010 5:10 AM GMT
    gymguy1 saidHas anyone gone through issues in your relationship were you break up (for whatever reason) and then get back together again.
    Yep...three times with the same guy.
    Never got back with any other guys (had two other semi-long-terms of 3+ yrs each).