I am not out. I am a college professor, am originally from India and have never had a relationship per say. Does that mean I will never be out? No!
I believe it is a process and not an impulse decision. Being from India, it will be difficult for my family to understand what me being gay means. Do I care about them? Probably no. I do care about my mother who is visiting the US for the first time. For past couple months I have been trying to ease her into the idea of someone being gay. I have had her meet with my lesbian couple friends. She loved them. I discussed the whole idea of someone being gay with her over our evening walks. She seems to be OK with it but has no clue about me, or so I think. She still wants me to find a "well educated Indian girl" and get "settled" in my life
. Again, its a process and it will take time.
Getting back to the topic, I dated someone, who cheated on me and the excuse was that I was not a complete part of his life and although he loved me a lot, he couldn't feel that I could ever be a part of his life unless I came out to everyone. I did not think it was a decision that I would take because he wanted me to. I will come out when I want to. So, it did cost me a potential relationship. I am not sad about that now because if he really loved me, I would be a part of his life in any case; oh and he also wouldn't have cheated on me!
I have been trying to put myself out there now. I am recently done with the graduate school, all the time while I was strictly not out. I am working as a college faculty now, still not out. I am now feeling the need to find someone I can completely trust and love.
Hopefully I will find that someone, and when I do find him, he wouldn't care if I am out or not, and then, I would lean on him to come out publicly.