dating a passive aggressive guy

  • UStriathlete

    Posts: 320

    Sep 22, 2010 5:47 AM GMT
    has anyone had any success doing it? or what was it a complete waste of time?

    i just had to let one go, he didn't want to work it through. his loss.
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    Sep 22, 2010 5:51 AM GMT
    If there is not an honest, open minded, and willingness from both parties to a relationship to understand and adapt to each other, then it's a waste of time and energy.

    Honesty, open mindedness, and willingness are "H.O.W." we can change for the positive.
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    Sep 22, 2010 12:18 PM GMT
    Most people deserve each other.

    If you aren't passive aggressive then you aint gonna jive with his luggage
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    Sep 22, 2010 12:23 PM GMT
    In my experience, the best way to combat passive-aggressive behaviour is to be aggressive-aggressive. Seriously - try it!
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    Sep 22, 2010 12:31 PM GMT
    I´d rather have an aggressive passive muscle guy icon_wink.gif
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    Sep 22, 2010 12:55 PM GMT
    This is one of the three personailty traits that is a deal breaker for me. Passive aggressiveness is nothing more than fishing for responses your too insecure to ask for directly or to attempt to manipulate people. Hit this issue head on with this guy once, if he can't correct his PA behavior don't waste your time.
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    Sep 22, 2010 12:57 PM GMT
    He must have been from Minnesota icon_wink.gif
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Sep 22, 2010 2:06 PM GMT
    UStriathlete saidhas anyone had any success doing it? or what was it a complete waste of time?

    i just had to let one go, he didn't want to work it through. his loss.


    Well lookin at your sexy ass....your right...his loss...BUD
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    Sep 22, 2010 3:09 PM GMT
    Things have never worked out with a passive aggressive guy, ever. Those guys will end up alone and its usually by choice.
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    Sep 22, 2010 3:45 PM GMT
    NickFit saidIn my experience, the best way to combat passive-aggressive behaviour is to be aggressive-aggressive. Seriously - try it!

    I thought that is how all relationships work
  • UStriathlete

    Posts: 320

    Sep 22, 2010 3:53 PM GMT
    thanks guys for the solid feed back.

    @NickFit- not too sure that would work for me, just not my nature to act out of my lower self like that... not healthy for me

    @GAMRican- love the HOW, gonna use that. thx!
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    Sep 22, 2010 3:54 PM GMT
    One of my good friend's partner is passive agressive, and very frustrating to be around.

    Grew up with a passive agressive mother, wouldn't touch a partner with a ten foot pole if he was.
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    Sep 23, 2010 12:26 AM GMT
    Rishi1 saidHe must have been from Minnesota icon_wink.gif


    Or from Seattle. icon_razz.gif
  • UStriathlete

    Posts: 320

    Oct 12, 2010 3:58 AM GMT
    has anyone tried positive psychology when dealing with PA people?

    just my opinion. everyone is good. just the negativity/fear/ego are covering the positive stuff.

    i did see the positive qualities in this man in the beginning, the nicer i was the more negative PA behavior. maybe if i just kept on being nice, not played into his negative behavior, he would have given up the PA behavior/sabotage and realized that i wasn't going to hurt him and he was worthy of a healthy relationship, that actually someone could love him and let his guard down and stop the PA .

    just a thought.
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    Sep 24, 2012 11:40 AM GMT
    Just how common is passive aggressive behaviour?

    My ex raised it to an art form. It was as close to a personality disorder as passive aggressive behaviour can ever get.

    All conflicts headed nowhere and nothing ever got resolved despite my best efforts at communication. Logic never works with the truly passive aggressive as they are hell bent on being the victim. The result was a drawn-out and excruciating relationship because he hadn't the balls to actually speak his mind. And whenever he found his balls, it was a torrent of put-downs and insults.

    Someone above suggested aggressive-aggressive behaviour to combat the passive aggressive. Perhaps it only works with those with mild or sporadic passive aggressive behaviour. Those for whom passive aggressive is a fabric of their personality, being aggressive will only bring out the worst in them. The only thing you can do is calling them out on their behaviour and hoping for the best.

    And I agree that passive aggressive people are prone to being alone because they eventually alienate anyone who has ever given a shit about them.
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    Sep 24, 2012 12:08 PM GMT
    Can't recall what it'd be, so by default, yes.
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    Sep 24, 2012 12:12 PM GMT
    Source: Mayo Clinic

    Passive-aggressive behavior is a pattern of indirectly expressing negative feelings instead of openly addressing them. There's a disconnect between what a passive-aggressive person says and what he or she does. For a passive-aggressive person, true feelings are shared through actions, not words.

    For example, a passive-aggressive person might appear to agree — perhaps even enthusiastically — with another person's request. Rather than completing the task, however, he or she might express anger or resentment by missing deadlines, showing up late to meetings, making excuses or even working against the task.

    Specific signs and symptoms of passive-aggressive behavior include:

    Resentment and opposition to the demands of others
    Complaining about feeling underappreciated or cheated
    Procrastination
    Stubbornness
    Inefficiency
    Memory lapses
    Sullenness
    Irritability
    Cynical or hostile attitude