Got Mutual Buddies?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 29, 2008 1:36 AM GMT
    In the past, I've clicked on several guys who I thought were pretty hot. I waited, and waited, and waited some more and a mutual buddy never appeared...icon_confused.gif

    I clicked on some more hotties and those never returned the favor. Some even took the time to know me after weeks of e-mails, but still no mutuals.icon_rolleyes.gif

    This got me thinking: What am I doing wrong?icon_neutral.gif

    Am I not hot enough? Or have I not reached the hotness standard from those whom I clicked on?icon_redface.gif

    I would recognize a mutual list which included those who were clearly "not hot" compared to me, and that made it even more challenging...!! icon_evil.gif Is ugly the new hot? If so, why am I not in? What gives? Why do I get more attention from hot guys in public than in here?

    Do I intimidate you guys that much? If that's what you feel, it's totally not my demeanor to do so!! Not by any means!icon_razz.gif

    And I also feel like I'm being ignored...I don't know why. I don't even know why it bothers me...afterall, it's only a website.icon_lol.gif

    I suppose from now on, I'll skip the whole HOT LIST feature and focus more on other things. Like the Ace Of Base Comeback!icon_biggrin.gif
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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 29, 2008 1:56 AM GMT
    Welcome to the internet, where interactions are weird, asynchronous, and there's plausible deniability to everything. How do you know if someone has buddylisted you? You get sent an email? Well what if you don't check email that often? What if that email goes directly to the person's spam filter?

    There are a million reasons, including the fact that some guys might not find you hot. Regardless though (and this goes for real life too), you shouldn't take these things personally, especially because there's nothing concrete to backup these hypotheticals of "What's wrong with me."

    Another thing is, what's the equivalent of this to real life? Do you ever go up to a friend and say "We're mutual buddies, do you think so too?" The interpretation of "buddies" is very subjective especially when the action translates to "Click add to buddy list to make a buddy." There's simply no equivalent to any kind of social norm that's like that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 29, 2008 2:12 AM GMT
    Good topic.
    That's why I tell people not to add me on their hotlist/byddylist without reading my profile and talking to me first. Surprisingly enough, no one has added me yet and no one has bothered sending me a email. It makes me wonder sometimes but I stand by profile.

    I'm always amazed at how many people are on a profile's hotlist and I often have to wonder if any of the guys on the hotlist are even aware of it. Do the people who add these hotties even bother talking to them or do they just click n' add them carelessly with no thought for concern and consideration? I think alot of guys here are trophey collectors and stockpile up on eye candy.
  • drakutis

    Posts: 586

    Feb 29, 2008 2:23 AM GMT
    A lot of times I forget to add a person to the mutual list. Not because they may not be attractive, I just forget to do it. But I enjoy the conversation as well.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 29, 2008 4:33 AM GMT
    For a mutual buddy I want to feel like I know them from personal messages or reading lots of posts. I don't like anonymous buddy listing. It seems insincere. I would like to meet my buddies someday. I normally would not buddy list someone I have not physically met but everyone I chat with here is usually far away.

    There are lots of guys I think are hot here, but I mostly like to know they are more than hot looking. I usually wait a while before hot-listing someone. It can just be something they say or a really good profile.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 29, 2008 5:11 AM GMT
    buddy list usually involves a decent chat. after one chat, if i feel it's just a sort of formalities kinda thing, and i dunno if i'll ever mean to look to see if you're online then i'm not gonna buddy list you. people on my list i've had some good chats bout life, futures, some i talk to almost daily. it's a connection tool to help me see if the people i wanna talk to most are around without searching profile to profile.

    hot list i've sorta given up on. if i wanna give someone a compliment on the way they look, i'll send one of those creepy emails saying "hey guy, nice pics. i like your right calf" or something something ignorable to some extent. i'd rather be on a buddy list.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 29, 2008 11:49 AM GMT
    Yeah. The way I understand it is mutual buddies means you have exchanged at least one email or have chatted before. Or had interaction in the forums.

    While hotlisting is more like your random, 'Oh, I like this guy' *clicks on hotlist*.
  • imperator

    Posts: 626

    Feb 29, 2008 7:18 PM GMT
    [quote][...]
    I'm always amazed at how many people are a profile's hotlist and i have to wonder if any of the guys on the hotlist are even aware of it. Do the people who add these hotties even bother talking to them or do they just click n' add them carelessly with no thought for concern and consideration? I think alot of guys here are trophey collectors and stockpile up on eye candy.[/quote]


    See, I think there's a distinction to be made; the site's designers already must have thought about it because they set up the two diffrent lists. I consider putting someone on a "hot list" to be the online equivalent to looking long and hard at someone you find really attractive, or marching right up and saying "wow, you're gorgeous!" You don't have to know their life story or converse with them first to find them attractive. It doesn't denote any relationship, and they are in no way required to reciprocate. Hence I have a pretty huge hotlist (oh, my wandering eyes), but no expectations from anyone on it. I'm not stalking them, I don't need their acknowledgement or their consent or anything like that, they're just there because I find them hot. It's my statement-- to which I'm entitled--, entirely favourable towards them; it's a compliment. What does "concern and consideration" have to do with it?

    That said, I would never buddy-list someone I didn't know. Whether it takes one good long conversation or a dozen, the buddy list implies that there's some amicable relationship there, and that *is* a matter of mutual consent. If I found that some complete stranger had buddy-listed me and we'd never even said so much as "hello" to each other I'd find that presumptuous, because it puts it out there for anyone to see that I'm actively associating somehow with that 'buddy,' and maybe if I did know them they'd prove to be someone that I don't want to be associated with.

    But again, if I found myself on someone's hotlist alongside 200 or 500 other guys (especially if I found those other guys hot, too) I'd be flattered.
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Feb 29, 2008 7:39 PM GMT
    Guy101 saidDo the people who add these hotties even bother talking to them or do they just click n' add them carelessly with no thought for concern and consideration? I think alot of guys here are trophey collectors and stockpile up on eye candy.


    I don't add anyone carelessly, and they are not eye candy to me.

    My hotlist are guys that I like, because of something they have done, or said, that I want to remember them for, but also, if someone hotlists me, I automatically hot list them in return. But if I find that they are not nice, I would just as fast, remove them. Never had to do that though.

    My buddy list, are guys that I like, and have chatted with, but yet again, if someone buddy lists me, I will automatically list them.

    I have been removed from buddy lists. I don't have a clue why, and I don't ask. Everyone has the right to add or remove as they see fit.

    BTW, if your not on my lists, that does not mean, I don't think your nice icon_smile.gif

    Mike
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 29, 2008 7:49 PM GMT
    I guess I don't follow the logic of the original post.

    You can add someone to your Hotlist without need for their "permission" (though, I always tell the guy that I am doing that, out of courtesy).

    However, a "Buddy", even in this virtual, internet world, implies a level of connection that needs some communication and commonality between two people. You need to at least be talking back and forth off-forum by either RJ mail or email, and seem to like one another.

    Then I always ask someone by email if they want to be a mutual buddy. I never add someone as a buddy, unless they also want to add me back. So, all of my buddies are "mutual."

    If I follow the original post in this thread, Former is thinking that just because he likes a guy's profile, and WANTS him to be a buddy, that the other guy will want him to be a buddy too. That's not the way it works, even in the real, non-virtual world.

    You wouldn't expect someone to want to be your friend, just because you want him to. It takes two to tango, even on the RJ virtual planet.

    :-)

    John
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 29, 2008 7:51 PM GMT
    Unless I've met them in person I don't add them to my buddy list. Maybe that's old-fashioned.

    Regardless, you should never internalize web relationships. So much is lost in the medium that face-to-face interaction otherwise provides. Don't let your own insecurities cause you to fill in the blanks with self-doubt.

    Hope to see you out tonight.
  • auryn

    Posts: 2061

    Feb 29, 2008 7:54 PM GMT
    OMG! My cherry has been popped. I just got my first notice that I've been buddy listed. I don't expect to be hot listed, and not too worried about that, but I feel like Sally Fields... "You like me, you really like me."

    (That'll probably scare most people off; might make folks think I'm a bit unstable. Oh wait, I am. So I guess it's ok for people to think that about me. icon_biggrin.gif )
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 29, 2008 11:36 PM GMT
    fastprof said...Former is thinking that just because he likes a guy's profile, and WANTS him to be a buddy, that the other guy will want him to be a buddy too. That's not the way it works, even in the real, non-virtual world.

    You wouldn't expect someone to want to be your friend, just because you want him to. It takes two to tango, even on the RJ virtual planet.

    :-)

    John


    Hmmmm...no, that's too simple. You're probably thinking I'm aiming for quantity, not quality.
    To clarify:
    My concern was a lack of mutual buddies. After a few weeks of conversations with several members, I'd send a hot or buddy list request. Those very same individuals would, for some unknown reason, turn it down. A few would pop up, but then they're gone after a few days even after the conversations continued.

    I think my personality translates differently in virtual print than in real life. It could also be my screen name..."FormerFatso"...I mean c'mon...who would want a buddy with the word "fatso" in it?? LOL icon_confused.gif I'll experiment with a different name and see if that is the cause. Or perhaps I'm too "Ace of Base" for everyone here...?? Does that scare you off as being TOO gay?

    So many questions...but I'll find my answers!
  • MattyC0709

    Posts: 1199

    Mar 01, 2008 10:22 AM GMT
    JadamoTX saidAnd I also feel like I'm being ignored...

    Hmmm... let's just skip to some other thread...

    Lol, I'm just joking!

    Like many above me (below me, if in order of newest post) have said, mutual buddies are people you chatted with and seem to make good friends with, while hot listed are just random people that you think are attractive. Just try chatting with some people (with me if you want ;P) and see if you both have similar interests and stuff, then you can add them to your buddy list, and they will probably agree.

    Don't worry, someone will probably hot-list you too soon! ;) icon_biggrin.gificon_lol.gificon_razz.gificon_wink.gif
  • MattyC0709

    Posts: 1199

    Mar 01, 2008 10:26 AM GMT
    BTW, Happy Birthday! icon_biggrin.gificon_lol.gificon_razz.gificon_wink.gif
  • nv7_

    Posts: 1453

    Mar 01, 2008 10:29 AM GMT
    I'm new here and I still don't know about the mutual buddy thing. Some guys have sent me the notice, but I have no idea what to do on my end. Sorry guys.

    Most of my hot listed guys are hotlisted because I'd like my body to look like theirs, not because I wanna "do em". icon_biggrin.gif
  • MattyC0709

    Posts: 1199

    Mar 01, 2008 11:54 AM GMT
    nv07 saidSome guys have sent me the notice, but I have no idea what to do on my end.
    You have to go on their profile and on the side there is "Add to buddy list". Both members must add each other, so that they come up in each other's buddy list.

    Have fun in RJ! icon_biggrin.gificon_lol.gificon_razz.gificon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 01, 2008 12:14 PM GMT
    nv07 said
    Most of my hot listed guys are hotlisted because I'd like my body to look like theirs, not because I wanna "do em". icon_biggrin.gif


    Your body is looking great, nv07! Welcome to RJ.



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 05, 2008 10:02 PM GMT
    Sorry I don't have the time to look and quote on whoever replied that it's because some members do not check the e-mails where the notifications are sent to... I just checked mine and APOLOGIES to those who I missed to ADD!!!

    I intentionally created an e-mail to be a "catch basin" for my RJ and facebook notifications and with too much activity on both sites, it's dizzying to sort them out one by one!!!

    I just did it to meet the pre-requisite. But that shouldn't stop you from dropping a line or two.

    I miss the FORMERFATSO. xx
  • nv7_

    Posts: 1453

    Mar 06, 2008 8:59 AM GMT
    Thanks guys for the compliments and the help and to anyone I didn't add(as a buddy), oops! icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 06, 2008 9:31 AM GMT
    Well Mikephil and Imperator, why would you buddylist someone only after you got to know them and not do the same thing to some you hotlisted?. Basically you just admitted that you guys are trophey collecters. Nothing wrong with that, mind you, but are guys in general so caught up in physical appearances that they can't maybe appreciate a person for more then just their physical looks?

    I've noticed that I'm not on anyone's hotlist and for that I'm sorta thankful. Sure, it's flattering to be added to someone's hotlist. It's quite the ego boost, actually, but when you see the person who's added you and then you look at the 200-500 other people that they have on their hotlist it's rather hard to think that you are hot with anything to offer or new to bring to the table. Don't get me wrong... I enjoy looking at all the hot people on this site but at the same time I'd like to think they have more to offer then just their looks.

    Of all the people the you guys have on your hotlists how many of them have you actually spoken to before adding them and what made you add them? As for me, if I'm gonna add someone I'm gonna let them know I added them and why. The way I see it is if a person is good enough to look at then they are good enough to talk to otherwise what's the point. That is just my opinion on the subject and it's not meant to be used as some spark for any rude comments or a cat fight...just a simple observation.
  • RSportsguy

    Posts: 1925

    Mar 06, 2008 9:53 AM GMT
    nv07 said

    Most of my hot listed guys are hotlisted because I'd like my body to look like theirs, not because I wanna "do em". icon_biggrin.gif



    My hot list is a combination of guys who I think are attractive. There are guys who have great bodies, there are guys who have nice smiles. I have 'hotlisted' guys because of what they put in their profile or if they posted something at a thread that I particularly liked.
    My hot list is huge, so there are many many great guys here!! icon_biggrin.gif


    My buddy list is actual guys that I have chatted with. I usually ask their permission to add them to my buddy list.It is something I have done since I joined this site.

    I don't take it personally if I hot list or buddy list a guy who does not return the favor. It is nice to get an email every once in awhile stating that someone has added you to one of their lists though.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 06, 2008 10:01 AM GMT
    Maybe I'm over thinking the topic but something about it just seems wrong to me. I find a bit creepy actually to have someone who I don't know just randomly add me to a list without knowing me or wanting to know me. Could just be the way I was raised but I'm a believer in common courtesy so if I add someone to my hotlist/buddylist you can bet I asked first since it's the manly and polite thing to do.

    Oh well. Just a personal thought. No harm, no foul I guess.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 06, 2008 10:17 AM GMT
    I think the hot list means different things to each member. As for the buddy list, I agree you should be in contact whether through E-mail, or IM'ing. I add persons to the hot list who i find interesting, friendly, and or very sexy!

    AS FOR ADDITIONS, I ALWAYS ASK IF OK THAT I ADD THEM.
    And also you receive a notice daily at 4pm eastern time notifying as to has added you. You then have the option of contacting anyone you deem 'creepy' and ask them to remove you.

    But then, tonight is my first night with full profile and first picture!icon_exclaim.gif But I was added previously due to persons known prior to my completion of profile, and a great friend tells me every day he gets am E-mail keeping informed. I believe the system is well thought out and fair to all parties as if someone refuses to remove you from their 'hot list', one can always contact the site moderator.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 06, 2008 10:54 AM GMT
    Well anyone who read the rules and regs knows they get a notification but it's the principle of the matter and the act itself which just bothers me a little.