When does he become your "boyfriend"

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 23, 2010 9:11 AM GMT
    The recent topics on being out got me thinking about something. Some people mentioned not wanting to be introduced as someone's "friend" when they are really the boyfriend.

    Taking the issue of outness off the table for a minute, when do you start to introduce someone as your boyfriend?

    If you have been dating someone for a short time and you run into friends or coworkers how would you introduce the person you are with?

    If you are on a date and you introduce him you as your friend he may think you are not out. He may also think you are at a different place and perhaps take the relationship less seriously than he does.

    This isn't seventh grade and its not as if you can say "Do you want to go steady?"

    On the other hand if you introduce him as your boyfriend he might get freaked out because it may indicate more commitment than he is ready to acknowledge.

    To me, boyfriend is something you don't use until you are exclusively dating and consider this a pretty significant relationship.

    Anything short of that is probably introduced as a friend or this is my date "Steve"
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    Sep 23, 2010 9:13 AM GMT
    He's my boyfriend when I damned well say he is and not a moment before!!!!!!!!!!



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 23, 2010 9:25 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidHe's my boyfriend when I damned well say he is and not a moment before!!!!!!!!!!





    excuse me?! youve been my wife for a while without knowing, oh and btw after what you just said, WE ARE DONE.
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    Sep 23, 2010 9:37 AM GMT
    charlitos said
    lilTanker saidHe's my boyfriend when I damned well say he is and not a moment before!!!!!!!!!!





    excuse me?! youve been my wife for a while without knowing, oh and btw after what you just said, WE ARE DONE.

    Dats okay we can divorce and I'll take half of everything icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 23, 2010 12:59 PM GMT
    I would introduce him as "This is my date, John." Then it doesn't imply anything other than what it is.
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    Sep 23, 2010 1:26 PM GMT
    I always just ask. "Hey, are we ready to use this title?" That usually leads into the conversation about what the rules of that title will entail.
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    Sep 23, 2010 2:58 PM GMT
    Umm.. why can't you ask someone to go steady?

    I'll introduce someone as my boyfriend after we've made the decision to become mutually exclusive. When someone has asked.. "will you be my boyfriend?", and the other person has answered "yes."

    Quit making things more complicated than they need to be.
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    Sep 23, 2010 3:03 PM GMT
    I always introduce him as my friend. then he corrected me and said "I'm your boyfriend!" emphatically. so when I said that to him later, you're my boyfriend, he said he didn't want to be in a relationship and we broke up.....

    Now i just stick to "friend"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 23, 2010 3:03 PM GMT
    Since when is someone's name "boyfriend" or friend. You introduce people by their name.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 23, 2010 3:07 PM GMT
    I think it is a bit of a minefield actually. I agree that the term 'boyfriend' to me implies you are in a full-on relationship and are exclusive. Therefore if it's a guy you are dating but it hasn't yet progressed to that, you can't call him your boyfriend.

    I took a guy I was dating on a night out with a friend of mine and some of his friends once and my friend got a little drunk and was referring to my date as my boyfriend and I felt rather uncomfortable about it as I hadn't ever described him as that and I didn't want him to feel that's how I saw him. As it happens, we never did get to that stage, despite a few weeks of 'monogamous' dating!

    If I were in a similar situation now I would just say friend. No one else really needs to know the specifics!
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Sep 23, 2010 3:20 PM GMT
    i'm not sure which one of us used that word first (out loud, at least). here's my first recolection of it:

    my friend/date/fuck buddy/whatever became my boyfriend the day he carried me out of my house when my meniscus tore in my knee.

    on 2 hours of sleep, he promptly showed up to carry/drag/pull my 240 pound useless, moaning, shaking carcess down the side porch stairs and to the hospital. he patiently waited on me, drove me to my mother's house for safe keeping, and politely chatted with her for quite some time (his first time meeting her, no less!) without ONE word of complaint, no less!!!

    a few weeks later, at a very cold, windy back yard bbq, with me looking like shit and shaking like a dog passing a watermelon seed, he seemed so very proud to put his arm around my waist and drag my crutches powered self around to his friends and co-workers and introduce me with the words "and this is my boyfriend rnch".

    each time he did this it got warmer in that cold, windy, gusty back yard!


    icon_biggrin.gif



    my friend/confidant/real estate property manager, a sweet, proper 60-someting very classy lady, after enough glasses of wine, has told me several times "this one is a "keeper"! don't fuck up this time!"

    icon_lol.gif
  • Geoedward

    Posts: 657

    Sep 23, 2010 3:20 PM GMT
    I agree with KentuckyTuss.
    Quit making things more complicated than they need to be.
  • Kinneticbrian

    Posts: 230

    Sep 23, 2010 3:30 PM GMT
    It's really easy to over-think this subject which to me causes unnecessary tension between two people who were having a good time (presumably) before.

    I would never introduce someone as my boyfriend unless we had an adult conversation about what we both wanted beforehand. When two people decide to be exclusive in terms of dating and want to pursue something more serious, then the title of boyfriend is appropriate.

    When I introduce someone I am with, I usually just stick to a first name introduction without labels. That keeps the pressure off and avoids conflict.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 23, 2010 8:10 PM GMT
    rnch saidi'm not sure which one of us used that word first (out loud, at least). here's my first recolection of it:

    my friend/date/fuck buddy/whatever became my boyfriend the day he carried me out of my house when my meniscus tore in my knee.

    on 2 hours of sleep, he promptly showed up to carry/drag/pull my 240 pound useless, moaning, shaking carcess down the side porch stairs and to the hospital. he patiently waited on me, drove me to my mother's house for safe keeping, and politely chatted with her for quite some time (his first time meeting her, no less!) without ONE word of complaint, no less!!!

    a few weeks, at a very cold, windy back yard bbq, with me looking like shit and shaking like a dog passing a watermelon seed, he seemed so very proud to put his arm around my waist and drag my crutches powered self around to his friends and co-workers and introduce me with the words "and this is my boyfriend rnch".

    each time he did this it got warmer in that cold, windy, gusty back yard!


    icon_biggrin.gif



    my friend/confidant/real estate property manager, a sweet, proper 60-someting very classy lady, after enough glasses of wine, has told me several times "this one is a "keeper"! don't fuck up this time!"

    icon_lol.gif


    Holy fuckin shit! THis post made me cry !!!

    SNF04SPDCRY-384q_605920a.jpg

    That aint happened since "finding nemo" lol ^_^
  • mybud

    Posts: 11836

    Sep 23, 2010 8:42 PM GMT
    Dude......This is the ultimate sign....when you go into your restroom and he's sittin on the toliet takin a crap.......he's yours.....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 23, 2010 8:52 PM GMT
    If you want a boyfriend you ask for it. Or not. There's no generally applicable answer.
  • swimmermatt10...

    Posts: 281

    Sep 23, 2010 8:54 PM GMT
    mybud saidDude......This is the ultimate sign....when you go into your restroom and he's sittin on the toliet takin a crap.......he's yours.....


    That is so fucking true, if you are comfortable to shit in front of each other it think it can be assumed you are "boyfriends"....haha so great
  • mybud

    Posts: 11836

    Sep 23, 2010 10:58 PM GMT
    swimmermatt101 said
    mybud saidDude......This is the ultimate sign....when you go into your restroom and he's sittin on the toliet takin a crap.......he's yours.....


    That is so fucking true, if you are comfortable to shit in front of each other it think it can be assumed you are "boyfriends"....haha so great


    Brah.....that's what I meant.....your very wise......later killer
  • HankFit247

    Posts: 205

    Sep 23, 2010 11:06 PM GMT
    Depends on time/discussions/seriousness of relationship.

    If I choose to say friend, I quickly explain why once we have some one-on-one time. Anti-gay co-worker, bitchy friend, drunk friend known to make stupid remarks, someone whom I do not have a relationship with whom may or may not know I'm gay, ....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 23, 2010 11:51 PM GMT
    rnch saidi'm not sure which one of us used that word first (out loud, at least). here's my first recolection of it:

    my friend/date/fuck buddy/whatever became my boyfriend the day he carried me out of my house when my meniscus tore in my knee.

    on 2 hours of sleep, he promptly showed up to carry/drag/pull my 240 pound useless, moaning, shaking carcess down the side porch stairs and to the hospital. he patiently waited on me, drove me to my mother's house for safe keeping, and politely chatted with her for quite some time (his first time meeting her, no less!) without ONE word of complaint, no less!!!

    a few weeks later, at a very cold, windy back yard bbq, with me looking like shit and shaking like a dog passing a watermelon seed, he seemed so very proud to put his arm around my waist and drag my crutches powered self around to his friends and co-workers and introduce me with the words "and this is my boyfriend rnch".

    each time he did this it got warmer in that cold, windy, gusty back yard!


    icon_biggrin.gif



    my friend/confidant/real estate property manager, a sweet, proper 60-someting very classy lady, after enough glasses of wine, has told me several times "this one is a "keeper"! don't fuck up this time!"

    icon_lol.gif



    Bud your story just blew me away!


    Leandro ♥
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 24, 2010 1:00 AM GMT
    Actually, seventh graders have it right! It's when the hormones get all kicked up that folks start playing stupid games, and I guess a lot of folks never stop playing. To be in a romantic relationship you have to communicate and that means having the "are we bf, partners, etc" conversation. If you can't bring yourself to talk about that, you are NOT ready for a relationship! Some people are mature enough for an adult relationship at 18, and some never are. It all depends on the person.

    I remember the conversation with my partner when we decided we were exclusive boyfriends, and when we made the decision to be committed as lifelong partners.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 24, 2010 1:01 AM GMT
    I just introduce him by his name... we both have the understanding we are boyfriends. I also think some social situations dont warrant a title (well here in CT anyway)

    In NYC I always introduced my boyfriend with a title first. It's different where I live now. I have no problem introducing a guy as my boyfriend. I guess sometimes it just rolls out by itself. I dont place any undue stress on that.

    However, I strongly dislike being introduced as a "friend". Especially when you are intimate with a person. I have never used the term "friend" when I was casually or seriously dating. It's a slap in the face.

    It will unfold when it's suppose to ;)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 24, 2010 5:04 PM GMT
    lilTanker said
    charlitos said
    lilTanker saidHe's my boyfriend when I damned well say he is and not a moment before!!!!!!!!!!





    excuse me?! youve been my wife for a while without knowing, oh and btw after what you just said, WE ARE DONE.

    Dats okay we can divorce and I'll take half of everything icon_biggrin.gif



    you can keep half my student loan dept icon_lol.gif