First Date Etiquette

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 23, 2010 10:01 PM GMT
    I went on a first date [with someone new] a few night ago. He picked me up and we went to dinner. During the dinner, there was lively conversation without any uncomfortable "quiet lulls" plus consistent [mutual] eye contact, smiles back and forth and an occasional brush of the hand.

    He ordered an appetizer, entree and two glasses of wine. I ordered a salad and an ice tea. (note: the appetizer was not shared between us)

    The bill arrived and he said "lets split it." Honestly, I was shocked. I didn't think I should have to disproportionately pay . . . but did anyway.

    What do you think of this and how would you have handled it?

    icon_confused.gif
  • Midas426

    Posts: 965

    Sep 23, 2010 10:13 PM GMT
    I probably would've paid half but only cause he did pick you up and I assume dropped you back at your place but I have to admit I would feel weird asking for half knowing I spent twice as much as my date.
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    Sep 23, 2010 10:18 PM GMT
    happens all the time in the straight and gay world. When you go out with him next time, order the double lobster thermador, two bottles of neuf de pape and cherries jubilee, and don't forget 25% for the waiter. Then watch his balls drop when you smile at him and say "split it same as last time, hon?".....keithicon_cool.gif
  • Import

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    Sep 23, 2010 10:49 PM GMT
    vetteset saidhappens all the time in the straight and gay world. When you go out with him next time, order the double lobster thermador, two bottles of neuf de pape and cherries jubilee, and don't forget 25% for the waiter. Then watch his balls drop when you smile at him and say "split it same as last time, hon?".....keithicon_cool.gif


    omg, where is the "like" button??? cuz I LOVE this.
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    Sep 23, 2010 11:01 PM GMT
    Normally if I do the asking out I pay for the whole thing. It worked something like that with most dates if I asked them I paid, if they asked me they paid and there never was an issue. Or if the date involved a movie and i paid for the dinner they normally paid for the movie.
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    Sep 23, 2010 11:15 PM GMT
    vetteset saidhappens all the time in the straight and gay world. When you go out with him next time, order the double lobster thermador, two bottles of neuf de pape and cherries jubilee, and don't forget 25% for the waiter. Then watch his balls drop when you smile at him and say "split it same as last time, hon?".....keithicon_cool.gif


    nothing like passive aggressive retaliation to cinch the relationship icon_biggrin.gif

    Sometimes it'll be equitable, sometimes it won't. Either way, it's the gay dating world. Get used to spending money.
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    Sep 24, 2010 12:19 AM GMT
    I disagree, the guy was a dick and he knew he'd ordered more than twice than you when he said to split it.. If he had any class he wouldn't have done that.
    Of course I would have paid it but I wouldn't go out with him again.
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    Sep 24, 2010 12:21 AM GMT
    vetteset saidhappens all the time in the straight and gay world. When you go out with him next time, order the double lobster thermador, two bottles of neuf de pape and cherries jubilee, and don't forget 25% for the waiter. Then watch his balls drop when you smile at him and say "split it same as last time, hon?".....keithicon_cool.gif


    Your reply rocked!

    Well, like I said, I did pay 50% of the bill - it just erked me something bad. Sad to me too - because it was a great time beforehand - I actually became more interested [in him] as the dinner when along. And, goodness, my available dating pool is the size of the an 8oz fish tank! icon_lol.gif
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    Sep 24, 2010 1:41 AM GMT
    beneful1 saidI disagree, the guy was a dick and he knew he'd ordered more than twice than you when he said to split it.. If he had any class he wouldn't have done that.
    Of course I would have paid it but I wouldn't go out with him again.


    this.
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    Sep 24, 2010 1:55 AM GMT
    josephga saidNormally if I do the asking out I pay for the whole thing. It worked something like that with most dates if I asked them I paid, if they asked me they paid and there never was an issue. Or if the date involved a movie and i paid for the dinner they normally paid for the movie.


    Yeah, this was the way it went for me too - at least for the first couple of dates. If the "date" asked the OP out, then it was in REALLY bad form.
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    Sep 24, 2010 2:00 AM GMT
    lol, been there. This was Before Bill.
    When my date said we should split the bill I said,
    "Let's go dutch, shall we?" and we did, which meant he paid for his (about 90 bucks) and I for mine (about 30).

    Oh the thrills of outrageous romance.

    -Doug
  • ImUrSuprman05

    Posts: 79

    Sep 24, 2010 2:06 AM GMT
    josephga saidNormally if I do the asking out I pay for the whole thing. It worked something like that with most dates if I asked them I paid, if they asked me they paid and there never was an issue. Or if the date involved a movie and i paid for the dinner they normally paid for the movie.


    Same here.
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    Sep 24, 2010 2:07 AM GMT
    B787 said it was a great time beforehand - I actually became more interested [in him] as the dinner when along. And, goodness, my available dating pool is the size of the an 8oz fish tank! icon_lol.gif

    Maybe he's not intentionally cheap, just oblivious where finances are concerned. If he's so interesting in all the other ways, why not try one more time and see what happens.
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    Sep 24, 2010 2:11 AM GMT
    I learned something in Amsterdam... going Dutch!
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    Sep 24, 2010 2:29 AM GMT
    I know people that do this all the time...and not to be cheap. Some people just like to make things simple and go 50/50 and believe that it all works out in the end. But, if you say something, they'll be like, "oh ok, no big deal, here's what I owe".

    I think it's kinda harsh to not say anything and then just not go out with the person again just for that one little thing...especially if the rest of the date went well.
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    Sep 24, 2010 2:55 AM GMT
    That's a dealbreaker for me. I would have payed half and then most likely not have gone out on a second date.

    That only would have been acceptable had you ordered more than him, and out of kindness/chivalry/whatever, he wanted to split the check. But what he did was just plain cheap!!
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    Sep 24, 2010 3:15 AM GMT
    I'm really not sure what the problem is with splitting or one person paying. In some ways I see it as a courtesy splitting the bill making the point that you don't want to seem egotistical throwing a credit card on the table like it's not a problem.

    I also think splitting the bill shows a kind of respect (especially man to man) that you are both able to show your not the woman in the relationship. Sure some guys don't mind being the woman, but that's another topic.

    One person paying for a "date" is old school and follows old traditions of the guy taking a woman out. We look for equal rights, we react when we are in a situation like this

    This is the 21st century where we as gay men are looking to be equals not sub-ordinates to someone else.

  • KepaArg

    Posts: 1721

    Sep 24, 2010 3:24 AM GMT
    sydney_cider saidI'm really not sure what the problem is with splitting or one person paying. In some ways I see it as a courtesy splitting the bill making the point that you don't want to seem egotistical throwing a credit card on the table like it's not a problem.

    I also think splitting the bill shows a kind of respect (especially man to man) that you are both able to show your not the woman in the relationship. Sure some guys don't mind being the woman, but that's another topic.

    One person paying for a "date" is old school and follows old traditions of the guy taking a woman out. We look for equal rights, we react when we are in a situation like this

    This is the 21st century where we as gay men are looking to be equals not sub-ordinates to someone else.



    Said the woman wanting equal pay.

    Anyway, I have always either split or taken turns regardless of who ordered more.
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    Sep 24, 2010 3:28 AM GMT
    I think it depends on your financial situation. If it were me, I'd have explained that I have to be a little more careful of my finances. If that turned him off, all right. I mean, if a guy can't understand that, I'm guessing he's not going to be so easy to talk to when real issues come up.
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    Sep 24, 2010 3:29 AM GMT
    KepaArg said
    sydney_cider saidI'm really not sure what the problem is with splitting or one person paying. In some ways I see it as a courtesy splitting the bill making the point that you don't want to seem egotistical throwing a credit card on the table like it's not a problem.

    I also think splitting the bill shows a kind of respect (especially man to man) that you are both able to show your not the woman in the relationship. Sure some guys don't mind being the woman, but that's another topic.

    One person paying for a "date" is old school and follows old traditions of the guy taking a woman out. We look for equal rights, we react when we are in a situation like this

    This is the 21st century where we as gay men are looking to be equals not sub-ordinates to someone else.



    Said the woman wanting equal pay.

    Anyway, I have always either split or taken turns regardless of who ordered more.


    Meh, I don't care who pays as long as there isn't an issue about it.
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    Sep 24, 2010 3:30 AM GMT
    Ciarsolo saidEither way, it's the gay dating world. Get used to spending money.
    No shit! icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 24, 2010 7:38 AM GMT
    I did not object to paying - it just seemed odd because our respective dinners were lopsided from a price point plus he invited me. icon_confused.gif
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    Sep 24, 2010 7:50 AM GMT


    Ok two things,

    always split the bill, and 'going dutch' drives me mad, people start taking caluclators out and ruins a good evening. It's swings and roundabouts, next time you'll be the one who 'gains'

    secondly though, if you were drinking ice tea, he shouldn't have had a second glass of wine.....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 24, 2010 8:01 AM GMT
    I say, "Ok"

    Look at the bill and say, "how much was my salad? looks like my share is ________".

    Then put down your share. Sorry, he was rude to make you pay for part of his share, and you were a pushover.

    Just my take.
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    Sep 24, 2010 8:03 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    Ciarsolo saidEither way, it's the gay dating world. Get used to spending money.
    No shit! icon_lol.gif


    Paul when I come to Hollywood, can we just chill? Im kinda between jobs icon_razz.gif