Let's apply some logic here...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 24, 2010 2:56 AM GMT
    I want everyone here to forget about gender - as in forget about how you define yourself to the public as it varies with each person: so whether the guy is masculine, flamboyant etc..

    Taking gender out of the picture, isn't it reasonable (as in does it follow some degree of logic) for a man to communicate with the person whom they have shown interest towards? Especially since they are the ones that initiated it all. Why intitiate something you can't work towards or you can't accomplish or at least try to accomplish?

    To rephrase this in simple terms:

    Why do guys who send you messages such as "Oh i would love to call you! What is your number? Here is my number! XXX-YYY-ZZZZ Call me so we can get to know each other!" and text you flattering comments about you to get you pumped then when you actually call them let's say the next day. they do not pick up their phone. You say to yourself "Hmm, maybe he is busy? Right? Everyone has their daily schedule!... let me try some other time." Three days later... No answer. It is ringing! But it is isn't getting answered.

    These are all the excuses I have encountered throughout my whole dating career when a guy texts me back about why they didn't answer my phone call:

    --> It was in my bag! (oh thats perfecty fine bring a phone in your bag to take up extra space - i mean really? Why would i need to carry a PHONE with me...it's not like anyone is going to try and call me *sarcasm*)

    --> Sorry it was on silent! (Oh shit... well how about you turn it on RING!?)

    --> My friend had it and they didn't pick it up because they said it was an unknown number! (Well, why do you not have my name on my number? - hmm... it is not that hard ... really)

    --> My phone battery died! (Well could you at least call back! You will see some missed calls... wonder what you should do!?)

    Even with all their excuses! Guess what!
    They go on msn! They go on Real Jock Chat room! And what is sad is that they acknowledge your presence too! Oh the irony! They know you exist on the net but fail to acknowledge your presence in real life?

    Strange, and I thought older men would have at least some sort of understanding.

    P.S: I know people get turned off when others are acting desperate. But if you ask me, if you are the one that started the whole thing (the guy who messages you first showing interest) then you are the desperate one here buddy.

    Thanks for taking the time to read my schpeel.
    Mohammed - trying to break the stereotypes of gay men


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 24, 2010 4:21 AM GMT
    anyone bother to reply? Input your own opinion or agree with what I am conveying here?


    damn ... forums are a graveeeyard
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 24, 2010 12:52 PM GMT
    mohammed250 said
    To rephrase this in simple terms:

    Why do guys who send you messages such as "Oh i would love to call you! What is your number? Here is my number! XXX-YYY-ZZZZ Call me so we can get to know each other!" and text you flattering comments about you to get you pumped then when you actually call them let's say the next day. they do not pick up their phone. You say to yourself "Hmm, maybe he is busy? Right? Everyone has their daily schedule!... let me try some other time." Three days later... No answer. It is ringing! But it is isn't getting answered.


    First I guess I am confused. You say that others send you a message that they want to call you so they give you their number? But moving on.. I think a lot of people (ESP online) act on the fly. They don't think and if they do it's not with the head that matters....

    I think it is great that you take the time to answer your replies and place the ball back in that other person court. But I guess you should have more of an emotional "guard" for these things. No one likes to be brushed off. ESP if that other person initiated the whole interaction. A lot of people are looking for one thing out there.. and it's NOT a long term relationship. It's a here and now fun romp and when we are done please stop calling me, type of thing.

    I am not saying that no one out there is looking for a relationship, they are out there. I'm saying don't get confused on the messages/signals that you are receiving.

    I mean lets be honest, it's really better to find out that your other contact is a jerk now then say three or four years down the line when you're in a relationship. It's a process we all go through, and the end result gives you some tough skin to not deal with the BS. You seem like a really nice guy, don't let these types of guys break ya!

    Send me a PM if you ever need too, not everyone out here is a jerk.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 24, 2010 1:09 PM GMT
    You can rant and vent about it all you want but at the end of the day, it is what it is. Set a limit in your mind as to how much unrequited effort you're willing to put into something and move on without looking back once that limit is reached. Otherwise you just end up losing your mind.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 24, 2010 2:03 PM GMT
    Just like in the real world, there are some jerks online. The problem with the online world is that you miss some of the filters we use to get a sense of a person. Words in a profile and in chat lack the feeling and meaning we get in a discussion with a person in real life. Even cam can take some of that sense away as we tend to be more guarded when that camera is in front of us. Not to say that we still don't make mistakes in our assessments of people we meet in real life, but it seems to happen so much more frequently in the online world. When meeting people online, you need to learn to move on quickly and not fret so much about those times when things do not work out. Maybe try to find some more ways to meet more people in the real world.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 24, 2010 2:20 PM GMT
    Guys are flakes. I had a guy (friend of a friend) aggressively pursue a friendship with me, which eventually got very close with a level of verbal intimacy that is beyond where most guys go. As with your experience it was at least mutual and if anything more intense from his side. But then when I had two major life events happen at the same time and could have really used some support (and no, I didn't dump this on him or even talk about it that much) he took a huge step back with no explanation, started flaking on plans and trying to make it look like it was my schedule that was the problem, etc. We still talk but nowhere near as much and would really make me hesitate before investing so much in another male friend again.

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    Sep 24, 2010 4:18 PM GMT
    thanks for the replies. I do appreciate it. But again, some of you are missing my point (I will blame it on my inability to communicate properly on the forums).


    What I am trying to say is why would a man who knows I am interested in a long term relationship, say that he is willing to commit to it, gives me his number so that I can call him, yet doesn't pick up his phone?



    Some of you are arguing and saying that people aren't looking for long term relationships and I know that! When a guy asks me for a fling I refuse on the spot because I know that I am not into a one night stand. So I filter them automatically that way. What seems to be the issue is men who are posing as if they want to be in a long term relationship yet change their mind. Which is really unfortunate, as they are usually much older than me and should (to some extent) know what they want.


    I am an obsessive person by nature, and I straight up tell people that because I know some people are turned off while others are turned on by it. Again, if someone is turned off by obsessive people, then why fake it and pretend that you are interested? Speak up and make life easier for the both of us or don't come up to me and ask me on a date - get me all excited then ignore everything. Seems to go against simple logic here if you ask me.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 24, 2010 4:31 PM GMT
    Welcome to the dating world, where men are pigs and boys are pig slop.
    ...or something like that.

    If you call'em or text'em a couple times and they don't reply, forget'em. They're not worth the time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 24, 2010 4:34 PM GMT
    They prolly sent that same message to a bunch of guys and one of the other guys answered first. So he is busy with that one. He will get to you when he is done with the other one. Now chill and wait your turn.
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    Sep 24, 2010 4:36 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidWelcome to the dating world, where men are pigs and boys are pig slop.
    ...or something like that.

    If you call'em or text'em a couple times and they don't reply, forget'em. They're not worth the time.


    Yep that is exactly what I did. But now I will always have this passive feeling of always questioning my next possible spouse... since it happens constantly. Which is not a good feeling to have. Naturally, i am a clingy person (that's me) so this part of dating is what would hurt me the most (I dont even consider it dating, since the person apparantly is interested in me but isn't?) - Maybe you all are lucky and haven't been in my position which is why it is extremely difficult for you to understand where I am coming from. OR maybe you guys have assimilated into the general gay population of dating (where it is fuck as many men as you can within your lifetime - which is apparantly a measure of success nowadays?) - i still fail to understand how it is even close to being successful? What are you being successful at? Increasing the probability of contracting a virus or an infection? Sure knock yourself out!.
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    Sep 24, 2010 4:39 PM GMT
    Caslon15000 saidThey prolly sent that same message to a bunch of guys and one of the other guys answered first. So he is busy with that one. He will get to you when he is done with the other one. Now chill and wait your turn.



    "Now chill and wait your turn." - What do you exactly mean by that? That i am somehow his B**ch? Well looks like you haven't taken the time to read what took me a while to compile. He messaged me showing interest first by saying he was also interested in a monogamous relationship... now look at hwat you typed, if he sent that message to a bunch of other men ... then that contradicts the whole purpose of monogamy.


    Therefore, I don't need to waste my time with him if that is what you are expecting me to believe.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 24, 2010 8:04 PM GMT
    Welcome to the awfulness of internet dating.

    It doesn't work.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 24, 2010 8:14 PM GMT
    Guys are flakes. Guys are lazy. Guys want something and then they don't want it. And don't dare ask them why they don't want it anymore. I guess it applies to both sexes or whatever but I don't deal with girls in any way. It's life. Learn it, get savvy, get a thick skin and a functional poker face.

    Oh and your best friend is you. Spend some time with that mofo and treat him like a king.
  • Anto

    Posts: 2035

    Sep 24, 2010 9:00 PM GMT
    Ciarsolo said
    Oh and your best friend is you. Spend some time with that mofo and treat him like a king.


    That can be not true too!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 24, 2010 9:25 PM GMT
    Ciarsolo saidGuys are flakes. Guys are lazy. Guys want something and then they don't want it. And don't dare ask them why they don't want it anymore. I guess it applies to both sexes or whatever but I don't deal with girls in any way. It's life. Learn it, get savvy, get a thick skin and a functional poker face.

    Oh and your best friend is you. Spend some time with that mofo and treat him like a king.


    I am a guy, i am not lazy and i sure am not a flake. So don't generalize to begin with. Trying to come up with an excuse to hide someone else's fault makes you look worse. By stating "And don't dare ask them why they don't want it anymore" are you trying to imply that basically i should never ask anything and just agree to everything? I am sorry but you are not talking to some half-assed donkey here, I have a mind and I sure as hell know when someone is trying to tell me to be someone else's bitch in a very implicit way (the way you just did). I am not anyone's bitch, I will question them if they sure aren't acting the way they said they would - especially if they were the ones that approached me to begin with (which is the case). If i approached them, then it would be ridiculous if I assumed they were automatically into me - that is why I always wait until they make the first move (so i know that they have at least some interest in me to begin with). So yes, I will question other men about their actions - especially since I am part of their business even if it is for just a couple of hours.

    Also, saying "it's life" doesn't solve anything. What is life? IT is what you make out of it that counts. So my life is different than your life. You can't automatically put every single gay man into one category, and state that it should be acceptable or normal for people to act that way as "that's life!".

    Also, what do you mean by "learn it." Are you implying that i should somehow assimilate to the "accepted" lifestyle of the majority of gay men? Of course I won't I am my own man and I live my life how I want it to be. If I happen to meet another man that shares the same values and interests then sure he can come spend his life with me. But when someone is playing mind games...that's a different story. WHich is essentially the main problem here.

    I fail to see any validity in what you said.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 24, 2010 9:30 PM GMT
    If he's not responding to your texts or returning your calls and if all he does is make excuses for not being able to then, logically speaking, he's just not that into you. Into you enough initially to ask for your number apparently but not interested in pursuing a relationship with you. icon_neutral.gif
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    Sep 24, 2010 9:33 PM GMT
    OP is really new here ain't he
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    Sep 24, 2010 9:54 PM GMT
    Animus saidIf he's not responding to your texts or returning your calls and if all he does is make excuses for not being able to then, logically speaking, he's just not that into you. Into you enough initially to ask for your number apparently but not interested in pursuing a relationship with you. icon_neutral.gif



    Exactly my point. That's why i forgot about him. But I am trying to dig deeper into this and wonder why someone would be interested to give you their number but not interested to call? Especially since there is no intermediate step that could possibly get him turned off. So they are just messing with my mind basically - there is no other explanation.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 24, 2010 9:57 PM GMT
    Ciarsolo saidOP is really new here ain't he


    Yes I am new. How does that have any relevance to this thread?
    Explain please.

    A better arguement would be to say that i am young. At least that would have some validity to it.
  • dfrourke

    Posts: 1062

    Sep 24, 2010 10:02 PM GMT
    Normally, I'm fairly "kid gloves" in the forums...but...

    "Mohammed250" You are fishing in the wrong pond...the fish you are catching can't be bothered with you.

    Fish elsewhere.

    That is all.

    - David icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 24, 2010 10:06 PM GMT
    dfrourke saidNormally, I'm fairly "kid gloves" in the forums...but...

    "Mohammed250" You are fishing in the wrong pond...the fish you are catching can't be bothered with you.

    Fish elsewhere.

    That is all.

    - David icon_wink.gif


    No i am pretty sure this thread has to do with dating and i am in the "dating and relationship" section. I am following the guidelines so I don't see how I am fishing in the wrong pond. The fisherman is not interested in the fish here, he doesn't have time to be bothered by unnecessary catches. The fisherman unfortunately has made a couple, but he will let them go.


    Simplified terms: IF you don't want to post, don't post. Simple. No one here is forcing you to post.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11836

    Sep 24, 2010 10:11 PM GMT
    Dude.... Most guys think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence...feelings will always get hurt if you envision a on line relationship leading to more than it is....An outlet for boredom.....Cultivate your qualities....work on self love...do those things that will benefit you personally...Don't give some stranger on some web site the power to under cut your esteem...Fuck them....love yourself....Peace babe....BUD