Mistaking Lesbians for Men

  • KissTheSky

    Posts: 1980

    Sep 25, 2010 5:51 PM GMT
    I live near DC's main lesbian bar (actually probably the only lesbian bar).
    Around my neighborhood there are frequently lesbians walking around with men's haircuts, dressed in men's clothes/shoes, wearing men's eyeglasses, etc. Which is completely fine with me -- people should do whatever makes them happy.
    But the reality of the situation is, from a distance they look like dudes. Sometimes even close up they look like dudes. More than once I've thought one of these women was actually a man, and addressed her as such, which was awkward when I realized my mistake. My question for anyone who has an opinion: is it insulting to mistake a lesbian for a man, when they're presenting themselves in a mannish appearance, or is that what they actually want? I have known a couple of transvestites (men who dress as women) whose goal is to "pass" and have people think they ARE actually women. So is it the same thing for lesbians?
  • andreduce

    Posts: 76

    Sep 25, 2010 9:15 PM GMT
    Well, it probably depends on the particular person (lesbian). But I would guess (and this is totally a guess) that if the mistake was made, but the lesbian does look very manly, the lesbian is likely to understand that about herself, and whether she is referred to as male or female, and the particular opinion she has about it -as in, does she appreciate that or not- she may just let it slide completely in an off handed conversation.

    In a related, situation, I have had to deal with some ambiguity in peoples names where I work, when someone is representing their child for instance. By the way I swear, young parents these days name their kids the craziest names. Its like they want people to think, "I want others to guess my child's gender..."

    To go back to the lesbian thing, this one time, I saw what appeared to perhaps be a lesbian police officer. I knew immediately without a doubt that she was female, but at the same time I was like, "Wow, she makes a pretty attractive dude. Way to go sister..." And then I felt weird...lol
  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    Sep 25, 2010 9:40 PM GMT
    Ha
    haha
    hahahahahahaha.

    No.
    Obviously, people are diverse, so there's someone into anything.
    But with a few trans and genderqueer exceptions most lesbians do not want to "pass" for men.

    Many eschew traditional effeminate trappings. I don't blame them. But this is rarely associated with a "desire to be a man". Rather, if anything of the sort, it is generally associated with a desire to dissociate gender stereotypes from sex.

    As far as being offended. Well, it depends on the person.
    Plenty are going to be annoyed. If I wore long hair I'd get annoyed at people thinking I'm a girl all the time. Would I be "offended", probably not, if it's an honest mistake. But that just depends on the person.


    '
    (ps - as I'm sure some will point out, most gay guys don't 'want to be women' and the same applys to most lesbians. Nominally "men's" clothes are functional and relatively simple. It's more of a neutral choice than anything. Plenty of women, straight and gay, wear short hear and what was traditionally men's clothing now. This is different than women's clothing which tends to be pragmatically flamboyant and thus represents a clothing choices based on preferences besides not being cold or being arrested for nudity. ;)
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Sep 25, 2010 9:44 PM GMT
    if they dress like a man, walk like a man, act & talk like a man....why should they be upset if they are perceived as a man? icon_confused.gif
  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    Sep 25, 2010 9:45 PM GMT
    rnch saidif they dress like a man, walk like a man, act & talk like a man....why should they be upset if they are perceived as a man? icon_confused.gif


    Because your loading your sexist baggage about what it means to be a "man" or a "woman" onto them. icon_neutral.gif
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    Sep 25, 2010 10:19 PM GMT
    neosyllogy said
    rnch saidif they dress like a man, walk like a man, act & talk like a man....why should they be upset if they are perceived as a man? icon_confused.gif


    Because your loading your sexist baggage about what it means to be a "man" or a "woman" onto them. icon_neutral.gif


    Oh they can go fuck themselves with cucumbers.
  • Sebastian18

    Posts: 255

    Sep 25, 2010 10:24 PM GMT
    When I was living in Seattle I actually ran across this really hot "guy" at a bar and we ended up talking. It was all well and good until, when we got to my place, he disclosed his FTM (female to male transgender) status. Not wanting to be rude, we definitely did make out. icon_eek.gif

    The NW for whatever reason seems to have a pretty diverse alt-gendered population. Personally I think it's kind of neat, but at the same time I frequently find myself in the position of doing a double take when I see really attractive "men" and realize later that they're lesbians or trans-folk.
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    Sep 26, 2010 12:27 AM GMT
    Welcome to the USA, where men are people and women are people, though it may be difficult to determine which is which. icon_razz.gif
  • Tiran

    Posts: 227

    Sep 26, 2010 12:39 AM GMT
    I have twice hit on women I thought were men. The first time was at a mixed gay and lesbian event and I thought she was a cute (young) guy. The second was on a bus and turned out to be a F2M who I had briefly worked with a couple of years earlier.

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    Sep 26, 2010 12:45 AM GMT
    Happened to me today. I was at the hardware store, and this hot dude all in leather got off a motorcycle. That perked my interest. Was a chick, with a deep voice too. I then recognized her from a gay bar. Dude was a lez. Amost make me straight. Almost.
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    Sep 26, 2010 12:54 AM GMT
    If anyone finds an honest mistake offensive they are being a dick.
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    Sep 26, 2010 1:12 AM GMT
    I mistake them for boys and they catch my eye... and they mistake me for a man...and I catch theirs... Go figure!

    I think some are hotter than guys... its all in the attitude and the way you carry yourself. If you swish, its a wrap!
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    Sep 26, 2010 1:17 AM GMT
    Can not tell you how many times I have done that. One of my first jobs was for HEB which is a grocery store chain in Texas. Frankly the only times I have ever gotten in trouble at that job...written up 3 times was from mistaking a lesbian for a man.

    If your gonna dress like a man dont be mad if your gonna be mistaken as one.
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    Sep 26, 2010 1:24 AM GMT
    If you're gonna work in a public setting don't hit on the customers!

    Now if you're attending a public event its ok to hit on the employees. I was at Chili's one night and the server, who was super hot, I left my number on the check stub and.......


    later that night he was in my bed......
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    Sep 26, 2010 1:26 AM GMT
    Sebastian18 saidWhen I was living in Seattle I actually ran across this really hot "guy" at a bar and we ended up talking. It was all well and good until, when we got to my place, he disclosed his FTM (female to male transgender) status. Not wanting to be rude, we definitely did make out. icon_eek.gif



    No penis and you chicken out? icon_lol.gif

    I think I could totally date and have sex with a female to male if I found him attractive and we got a long. Am I the only one?



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    Sep 26, 2010 1:43 AM GMT
    You're not the only one, I would too. But I am Bi...