Getting your crap back from your ex.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 26, 2010 2:13 AM GMT
    I'm curious to know if anyone's had to do this, deal with it, etc.

    My ex still has a few of my things, and I'm not exactly sure how to get them back. Mostly because he's really really paranoid and unpredictable. It's almost like having to stick your hand in a tiger cage and without getting bitten.

    I just got out of college, and we previously lived next door to each other in dormitory housing. Had a few fights after the break-up, and this forced the Resident Director to put a no-contact agreement in effect for both of us. Keep in mind, he abused this agreement to his own advantage to get my kicked out of housing for sitting 5 feet away from him in the lounge to work on my coursework. He's unstable, agressive, and difficult to deal with.

    That's all well and good, as our relationship ended for those exact reasons (well.. partially for that). He still has a couple of my things, the most important of which is a down jacket I lent him last spring. I live in Alaska (no Sarah Palin jokes, please) and my area gets down to -30 F on average during the winters. Most of my previous winter gear fell apart late last spring, and I really don't have money to replace it. That said, it'd just be easier to get that damn jacket back.

    I know how to get in touch with him, however, most attempts will either be ignored or met with his typical "OMG, HE'S HARASSING MEH" hissy-fits. That said, I have no clue how to deal with this. And I'd prefer to keep this out of the courts.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 26, 2010 2:42 AM GMT
    Sell one of your books back…you know the one that you found out you don’t even use, and buy a new coat.
    Post it on your face book wall “I need by coat back, please.”
    Go to housing and tell them you need a mediator.
    Phyco boyfriends…fun
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Sep 26, 2010 2:45 AM GMT
    dustin_K_tx said...Go to housing and tell them you need a mediator...
    yes, this would be my suggestion also.

    but don't be upset if he claims the jacket is his. unless you have a name tag or other unique identifcation inside of it...i'm suspect you have lost it to him. icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 26, 2010 2:54 AM GMT
    What are the terms of the no-contact agreement? I imagine it is a tool the school uses and is not a legal restraining order.

    So, if you are done with school, call him.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Sep 26, 2010 3:09 AM GMT
    Go to his place......When he answers the door...Say " I forgot to take all my belongings, it'll take me 10 minutes and I'll be out"....If he says no.... you got two choices ...you turn on your heel ... leave knowin you learned a life lesson...or you roll your fist up into a ball....and he clock in the jaw as hard as you can...dude...if you do this right...it will knock him out for about 10 minutes ....work fast...and piss on his chest when you exit....BUD
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 26, 2010 3:12 AM GMT
    I would just suck it up and walk away. Its only things that can be replaced. I have lost fortunes in breakups or having things stolen. Its only your ego that is attached to a thing, once you lose that ego attachment to it, its easy to let it go. There's a reason for the saying easy come, easy go.

    Rolling up your fits accomplishes nothing. Except maybe an assault charge.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 26, 2010 3:42 AM GMT
    I'm wearing my ex's shorts right now.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 26, 2010 3:48 AM GMT
    Forget about your things. They are material objects. The important thing is that you got yourself outicon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 26, 2010 4:01 AM GMT
    Get a lawyer and let him handle it for you. It's going to be expensive, much more expensive than buying a new coat for yourself. The cheaper way to handle it is to buy yourself a new coat.
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    Sep 26, 2010 5:08 AM GMT
    My suggestion would be to document your efforts. Send him a business-style letter, and copy the Resident Director.

    [Date]


    Dear [Ex]:

    Since our separation, there are several items of mine that currently remain in your possession. They are listed as follows:

    - Down jacket [color, description, etc]
    - [Other stuff he still has]

    I would like to arrange for the amicable return of these items as soon as possible, as winter will be approaching soon. Please let me know when is most convenient for you for me to retrieve these items, or when I can expect to receive them via shipment.

    Should you prefer that the Resident Director be present for the return of these items, please confirm a date and time with him/her and I will adjust my schedule accordingly. I appreciate your response within the next ten days.

    Sincerely,

    [You]


    If that doesn't work, send him another letter [and copy the RD] and tell him that you may proceed with legal action if the items are not returned within ten days from the date of that letter. Check with the RD yourself to see if there are policies for how to get your things back. Failing that, you might try small claims court. The procedures can be found at:

    http://www.courts.alaska.gov/forms/sc-100.pdf

    From what I could tell, Alaska provides for service of the summons either via Certified Mail or personal service. Certified Mail is often much less tricky and less expensive. So, if you decide that is a necessary step, it's less complicated than you might think.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 26, 2010 5:30 AM GMT
    If it makes you feel any better I too left behind a few personal clothing items with my ex! there is this "Burberry" wool Tie given to me as a present some twenty five years ago by someone very dear to me; damn do I miss that tie!


    Leandro ♥
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    Sep 26, 2010 12:50 PM GMT
    fastfreddie saidGet a lawyer and let him handle it for you.

    The first thing a lawyer will ask you is "Do you have proof that the coat belongs to you? A sales slip? A receipt?" If not, buy a new coat.
  • misternick

    Posts: 234

    Sep 26, 2010 1:24 PM GMT
    First of all, being in that situation sucks. Sorry to hear it.

    Do you know anyone that he knows who is either friendly or neutral to you? You could ask them to tell him (not steal) that you want your coat back and have him retrieve it.

    I had to do that once. Sucks.
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    Sep 26, 2010 1:46 PM GMT
    Dude, I feel for ya. It's a crappy situation to be in. Your ex sounds a little like a friend of mine, so I don't envy you. Assuming you've already tried the obvious (good old fashion text) I'd go with some typeof formal letter as mentioned above: don't give the cry-baby wank-tard any more ammunition than you have to.
    I've been in the same situation & it sucks! Granted, it is just "stuff," but those things get under my skin, because they are "my stuff." I still mourn the lose of an amazing (& expensive) art glass lamp my ex kept. I bit the bullet, accepted it, then sought out an occult practitioner to curse his miserable ass... We all have our own process. Good Luck Man!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 26, 2010 1:49 PM GMT
    EccentricStud said I bit the bullet, accepted it, then sought out an occult practitioner to curse his miserable ass..

    Way more satisfying than just sending another futile letter. And it might even work!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 26, 2010 2:09 PM GMT
    Been in that situation before. In the end, the loss of material things is much more preferable to exposing yourself to more abuse. Just let it go.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 26, 2010 2:35 PM GMT
    breakers saidI'm wearing my ex's shorts right now.


    Hmmm Can I wear your shorts ;)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 27, 2010 11:00 AM GMT
    To clarify just a few things...

    Well, number one, I'm no longer living in dormitory housing; that said I'm no longer under the thumb of the my previous University's Residence Life program. I live away from the campus, though I still have some friends on campus. If he feels he has grounds, he can go to RL and request that I be trespassed from campus. Frankly, I'd prefer not to lose the privilege to visit most of my friends. That would be why I'm attempting to take some precautions.

    I'll say right now, taking it to court, while it is possible, is out of the question. I mean, it IS a $200 jacket, but it'd cost me less to replace that. The only real reason I'd like to get it back is that I'm low on funds due to being laid off earlier this month, and just.. well, reclaiming it would save me some trouble for the winter.

    If worst comes to worst, I can jerry-rig something together in it's place, but damn if I won't look like I'm homeless.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 03, 2010 8:22 PM GMT
    He has a key to my apartment. I have a stack of his clothes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 03, 2010 8:50 PM GMT
    When you get far enough along in a relationship that you have some of your things at his place, it is very likely you won't be getting it back after a break up. It has happened to most of us. Even in an amicable break up, there are often belongings that you have forgotten about. In an unfriendly break up like yours, it is sometimes better just to chalk it up as a loss. Just think of it as a payment for having him out of your life. You can take him to court to try and recover, but remember some judges give this type of action for a few personal belongings a cool reception and look down on this as petty and tying up the court for no good reason. Plus if he claims he no longer has them, you only get the value of the item, which once you walk out of the store with it has probably dropped by at least half. It is probably not worth your time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 03, 2010 8:56 PM GMT
    Send a mutual friend to pick it up. your mom, cousin, whoever.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 03, 2010 9:28 PM GMT
    Fucking quit being a wheeny and ask him for your shit back. If he refuses, either write your shit off, or, file a claim in smalls claims court (iffy, at best).

    If he really pisses you off, you really don't have recourse; you're stuck. You can be nasty, but, war can be ugly.
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Oct 03, 2010 9:34 PM GMT
    You go to his house knock on the door (wait a few min) then kick the door in.
    Get yo shit and leave 50 bucks so he can fix the door >:-D