How do you break it off?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 26, 2010 5:00 PM GMT
    I'm not even sure why I've gone out with this guy 4 times, I thought we could have chemistry with all the things we have in common... but It's just not happening.
    I want to let him down easy, as he's rather fragile when it comes to dating. I don't want to flake him off/ignore emails/phone calls . What's the best way of letting someone down or know that you just aren't interested in them on a romantic level?
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    Sep 26, 2010 5:05 PM GMT
    I never let anyone down easy, I crush it like a steel hammer to an anvil. I say exactly what is on my mind and how I feel. When I end things, I end them for good. If I care about the person, then its a more complicated process. Like with the fuck buddy kid that I have had for a long time. We ended things harsh with each other, but then a month later we made up. Now we are friends. but it wasn't an immediate transition because there were feelings involved.

    If not, then I crush it hard, crush it good.

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    Sep 26, 2010 5:08 PM GMT
    Is this one of the 4 guys you were talking about in another of your threads? If he is average or below average looks-wise then I wouldn't worry about dropping him. I'm sure he's got enough to think about being average or below average looking.
  • SpikeJock

    Posts: 51

    Sep 26, 2010 5:12 PM GMT
    Just be honest, direct, compassionate, but firm. It's not your problem if he can or can't handle disappointment. Life will go on.

    Honesty in a polite and considerate way is ALWAYS the way to go. It's the respectful, masculine thing to do.
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    Sep 26, 2010 5:13 PM GMT
    readheadguy - yeah. it is. :/ I'm such a nice guy that i care about other people's feelings.

    Caliboyswag - Well, i guess that's better than stringing them along. I really do want to keep him as a friend, and obviously there is no guarantee that-that will happen. I guess it's pull it like a bandaid...right off.
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    Sep 26, 2010 5:17 PM GMT
    icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif
    redheadguy saidIs this one of the 4 guys you were talking about in another of your threads? If he is average or below average looks-wise then I wouldn't worry about dropping him. I'm sure he's got enough to think about being average or below average looking.
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    Sep 26, 2010 5:25 PM GMT
    When I'm considering ending things with a guy, I draw a line down the middle of a page. I list reasons to stay on one side, and reasons to end it on the other. This helps illuminate the situation for me. Then, I decide the best course of action and communicate my decision to the guy in a way that fits the situation.
    icon_cool.gif
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    Sep 26, 2010 5:26 PM GMT
    SpikeJock saidJust be honest, direct, compassionate, but firm. It's not your problem if he can or can't handle disappointment. Life will go on.

    Honesty in a polite and considerate way is ALWAYS the way to go. It's the respectful, masculine thing to do.


    Regina: Is he bothering you? Jason, why are you such a skeeze?
    Jason: I'm just being friendly.
    Gretchen: [whispers] You were supposed to call me last night!
    Regina: Jason, you do not come to a party at my house with Gretchen and then scam on some poor innocent girl right in front of us three days later. She's not interested. Do you want to have sex with him?
    Cady: No, thank you.
    Regina: Good. So it's settled. So you can go shave your back now. Bye, Jason.
    Jason: [whispers] Bitch...
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    Sep 26, 2010 5:30 PM GMT
    QuadraticEquation saidreadheadguy - yeah. it is. :/ I'm such a nice guy that i care about other people's feelings.

    Caliboyswag - Well, i guess that's better than stringing them along. I really do want to keep him as a friend, and obviously there is no guarantee that-that will happen. I guess it's pull it like a bandaid...right off.


    Well, I certainly wouldn't put them down in a way that would cause them to feel bad about themselves, such as their looks or other physical attributes that I am not attracted to. There's a line in the sand you draw and do not cross.

    Doing that is out of pocket, and cruel. But I make no mistake about ending things and making sure they know its over for good.
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    Sep 26, 2010 5:33 PM GMT
    Cali - So when they ask you to be honest and want to know why you are not interested, Is "the chemistry just isn't there" an appropriate response?
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    Sep 26, 2010 5:33 PM GMT
    Be forward, upfront, but do it in a kind, empathetic way because I'm sure you've been in that position before. Remember how you felt and try to do it in a way that gets the point across but is not rude.
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    Sep 26, 2010 5:35 PM GMT
    QuadraticEquation saidCali - So when they ask you to be honest and want to know why you are not interested, Is "the chemistry just isn't there" an appropriate response?


    Absolutely. that is actually a kind and gentle way to end things. It does not put him on the defensive or make him feel badly about himself - its neutral.
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    Sep 26, 2010 5:52 PM GMT
    QuadraticEquation saidI don't want to flake him off/ignore emails/phone calls .



    Please don't do this or else we all might be subjected to him starting the 931st "He's ignoring me. Why are men jerks?" thread. Just be honest with your feelings and offer to be friends. One of my best friends came from something that started as a relationship that did not work out.

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    Sep 26, 2010 5:59 PM GMT
  • Shiv66

    Posts: 55

    Sep 26, 2010 6:02 PM GMT
    redheadguy saidIs this one of the 4 guys you were talking about in another of your threads? If he is average or below average looks-wise then I wouldn't worry about dropping him. I'm sure he's got enough to think about being average or below average looking.


    Hilarious.
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    Sep 26, 2010 6:07 PM GMT
    I think there's a big difference between doing what's nice and doing what's right. I think the right thing to do in this situation is be honest.

    One easy way to give the guy a hint is to start referring to him as a friend, or that you're looking forward to prolonging the friendship or call him "buddy" or something that you wouldn't usually drop when you're dating someone you're into.

    If you're lucky, he'll pick up what you're dropping and clue in. If you're not, the right thing to do is to be honest. He'll be a lot less hurt now, then if you string him along, and let him believe you actually like him. Honesty is almost always the best policy, just try to do it with some tact.
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    Sep 26, 2010 6:09 PM GMT
    AvadaKedavra said
    SpikeJock saidJust be honest, direct, compassionate, but firm. It's not your problem if he can or can't handle disappointment. Life will go on.

    Honesty in a polite and considerate way is ALWAYS the way to go. It's the respectful, masculine thing to do.


    Regina: Is he bothering you? Jason, why are you such a skeeze?
    Jason: I'm just being friendly.
    Gretchen: [whispers] You were supposed to call me last night!
    Regina: Jason, you do not come to a party at my house with Gretchen and then scam on some poor innocent girl right in front of us three days later. She's not interested. Do you want to have sex with him?
    Cady: No, thank you.
    Regina: Good. So it's settled. So you can go shave your back now. Bye, Jason.
    Jason: [whispers] Bitch...


    love you <3
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    Sep 26, 2010 6:12 PM GMT
    MixedHead said


    The minute this guy opened his mouth I lost interest, he wouldn't even get to #1 of the things to hate about me. I'd get up and walk out.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Sep 26, 2010 6:13 PM GMT
    Hmmm.....well I know some are going to say that I'm a jerk for playin' it this way, but I do kinda become a jerk....not by ignoring phone calls or anything like that.

    I was dating a younger guy for a couple of weeks and although we got along famously, I found myself not really being physically attracted to him. He didn't have a lot of secondary male characteristics and I think that was what bothered me....yeah....let's keep it at that. Anyhow, we were looking through my iTouch pics for pics of him at a party and ran across a pic of me and another guy. He asked who the other guy was and I told him he was my boyfriend from california and I had a boyfriend in almost every state. I said that somewhat jokingly so it didn't sound malicious or anything. Anyway, I kept that kind of attitude up for a bit and now he thinks I'm a jerk in terms of dating, but I don't think he has any problems in thinking me as a friend.

    I do find him completely adorable, just not a good fit for me. I'm hoping our friendship can grow past this.
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    Sep 26, 2010 6:40 PM GMT
    Please be honest with him and don't just pull the "fade-away."

    I've said this before: "Hey, this is not going to be easy to hear but I respect you enough to tell you that I'm looking for something different as I pursue long-term relationships. That said, I've enjoyed your company and I hope that we can become friends down the road (and that's not something that I just say to others). I hope you understand."

    The "fade-away" is the worse thing to pull on someone. It subjects someone to self-doubt and uncertainty when they could be out finding someone better for them.

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    Sep 26, 2010 6:43 PM GMT
    A2rower saidPlease be honest with him and don't just pull the "fade-away."

    I've said this before: "Hey, this is not going to be easy to hear but I respect you enough to tell you that I'm looking for something different as I pursue long-term relationships. That said, I've enjoyed your company and I hope that we can become friends down the road (and that's not something that I just say to others). I hope you understand."

    The "fade-away" is the worse thing to pull on someone. It subjects someone to self-doubt and uncertainty when they could be out finding someone better for them.



    So should I call him and tell him before the date, during or after it?... because I'd still like to go out with him as a friend.
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    Sep 26, 2010 6:45 PM GMT
    I like to say that there is something we need to talk about that involves us and what we have.
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    Sep 26, 2010 6:50 PM GMT
    QuadraticEquation said
    A2rower saidPlease be honest with him and don't just pull the "fade-away."

    I've said this before: "Hey, this is not going to be easy to hear but I respect you enough to tell you that I'm looking for something different as I pursue long-term relationships. That said, I've enjoyed your company and I hope that we can become friends down the road (and that's not something that I just say to others). I hope you understand."

    The "fade-away" is the worse thing to pull on someone. It subjects someone to self-doubt and uncertainty when they could be out finding someone better for them.



    So should I call him and tell him before the date, during or after it?... because I'd still like to go out with him as a friend.


    Well, remember, they're going to be getting ready preparing for and expecting a date with a guy they like. If you were in their situation, when would you prefer to hear that the guy is not into you?
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    Sep 26, 2010 6:54 PM GMT
    A2rower said
    QuadraticEquation said
    A2rower saidPlease be honest with him and don't just pull the "fade-away."

    I've said this before: "Hey, this is not going to be easy to hear but I respect you enough to tell you that I'm looking for something different as I pursue long-term relationships. That said, I've enjoyed your company and I hope that we can become friends down the road (and that's not something that I just say to others). I hope you understand."

    The "fade-away" is the worse thing to pull on someone. It subjects someone to self-doubt and uncertainty when they could be out finding someone better for them.



    So should I call him and tell him before the date, during or after it?... because I'd still like to go out with him as a friend.


    Well, remember, they're going to be getting ready preparing for and expecting a date with a guy they like. If you were in their situation, when would you prefer to hear that the guy is not into you?


    I honestly don't know. I'm a neurotic guy, so no time is ever a good time to hear that ^_^. I'd probably want someone to be honest and tell me before the date...


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    Sep 26, 2010 6:54 PM GMT
    redheadguy saidIs this one of the 4 guys you were talking about in another of your threads? If he is average or below average looks-wise then I wouldn't worry about dropping him. I'm sure he's got enough to think about being average or below average looking.


    Kinna like you grandpa? What a crappy thing to say.