dating older or younger guy? i say 7 yrs is pretty good age difference

  • MrNomis

    Posts: 268

    Sep 26, 2010 11:50 PM GMT
    So here is the scoop... i came out when i was 25 yrs old and had just divorced after a 6 yrs of marriage.. i have two daughters and so i am a little more careful to not become a bad example to my kids...I am very active in their lives so i tend to not date for the sake of just dating randomly...It seems to me i tend to have either guys that are in their 19-24 yrs or 47-62 yrs age. What must i be doing to attract guys with such age difference? i dont mind the age difference but i tend to experience the longer the gap the less in common we have. I've dated a guy his 19 yrs we were together (3 yrs) and another between 25 yrs we were together (2 1/2) of age.. But no one older than me has turned out to be in a relationship.. What do you think could be the case guys? what has been your experience?
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    Sep 26, 2010 11:57 PM GMT
    My best relationships have been with older men. Between their 40s and mid 50s
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    Sep 26, 2010 11:58 PM GMT
    My worst relationships 18 < x < 39
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    Sep 27, 2010 12:00 AM GMT
    I dislike dating anyone younger than me usually, and I usually date guys between 10-15 years older. Older guys are more compassionate.
  • MrNomis

    Posts: 268

    Sep 27, 2010 12:03 AM GMT
    as for me it seems younger guys are more attracted to me than the older guys.. although i must say it is more obvious for me to tell if a guy is gay when they are younger.. LOL i suppose i am afraid to approach the older hotter men.. Or sometimes i wonder if older men just do not want to lose their freedom.. which is weird because i expect that from a younger guy..icon_sad.gif
  • Shiv66

    Posts: 55

    Sep 27, 2010 12:31 AM GMT
    Sony150 saidolder guys who can't seem to hold a relationship, either have commitment issues, emotional issues, maturity issues, or are just an overall mess. the young guys? they're not jaded.


    ... or maybe the older guys just get fed up with younger guys' antics. Doesn't mean we stop trying.

    Maybe the idea of a lifelong relationship is just that: an idea, an ideal, not a reality. There's nothing wrong with having had many relationships, and expecting to have a few more, especially when you're gay and not encumbered with children. Most of my closest friends are my exes. The romance has died, but the love hasn't. The relationship has just evolved to something else, and it's a beautiful thing.

    As for the post topic, in my latest relationship the age spread was 22 years between us. The one before that was 4 years difference. Really doesn't seem to have any bearing on anything, frankly, both have had their ups and downs. When the downs outweigh the ups, time to move on.
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    Sep 27, 2010 12:36 AM GMT
    I think it's really a chemistry thing. But max limit I would say is 10 yearsicon_cool.gif
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    Sep 27, 2010 12:38 AM GMT
    Its all a matter of personal preference. Its difficult to generalize and make assumptions based on someone's age. Younger guys can be really mature, and older guys can be really immature. Depends upon your emotional growth, the life experiences, your upbringing, etc.

    Cross-generational relationships are not uncommon. Many younger guys dig older guys. and vice versa. men are men. Chemistry is the key.

    When you place constraints or draw lines in the sand you screen out someone who might end up being the love of your life. And you never would have known......

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    Sep 27, 2010 12:48 AM GMT
    I'm in a relationship with a guy ten years older. Doing well here.
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Sep 27, 2010 12:52 AM GMT
    CaliBoySwag saidIts all a matter of personal preference. Its difficult to generalize and make assumptions based on someone's age. Younger guys can be really mature, and older guys can be really immature. Depends upon your emotional growth, the life experiences, your upbringing, etc.

    Cross-generational relationships are not uncommon. Many younger guys dig older guys. and vice versa. men are men. Chemistry is the key.

    When you place constraints or draw lines in the sand you screen out someone who might end up being the love of your life. And you never would have known......



    This ^ save the part about coming down to Chemistry...that's not enough, at least not for me. You can find chemistry with a 19 year old...trust me. But what you need is an equal in terms of their sense of self. Age is relative to nothing more than life experience, and some 25 year olds have lived a hell of a lot more deeply and responsibly than some 52 year olds, but how they've processed it, how they've evolved from it and how self-actualized they are makes a difference in how "mature" they are (although I have trouble with that word...)

    CBS is right re the emotional growth. You have to gauge it on the man, not the calendar. And be frank with him and with yourself. You will face questions that he can't yet fully comprehend because time alone gives us some valuable answers and experiences. But that doesn't have to leave you feeling distanced and alone, so long as you know how to talk to each other about it.

    It is possible to find emotionally responsible, open, loving, caring, passionate, masculine, powerful, confident, vulnerable, stable men at any age. Sadly it's easier to find those who have none of that.

    After reflecting on what I said above, re time, I think that may be wrong...as time to any man is relative only as regards how much of it is left to live - which none of us know, so celebrate now with anyone who gives you what you truly need as an equal and live with some hope for as much time with him as possible.
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    Sep 27, 2010 1:11 AM GMT
    Why does it have to be all or nothing? If you enjoy being together, and you enjoy each other's company and companionship, and you enjoy each other's sex, and you have fun together, why isn't that enough?

    Why do there have to be constraints on this or that, or calendars or measurements and metrics.

    I am just a simple guy. I make good money, I make 6 figures, but i live a very simple life. I drive a 73 VW Bus. I spend money on good food, clothes, and traveling. The only things that matter to me are my kid, traveling and making friends.

    I don't have a list of acceptance criteria that a man must meet in order to be in a relationship with me.

    It just boils down to whether we are having fun together and like being together.

    Bottom line.

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    Sep 27, 2010 1:14 AM GMT
    i have many issues. I have only dated one guy for 3 months and he was 7 yrs younger than me.
  • MrNomis

    Posts: 268

    Sep 27, 2010 1:17 AM GMT
    CaliBoySwag saidWhy does it have to be all or nothing? If you enjoy being together, and you enjoy each other's company and companionship, and you enjoy each other's sex, and you have fun together, why isn't that enough?

    Why do there have to be constraints on this or that, or calendars or measurements and metrics.

    I don't have a list of acceptance criteria that a man must meet in order to be in a relationship with me.

    It just boils down to whether we are having fun together and like being together.



    i agree with you.. but i suppose guys here in Houston just have too many requirements and just want to play..
  • safety43_mma1...

    Posts: 4251

    Sep 27, 2010 1:20 AM GMT
    it is what it is. mostly dated older men and had great luck with that. there r a few younger guys on here i would like to get to know more but definately older men hands down.
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    Sep 27, 2010 1:35 AM GMT
    Some men prefer older men, some younger. When I was in relationship with women, they were all younger by by 1-2 years, so essentially, the same age as I.
    With men, they were both older. My current is almost 7 years older than I am. My other boyfriend was 2 years older than I was. I guess you are also looking to be the more assertive, dominant one in the relationship.

    While I agree with others that cross-generational relationships are possible, I would set the age limit that they need to be closer to my age than my parents. Thus, I am not going to date a man >15 years than my age. Older than that, he will have grown up in a different generation than I did-too many cultural conflicts-he is also going to be at a different stage of life than I am. At least, both of us right now are about the same stage in our respective careers, thus can understand when someone doesn't have enough time.

    I don't like to date men <5 year of my age. I'm 29.
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    Sep 27, 2010 2:11 AM GMT
    The formula for finding out the acceptable ages of men you may date is the guy must be a MINUMUM of half your age plus 7 years and he may be a MAXIMUM of twice your age minus 7 years. Hence, a 20 year old may date guys in the range of 17 to 33 years, a 30 year old may date guys in the range of 22 to 53 years, a 40-year old may date guys in the range of 27 to 73 years, and a 50-year old may date guys in the range of 32 to 93 years.

    I made a line graph of this in Excel but I don't know how to post it here. If anyone can tell me how to import a chart from Excel to here please email me.
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    Sep 27, 2010 2:23 AM GMT
    Nomis said

    i agree with you.. but i suppose guys here in Houston just have too many requirements and just want to play..


    That therein lies the problem. Most men want to just play. But that seems how most if not of all my relationships (including fuck buddy relationships) began. Only one started with a close friendship that turned into the love of my life.

    I hate hooking up, I hate casual sex, I hate being used as a dildo by someone who just wants to get their rocks off. I don't like being treated like a sex toy.

    I usually meet someone, then make them wait a second time, maybe a third before we jump into it. If they aren't willing to, then they aren't worth the time.

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    Sep 27, 2010 2:39 AM GMT
    Guess it really depends on the person.

    Personally, I prefer guys closer to my age so that's generally anyone ages 25-35 but again it really depends on the person. At my own discretion, I can change the rules or guidelines of my attraction to someone if the chemistry is there.

    I say to each their own. For relationship purposes I want someone closer to my age. Very few exceptions on this. As it stands, most guys under 25 don't even give me a glance or a second thought and most guys older then me seem to have a thing for guys younger then me. I like my comfort age zone so I'm fine with that.
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    Sep 27, 2010 2:44 AM GMT
    Hmm, I always tell my friends - date men, not boys.

    That is most often applicable to age, but also to intelligence and maturity. I typically feel if you can't get my references to culture and events of the Reagan years...we likely aren't a good fit. Especially if your lack of contextual understanding is because you weren't yet alive....
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    Sep 27, 2010 2:52 AM GMT
    I'd 7 years is a good age range. 10 seems to be a bit too much but it all depends on the guy so don't rule anyone out just based on age.
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    Sep 27, 2010 2:55 AM GMT
    i'm trying to live my life with less rules and more philosophical viewpoints...as in, I would like to find someone compatible and one who loves me just as much as I love him.

  • MrNomis

    Posts: 268

    Sep 27, 2010 3:15 AM GMT
    RPMSoccer saidi'm trying to live my life with less rules and more philosophical viewpoints...as in, I would like to find someone compatible and one who loves me just as much as I love him.

    i couldnt agree with you more!!! i have come to a conclusion that if i am able to have fun, communicate, and just be myself then it wont matter the age difference if there is "gap"
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    Nov 22, 2010 12:12 PM GMT
    My boy friend and I have been together for 3 years now. there is a 31 yrear difference in our ages. he's 24 and I just turnde 55. It has its ups and downs but we make it work, HA HA I guess I make him mature and he keeps my young. lol. I love the hell out of the little %#&*^%
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    Nov 22, 2010 2:02 PM GMT
    MrNomis said i dont mind the age difference but i tend to experience the longer the gap the less in common we have.


    Agreed. As for the take on your questions, I can only give personal experience and opinions, which probably doesn't mean shit.

    I find that older guys are much braver than their younger counterparts. I've had mostly older men come up to me, hit on me, grab my ass or my dick, and ask me to go home with them. This happens with younger guys too, and I've done similar to my fair share of guys my own age (I don't play with younger guys, for the most part), but I'd say it has been primarily older guys that will do this. They tend to know that not many people are going to react harshly, or will just tell them "no" and they'll go do it to the next guy that walks by until someone says "yes." If I find them attractive and say "yes," they also tend to be the ones that ask "How old are you?" more commonly. I hate this question. This is where I add about 7 or so years to my age to see if they're still into me, rather than having to hear "Ooh, I caught a young one!" again. That's such a creepy statement...

    As for younger guys, they tend to fawn. They'll come up and say "I like your ___." This usually means "I want your dick." The fun part is seeing to what extent they'll keep coming up with something useless to talk about until they ask you to go home with them. They're usually not as handsy as the older guys, but if you let them know it's okay, they'll start with the petting and all. Usually I'm the one that asks guys my age or younger if they want to play. Of course, it's also the younger guys that get scared more often when I mention I want to tie them up, abuse them, watch them suffer, then use them as my play toy until we soak each other in body fluids.

    As for dating, not really sure. I haven't been asked on a real date in years. I'd assume the concepts are the same.
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    Nov 22, 2010 2:07 PM GMT
    i really dont think about age much. for me its more about where they are in their life and what kind of person they are, rather than age.

    As easy as it would be to say "once someone hits age x they are ready for me" or "if they are age y or older it jsut wont work", there are always exceptions to every rule.