how do you be more spontaneous and fun?

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    Sep 27, 2010 12:23 PM GMT
    alright well, here is something about me most would assume I got down pat heh I know a lot of people do because they are surprised and dismissive when I mention otherwise.

    I'm not very romantic.. Spontaneous and fun..

    The romantic thing I can deal with, its really not that big a deal to be honest, actually I see it as kinda pointless, it's always felt like a series os steps that really doesn't express anything I wanna say to the person about how I feel..

    Its the spontaneous thing that I get stuffed with, I've tried to be spontaneous but to be honest I just keep wondering what the hell it is and I think its got a lot to do with fun and more importantly my perception of fun being different from others.

    For me, fun is going for a workout, having a coffee and eating good food, if I got those, I'm happy for the day.
    If I get to hang out for the day with a good mate which doesn't get to happen often anymore, that's an awesome day, doesn't matter what we are doing just as long as we get to talk and maybe have a coffee icon_biggrin.gif

    Learning to be a fitness professional (ie, personal trainer) is probably the funnest thing I've ever done and reading and helping others out in the gym is the best thing ever.

    I have always had a problem with this though when trying to have fun with other people, when I had my own office and employees and we had a party I'd let the reception girls organise everything, they knew what everyone would find fun, I never found the parties its self fun but I did find seeing everyone so happy fun and the things I find fun are usually things like cooking or watching a movie..

    So, RJ, I come to you wanting some help and guidance, how the fuck do I develop this spontaneous side in my self, Its getting irritating and I think it might be hampering this slowly developing relationship with the guy I'm seeing.
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    Sep 27, 2010 12:31 PM GMT
    You sound exactly like me, in those respects.

    I say, just be yourself. If you are not the spontaenous type, don't try to force it - it will be obvious. If you have fun doing your own thing and that's not the same definition of fun as other people - who cares? Just enjoy yourself.

    If your new guy doesn't find the things you find fun very entertaining, or it's not 'enough' for him, perhaps you're just not a very good match?
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    Sep 27, 2010 12:34 PM GMT
    No simple answer because it might be your personality, no offense. What might help is if you are pretty narrowly focused, becoming broader in interest, activities, and knowledge. Try a new hobby, read a book that you might not have otherwise read. Then you have more topics/ideas at your disposal for different conversations.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Sep 27, 2010 12:36 PM GMT
    I'm not the most spontaneous person, but sometimes I'll challenge myself to do something I usually wouldn't do, even if it's just for a little while. it could be eating someplace I've never been or going somewhere like the zoo or a museum.
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    Sep 27, 2010 1:32 PM GMT
    As messed up as this might sound, I can advise on one thing to maybe "kick start" this spontaneous part of your brain.

    And that would be planning on doing things different.. (the key word is planning lol.) And breaking the routine that I am only guessing that you have.

    Say your drive to the gym/office/supermarket. Make an decision that you will take a route that you normally wouldn't go.

    When eating, get a veggie or protein you normal don't get and choose that.

    Choose your clothing my picking out the shirt randomly and then dressing yourself then.

    While its not the greatest or most spontaneous things to do. However it might get you to give yourself a little "wiggle" room in your decision making. But it could also make you realize how much you like keeping things the same, but hey you at least gave it a chance right?
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    Sep 27, 2010 1:37 PM GMT
    You can't. Give it up. You're probably introverted by temperament, so these extrovert activites don't make sense to you and will never be fun. Stick to who you are and let your extroverted friends drag you along.
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    Sep 27, 2010 2:57 PM GMT


    Well, neither one of us is particularly spontaneous then, going by some of the suggestions of spontaneity.

    Spontaneous is this: Saturday afternoon when usually we're doing chores and yardwork (summer), I show up in the backyard with two towels and say,
    "How about a swim?" So we go down to the beach and have a swim.

    It's that easy.

    -Doug
  • vbsuper

    Posts: 6

    Sep 27, 2010 10:56 PM GMT
    Being Spontaneous is not something you have to try to do... (that defeats the idea of spontaneity)

    I am not an expert (I used the dictionary to see how to spell spontaneity) but having ADD helps. The first thing I do is say "yes". If someone asks me to get in their car, or help with something, I go. (Use a little common sense, make sure you somewhat know the person who wants you in their car)

    A lot of peoples' first reactions are to say "no" to random opportunities. But you miss some pretty worthwhile events. I was fortunate enough to be able to meet President Obama, Ended up stuck in Kentucky for a week, and I've met a lot of really good, kind hearted people. (and a few smaller ones) So if you have the option, say "yes". (Watch Yes Man with Jim Carey)

    Also, act on impulses. Sometimes I will stop and get ice cream on the wharf, just because I'm next to it. I got a free massage at a chinese massage parlor just because I had the urge to walk in and start a conversation. Treat yourself to chocolate because it is a Thursday night and you had a rough day of class.

    To me, and I'm sure countless other people, Life is about living. Do something to make yourself laugh. Find joy in everything you do. I've been around just long enough to understand what my Mother has ALWAYS told me. 'Everything in this world has its own beauty, go find it'.

    My family is very average and I am a very average 20 year old. But if you are not afraid to take a last minute trip to Sacramento with a kid you met twice, or you can find the joy in making shapes out of the weird little bumps on your ceiling, spontaneity will have found you.
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    Sep 28, 2010 4:58 AM GMT
    The best way to be more spontaneous and fun is to make sure everyone gets so drunk that they think you're spontaneous and fun.
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    Sep 28, 2010 5:02 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidThe best way to be more spontaneous and fun is to make sure everyone gets so drunk that they think you're spontaneous and fun.


    This. It also helps if you are drunk too
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    Sep 28, 2010 5:34 AM GMT
    Can't help you much cuz I'm kind of the same way. Spending quality time with someone, over coffee/food... even doing nothing... that's fun to me. I guess I'd say just try new things- let him kind of take the reigns when it comes to being spontaneous, and learn from him what kinds of things he thinks are fun. Maybe you'll discover you enjoy those things too... or maybe you'll find out you don't at all and just aren't that compatible. But if it's just not who you are, you're going to have to let him be the spontaneous one, and just go along for the ride.
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    Sep 28, 2010 2:33 PM GMT
    Plan everything so carefully that each second is taken up with doing something 'meaninful'....icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Sep 28, 2010 3:51 PM GMT
    I am pretty spontaneous and fun, but wasn't always like that. When I get an idea to do something, or even if I don't get an idea, I will just jump on the amtrak or catch a flight last minute to a known or unknown destination, as far from reality as a 90 minute flight can take me! (thanks 4Jock for the quote)

    Rather than sit and think about doing something I just get up and do it. Adventure: Yes!

    Next time you feel like doing nothing or just siting at home, come up with an idea or write some down and pick one at random. See where the adventure takes you, because you never who who you will meet or what experience it might bring on you!!
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19136

    Sep 28, 2010 4:10 PM GMT
    Being spontaneous sometimes requires stepping out of your comfort zone and trying new things...or just breaking out of your normal routine.
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    Sep 28, 2010 4:16 PM GMT
    I totally understand what you mean. Even if I feel like going to club I would over think it. But slowly slowly I have molded myself into making quick decisions, like feel like going out, sure grab my keys and off I go. Sometimes it turns out to be extreme fun and sometimes a bit dull event. But in the end am glad I did what I wanted to do without killing the fun by trying to justify doing it.
    Don't do it very oftenly yet, like cancelled my trip to Spain after literally planning everything just because I thought am not the kind of person to do it and I regret doing it now.
    So start by making small changes, like if you think its a night for a good drive, then just go for it. Need a good coffee go to the place you like the most and the one closest. You want to surprise the guy you are dating by doing something romantic, do it rather than thinking how he might react. If you enjoy these small activities try expanding them to bigger ones. Hope that helps.
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    Sep 28, 2010 4:28 PM GMT
    I've been accused of not being spontaneous and not being romantic...partly because I tend to plan out everything and have a hard time being flexible when an opportunity presents itself.

    However, I'm trying to be more open to new experiences and like someone said on here, saying yes to things I would normally turn down. For example, I would turn things down because I had planned to do laundry or go grocery shopping. I finally realized the fricking laundry or groceries can wait one more day if something different comes along.

    As for being romantic, one thing I try to do is pay very close attention to what my partner likes or wants and then I can surprise him with something when he least expects it. One time I surprised him with an expensive book he had been wanting for a while but had forgotten about (of course, being the practical one, I waited till I got my 40% off coupon and used it on the book!).

    The opportunity to do an apartment exchange in Paris just came out of the blue (a friend forwarded an e-mail); I set it up and bought the plane tickets and now we're going for 15 days. That's something I wouldn't have done in the past. I also get to indulge my planning side because I'm doing a bunch of research on what we can do while we are there. My partner trusts me enough to know I will plan fun activities for the both of us and he doesn't have to worry about a thing (he's not a planner at all).

    Another thing I do is try to find out what's happening and try something new - we've done all sorts of fun things we wouldn't have done because I've been able to do the research and find something we'll both like. It appears spontaneous because I'll spring it on him and say, "Today, we're going to do ____________."
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    Sep 28, 2010 4:34 PM GMT
    One other thing I should note is that I just found out today that a colleague around my age passed away at an airport while returning home from her step-father's funeral. It reiterated for me how fragile life is and that I need to make the most out of every day I can. I try to imagine looking back on today 40 years from now and thinking, "Will I regret not doing this or that?" If the answer is yes, then I need to make sure I do the things that give my life meaning.
  • Import

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    Sep 28, 2010 4:45 PM GMT
    U can't just be spontaneous. Otherwise ur planning ur spontaneity and that's not very spontaneous, is it?

    My bf and I are pretty spontaneous. We like doing things we feel like doing even if it's a dumb or far-reaching idea. Sometimes it's just fun to stop thinking about it and just fucking do it.

    Example: about 4 weeks I was due to move out of my flat so I had a ton of packing to do. So the night before the scheduled move my bf and I book a hotel in Naples, Florida on the beach and decide to drive across the state last minute. So, we randomly bought ecstasy pills and alcohol and drove to Naples. Upon arrival we each took 2 e pills and spent the night on the beach rolling on e and watching the stars. Had some of the best conversation of my life that night. A completely unplanned get away an the worst time possible was exactly what I needed. We both had a blast!!

    After being up all night and watching the sunrise we finally get some breakfast and after that stopped at the nearest Starbucks and drove home the next day to move. icon_lol.gif

    Not the smartest decision I've ever made, but I had so much fun that 1 night, it was all worth it.

    And the whole rolling on ecstasy was totally spontaneous and weird, as I've never done e before, I'm not gonna lie. I loved it
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Sep 28, 2010 4:58 PM GMT
    Thanks, Guys. Some good ideas here. Please keep 'em coming.

    I share lilTanker's malady. I wish he lived next door because I think we would be great hanging out together.

    Think I am going to look for a park or something where some people hang out. It is hard for me to find anybody to talk to.
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    Sep 28, 2010 5:13 PM GMT
    LJay saidThanks, Guys. Some good ideas here. Please keep 'em coming.

    I share lilTanker's malady. I wish he lived next door because I think we would be great hanging out together.

    Think I am going to look for a park or something where some people hang out. It is hard for me to find anybody to talk to.


    At heart, I'm introverted shy, but I wind up meeting people all the time. I used to have to force myself to talk to strangers, but now I just do it without thinking about it. I've met a lot of interesting people that way.

    Being spontaneous also means letting go of control, which is the hardest part for people who like to manage everything or like to stay within their comfort zones. It's good to push yourself to do things you wouldn't normally do or to give up control. I also push myself to do things that scare me because I conquer my fears.
  • acousticpunk

    Posts: 76

    Sep 28, 2010 5:16 PM GMT
    Hmm... I'm sure I could help you out here as I'm probably one of the most spontaneous people I know.

    First, though, I'd like to agree with a major point that has already been made: You don't need to change; if the new beaux isn't keen because you're comfortable, you may not be paired well. However, on the flip side of that coin, relationships are all about how others help us grow, so perhaps his (for lack of a better word) boredom with the status quo is just the catalyst that starts you on your new path.

    First things first. Try new things. This applies to every aspect of your life: Try Vietnamese food, skydive, introduce yourself to a stranger, pick a CD at random from the music store, paint a room, go camping, volunteer, dye your hair, buy a guitar, join a softball team... Dude, GO TO THAILAND OR BALI FOR THE WEEKEND...

    The point is to follow your impulses. Be more attuned to that little voice inside your head. Even if some of these things require a little planning, the point is to deviate from routine, find things that interest you (or him) and do it.
    The thing about spontaneity, is that it doesn't have the be that grandiose. It's about change, even small ones.

    Let me tell you, 3 years ago I was working graveyard at a coffee shop in Vegas just for extra cash. A kid came in, a few years younger than me, and he started telling me about a job he had just taken in China singing opera. I asked him about the job a little, we talked for about 20 minutes and he left. The next morning, after not having really thought about it since, I picked up the phone and called the agency that hired him. I've now been in Southeast Asia since September of 2007 and I could not have had the amazing experiences, grown in so many ways, and I definitely wouldn't be the man I am today if I hadn't followed that one impulse to pick up the phone. A billion different lives are happening all around you... have you thought about what you're missing?
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    Sep 28, 2010 5:17 PM GMT
    "Think of those women on the Titanic who waved away the dessert cart."
    - Erma Bombeck

    In other words, think about the things you would do if you knew your time remaining on Earth was very limited, and then take a chance and do the ones that won't bankrupt you or get you arrested. It can be as simple as smiling at a stranger, telling someone how you honestly feel about them or a situation, or taking a night class to learn some new skill. Treat yourself to a special meal just because you can, buy something just because you like it, not because you need it. Oh, and don't do chest on Monday just because you always have.
  • Twenty_Someth...

    Posts: 1388

    Sep 28, 2010 5:33 PM GMT
    Think about something you would like to do and just go for it! Don't think too much about the consequences or it will ruin the fun part of being spontaneous...

    One of the best days of my life was completely spontaneous. I was studying for an accounting midterm with my friend Robin freshman year of college and we both just didn't want to do it. We started talking about things we'd rather be doing and sky diving came up. She was like "lets drop this class and go Sky Diving today." I said "Done, I'm driving!". We put our shit in our dorms, got in my mustang and drove to San Diego for a sky diving adventure. Afterwards we crossed the border into TJ, had an awesome Mexican fiesta, got drunk off Patron and went clubbing all night. It was great!!

    Good luck Ben, Just do, don't think and you'll have a great time!icon_cool.gif
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    Sep 28, 2010 6:45 PM GMT
    Me thinks from what I've read of you you're appear very cerebral.
    It doesn't mix well with spontaneity

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    Sep 28, 2010 11:19 PM GMT
    Caslon15000 saidYou can't. Give it up. You're probably introverted by temperament, so these extrovert activities don't make sense to you and will never be fun. Stick to who you are and let your extroverted friends drag you along.

    I am an introvert my nature, I charge up when I'm alone and I prefer one on one or very small groups of people.. I accept this and work with it and it works for me for the most part, gimme some alone time with a person and usually I develop a connection with them..

    I suppose I've just developed a lot of introverted friends or found ones that sit more in the middle of introverted/extroverted rather then outright extroverts and I do get dragged to things and I enjoy them... just not big on them for myself heh.

    socalfitness saidNo simple answer because it might be your personality, no offense. What might help is if you are pretty narrowly focused, becoming broader in interest, activities, and knowledge. Try a new hobby, read a book that you might not have otherwise read. Then you have more topics/ideas at your disposal for different conversations.

    You make a point about being very narrowly focused, my interest is in fitness and health and I dedicate the greater majority of my time to learning, practicing, thinking about that, but its what i love and what i'm wanting to be a part of so I'm very dedicated and determined to be the best in it as I can be which I suppose has really lowered my interest in other things.. I have so much to read, to learn, to make use of that i don't have much time for anything else haha.

    Timberoo saidI'm not the most spontaneous person, but sometimes I'll challenge myself to do something I usually wouldn't do, even if it's just for a little while. it could be eating someplace I've never been or going somewhere like the zoo or a museum.

    Now that i like to do, I like eating at new places, tomorrow I'm going to a German café thats next door to a french patisseries never been to either of them and i can't wait to go to the french place hehehe (I LOVE french food)

    StudlyScrewRite said Plan everything so carefully that each second is taken up with doing something 'meaningful'....icon_rolleyes.gif
    Now why would I need to plan something meaningful? there is meaning in every moment of existence.

    njmeanwhile said"Think of those women on the Titanic who waved away the dessert cart."
    - Erma Bombeck

    Good lord man, I'd never wave away the dessert cart, I am un-spontanious not stupid!