This is a little awkward

  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Sep 27, 2010 7:57 PM GMT
    But as a kid, like 12/13 I was molested by someone I met online. Yes, it was my fault,. I went to meet him. I should have known he wouldn't be 15. I hold the responsibility. I've never told anyone really, except 2 exes.

    I've still never bottomed because the guy fingered me, and i tense up when people do it. But sometimes I jsut wish some big muscular guy would hold me down, and jsut pound the hell out of me, and kind of treat me like an object.

    The guy who molested me never fucked me, but for some reason I feel like there is an unhealthy correlation.

    Am i jsut overthinking this?

    I'm pretty fucked up i think
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Sep 27, 2010 8:20 PM GMT
    No, it wasn't your fault. Yeah, you made a mistake but you are not to blame for what happened to you.

    It's not an easy to get over that kind of thing, the feelings related to that and being penetrated are complex. Have you talked to a counselor about the incident?
  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Sep 27, 2010 8:30 PM GMT
    Timberoo saidNo, it wasn't your fault. Yeah, you made a mistake but you are not to blame for what happened to you.

    It's not an easy to get over that kind of thing, the feelings related to that and being penetrated are complex. Have you talked to a counselor about the incident?
    It is my fault. I should have known. We learned in school.

    And no i haven't. ONly told you guys and those 2 exes.
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    Sep 27, 2010 8:32 PM GMT
    mIZU5, I empathize with you. I think that what happened to you was terrible and is really not okay. However, I think your urge to be ravaged passionately by a man is normal. We all have ways to express our sexuality through various behaviors whether top, bottom, etc. I mean, Iisten to "I like it rough" from Lady GaGa all the time and I have a similar urge. It can certainly be thrilling when sex is rough, but not to the point of trauma. You might find a guy you really like and can communicate your desires to. I mean, I don't think you want to be raped again. That certainly does not sound pleasant.
    Yelling "Fuck Me!" to your lover is different than yelling "Stop!" to an assailant. You trust the lover to let them be agressive toward you while still enjoying it. With a rapist, there is only pain, and no satisfaction on your end. At least with a lover, there is a certain degree of control and even a safe word, if possible. And it is less likely to cause permanent psychological damage. Does this make any sense or am I just rambling?
  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Sep 27, 2010 8:34 PM GMT
    runnin420 saidmIZU5, I empathize with you. I think that what happened to you was terrible and is really not okay. However, I think your urge to be ravaged passionately by a man is normal. We all have ways to express our sexuality through various behaviors whether top, bottom, etc. I mean, Iisten to "I like it rough" from Lady GaGa all the time and I have a similar urge. It can certainly be thrilling when sex is rough, but not to the point of trauma. You might find a guy you really like and can communicate your desires to. I mean, I don't think you want to be raped again. That certainly does not sound pleasant.
    Yelling "Fuck Me!" to your lover is different than yelling "Stop!" to an assailant. You trust the lover to let them be agressive toward you while still enjoying it. With a rapist, there is only pain, and no satisfaction on your end. At least with a lover, there is a certain degree of control and even a safe word, if possible. And it is less likely to cause permanent psychological damage. Does this make any sense or am I just rambling?
    Nono it makes perfect seennse.

    And Yeah I guess it's fairly normal for most, was thinkigng it mgiht not be for someone like me. but maybe it jsut supercedes the molestation.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Sep 27, 2010 8:55 PM GMT
    mizu5 said
    Timberoo saidNo, it wasn't your fault. Yeah, you made a mistake but you are not to blame for what happened to you.

    It's not an easy to get over that kind of thing, the feelings related to that and being penetrated are complex. Have you talked to a counselor about the incident?
    It is my fault. I should have known. We learned in school.

    And no i haven't. ONly told you guys and those 2 exes.


    I urge you to go to a counselor. You may have put yourself in danger's way, but the man who abused you is the one at fault. You need to forgive yourself for your part in it.
  • Regina_Guy

    Posts: 406

    Sep 27, 2010 9:05 PM GMT
    I would have to agree with what many others have said, no it wasn't your fault. Counselling would probably be a good option for you to consider.

    In terms of being ravaged by a big muscle top, I think that is a completely normal fantasy to have. In fact, I would bet that most of us bottoms have had that fantasy at one point in their lives. God knows I have!

    Take care!
  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Sep 28, 2010 12:47 AM GMT
    Regina_Guy saidI would have to agree with what many others have said, no it wasn't your fault. Counselling would probably be a good option for you to consider.

    In terms of being ravaged by a big muscle top, I think that is a completely normal fantasy to have. In fact, I would bet that most of us bottoms have had that fantasy at one point in their lives. God knows I have!

    Take care!
    Ahah but I don't know thgat I'm a bottom. I lvoer topping! but maybe i just hate bottoming due to bad memories?

    And it was my fault. there are so many things I could have said or done.