Letting your partner hang out with guys he's slept with in the past?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 28, 2010 2:49 PM GMT
    I was wondering if anyone has ever had this conflict in one of their relationships? Would you have a problem if your boyfriend said he wanted to go out and grab dinner or drinks with someone whom they had slept with in the past?

    Lets say you've never met this mystery friend and your boyfriend hasn't seen him since before you two got together. They only exchange text messages and even that is rare yet your boyfriend calls this guy his "friend" and thinks its ok to grab a few drinks with him.

    How would you handle this situation? Would you be cautious and question the true intention of this relationship between your current and his previous partner? Or is hanging out with guys totally fair game regardless of sexual history?



    Thank you!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 28, 2010 3:12 PM GMT
    So, why aren't you going for dinner and drinks?

    -Doug
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    Sep 28, 2010 3:20 PM GMT
    Totally depends on the situation - how long ago it was, how the other guy is around your bf, how your bf is handling it - is he being open and not making a big deal, or is he being secretive?

    I would be fine with it if I trusted that nothing was going on and nothing was going to happen. It sounds like you're not sure, so perhaps you should say to your bf it makes you feel a bit uncomfortable and he can reassure you. I think one of the worst things in a relationship is jealousy though, so don't let something that might not even be an issue become a problem between you.
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    Sep 28, 2010 3:43 PM GMT
    At risk of sounding like a big ol' ho, I think that if we were no longer allowed to talk to anyone we slept with in the past, we might none of us have any friends. Some people just turn into friends because they make better friends than lovers.

    Now the thing you don't say in your post, that you worry he might have something going on with this guy, is not worth you getting worked up about. Jealousy is the least useful emotion. It changes nothing to make yourself jealous, just makes you batty and wrinkled.

    Better you focus your energy on you.
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    Sep 28, 2010 5:23 PM GMT
    Thank for the replies guys!

    I told my bf that I was uncomfortable with the idea but wouldn't mind if we all went out together. At first he didn't really like that idea and it seemed he didn't want me to go but then kinda changed his mind. Of course that caused me to raise an eyebrow.

    I didn't think my proposal was that out of this world. We've been together quite a while and I've met all his friends. I don't believe someone you only text once in a while and haven't seen in more than a year is considered a friend. Maybe I got the "friend" card thrown in my face to make a sketchy situation seem more legitimate
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    Sep 28, 2010 5:51 PM GMT
    Good call. Jealously is stupid. Also not caring is as well.

    My boyfriend used to get drinks with his friends practically every night of the week with his friends the last four months we were together. I wasn't jealous; I just am not a fan of being a bar fly anymore. Little did I know he was sleeping with ALL of his friends.