I'm in love w/ a friend but he's 15 years younger than I am!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 28, 2010 8:01 PM GMT
    We met as a hook up and then became friends with benefits. We've known each other for 5 years or more. He moved to Oregon 2 years ago and I went to visit him this past August for 10 days.
    It was 10 days of bliss! He was so kind. He took me rafting and camping for the first and it was awesome. I felt much closer to him during and after my visit.

    I don't think he's into me as a bf. We have a great friendship that includes occasional sex. I don't want to mess that up and would prefer his friendship over a relationship that may fail. Then, I got nothin'! We've been emailing since I've been back but I don't get the "relationship" vibe from him a all.

    I don't want to appear desperate, so I've backed off a bit.
    Anyone else have an experience like this?

    My intuition says, go with the flow and be cool.
    So that's what I'm doing as difficult as it may be.
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    Sep 28, 2010 11:07 PM GMT
    you never know how he feels about you. You need to open up to him
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    Sep 28, 2010 11:10 PM GMT
    You didn't mention whether you are still having sex together, are you?
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    Sep 28, 2010 11:11 PM GMT
    CaliBoySwag saidYou didn't mention whether you are still having sex together, are you?


    You just wanna hear dirty stories icon_razz.gif
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    Sep 29, 2010 12:29 AM GMT
    CaliBoySwag saidYou didn't mention whether you are still having sex together, are you?


    When we're together yes. But he's on the other side of the country. Just got done chatting with him now. He's so awesome!
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    Sep 29, 2010 12:31 AM GMT
    RUMEL saidyou never know how he feels about you. You need to open up to him


    I kinda know that he likes and cares about me as a friend.
    Me thinks that might just have to be enough for now....
  • Regina_Guy

    Posts: 406

    Sep 29, 2010 12:32 AM GMT
    Tough situation to be in. My opinion would be to keep the relationship you have. Sounds like it's working for both of you. If he lived closer, I would probably say tell him how you feel. In my experience, long distance relationships don't have a very good track record, especially if it's a new relationship.
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    Sep 29, 2010 12:40 AM GMT
    chasgo3 saidI don't think he's into me as a bf. We have a great friendship that includes occasional sex. I don't want to mess that up and would prefer his friendship over a relationship that may fail. Then, I got nothin'!


    its that last point thats most important. I'd say if you follow your own advice you'd have everything, a great friend and sex!
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    Sep 29, 2010 1:04 AM GMT
    Well if you have a really good friendship why not just come out and ask him if he thinks there could be more to your friendship? Instead of wondering and guessing and thinking about it. But I tend to be pretty blunt with people and just speak what's on my mind. Be direct. What's he worst that could happen?
  • KinesiologyMa...

    Posts: 123

    Sep 29, 2010 1:21 AM GMT
    Well don't worry about the age thing. If it is meant to be age doesn't matter. One thing I want to tell you about is the problem of talking online and through emails. When you are chatting and messaging online you only hear what you want to and not really what is said, so you could fall in love with a guy even though you might not really know him. Also that long of a distance is hard to do unless you have already been in a committed relationship. It takes ton of trust to have that long of a distance. To me it just sounds like infatuation, but you could really love him. I would say let it go because its too far a distance and you don't know how he feels. Plus with that type of distance its easier to get over him
  • awayfromtheci...

    Posts: 154

    Sep 29, 2010 1:42 AM GMT
    Imagine that you took a deep breath and asked him how he felt and told him how you felt. Imagine that he felt the same way that you do but was too scared too tell you. Now imagine what you are prepared to do if he wants the same thing that you want. Is it a question that you really want answered? If so ask it! If not, enjoy things as they are.
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    Sep 29, 2010 1:54 AM GMT
    Sounds like right guy+wrong time+wrong place to me. Happens. Decisions about the risk of more or less...an internal debate as old as time.
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    Sep 29, 2010 1:56 AM GMT
    who cares about the risk. I would rather know now than later, i would just come out and ask him. plain and simple. why beat around the bush. This might be a connected topic to masculinity. Like nike sez, just do it!
  • pav1

    Posts: 68

    Sep 29, 2010 1:59 AM GMT
    As Dan Savage would say.. "there are no rewards without risk".
    Tell how you feel.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Sep 29, 2010 2:08 AM GMT
    since he is on the other side of the country, you don't seem to have a lot of options. You should be able to tell him you had a really great time and wish you lived closer. Then gage the vibes. Having a good buddy like you describe is a lot more than many people have.
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    Sep 29, 2010 2:20 AM GMT
    Tazo995 said
    CaliBoySwag saidYou didn't mention whether you are still having sex together, are you?


    You just wanna hear dirty stories icon_razz.gif


    Yeah and don't forget the hot pics!
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    Sep 29, 2010 2:25 AM GMT
    No pun intended towards the OP, but I still don't understand why people spend so much time and energy beating around the bush, when they could save so much by just taking the direct approach!?

    To the OP, wouldn't it be better to just say what you feel now instead of waiting for the right moment later? how can you guarantee that this special guy is going to be around when you finally decide to tell him how you really feel about him/us?


    Leandro ♥
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    Sep 29, 2010 3:11 AM GMT
    I'm definitely in agreement here with the majority, just ask him without sounding like your pressuring him into a decision.

    I just had a great weekend with a guy 18 (See the May/December Thread) and I knew he had second thoughts so after being intimate, we sat and talked about it and pretty much came to an understanding...No beating around the bush as previous poster so eloquently put it.....Keiicon_cool.gifth
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    Sep 29, 2010 3:30 AM GMT
    vetteset saidI'm definitely in agreement here with the majority, just ask him without sounding like your pressuring him into a decision.

    I just had a great weekend with a guy 18 (See the May/December Thread) and I knew he had second thoughts so after being intimate, we sat and talked about it and pretty much came to an understanding...No beating around the bush as previous poster so eloquently put it.....Keiicon_cool.gifth


    That's right Keith! if opportunity arises, it feels good, and you see a possibility, you better get it before it is gone.


    Leandro ♥
  • desertjock

    Posts: 9

    Sep 29, 2010 3:41 AM GMT
    I agree with Caliboyswag, just come out and ask him. Just tell him how you feel. You gain an even better relationship or peace of mind.
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    Sep 29, 2010 4:30 AM GMT
    KinesiologyMajor saidWell don't worry about the age thing. If it is meant to be age doesn't matter. One thing I want to tell you about is the problem of talking online and through emails. When you are chatting and messaging online you only hear what you want to and not really what is said, so you could fall in love with a guy even though you might not really know him. Also that long of a distance is hard to do unless you have already been in a committed relationship. It takes ton of trust to have that long of a distance. To me it just sounds like infatuation, but you could really love him. I would say let it go because its too far a distance and you don't know how he feels. Plus with that type of distance its easier to get over him


    This advice resonates with me most.

    What I didn't mention is my friend is EXTREMELY popular and has mentioned to me that because of his many superficial friendships he has no problem walking away when things get weird.( This was advice in response to something I posted here last week regarding a str8 friend who's being weird with me.)

    Knowing this about my buddy, i'm reluctant to say or do anything he might interpret as weird. I don't want to come off as needy or greedy as well. I'm still in school and beginning a new career. He's still figuring out what he wants to do career wise. I don't want to ad to his pressure by flipping the script on him. I think it's a case of wrong time and wrong place.

    I think it will be easier to get over him when school is done for me in December.
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    Sep 29, 2010 4:40 AM GMT
    Yeah, he's just a friend/fuck buddy. He'd be much more obvious if he was interested in a LTR. You're right to keep it cool.
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    Sep 29, 2010 4:50 AM GMT
    Weren't you going to try and hook up with your "straight" friend who already has a girlfriend according to your thread from 5 days ago?

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    Sep 29, 2010 4:52 AM GMT
    What is your game plan?

    You like the dude obviously and want to be in a relationship with him. Would you be willing to pick everything up and move to Oregon to be with him? If you are willing to make that kind of commitment and you are willing to risk rejection, tell him how you feel. If not, be his friend but you are going to have to invest your emotions into someone else.
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    Sep 29, 2010 5:31 AM GMT
    Ganymede80 saidWeren't you going to try and hook up with your "straight" friend who already has a girlfriend according to your thread from 5 days ago?

    icon_rolleyes.gif


    No. Not at all. I think he subconciously wants to hook up with me though.