Is finding the perfect man a myth?

  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    Sep 29, 2010 9:41 PM GMT
    Is there really such a thing as the perfect man? I have a picture in my head of my perfect man, but does he really excist? And if he excists will I meet him?
    I never had a relationship and Im not out yet. Though I keep on getting older and I start to notice that I drift of to relationships in my thoughts more and I miss the feeling that some spontaneous, hot guy with humor and intelligence will find me some day and wants me..... That he will help me with the issues I have with being gay and he will help me with accepting myself. I know this probably won't happen and I may sound very desperate, but am I the only one who feels like this every now and then?

    I know I shouldnt wait for someone else to fix my problems and that I should do that myself. I'm thinking of going to the States next year to go to study there for a year and I hope things will happen there. I think it will be a good thing that I go away for a while. No bonds to home. It might look like im running away, and maybe it is like that a little but that is not the main reason.

    This may have been a little hard to read, cause I havent written it down very structured but it's about feelings and I don't really know how to write it all down.

    Do you believe in the perfect man? Anyone else feels like this sometimes too?
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    Sep 29, 2010 9:49 PM GMT
    Yes, the perfect man is a myth.
  • maximumrisk

    Posts: 799

    Sep 29, 2010 9:52 PM GMT
    There is no such thing as perfect. Not even the perfect man.
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    Sep 29, 2010 9:52 PM GMT
    Daelin saidIs there really such a thing as the perfect man? I have a picture in my head of my perfect man, but does he really excist? And if he excists will I meet him?


    No, no and no. Believing in one/hoping for one/holding out for one is also a dangerous concept to have in your mind if you ever wish to be in a fulfilling relationship. There are men, they are all imperfect, and they are all flawed. And that' ok.
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    Sep 29, 2010 9:54 PM GMT
    Ciarsolo said
    Daelin saidIs there really such a thing as the perfect man? I have a picture in my head of my perfect man, but does he really excist? And if he excists will I meet him?


    No, no and no. Believing in one/hoping for one/holding out for one is also a dangerous concept to have in your mind if you ever wish to be in a fulfilling relationship. There are men, they are all imperfect, and they are all flawed. And that' ok.


    I agree, no one is perfect on this orb, but i found the near perfect woman and know that out there is the near perfect man....Keithicon_cool.gif
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    Sep 29, 2010 9:57 PM GMT
    Cinderella had to go to the ball first…
    Perfection is arbitrary and does exist; however, your idea of perfection today will not be the same 2 or 5 years from now.
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    Sep 29, 2010 10:05 PM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidCinderella had to go to the ball first…
    Perfection is arbitrary and does exist; however, your idea of perfection today will not be the same 2 or 5 years from now.


    Even if you find a compatible match and deem him "perfect for you", it's still an unfair standard for the guy to live up to. Because he's gonna mess up, he's gonna anger you, and he's going to disappoint you. He's also going to change as the years go by. And the question is are you willing to work through a relationship or are you going to throw it away because it no longer fits into your idea, be it modified, of perfection.
  • Iluros

    Posts: 559

    Sep 29, 2010 10:09 PM GMT
    Why would you even want to find a perfect man? Doesn't it kind of defeat the point of building a relationship with someone?

    Humans have a tendency to oversimplify things in order to make them fit with their paradigm of thought. Anyone who is "perfect" is essentially a caricature of a real person.

    Thought experiment: say you could program a robot to be perfect for you in every way. Do you think you would actually be capable of loving this robot or would it really just be a more sophisticated form of masturbation?
  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    Sep 29, 2010 10:16 PM GMT
    If I would find a man that I like and he would change I would work on the relationship to get the old spark back Ciarsolo. I wont dispose of him like trash. I just want a soulmate, someone who feels what I want and I feel what he wants. And if he happens to look good, that would be a +
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    Sep 29, 2010 10:16 PM GMT
    Grace Jones had a song in the '80s with the lyric, "I'm not perfect, but I'm perfect for you." There is no such thing as the "perfect" man. I'm far from perfect and so is my partner, but I do feel we are perfect for each other. I feel like we bring out the best in each other and our differences work well in combination. We still make each other angry, get our feelings hurt, and are disappointed sometimes...but we work it out. I can't imagine my life without him, but at the same time we both know we can survive on our own. We aren't together because we feel like we have to be, or that we are afraid of being alone, or because it's more convenient...we are together because we want to be together. I've messed up relationships in the past because I expected the other person to be some perfect ideal and I couldn't accept him for who he was.
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    Sep 29, 2010 10:18 PM GMT
    No
  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    Sep 29, 2010 10:19 PM GMT
    charlitos saidNo

    no its not a myth? why do you think so?
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14380

    Sep 29, 2010 10:20 PM GMT
    It all depends on what you define as "perfect". There is really no perfect man because we all have our faults as far as I am concerned.
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    Sep 29, 2010 10:27 PM GMT
    Ciarsolo said
    dustin_K_tx saidCinderella had to go to the ball first…
    Perfection is arbitrary and does exist; however, your idea of perfection today will not be the same 2 or 5 years from now.


    Even if you find a compatible match and deem him "perfect for you", it's still an unfair standard for the guy to live up to. Because he's gonna mess up, he's gonna anger you, and he's going to disappoint you. He's also going to change as the years go by. And the question is are you willing to work through a relationship or are you going to throw it away because it no longer fits into your idea, be it modified, of perfection.


    Interesting:…………. Yes
    As he has changed so have my ideals of perfection.
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    Sep 29, 2010 10:28 PM GMT
    Looking for the perfect man isn't unusual for someone your age. In ten years, it's bordering on delusional. Listen to the good advice here, you're not going to find him. Now go enjoy your life.....
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    Sep 29, 2010 10:28 PM GMT
    In a sense, no. Though, I believe the idea of a "perfect" man/beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so what i might see as the ideal perfect guy, someone else might necessarily see.
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    Sep 29, 2010 11:09 PM GMT
    Yep, myth.

    The perfect man for an LTR does not exist. Perfect is only for the moment. When you spend more time together, you realize that your definition of perfection constantly changes. What's perfect today is a nuisance next week.

    Look for a man who makes you happy and whom you want to make happy.
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    Sep 30, 2010 4:10 AM GMT
    QUOTE AUTHOR GOES HERE Is there really such a thing as the perfect man? I have a picture in my head of my perfect man, but does he really excist? And if he excists will I meet him?
    I never had a relationship and Im not out yet. Though I keep on getting older and I start to notice that I drift of to relationships in my thoughts more and I miss the feeling that some spontaneous, hot guy with humor and intelligence will find me some day and wants me..... That he will help me with the issues I have with being gay and he will help me with accepting myself. I know this probably won't happen and I may sound very desperate, but am I the only one who feels like this every now and then?

    I know I shouldnt wait for someone else to fix my problems and that I should do that myself. I'm thinking of going to the States next year to go to study there for a year and I hope things will happen there. I think it will be a good thing that I go away for a while. No bonds to home. It might look like im running away, and maybe it is like that a little but that is not the main reason.

    This may have been a little hard to read, cause I havent written it down very structured but it's about feelings and I don't really know how to write it all down.

    Do you believe in the perfect man? Anyone else feels like this sometimes too?


    I am in the exact same situation as you are, I know and understand what you are talking about and how you feel, I also have never been in a relationship and there are times where I think I will never be in one because I feel like no one is interested in me. I know there is no such thing as a "Mr.right" but I hope someday to find someone that is at least interested in talking to me. I really hope u find that person you are looking for.
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    Sep 30, 2010 4:18 AM GMT
    Yes, I exist.
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    Sep 30, 2010 4:34 AM GMT
    I think the perfect man is a myth but I think you can be in love and be happy with someone for a looong time. I hope to some day.

    Lawl at Paul.
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    Sep 30, 2010 4:46 AM GMT
    NotThatOld saidYes, the perfect man is a myth.


    Ditto.
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    Sep 30, 2010 4:51 AM GMT
    Nobody is perfect.

    You can love somebody, and they can be perfect for you. But it takes work on both parts, nothing works perfectly, compromise happens. When you find somebody who's worth it to you, if they feel the same.. then the magic happens.
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    Sep 30, 2010 4:52 AM GMT
    I'm imperfect, and someday, I would like to find the right imperfect guy for me...hehe

    true
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    Sep 30, 2010 4:56 AM GMT
    The perfect man would be someone who knows my desires, secrets, dreams, needs before I do myself, and follows through them. Who would that ever so elusive person would be: me.

    I would not want to be in a relationship with myself.

    By having a pre-established picture of what you want, you only disappoint and disillusion yourself. You will not find it, and thus, will become unsatisfied. Instead of finding perfection, look for someone you would want to be perfect for.
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    Sep 30, 2010 4:57 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidYes, I exist.


    Paul, you are funny!!! That made me laugh good. Thank you.

    I think everyone is perfect - from a certain point of view. Perhaps just not for each other.

    I've never been in a relationship either. I've met many guys I would have been willing to try with. But, so far, I have not found anyone who felt that way about me. Knock on wood ('scuse the pun).

    Isn't there a song that goes "if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with"? The problem is, I'm never with someone. Every guy I've attempted to go in that direction with has said he wasn't looking for a relationship right then, or some other out. Or we meet and then I never see or hear from them again. Though, in all fairness, I've said or done the same thing to other guys too, at times when I didn't feel ready or wasn't interested in a particular guy in that way.

    Most of the guys I've met or had contact with, where the interest seemed mutual, are in other states. That makes me wonder a bit though about whether they really would be if I was in the same city as them.

    L.A. has 15 or 20 million people in the general region. It should make sense that there MUST be someone here who would be workable for me, but maybe that's like trying to find a needle in a haystack. I'd go running through the haystack in my bare feet, but that would obviously only get me hurt if I found a needle that way.

    But, humor aside, I do believe that anyone ought to be able to find a compatible match. But since relationships require some kind of mutual exchange or making an effort to give, maybe they are somewhat unattainable for those who give too much. Perhaps I'm one of those. I'm a giving sort (not a sugar daddy at all, but very giving). Or any of the other myriad of reasons why it's not happening.

    I do believe we are the masters of our own destiny, so if life isn't really going the way we want it to, there is something we are doing, probably on a subconscious level, that is preventing it.