Self Esteem: How do you honestly feel about you?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2010 10:27 PM GMT
    I hope I don't get a label as the asshole with all the depressing threads, but I'm curious by nature about people.

    When I first started interacting with gay teens a couple of years ago, from a counselling standpoint, one thing that was very evident to me was a problem that the majority had with self esteem issues.

    Clock ahead to the present and real jock. I've only been here a couple of months; I've talked with a whole lot of guys here, young, older, whatever and one thing that seems to standout out is self esteem issues.

    With the younger guys, they overtly have issues, the older guys have issues that are suppressed.

    Now having said that, i am not saying it is the minority or majority, so no one get their shyte in a tight knot. I would invite your intelligent feedback as to NOT what you perceive or think about other gay people, but honestly and candidly what YOU feel about YOU. How is your own self esteem?

    Gentleman, the floor is open.......

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    Sep 30, 2010 10:29 PM GMT
    Mines always been very low.
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    Sep 30, 2010 10:33 PM GMT
    My self esteem used to be very low, but got raised to the top since I've lived in South Florida.
    Then I learned Maslow's chart of the hierarchy of human needs, and understood part of why my self esteem used to be so low...sex is a basic need, and I wasn't getting any till I moved down here.
  • mcwclewis

    Posts: 1701

    Sep 30, 2010 10:36 PM GMT
    It bounces around, but its generally pretty low


    I actually just made an appointment to start seeing a counselor next week.


    Granted, that's for a lot of reasons, but yeah...


    I can fake it like hell though icon_twisted.gif
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    Sep 30, 2010 10:39 PM GMT
    I would say that for the last four or five years, mine has declined considerably.

    However, I can define what events in my life has caused this to occur and I think that prior to these events, my self esteem was quite good.
    Almost every job I have ever had was practically given to me, based on previous jobs I had held and recommendations I received. I don't think I have had to fill out more than four job applications in my entire life.
    Also, love seemed to come quite easily to me.. I was never without either a partner or lots of f/b's.
    I had the looks, the body, a great job and plenty of money...and I must admit that I was pretty proud of myself from grade school to the age of 58. After that, it seems that a lot of things went wrong...and my life was kinda turned upside down.
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    Sep 30, 2010 11:09 PM GMT
    OP IS "the asshole with all the depressing threads"......LOL!!! Not really.... Good topic!icon_lol.gif

    Before I had weight loss surgery and dumped the 230+ lbs...my self-esteem was non-existent.VERY LOW.... Since the weight loss....MUCH HIGHER, but still have bad days when I want to run and hide under a rock in a dark corner....

    The thing I have the most problems with is how to take a compliment or being hit on by a guy or a woman....I still don't know what they would see in me that is attractive to them...and it happens EVERY PLACE and is an almost daily occurrence...in the gym, the grocery, at work, running on a trail, out with friends or family, etc....It just really catches me completely off-guard...I guess I still mentally think of myself as that undesirable fat guy that wasn't worth anyone's time... until I get reminded where I came from and where I am now and who is in my life...icon_cool.gif

    MY BF is 26 (I'm 50) and is quite the STUD!....I love him for being the way he is.....but, he actively pursued me and I had a very hard time believing he could be seriously interested in me...but he is! Good for the ego and strangely now I am hit on EVEN MORE! by both men and women!...Tim gets a bit jealous and protective at times, and can be a bit "intimidating" since he is about a foot taller than me and is fairly muscular...still...nice to know that I have the keys to the motor LOL!
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    Oct 01, 2010 12:20 AM GMT
    Overall I feel great with where I am but I still have some self-esteem issues that I'm working through. I have a hard time pushing myself to talk to people (guys mostly) but I'm slowly getting better. There's something that holds me back from starting up conversations so I have been trying to coach myself away from my introverted self. Sometimes I can get super nervous and I talk really fast or I stutter, it's brutal lol. Definitely better than where I used to be though, which is saying a lot. icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 01, 2010 12:30 AM GMT
    I feel fat. Good grief, I gain 10lbs and I feel like a fatass. Oye
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    Oct 01, 2010 12:30 AM GMT
    Now this topic hits home.... I have seen a therapist for my self esteem, and what he concluded is that it isnt so much that i have a low self esteem, instead he decided i have ocd when it comes to my physical appearance, because I constantly see it as a work in progress and am always doing something to improve it.... Other then that i think im extremely smart, I have goals, and I am ambitious.... I just obsess about my physical appearance. there are things I like about it..but there are always things I want to change.
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    Oct 01, 2010 12:34 AM GMT
    I feel like I am undeserving of the love and attention that I receive from friends and family and even more so in the form of what I seek in a partner.

    I kind of do this "I want to date some one but my life is just one big problem" thing and then I don't bother.

    It's confusing icon_neutral.gif
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    Oct 01, 2010 12:36 AM GMT
    TheIStrat saidI feel fat. Good grief, I gain 10lbs and I feel like a fatass. Oye
    You should let me feel you so I can be the judge of that. :p
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    Oct 01, 2010 12:38 AM GMT
    I feel like I have a healthy self esteem. Sure, I may not always feel good about the way I am or my abilities or how I look but I just learn to see the bigger picture. There are times where I do compliment myself or think that I did a pretty good job but there are also plenty of times where I beat myself up about the tinniest things.

    I like to challenge myself, to learn and to grow, and only a person with a high enough self esteem can do that.
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    Oct 01, 2010 12:39 AM GMT
    I <3 me

    But I'm also hard on me, because I know I can be more and it's up to me to make it happen.
  • turtleneckjoc...

    Posts: 4685

    Oct 01, 2010 12:41 AM GMT
    mcwclewis saidIt bounces around, but its generally pretty low


    I actually just made an appointment to start seeing a counselor next week.


    Granted, that's for a lot of reasons, but yeah...


    I can fake it like hell though icon_twisted.gif


    Please keep us posted on your progress. We here at RJ care.

    Mine goes up and down as well. However, for some reason, I feel bad because I have not accomplished as much as I feel I should have. All I have to do is look back and think of the good buddies I have here on RJ, reflect on their successes and move forward.

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    Oct 01, 2010 12:42 AM GMT
    well everyday is a different day, one day i feel like im on top of the world, the next i feel blah, meh icon_neutral.gif
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    Oct 01, 2010 12:44 AM GMT
    Better than most, but not really as good as I should, but the closer I get to accomplishing personal goals, the better I feel about who I am and how I see myself.
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    Oct 01, 2010 12:45 AM GMT
    vetteset saidI hope I don't get a label as the asshole with all the depressing threads, but I'm curious by nature about people.

    When I first started interacting with gay teens a couple of years ago, from a counselling standpoint, one thing that was very evident to me was a problem that the majority had with self esteem issues.

    Clock ahead to the present and real jock. I've only been here a couple of months; I've talked with a whole lot of guys here, young, older, whatever and one thing that seems to standout out is self esteem issues.

    With the younger guys, they overtly have issues, the older guys have issues that are suppressed.

    Now having said that, i am not saying it is the minority or majority, so no on e get their shyte in a tight knot. I would invite your intelligent feedback as to NOT what you perceive or think about other gay people, but honestly and candidly what YOU feel about YOU. How is your own self esteem?

    Gentleman, the floor is open.......



    The self esteem issue will end when gay men stop being so body conscious and more conscious of their inner qualities! I myself have a pretty healthy high self esteem.


    Leandro ♥
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    Oct 01, 2010 12:56 AM GMT

    This is what I needed tonight.

    I have to say that I don't necessarily have internal self esteem issues anymore but do wrestle with self esteem depending on what is happening externally.

    Currently I'm one who's going through a tough time with the economy; Lack of financial security is no esteem builder. And aging is having an effect on my perspective as well. It's funny, because it really took until this age to truly have strong self esteem and now it's threatened by a touch of mid-life crisis stuff!?!

  • swogdog

    Posts: 143

    Oct 01, 2010 12:57 AM GMT
    I don't think I really look at how I feel about myself in terms of self-esteem. To me it's about behaviors and choices. When I'm doing my best I feel great. When I'm not, I regret it. I never doubt my potential though - it is what it is.

    Right now, I feel really good about how I'm dealing with things, but I am always looking for ways to do better.
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    Oct 01, 2010 1:01 AM GMT
    In general, I'd say I have pretty good self-esteem. However, a few years ago I was a bit of a mess, mostly because I had some negative folks in my life. Once I broke away from them, things got way better.
  • xKorix

    Posts: 607

    Oct 01, 2010 1:06 AM GMT
    Umm mine's okay. A part of me is quite negative about myself and carries a lot of shame. But another part of me believes I have a lot of light and beauty inside which comes out when I am honest, real and vulnerable. Trying to keep it all balanced icon_smile.gif Took me a while to get here, but I had to feel a lot of that shame to release and let go of it to notice the beauty and believe in it more. It was always there, I just wasn't always connected with it. I feel really happy talking about it cause I've worked hard to get here and I like enjoying the rewards icon_biggrin.gif
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    Oct 01, 2010 1:10 AM GMT
    High speed, low drag.

    Any problems I have I check them as soon as possible. I don't let them fester and I don't procrastinate when it comes to finding a solution. I did it once and only once and I'll never allow such a feeling like that to enter my life again. I'm in control.
  • Kinneticbrian

    Posts: 230

    Oct 01, 2010 1:10 AM GMT
    I suffered for a long time with very low self-esteem. I used to suppress it a lot and thought I hid it really well, when in reality I knew I didn't. There is just no hiding something like that. I was beaten mentally and physically as a kid, and was an unplanned pregnancy from the beginning. My paternal Grandparents were my real Mom & Dad and I lost them both.

    In February of 2006 I met who I honestly thought was going to be the man I would spend the rest of my life with. in January of 2009 he ended our relationship so he could date some piece of human debris he met on Adam4Adam. A week later I was laid off from my job and faced with losing my home. This began a downhill spiral that culminated in December of last year with my ex confessing that he had cheated on me all but three weeks out of our three year relationship and had dated several guys on the side.

    I had to pick up the pieces of my life and rebuild or die - it was just that simple. So I began taking an inventory of my life from as far back as I could remember and I realized as I went along that I am a pretty remarkable guy. I have worked hard to be able to say that, and I am proud of my achievements and excited by those to come. By May of this year I actually realized that I loved myself for the first time in my adult life.

    Then I took on the relationship monster. I have never cheated on a boyfriend and I never will. I supported, respected, loved, cared for, fed and sacrificed for my ex the entire time he cheated on me and I knew he was cheating - deep down you always know - and I never once failed him. I realized that those three years were a test and I came through it with flying colors. I have what it takes to be an amazing boyfriend, a great partner and a faithful companion and I have the emotional scars to prove that I paid the price to be able to say that.

    Being put through hell was a transformational experience for me and I choose to capitalize on it. Acceptance, attitude and respect make all the difference.

    And I came to a new realization about how I view, speak to and approach others. My starting point is with others as it should have been with myself and that is this: Every person you encounter is a human being with a series of stories that makes up their life. Every face you look at has known and has behind it - grief. Every heart has known and has within it - heartbreak.

    I realize this is all over the place, but a question like this really deserves a thorough answer.
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    Oct 01, 2010 1:16 AM GMT
    This is like therapy........and i was just there for the drugs, not the chit chat.......so, i pass!
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Oct 01, 2010 1:18 AM GMT
    I simply know my self worth, i dont define myself by the 6 o'clock news, i know what great stock i come from....
    and the people who attempt to pull me down a few pegs are simply envious because i truly know my self worth...
    Their not responsible for my happiness--nor can they take it away..PERIODicon_idea.gif