Out of Shape love interest???

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    Oct 02, 2010 8:23 AM GMT
    Question: you meet a guy that strikes you as smart, interesting, and funny, but he is Very out of shape, yet a very cool guy... Where does he fall in the spectrum?icon_idea.gif
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    Oct 02, 2010 8:50 AM GMT
    I personally think it depends on his mindest on the situation, and what he plans to do about being overwieght. If he plans to do something about it/is working on it, great. He has the self respect and determination that you want to see in a partner. If he doesn't seem to have any desire to change his ways, then it's more than just a physical aspect that can be altered. It becomes a mental/emotional issue as well. Being someone who was 5'7'' and 200 pounds, and now 5'10'' and 150, i know what it's like to be overweight and unattractive. The difference is that i had the willpower and drive to make the change for ME, for health and happiness reasons. He might just need that initial kick in the butt or motivation to get going on it, and that's where you could come in. But you are by no means obligated; it's simply all about how much you are willing to sacrifice.
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    Oct 02, 2010 8:50 AM GMT
    That's your call. Depends on what value you place on that quality of a guy versus the other qualities you mentioned. Also consider why he's out of shape and how out of shape he is. Maybe he has the desire and motivation to get in shape, but just doesn't know how - and maybe you could help him with that? Or maybe being in shape is just something he has no interest in - and if that's the case, you may want to consider carefully whether that would be a point of contention between the two of you.

    Personally, i've dated guys that weren't in great shape, and this is what my experience has been: 1) if the guy isn't in great shape, but does try to stay active or has some interest in that, then we usually get along; 2) a guy could be all kinds of cool and easy to get along with, but if i'm committed to staying in shape and he has no interest at all in it, then it's better we just hang out occassionally and have fun as opposed to trying to go beyond that - he eventually gets annoyed with my routine which includes making time every day for the gym and i eventually get annoyed with his not understanding that and/or the thought of what he's going to look like in ten years!

    For me, it's less about physical attraction and more an issue of shared interests/values. i'm going to get along much better with someone in the longrun who has similar interests as me and enjoys similar things, as opposed to someone who doesn't see any value in the things i'm interested in.
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    Oct 02, 2010 11:50 AM GMT
    fat chicks Pictures, Images and Photos
  • 4travel

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    Oct 02, 2010 12:37 PM GMT
    It depends if he sends out vibes about wanting get back in shape and you beleive him. Even if it has nothing to do with physical appearance it ends up being a compatibility issue. Imagine being married to a dude that bitches to you about "all the time" you spend at the gym, doing sports etc when you could be sharing more romantic meals at the all you can eat buffet.

    Now about the physical appearance...if you think he is attractive with the extra weight, he will be hot if he buffs up for sure.
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    Oct 02, 2010 12:40 PM GMT
    It's how YOU feel about him being overweight. However, you gotta ask if someone doesn't take care of his body, can he take care of you? Not physically, but emotionally...icon_question.gif
  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    Oct 02, 2010 12:42 PM GMT
    How out of shape are we talking here? An extra 20 lbs or an extra 100?

    A little weight isn't a deal breaker. And if you start dating, I'm sure you both will adopt some of the same interests, potentially fitness.
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    Oct 02, 2010 1:05 PM GMT
    maine1057 saidIt's how YOU feel about him being overweight. However, you gotta ask if someone doesn't take care of his body, can he take care of you? Not physically, but emotionally...icon_question.gif


    Looks attract but personality is more important in the overall sense of having a quality relationship. Otherwise you end up in a sexually-oriented relationship that lacks the deeper qualities such as having someone challenge you, your thinking, your beliefs, and helping you to grow as a man...

    The one true love of my life was overweight when I met him, he was very masculine. And VERY much younger. I inspired him to lose 50 lbs and he developed a twink body, and he inspired me to be as physically fit and muscular as possible.

    His weight was a constant battle because he loved to eat. And my gym obsession was a constant battle because it cut into our time together. But his weight gain and loss did not matter to me. What i loved about him was not his external attributes but the ones that he had between his ears and the emotional bond that we shared, which was tight. I never felt a connection to someone like that before. His weight was not even a consideration. We had something that transcended physical form

  • geebus

    Posts: 216

    Oct 02, 2010 1:12 PM GMT
    In terms of a partner? Then as others have pointed out, depends if he's willing to do something about his weight. If he is, that makes him even more sexy in my book.

    In terms of a sex buddy? Then perhaps leaving his shirt on if he's THAT overweight. Somehow some big guys pull off as being just a little flabby with the right shirt on.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Oct 02, 2010 1:30 PM GMT
    If you find him sexy and are attracted to him, then that's all the matters.
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    Oct 02, 2010 3:34 PM GMT
    Timberoo saidIf you find him sexy and are attracted to him, then that's all the matters.



    TA-DAH!!!!!!!! The ultimate answer.
    As well, if he makes your heart sing, that's also all that matters.
    -Doug
  • xKorix

    Posts: 607

    Oct 02, 2010 3:45 PM GMT
    If he's overweight because he distracts or numbs himself with food than I cannot.
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    Oct 02, 2010 3:59 PM GMT
    OP, why don't you invert the question?

    Would the out-of-shape guy date you if YOU were out of shape? When I ask my out-of-shape dates if they would date me if my weight were 22lbs lighter (my weight before I started to work out), I get a unanimous "no".
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    Oct 02, 2010 4:01 PM GMT
    You can't change him.
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    Oct 02, 2010 5:16 PM GMT
    It would wreak havoc on my own workout routines, so I would avoid it. It's selfish, but I think you really absorb the habits of the person you get involved with.

    They should drive you to be healthier, not the other way.
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    Oct 02, 2010 7:43 PM GMT
    Well as i hear on a daily basis it seems. (because of that god awful song)
    You can't have sex with a personality.....

    But really it depends on what you consider out of shape. For all intensive purposes I consider myself a fatty even though I try to run at least 4-5 miles a couple of days a week and I lift weights here and there.

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    Oct 02, 2010 7:54 PM GMT
    Honeydew saidWell as i hear on a daily basis it seems. (because of that god awful song)
    You can't have sex with a personality.....



    Show me your genitals, your genitals, show me your genitals, your genitaliaaaaaaaa!

    As for on topic, I like a snacker icon_biggrin.gif Something about guys in hyper good shape with sublime eating habits doesn't sit well with me.
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    Oct 02, 2010 10:04 PM GMT
    Depends on how much weight. You can't take a person and change them. If you don't think you can take them as the way they are for always, then Don't bother. I would date someone say 20lbs over weight but a 100 no way
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    Oct 02, 2010 10:45 PM GMT
    I dated a 6 foot 250 pound totally out of shape dude for 3.5 years.
    I thought it was love, but later turned out I was right...it was only love.
    There was no physical attraction, and jacking off alone was the closest thing to satisfied I knew.
    That will not happen again, but there is one exception to that rule: If the guy is way out of shape and has shown a long-term commitment to getting in shape, I would probably give him a chance...but I'd still be brutally honest about it this time, instead of thinking love can make things work in bed.
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    Oct 02, 2010 10:49 PM GMT
    EccentricStud saidQuestion: you meet a guy that strikes you as smart, interesting, and funny, but he is Very out of shape, yet a very cool guy... Where does he fall in the spectrum?icon_idea.gif

    I just went thru this. His physique was totally discounted by the attraction to his intellect and personality. But he did have a good size cock and balls. So I just spent my time down there.
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    Oct 03, 2010 2:48 AM GMT
    4travel saidIt depends if he sends out vibes about wanting get back in shape and you beleive him. Even if it has nothing to do with physical appearance it ends up being a compatibility issue. Imagine being married to a dude that bitches to you about "all the time" you spend at the gym, doing sports etc when you could be sharing more romantic meals at the all you can eat buffet.

    Now about the physical appearance...if you think he is attractive with the extra weight, he will be hot if he buffs up for sure.


    From what I can decipher, he has no sense of his weight or fitness level whatsoever; neither pro or con. This confuses the hell out of me. Like I said, he seems like a good guy (not great, but good) though it made me consider how much the bod may mean in the guy situation... Much the same way one might ask themselves if they'd date someone Hiv positive.. And I realized I just compared fat to HIV. Um,....
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    Oct 03, 2010 3:17 AM GMT
    What is it that you're looking for? Is this someone you think you might want to build a life with? You may end up being a positive influence for him to develop a healthier lifestye. My partner and I have been together ten years, and in that time we've both been in and out of shape. My partner's body type is more stocky by nature and he never has and never will be slim, he's just not genetically built that way. When he is in shape he has a muscular bulk. As a young guy I idealized the lean muscle stud figure and thought that was the only acceptable body type. Thankfully I ultimately figured out personality and the inner person was a much more important thing to base a relationship on. His heart and love for me is more valuable to me than a ripped physique ever could be.

    Now we as a family have been working to improve our eating habits, and are in a great place. One can always work to improve their health and exterior image, but it's the soul of the person that will sustain your relationship.

    Ultimatly you have to decide if his inner qualities are what will make you happy and foster the creation of a loving a healthy relationship.

    I wish you luck!
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    Oct 03, 2010 3:24 AM GMT
    The answer is going to be different for each guy. My partner has, in the past, gone with me to the gym. He never really liked it so I stopped pushing him to do it. Do I wish he shared my enthusiasm for lifting weights? Yes. But the fact he doesn't isn't a deal breaker for me as he has some other pretty amazing qualities. For some other guys though, it might be a deal breaker. Just depends on what is important and negotiable or non-negotiable for you.
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    Oct 03, 2010 3:41 AM GMT
    sashaman saidJust depends on what is important and negotiable or non-negotiable for you.
    That's really the best answer.
    Well, that...and experience.
    Sometimes you don't really know what your deal breakers are until the deal is broken.
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    Oct 03, 2010 3:48 AM GMT
    You can always fuck his sweaty fat rolls or just slap his ass and ride the waves in.