I'm sure there's been a thread or two on this before but...NEVER able to meet quality guys that are local yet finding tons everywhere else...

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    Oct 02, 2010 3:24 PM GMT
    I travel a lot for work. Usually I will make a posting on various sites for the city I am traveling to and have met some amazing guys. For some, it is strictly a physical/sexual thing, for others, it is conversation and company.
    In some instances, I have met up with the same guy next time I am in their city. Some of these guys I have even corresponded with via email/text/phone between visits.

    This seems to be my luck: I meet some great guys when I travel. I have no trouble meeting guys actually. And I have gotten more than my fair share of platitudes/compliments from guys via websites/chats/IMs. Yet...

    Meeting LOCAL guys?! Next to impossible! I go out, try and put myself out there (not easy when you're as socially handicapped as I am) but at best, I get the obligatory smile, safe conversations, nods.

    Often I'll lament to guys that I meet whilst traveling or online that this seems to be my luck...I meet some great guys...but they are almost always hundreds of thousands of miles away, on the opposite side of the country (I live 15 minutes from the beach), or they are in another country all together.

    Have other guys experienced this? Just curious...

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    Oct 02, 2010 3:36 PM GMT
    everyday, brother, everyday....keithicon_cool.gif
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    Oct 02, 2010 3:39 PM GMT
    Maybe it's you. When you are traveling these encounters have no possibility of permanence, but at home they do. So maybe you unconsciously change your behavior. Out traveling you are more relaxed and accepting; at home, you are more uptight and critical.

    Or it could be them. Who wants a bf that is always traveling?
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    Oct 02, 2010 3:42 PM GMT
    Dude, you're in a small town in NC. Of course you can't find local guys. I had the same problem in Arkansas.
    Now in Miami, it's easy to meet local guys, and all the guys who aren't local travel here anyway.
    Location is key to finding good guys to be around. Small towns in the bible belt are the absolute worst places to find good guys because the best ones are afraid to come out of the closet.
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    Oct 02, 2010 3:43 PM GMT
    One idea I had to facilitate meeting guys more local was setting up regional forums. I started this thread

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/1113552/

    There was some interest and a couple of us bounced it a couple of times, but there appeared to be little overall interest. Could be things roll down in this folder pretty quickly so it did not have much visibility. Chris (Admin) and I exchanged emails. He was receptive to considering this but if members are apathetic about the idea, he could not be expected to spend much time to implement it.

    Maybe if anyone wants to add to it and give it more visibility something could happen.
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    Oct 02, 2010 4:43 PM GMT
    It's always been that way in my experience, never knew what the reason for it was other than being "the new face in town" back in the day,
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    Oct 02, 2010 5:58 PM GMT
    Yes, I am from a relatively small town. And yes, NC is a bit more of a Bible thumping state...not the most conducive to meeting guys for sure.

    Glad to know I am not the only one. Maybe there are more out there? Other thoughts/ideas?
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    Oct 03, 2010 3:57 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidDude, you're in a small town in NC. Of course you can't find local guys. I had the same problem in Arkansas.
    Now in Miami, it's easy to meet local guys, and all the guys who aren't local travel here anyway.
    Location is key to finding good guys to be around. Small towns in the bible belt are the absolute worst places to find good guys because the best ones are afraid to come out of the closet.


    Yeah, but when I lived in Miami I found it was very easy to get laid but hard to make friends. I have two gay friends and no straight friends there. Now in NC it is easy to make friends but hard to get laid. I have a large network of friends throughout the state both gay and straight and none of them thump on the bible. I have so many friends here it is hard to keep up with them. I haven't made this many friends since the years following college when I lived in Boston and NY. Most are by virtue of the sports I pursue.

    I've lived all over and mostly in large cities. I recently moved to the same small town in NC as you and I find it very easy to meet people. Then again I assume you're saying it is hard to meet gay men and if that is the case I wholeheartedly agree. Still, I'm just as happy here as I was anywhere else because I know gay friends are hard to make wherever you live. At least we live near some of the most beautiful beaches with some of the best surfing on the east coast.

    The guys here are just as hot as Miami only, more wholesome and friendly and unfortunately most are hopelessly heterosexual. Still I love the way the locals smile and say hello and how easy it is to strike up a conversation. So, like you I travel for something more carnal or for the remote possibility of romance.

    When you're gay it seems you have to choose between living near natural beauty and doing your favorite outdoor sports but not meeting many other gay men or living in a large metro area where there are plenty of gay men but there is also traffic, expensive housing, and frenetic people along with all the other problems that come with large metro areas. I was recently dating someone in DC. It is a beautiful city and the Potomac cuts through a magnificent river gorge (with many athletic possibilities) but the traffic and the cost of living turned me off. But If meeting quality gay men is your priority at this point in you life, Paul is right, maybe you should move to a large metro area. Or better yet get some of the guys you meet when you travel to move here.
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    Oct 03, 2010 4:12 AM GMT
    socalfitness saidOne idea I had to facilitate meeting guys more local was setting up regional forums. I started this thread

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/1113552/

    There was some interest and a couple of us bounced it a couple of times, but there appeared to be little overall interest. Could be things roll down in this folder pretty quickly so it did not have much visibility. Chris (Admin) and I exchanged emails. He was receptive to considering this but if members are apathetic about the idea, he could not be expected to spend much time to implement it.

    Maybe if anyone wants to add to it and give it more visibility something could happen.


    I just did John. Haven't seen it before and it's a great idea....bumped it up....Keithicon_cool.gif
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    Oct 03, 2010 4:29 AM GMT
    LOVALOT saidexcuse my momentarily trailing this thread off it's original course but i have to say that i find your going from city to city to have blatant sex with guys to then possibly talk to them on the phone afterward as if that were a treat all on it's own absolutely disgusting!

    not finding someone of 'quality' is the least of your issues let alone someone for a fruitful and functioning relationship.


    but could you tell us how you REALLY feel??icon_cool.gif
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    Oct 03, 2010 4:31 AM GMT
    friendormate said
    paulflexes saidDude, you're in a small town in NC. Of course you can't find local guys. I had the same problem in Arkansas.
    Now in Miami, it's easy to meet local guys, and all the guys who aren't local travel here anyway.
    Location is key to finding good guys to be around. Small towns in the bible belt are the absolute worst places to find good guys because the best ones are afraid to come out of the closet.


    Yeah, but when I lived in Miami I found it was very easy to get laid but hard to make friends. I have two gay friends and no straight friends there.
    Weird...I have gay friends, straight friends, and bi friends.
    But then again, I'm a social butterfly who can make friends anywhere.
    As for getting laid, well, that's always been a challenge due to my fetish and lack of interest in buttsex.
    Except for down here...plenty of diversity. icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 03, 2010 2:07 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    friendormate said
    paulflexes saidDude, you're in a small town in NC. Of course you can't find local guys. I had the same problem in Arkansas.
    Now in Miami, it's easy to meet local guys, and all the guys who aren't local travel here anyway.
    Location is key to finding good guys to be around. Small towns in the bible belt are the absolute worst places to find good guys because the best ones are afraid to come out of the closet.


    Yeah, but when I lived in Miami I found it was very easy to get laid but hard to make friends. I have two gay friends and no straight friends there.
    Weird...I have gay friends, straight friends, and bi friends.
    But then again, I'm a social butterfly who can make friends anywhere.
    As for getting laid, well, that's always been a challenge due to my fetish and lack of interest in buttsex.
    Except for down here...plenty of diversity. icon_wink.gif

    There has to be a common interest with friendship. I like many aspects of life in south Florida and would recommend it to the OP if he felt like changing locations. I found it more laid back than NY and very easy to meet new people. Developing friendship however was challenging for me. I tend to relate best with artsy intellectuals and adventurous outdoorsy types. I'm sure they have both in South Florida they are just harder to find and to connect with. NC is loaded with both. On the other hand, in south Florida they have lots of horny hot men looking to get their rocks off with other men. You don't find much of that here in NC and it is often done "discretely" . And yes many gay men travel to SFL for just that reason. In fact the guy from DC I dated I met there. .
    I find there is a trade because if you live in a place where there are fewer options for romance or sex people are forced to make as much as the can of the options they have. When I first moved to Miami I was surprised how many guys told me (well before I even bothered to ask) that they were not interested in a relationship. Even the guy I ended up dating for a year and half said that to me on the day we met.

    Another point I'd like to make to Huckleberry is that you probably open up more when you travel. In a small town like Wilmington you can't be anonymous so you have to be careful what you say and how you behave with a stranger, particularly a gay one who likes to gossip as so many gay men do. So naturally you are more willing take emotional risks when you travel that you wouldn't take at home.
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    Oct 03, 2010 2:37 PM GMT
    vetteset saideveryday, brother, everyday....keithicon_cool.gif


    So true, the bible belt is an interesting area. Living outside of Boston for many years was greaticon_twisted.gif. Tons of great guys and the stigma of religion is gone.

    When I moved to NC it was like stepping back in time, mainly the lack of openly gay people. Eventually I found that most live in the closet..lol
  • hotinri

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    Oct 03, 2010 2:54 PM GMT
    same here try to find local guys to hit up if your lucky it a sex & go
  • rioriz

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    Oct 03, 2010 3:34 PM GMT
    I have had this problem for the last two years. In my town the scene is very small and after a few years it feels like you know everybody. My last relationship was a long distance one and it worked out pretty well. We broke up not because of the distance but for other reasons. I have pretty much given up in this city so I plan to move sometime next year. Although I'm not against another LDR but it would have to be in driving range.
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    Oct 03, 2010 4:46 PM GMT
    maine1057 said
    vetteset saideveryday, brother, everyday....keithicon_cool.gif


    So true, the bible belt is an interesting area. Living outside of Boston for many years was greaticon_twisted.gif. Tons of great guys and the stigma of religion is gone.

    When I moved to NC it was like stepping back in time, mainly the lack of openly gay people. Eventually I found that most live in the closet..lol


    Yes but I felt the same way when I spent a summer in Maine. I realized I could never live there either. I found it no different then being in a small NC town. It had plenty of beauty and wonderful outdoor sports but the gay scene was minuscule and most of the men were hopelessly trapped in the closet and married. Comparing Boston to any city in NC is not fair. If Raleigh Durham were four times larger it would be very similar to Boston. Durham and Chapel Hill are very enlightened. Chapel Hill and Carboro have both elected openly gay mayors. Asheville and Wilmington are not that much different than what I know about Portland. If you had left Boston and moved back to Maine you would probably be reminded of how many guys in Maine stay in the closet. They don't have the southern baptists in your face but they do have many people who have very conservative religious values.

    As I see it single gay men in small towns have two choices. Move to a big city and date or don't and hope that prince charming rides into town one day and takes you away on his horse.
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    Oct 03, 2010 4:52 PM GMT
    Caslon15000 saidMaybe it's you. When you are traveling these encounters have no possibility of permanence, but at home they do. So maybe you unconsciously change your behavior. Out traveling you are more relaxed and accepting; at home, you are more uptight and critical.

    Or it could be them. Who wants a bf that is always traveling?


    Truth.