Arrogance - is there any more off-putting character trait?

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    Mar 03, 2008 1:03 AM GMT
    Not to be confused with confidence, which is very sexy.

    I see arrogant guys and it makes me want to flatten them out with a sledgehammer and feed them to the dogs...

    Is anyone turned on by it? Does anyone else really detest arrogant people? I work with one, and he makes my blood boil every day - so condescending and purile.


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    Mar 03, 2008 4:59 AM GMT
    I tend to find cockiness a turn on in the right context. I think that being confident with a cocky edge to it is very attractive. To me, arrogance is being overly (and underervedly) impressed about yourself. It simply makes people look silly. There's definitely a time and place for both cockiness and humility, and to me the perfect man would know the proper context for each.
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    Mar 03, 2008 5:04 AM GMT
    Even worse is oblivious narcissism (Tyra Banks comes to mind).
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    Mar 03, 2008 5:11 AM GMT
    In aggreance with Whitey, it can be sexy AT TIMES. But otherwise I just find it laughable about how serious some guys take themselves.
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    Mar 03, 2008 5:13 AM GMT
    Yeah, its not a pretty thing. I wouldn't say it makes my blood boil though. Maybe it depends on the specifics of the situation.
  • art_smass

    Posts: 960

    Mar 03, 2008 5:34 AM GMT
    ruck_usEven worse is oblivious narcissism (Tyra Banks comes to mind).

    That reminds of the time that I spent a day as a homeless person in a fat suit so that I could learn what it was like to be fat and homeless. It was tough, but I learned to model through it.
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    Mar 03, 2008 5:38 AM GMT
    art_smass said[quote][cite]ruck_us[/cite]Even worse is oblivious narcissism (Tyra Banks comes to mind).

    That reminds of the time that I spent a day as a homeless person in a fat suit so that I could learn what it was like to be fat and homeless. It was tough, but I learned to model through it.[/quote]

    LMAO

    come on now.. I like Tyra.. well I like her show Top Model..



    now back to the original thread.

    Arrogance is a turn off to me.. get over your damn self!
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    Mar 03, 2008 5:43 AM GMT
    ruck_us saidEven worse is oblivious narcissism (Tyra Banks comes to mind).
    This reminds me of a guy I saw one driving a fancy convertible sports car with all his flashy gold jewelry, poofy hair, tank top, and looking at himself in a mirror all he could. So we were stopped at light under a big oak tree as he continues to primp, and down from a limb drops a big old white bird crap squarely on his exposed chest .. I had to laugh as he looked around all embarrassed.

    So the moral of the story is if you are too obsessed with yourself, one day, somehow, a big bird will shit on you!

    BTW, I am glad ruck_us is not narcissistic, otherwise I would not be so turned on by his beefy arms and legs!icon_biggrin.gif
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    Mar 03, 2008 6:20 AM GMT
    Guys that are very nervous and ackward. They act like the have never talked to a person before or don't have a clue what to do in bed.

    Luckily it's been a while since I've ran across a guy like this. Only met really cool guys recently ;)
  • eckilegs

    Posts: 223

    Mar 03, 2008 6:28 AM GMT
    I'm not a fan of arrogance. To me it's sort of a package deal. It's part confidence, part narcissism (thanks rukus), an extreme disregard for other people, and part recklessness. There's definitely more too it than what I'm thinking of right of the top of my head, but i agree it's one thing to be confident, but something completely different to be arrogant.
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    Mar 03, 2008 6:31 AM GMT
    WildCuddler saidGuys that are very nervous and ackward. They act like the have never talked to a person before or don't have a clue what to do in bed.

    Luckily it's been a while since I've ran across a guy like this. Only met really cool guys recently ;)



    I have social anxiety and find it extremely hard to talk to people sometimes.. does that mean I'm not cool?
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    Mar 03, 2008 7:08 AM GMT
    lilmaninsc saidI have social anxiety and find it extremely hard to talk to people sometimes.. does that mean I'm not cool?
    This maybe be a ploy to lure in those who are not familiar with the power of it's cuteness! icon_lol.gif Lilman is way cool!
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    Mar 03, 2008 7:13 AM GMT
    I tend to see arrogance as a disguise for a total lack of self confidence and I find that people who show those personality traits tend to be more than offensive, they tend to be dangerous.

    To me cockiness is a body consciousness trait that has to do with how a man carries himself and I agree that it can be sexy in the right package.

    Real narcissists (people with Narcissistic personality disorders) can be extraordinarily charming and usually exhibit the kind of self awareness that wouldn't lead me to believe that your pouffy hair, flashy car man was necessarily a narcissist. I have only known one person that had a NPD and he was (and is wherever he is) and extremely dangerous person to be around as it was very easy to get lost in that narcissism.

    Cheers,
    Terry
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    Mar 03, 2008 7:19 AM GMT
    ActiveAndFit said[quote][cite]lilmaninsc said[/cite]I have social anxiety and find it extremely hard to talk to people sometimes.. does that mean I'm not cool?
    This maybe be a ploy to lure in those who are not familiar with the power of it's cuteness! icon_lol.gif Lilman is way cool! [/quote]

    Aww.. why thank ya. You're cool too! xoxo
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    Mar 03, 2008 8:01 AM GMT
    I find it attractive in small doses.
    Ususally once you get to know a person it's almost charming but then again that's my opinion.
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    Mar 03, 2008 8:06 AM GMT
    Confidence, yes. Arrogance, no.



    I cannot stand arrogant men because they are usually only marginally hot. When they behave in an abrasive manner and exhault themself (before I or anyone else can) they test that margin. On the flip side, A guy who is marginally goodlooking who is confident and not self loathing, only defies that margin sometimes surpassing the boundaries set by that margin. Example: a Toby McGuire who has such a pleasant attitude that you'd rather have him than a Brad Pitt who is arrogant.

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    Mar 03, 2008 8:52 AM GMT
    Many gay folk are deeply self-loathing, under-confident, and have poor self-esteem, coupled with an underlying resentment of those who do.

    Pictureless, profileless, discreet, not out, and so on, exemplify this.

    Self-confidence, and the ability to laugh at oneself, without stooping to the low level of decorum that the self-haters do, is a trait that many would do better to have.

    What the self-loathing fag perceives as arrogance, many a successful person would regard as confidence and drive.

    If you don't believe in yourself, and have that low esteem of the aforementioned, it makes for a lot of low level anger.

    I'm constantly amazed at the number of strangers who lash out in jealousy, even to the point of fixation, even when afforded a high degree of decorum.

    That's projection, and transformation.

    For whatever reason, many gay folks create a self-imposed misery for themselves. Some invite it, and others aren't happy unless they're miserable, paranoid, and the like. It's an unfortunate reality.

    That's just stupid.

    Many folks are attracted to confidence / leadership at the low levels, but, many gay folks have thrown out any sense of esteem and confidence, in favor of an anything goes mentality. That, too, is unfortunate, and only makes the issue worse.

    I love the comment, "I don't want to be big" as someone undresses me with their eyes.

    Sometimes, people will go on and on, in adoration, and I point out that it's all by design...science. Then, they'll ask me what kind of guys I like, and I reply "guys like me". Invariably, for the insecure, the person that was just spewing me with adoration goes ballastic, and goes into a rant about what a horrible person I am, because they don't fit my criteria. Go figure.

    A few times a week, I'll get hate email, and not from the one or two mentally ill folks we all know, but, from someone just passing by...a total stranger, lashing out at me, based soley on my appearance. My friend Matt, and I, were discussing this today at the gym.

    Deeply insecure folks do some strange shit.
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    Mar 03, 2008 9:48 AM GMT
    chuckystud said

    Deeply insecure folks do some strange shit.


    Chapeau!

    Terry
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    Mar 03, 2008 10:11 AM GMT
    To me it's all kinds of stupidity, aimless living -

    i suppose if one is brainy enough - he'd find his own way..
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Mar 03, 2008 11:21 AM GMT
    I like cocky - confident men
    they are a turn on for me
    so I'm pretty good at picking out the posers
    when someone's obnoxious and arrogant it usually stands out like a sore thumb
    they're usually guys who have absolutely nothing to be cocky abouticon_wink.gif
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    Mar 03, 2008 1:36 PM GMT
    There is a thin line between cocky confidence which can be really sexy and arrogance. Arrogance falls in line with self promotional and vain, which are 2 qualities that are not attractive at all!
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    Mar 03, 2008 1:44 PM GMT
    Thought about it all night, no there isn't a more off-putting triat; though some fall close.
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    Mar 03, 2008 1:49 PM GMT
    Cockiness intimidates me. But it's attractive nonetheless.

    Arrogance would turn me off the hottest guy faster than if he was a woman. LOL. I've noticed this reaction when I don't find actors in movies (who are normally quite gorgeous) attractive at all when they play extremely aggressive arrogant roles. I couldn't give a shit if he could charm the knickers out of the waitress, I simply don't like it.

    A little bit of insecurity and the honesty to admit to weaknesses goes waaaay farther with me though.
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    Mar 03, 2008 2:56 PM GMT
    Arrogance is a turn off if it is not supported by the person's ability. Beethoven was arrogant about his musical ability so was Wagner, but at least they could back it up with results. There is nothing worse then somebody who thinks they are great at something and keep telling you about it, but in actual fact are mediocre or just plain suck.

    I could think of other character traits that are just as irritating though:

    - wilful stupidity or ignorance (see this in some religious fundamentalists);

    - pettiness (I really hate this one);

    - racism, cruelty (emotional or physical);

  • art_smass

    Posts: 960

    Mar 03, 2008 4:02 PM GMT
    MichealbackArrogance - is there any more off-putting character trait?

    After reading another one of Chucky's replies, I've decided that there are several more off-putting character traits.

    Thanks for asking!