How to shake loneliness

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 03, 2010 7:35 PM GMT
    I'll just get right to the point.

    I feel this overwhelming sense of loneliness and disconnectedness from, really, almost everyone. When I was growing up, I felt this way. In high school, I was a loner. I just couldn't connect with people, because I was gay and didn't like myself. In college that almost destroyed me, but I was able to pull myself from the brink of suicide and slowly pull myself out of that hole.

    I made friends. I have a boyfriend. I'm becoming successful in my career.

    But I'm still lonely. I see everyone when I go out laughing and having fun, and I play along. But inside I feel like the wierd kid who no one is friends with and no one really want to be there. And I feel alone in a crowd. I don't know what to do about it anymore, I just can't shake the loneliness, and it's really upsetting. I just had a panic attack at work over it, and nearly melted down in front of my student workers.

    Is there anyone at all who has gone through this and knows how to make it stop?
  • jc_online

    Posts: 487

    Oct 03, 2010 10:44 PM GMT
    I have felt the same way. Alone in a room of people you know.
    Not sure what you're remedy might be. A few therapy sessions got me in touch with a whole lot about myself. I recommend it for everyone, at least once for a few sessions. It's good for your brain and heart.
  • nv7_

    Posts: 1453

    Oct 03, 2010 10:46 PM GMT
    cute-puppy1.jpg
  • baldone

    Posts: 826

    Oct 03, 2010 10:47 PM GMT
    feeling that way right now..total lonliness, huge feeling of hopelessness
    if that is a word.....really not even any words for how i am feeling ...how DO you shake this and feel like part of the living again
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 03, 2010 10:48 PM GMT
    You might want to see a doctor about that. I'm no doctor, but it's sounds like how I feel/felt and I was prescribed meds, but therapy is truly the only thing that can fix how you perceive yourself as.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 03, 2010 10:53 PM GMT
    Hang in there. That's all I can say. At 25, you're still young and getting to know yourself.

    In my experience, you're at a turning point at that age. And it gets better from there (to paraphrase Dan Savage). You start getting more comfortable in your own skin (even if you feel comfortable now) and you gain more respect and expertise in your career. But most importantly you start shaking off the superficial friends you gained through college and shortly after and start deepening your really true, sincere friendships.

    You've probably already talked to a doctor about your feelings, but if not I would also do that.

    And remember this, RJ may be an online community, but it's a group of friends nonetheless and many of us here would do what we can for another member in need, including me. Remember that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 03, 2010 10:56 PM GMT
    It could simply be a sign of genius. No joke.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 03, 2010 10:58 PM GMT
    The problems lies within you then. It's a mental thing. I would say go talk to someone about it. You seem to have what most people want but are still unhappy with yourself and your situation.

    Best of luck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 03, 2010 11:04 PM GMT
    I want to bitch slap you so hard! I have seen you in person. You are as cute as a button. Just adorable. You have a bf. And yet you come on here and say you are lonely. ... Boy, if I could have been as cute as you at your age.

    Anyway, I cant imagine why you would feel lonely. Maybe it is depression. Depression could be mistaken for loneliness by you.

    When I feel really, really down, I do what I love to do most. I read. I read a book about a subject that I really like. That reading absorbs all my attention and the blues just go away. When I am finished reading, I get up feeling great.

    So maybe you can do whatever it is that you really like and it will help you get thru the blues.

    You could also have an introverted temperament and just dont know it and how to handle yourself. You might be making unreasonable demands on yourself.

    Then again, you are at the right age. Maybe you want to have a baby? Just a thought



  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Oct 03, 2010 11:06 PM GMT
    Despite being surrounded by messages that tell us that we are suppposed to feel good all the time, it really is not that way. On the other hand, you seem to be describing a pretty thorough case of underlying depression. It is probably best to see a good doctor who really knows you and ask about counseling or maybe meds. The comment above about genius is a good one. Bright and capable people often have this problem.

    Be sure you do all the basic stuff: be as active as you can, eat well, hang out with friends, etc., but check out some professional help and you may learn to cope with things more satisfactorily.

    Good luck and keep this crowd posted. Lots of people here are glad to listen.
  • xKorix

    Posts: 607

    Oct 03, 2010 11:07 PM GMT
    It sounds like you're not truly connected to yourself, your genuine authentic self, so you may have trouble truly, deeply, connecting with other people, thus, loneliness. Money, relationships or status won't fix that, it has to start inside.
  • KinesiologyMa...

    Posts: 123

    Oct 03, 2010 11:29 PM GMT
    There is really only one cure. Cats lots and lots of Cats. lol I am just kidding. You sound like you're suffering from depression. I had those feelings a while back too, but therapy really helped.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Oct 03, 2010 11:54 PM GMT
    I have always been a loner, and I've always felt as if I never belonged to a group, until I met my group of friends whom I've hung out with for quite a few years.

    But, I've always been contented, alone.
    Then, a couple years ago, I started having panic attacks for no apparent reason. They always happened when I was in a store. My doctor put me on Clonazepam (a tranquilizer), and the panic attacks disappeared.

    I'm still contented, alone.

    Anyway, I would absolutely recommend the tranquilizer. I take one a day. And, I take an extra one if I'm going somewhere out of my routine (like to dinner with friends, for instance).

    Also, the tranquilizers take away that, "I don't belong" feeling, that used to make me feel like I couldn't wait to escape from social gatherings, and go home where I was safe.

    Find things to do that occupy your time and that you find fun, whether it's gardening, exercising, getting a pet to take care of and share your life, playing FarmVille, reading books, or doing crossword puzzles.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 03, 2010 11:59 PM GMT
    I know how ridiculous it sounds. I realized today I really need therapy. Depression runs in my family, and I think ive just been avoiding the fact that I most likely have had it for over a decade now
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 04, 2010 12:02 AM GMT
    TheIStrat saidI'll just get right to the point.

    I feel this overwhelming sense of loneliness and disconnectedness from, really, almost everyone. When I was growing up, I felt this way. In high school, I was a loner. I just couldn't connect with people, because I was gay and didn't like myself. In college that almost destroyed me, but I was able to pull myself from the brink of suicide and slowly pull myself out of that hole.

    I made friends. I have a boyfriend. I'm becoming successful in my career.

    But I'm still lonely. I see everyone when I go out laughing and having fun, and I play along. But inside I feel like the wierd kid who no one is friends with and no one really want to be there. And I feel alone in a crowd. I don't know what to do about it anymore, I just can't shake the loneliness, and it's really upsetting. I just had a panic attack at work over it, and nearly melted down in front of my student workers.

    Is there anyone at all who has gone through this and knows how to make it stop?


    Yes. I always feel loneliness.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 04, 2010 12:13 AM GMT
    McGay saidIt could simply be a sign of genius. No joke.


    Thts actualy true, if your thoughts are not in tune with everyone elses, because they go too fast, you may feel lonely.. in that case just slow down your own thoughts and try to folow everyone else's more
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 04, 2010 12:20 AM GMT
    I have felt that way as long as I can remember. I have a rich inner life, and comedy helps.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 04, 2010 12:22 AM GMT
    You know I love nothing more than locking myself away in my garden sometimes for weeks at a time, yet I never feel lonely. I have since a young child been content with my own company, as I have always been able to entertain myself.

    So even though I may of spent a lot of time on my own in my life, I'm still not sure I know what it is to be lonely.

    But.....then I also have four dogs and two cats so how could anyone be lonely with all that qulity company always around.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 04, 2010 12:34 AM GMT
    nv7_ saidcute-puppy1.jpg


    this is also good advice icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 04, 2010 12:38 AM GMT
    TheIStrat saidI know how ridiculous it sounds. I realized today I really need therapy. Depression runs in my family, and I think ive just been avoiding the fact that I most likely have had it for over a decade now

    I hope you feel better soon!

    Dont get this kittie....he will give you the stink eye...

    funny pictures of cats with captions
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 04, 2010 12:52 AM GMT
    To the OP:

    Your realization that you feel out of touch is obviously troubling you. But it's a very good thing that you can recognize how you feel, face up to it and wonder what you can do about it.

    Your family history suggests that checking with a doctor for depression may be a prudent thing to do. But I wouldn't reflexively assume that feeling lonely and disconnected is a chemical pathology. It is just as likely an existential challenge - one that I think many people either can not recognize or face. Either way a supportive knowledgeable therapist could be a big help. (And, of course, existential challenges and depression are a very long way from mutually exclusive.)

    I have a hunch (no more than that though) that you may find that the a big step to feeling more connected to the world will be becoming more connected with parts of yourself that have been suppressed or ignored.

    I wish you all the best and have every confidence that you will come out of this feeling much better and happier.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 04, 2010 1:28 AM GMT
    TheIStrat saidI'll just get right to the point.

    I feel this overwhelming sense of loneliness and disconnectedness from, really, almost everyone. When I was growing up, I felt this way. In high school, I was a loner. I just couldn't connect with people, because I was gay and didn't like myself. In college that almost destroyed me, but I was able to pull myself from the brink of suicide and slowly pull myself out of that hole.

    I made friends. I have a boyfriend. I'm becoming successful in my career.

    But I'm still lonely. I see everyone when I go out laughing and having fun, and I play along. But inside I feel like the wierd kid who no one is friends with and no one really want to be there. And I feel alone in a crowd. I don't know what to do about it anymore, I just can't shake the loneliness, and it's really upsetting. I just had a panic attack at work over it, and nearly melted down in front of my student workers.

    Is there anyone at all who has gone through this and knows how to make it stop?



    ThelSrat!!

    Some will say that once you've reached your forties you will be in the verge of a middle age crisis! I am already into my late forties and I have yet to feel this way. I remembered in my mid twenties I did go through a mild depression period, and now that I look back I was actually annoyed how everyone used to tell me how matured I was for my age, and that I took life way to serious back then, but you know what!? I was glad I went through that period, as do most if not all human beings at some point in their lives.

    Sweetie be glad you are going through this during this young stage of your life, why? because even thou you are more vulnerable to mood swings your physical stamina will help you get through it, I promise it will get better.

    I am one who believes that emotional inexperience during our younger years, and emotional maturity as is often acquired through experience with age, that both stages in our lives ultimately work together to make us better human beings. I am 47 and looking back as a young man in my twenties I honestly belief that I avoided this so called "Middle age Crisis" now in my forties by having acted out during my mid twenties. Personally I think if you learn to manage your depression at this stage in your young life that in your forties you will be a much happier man, I promise you!!

    Being depress because you feel very lonely? you are young man with above average good looks and one who have a whole life waiting for people to know you just yet!! I sense that you are a kind and sensitive guy! you may not know this but you already have the ammunition to combat loneliness!!

    You know a lot of guys here take out their frustrations from feeling lonely and having no one to love them by acting rude and bitchy with other members. But as far as I know in spite of your state of mind your contributions to this website have always being very positive, such that it probably have made a lot of angry and lonely people feel better just by how nice RJ members like yourself interact with others in the forum.


    Leandro ♥


  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Oct 04, 2010 1:34 AM GMT
    I don't know if you are depressed, but you are absolutely lacking in self confidence. (So quit crying, dammit!)

    Seriously, you are a great guy and from what I know, people around you recognize that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 04, 2010 1:37 AM GMT
    This should help:

    bacon_chocolate_chip_cookies_with_maple_

    And while you're nomming on them, here's something else to nom on:

    Nobody here can make a diagnosis. We can only give advice. My first piece of advice is to get to call a psychologist soon.

    In the meantime, do some research on SAD (seasonal affective disorder). I have it...like really bad. Moving to a subtropical climate helped more than anything else I've ever done.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 04, 2010 1:47 AM GMT
    Hey,

    Sorry to hear about your feelings of loneliness, though I commend you for having enough self-awareness to get yourself to a shrink. I imagine this must have originated from the "Being Alone" post.

    My advice: don't be afraid to ask others for recommendations about therapists. In fact, I once had a friend ask for recommendations on my behalf so that it didn't come back to me. Now, of course, I'm totally open about my psychotherapy experience. Also, don't be afraid to try one or two in the beginning to help you determine which one you like best.

    Good luck.