met a truly great guy but NOT attracted to him

  • Hunter9

    Posts: 1039

    Oct 03, 2010 8:16 PM GMT
    i don't see how it can be possible to have a relationship with somebody im not attracted to, regardless of chemistry personality-wise. does anybody disagree?
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    Oct 03, 2010 8:20 PM GMT
    Yes, It's quite possible. It just happened to me last week.

    I only went on 4 dates with the guy, but he was great company and what not. Unfortunately, I didn't feel sexually attracted to him or any chemistry, even though his personality was great and we had almost the same interests. When I broke it off, or whatever you call just 4 dates, I asked him if we could remain friends... he said we could, but now he just ignores my emails/texts/phone calls icon_sad.gif.

    I lost a really good guy there.
  • Hunter9

    Posts: 1039

    Oct 03, 2010 8:26 PM GMT
    QuadraticEquation saidYes, It's quite possible. It just happened to me last week.

    I only went on 4 dates with the guy, but he was great company and what not. Unfortunately, I didn't feel sexually attracted to him or any chemistry, even though his personality was great and we had almost the same interests. When I broke it off, or whatever you call just 4 dates, I asked him if we could remain friends... he said we could, but now he just ignores my emails/texts/phone calls icon_sad.gif.

    I lost a really good guy there.


    im not talking friends, im talking bfs
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    Oct 03, 2010 8:28 PM GMT
    If you're not attracted to him forget it, won't work
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    Oct 03, 2010 8:29 PM GMT
    They did it all the time in the olden times. If you wanted Portugal or something you had to send King Philip a bitch on a wagon and those were the terms.


    Awsome.
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    Oct 03, 2010 8:30 PM GMT
    being attracted to someone for your purpose requires attraction in every department, you''ve been around long enough to know without the chemistry, you don't get a good final product....Keithicon_cool.gif
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    Oct 03, 2010 8:32 PM GMT
    I did it for a little over three years...just posted details a couple days ago in another thread.
    The lack of attraction is what ended it, even though the love was strong.

    Then again, your situation could be different. There's only one way to find out.
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    Oct 03, 2010 8:36 PM GMT
    Hunter9 said
    QuadraticEquation saidYes, It's quite possible. It just happened to me last week.

    I only went on 4 dates with the guy, but he was great company and what not. Unfortunately, I didn't feel sexually attracted to him or any chemistry, even though his personality was great and we had almost the same interests. When I broke it off, or whatever you call just 4 dates, I asked him if we could remain friends... he said we could, but now he just ignores my emails/texts/phone calls icon_sad.gif.

    I lost a really good guy there.


    im not talking friends, im talking bfs



    Well, I'd consider this a bf... there certainly was no friendship in mind. 4 weeks, 4 months, 4 years... there's no time constraint on what makes a bf.
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    Oct 03, 2010 8:46 PM GMT

    I'm 2 yrs out of an 8 yr relationship and let me add that while I was initially attracted that soon subsided and then resurfaced. I agree in the beginning you don't have much to go on besides looks but what should keep you there is character, charisma and stability. Looks can be lost in a crowded rm but personality will shine every time.
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    Oct 03, 2010 9:17 PM GMT
    The person comes as a whole package. If you like it all it will work.

    You can never force yourself to be attracted to someone. It's just a big lie.
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    Oct 04, 2010 12:05 AM GMT
    In a word; no.
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    Oct 04, 2010 12:10 AM GMT
    Hunter9 saidi don't see how it can be possible to have a relationship with somebody im not attracted to, regardless of chemistry personality-wise. does anybody disagree?

    After having tried it a couple of times, no I don't disagree.

    You feel conflicted because this person is truly a good person with a lot of good traits, but if there's no sexual attraction there it's not going to develop. Maybe some people can have an asexual relationship, but that person is rare. Most cannot.

    I'm talking about younger people in a new relationship, not those who've been together for decades and now have an asexual relationship.
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Oct 04, 2010 12:10 AM GMT
    Mil8 saidIn a word; no.


    agreed
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    Oct 04, 2010 12:22 AM GMT
    I'd imagine that every day, most of us see people around us making compromises en route to what they perceive and or understand as happiness.
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    Oct 04, 2010 12:36 AM GMT
    If you aren't attracted to someone the way you'd like to be then it's no worth it.
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    Oct 04, 2010 12:41 AM GMT
    Sexual attraction is pretty important in a relationship. If its missing you might be able to keep it out for some time, but sooner or later it will come to the fore. It happened with me and he was an amazing guy but I couldn't just see him and me getting sexual, so told him the truth. Then its up to him if he wants to be friends or not.
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    Oct 04, 2010 3:14 PM GMT
    Well, you can be sexually attracted to someone and not be interested in them other than for sex.
    You can be attracted to someone and not be interested in them other than for platonic friendship.

    BUT (aha!) you can be attracted to someone and find them sexy, a good friend, and they MAKE YOUR HEART SING...and when that guy feels the same way about you...
    Those uppercase words are really what a bf is all about, for us two.