Do You Know How To Apologize??

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    Oct 04, 2010 4:41 PM GMT
    Well, we have already discussed the vastly diminishing standards of manners across the world over the past few years, so I'd like to narrow that down to one of my 'sand in the foreskin' peeves....Apologizing, the artform lost..

    More and more in life, i see small and large wrongs committed on fellow beings with no, or falsely perceived justification. But it is becoming rarer to actually see someone own up to their mistake and admit it, let alone offer an apology for the injury caused. I was raised to admit my mistakes and make amends for them, quickly.

    So my fellow space travellers, bare your souls, bring honesty to the forefront, and tell me....do you recognize when you are wrong and do you apologize for it? Now the totally pyschotic can't answer this because they never perceive being wrong...but others?

    As always I invite your intelligent feedback...the floor is now open...Keithicon_cool.gif

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    Oct 04, 2010 4:43 PM GMT
    Not at all.
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    Oct 04, 2010 5:55 PM GMT
    Sorry?



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  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Oct 04, 2010 6:39 PM GMT
    I know how, I just often don't. Sometimes I feel it's simply a waste of my time, I won't feel better for it, nor will the other person. often when they say they forgive you, they don't. That's in terms of larger things though. For smaller things I will apologize, and I often have to.
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    Oct 04, 2010 6:47 PM GMT
    vetteset saidSo my fellow space travellers, bare your souls, bring honesty to the forefront, and tell me....do you recognize when you are wrong and do you apologize for it? Now the totally pyschotic can't answer this because they never perceive being wrong...but others?


    I have been told time and time again that honesty is one of my greatest features. Mostly because I can say that im sorry or that i'm the one that screwed up. Now granted there are times where at first I might not realize that it was my fault. However I have NO problems accepting blame.

    I do have problems with those that cannot accept it... icon_evil.gif
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    Oct 04, 2010 6:51 PM GMT
    Phillybrat saidI do have problems with those that cannot accept it... icon_evil.gif


    likewise.....keithicon_cool.gif AND.....to qualify I mean a hearfelt apology, not somethiing thrown at someone as you pass by just to get them out of your face.....Keith
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    Oct 04, 2010 7:16 PM GMT
    I too was raised to admit my mistakes and make amends for them for the sake of decency and honesty. In the past I wronged people (and it will undoubtedly happen again in the future) and when I realized it, or when it was brought to my attention, I apologized heartfelt and sincerely. For me, admitting my mistakes or acknowledging any wrong doing done inadvertently or not, is an honorable thing, something that strengthens decency and humanity. It sets the tone for better and more enjoyable life and a safer world.

    One recurring negative result is that I've had innumerable dealings with people who incorrectly perceived me to be gullible, naive, and weak. These kind of people often tried to take advantage of me. I've learned to be extremely cautious and to weed-out the various demagogues from my dealings as much as possible.

    A related matter is responding to inquiries. In the past people have specifically asked my opinion and were angered by my answer. In those cases when I have not wronged nor was I mistaken, their anger is their problem for which I am neither accountable nor responsible.
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    Oct 04, 2010 9:46 PM GMT
    "I'm sorry you feel that way" works for me
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    Oct 04, 2010 9:51 PM GMT
    sdgman said"I'm sorry you feel that way" works for me


    Great response for appropriate times. I'll have to remember that.
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    Oct 04, 2010 10:00 PM GMT
    I just make sure the language used is not accusatory, listen and also take my share of the blame.
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    Oct 04, 2010 10:08 PM GMT
    Being sincerely sorry and expressing that apology to someone is a liberating experience. It's good for your own physical and mental health.

    But it has to be a true apology. You have to try to put yourself in the other person's situation and be sorry for how you made them feel. Even if that person was mainly responsible for the whole mess, my apology doesn't depend on them doing the same nor do I expect to be forgiven. It's their choice to do that.

    My apology doesn't depend on them changing anything about themselves or what THEY did. Sometimes I've apologized and that person hasn't responded They chose to hold onto all the pain, hate, and confusion because of their pride, "principles" or hurt. But my apology still stands and my life is better.

    I wish more people could say "I'm sorry". I can recognize a half-assed, insincere, flippant apology the second I hear it even when the person thinks they are being nice and sweet. I want to just haul off and wack them.........but I know I will be sorry later.icon_confused.gif



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    Oct 04, 2010 10:10 PM GMT
    When I was younger, it was very difficult for me to apologize or take responsibility, especially at work. I used to make a lot of excuses or put the blame on someone else....till I realized how stupid that was. I finally woke up and realized people respond much better when I take responsibility and own up to my mistakes. I also like to talk to the person or persons involved and decide how we can prevent something from happening in the future.

    I've also found that at work I make people much happier when I take responsibility for things even if they weren't my fault. I don't accept the blame, but I'll tell them I'm sorry that it happened to them and that I'll make sure to correct it. I then have a private conversation with the person involved and work to resolve the situation. I never blame co-workers, however, when dealing with the public.

    There's still some men from my past that I've hurt and I'm trying to decide how I can make amends to them. It was great when I met up with an ex when I had a conference in Chicago. We had a terrible breakup and we both did some stupid things. We had the chance to apologize and to become friends. It's really nice to have him back in my life again, plus we got to meet each other's partners.
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    Oct 04, 2010 10:11 PM GMT
    lissenup saidWhen I was younger, it was very difficult for me to apologize or take responsibility, especially at work. I used to make a lot of excuses or put the blame on someone else....till I realized how stupid that was. I finally woke up and realized people respond much better when I take responsibility and own up to my mistakes. I also like to talk to the person or persons involved and decide how we can prevent something from happening in the future.

    I've also found that at work I make people much happier when I take responsibility for things even if they weren't my fault. I don't accept the blame, but I'll tell them I'm sorry that it happened to them and that I'll make sure to correct it. I then have a private conversation with the person involved and work to resolve the situation. I never blame co-workers, however, when dealing with the public.

    There's still some men from my past that I've hurt and I'm trying to decide how I can make amends to them. It was great when I met up with an ex when I had a conference in Chicago. We had a terrible breakup and we both did some stupid things. We had the chance to apologize and to become friends. It's really nice to have him back in my life again, plus we got to meet each other's partners.


    People do not realize how awesome accountability and civil conduct are...or direct communication. Good work dude!
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    Oct 04, 2010 10:12 PM GMT
    Yeah, when I'm in the wrong and I know I'm in the wrong, it irks me to not apologize to those I have wronged. I believe too strongly in truth to play a part in perpetuating falsehoods... or something. It's one of my totems I guess.
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    Oct 04, 2010 10:13 PM GMT
    I prefer the politician's apology. "Although I stand by my comments, I am truly sorry if I offended anyone. That was not my intention"
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    Oct 04, 2010 10:14 PM GMT
    heartrobb saidI prefer the politician's apology. "Although I stand by my comments, I am truly sorry if I offended anyone. That was not my intention"


    Agreed...not as good as...I did not inhale.
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    Oct 04, 2010 10:20 PM GMT
    Personally, i do not like to apologize, however, if i'm in the wrong and there are no arguments and we can discuss the issue like adults i will apologize and make things right. but if i'm not in the wrong and you're acting a total fool, you will not get an apology from me.
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    Oct 04, 2010 10:33 PM GMT
    I am one of those people who admits to his mistakes and will give a truly heartfelt apology when I need to. It makes me feel better when I do this.
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    Oct 04, 2010 10:34 PM GMT


    Dude, I fucked up. It won't happen againicon_wink.gif
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    Oct 04, 2010 10:46 PM GMT
    tennizblackout saidPersonally, i do not like to apologize, however, if i'm in the wrong and there are no arguments and we can discuss the issue like adults i will apologize and make things right. but if i'm not in the wrong and you're acting a total fool, you will not get an apology from me.



    I think I'm picking up what you're laying down- "I never apologize, because I'm never wrong."
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    Oct 04, 2010 10:47 PM GMT
    I know how to apologize. i just don't. If I was sorry for doing or saying something then I wouldn't have done or said it. I don't apologize. I merely move on, right or wrong. With that being said I don't demand apologizes from other people since I'd be hypocrite. It is what it is and the world keeps on turning.
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    Oct 04, 2010 10:49 PM GMT
    I make sure I'm in a location thats neutral and quiet. From there I just speak from the heart. Then my magic trick... I listen. I make eye contact because I am being sincere and after admitting fault I ask for forgiveness. And if the person means a lot to me I tell them that I'll let my actions speak for my heart and i will do my best to earn trust/respect/love again.
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    Oct 04, 2010 10:51 PM GMT
    I always apologise.. you learn its necessary in multi- cultural situations where you're constantly not aware of what is offensive to the other person or what isnt... Someone who doesnt know how to apologise and always thinks they have to be right about what they do, isnt worth my time... being offensive and not bothering to apologise is just disrespectful.. Im big on respect, and give it to everyone...
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    Oct 04, 2010 10:54 PM GMT
    KissingPro......has picked up on a very important tool and that is freeing your spirit of a wrong....apologizing and forgiveness are brothers but one is not conditional or dependent on the other.

    When we apologize from our soul and expect nothing in return, it is either consciously or subconsciously freeing us to move onward and is a healing gesture. It should not be conditional on receiving an acknowledgement or forgiveness, that is the spirit freer of the other party.....try it, it really does free the spirit.......man of the mountain Keithicon_cool.gif
  • baldone

    Posts: 826

    Oct 04, 2010 10:59 PM GMT
    i need to apologize to the guy i was seeing earlier this year...saw him for about 4 months and just cut off contact....was a real piece of shit for doing it that we but he did some things i didn't like, and was and still is dealing with my brokedick fucktard of a son.......just could not cope with trying to grow a relationship and him at same time as could never have the guy over at my house as son was always here...and now here again
    anyways i have said i'm sorry for so many things, for divorce, for being gay, for being lousy father, not having enough money to hand fucktard, then i realized, fuck it ....i am not goint to apologize any more
    i have done nothing wrong icon_evil.gif