When you are dating a guy, how much do you tell him about your past?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 05, 2010 3:02 AM GMT
    EDIT:
    Feel free to post based on what's stated on this topic, but I already have the answer I was seeking. icon_smile.gif

    I would delete this, but i feel like it would be beneficial to leave it open.
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    Oct 05, 2010 4:13 AM GMT
    If you really want to avoid this kind of embarrassing scenario the first thing you need to learn is to never ever go out on a date with expectations, and be ready to accept your date's differences of opinions about you and your views, even if you think he is being a hypocrite!? although judging from what he said to you rather then being on the defensive I will thank him for his advice. But if it still bothers you why not tell him something in the lines of "I hope you are being very careful, too!?

    I have learned that meeting people and listening to their opinions about me has in fact helped me be more aware of my flaws, thus allowing me to be a better person. I have also learned to not take my date's personal comments of me personally, it is their view after all! and in many cases I take them in a constructive way.


    Leandro ♥
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    Oct 05, 2010 1:54 PM GMT
    ALEZANDAR saidIf you really want to avoid this kind of embarrassing scenario the first thing you need to learn is to never ever go out on a date with expectations, and be ready to accept your date's differences of opinions about you and your views, even if you think he is being a hypocrite!? although judging from what he said to you rather then being on the defensive I will thank him for his advice. But if it still bothers you why not tell him something in the lines of "I hope you are being very careful, too!?

    I have learned that meeting people and listening to their opinions about me has in fact helped me be more aware of my flaws, thus allowing me to be a better person. I have also learned to not take my date's personal comments of me personally, it is their view after all! and in many cases I take them in a constructive way.


    Leandro ♥



    It's not like I yelled at him or anything, but i guess I could have handled it better. I think being completely honest was my biggest killer on this date :/. It really scared him off. Maybe lying is better to do. Thanks for the advice, I'll try to take constructive criticism better.

    I got an email back from him which hinted he wasn't interested romantically, but would still like to be friends. I told him that was fine with me, but I would like him to be completely honest about why he didn't think the date went well enough for a 2nd one (besides the obvious issues). I know I need more practice with my dating skills, so that's why I asked. I'm awaiting his reply.
  • HankFit247

    Posts: 205

    Oct 05, 2010 2:05 PM GMT
    Sounds like you went into to many details on Date #1. Your mistake, Live and Learn.

    I too recently had a similar question asked of me. Guy wanted to know how many bf's I've had. (He's 25, so I understood his thought process). Luckily the question was sent via txt so I had some time to formulate my answer:

    "To many to count, however I have been in an 8 yr and 2 yr relationship."

    This kept the conversation positive, and moving in the right direction.

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    Oct 05, 2010 2:14 PM GMT
    Be honest but don't spill all the beans. If its first date then I would rather not indulge into letting him know all guys I have done it with. In fact I would never talk about about my past sexual encounters even if it was 5th date. What and who I did it with is part of my privacy that is not to be shared with every guy I go on date with.
    Yes if he asked me about the last guy I dated and what went wrong then I might share some stuff but that all he is getting from me on first date.
    Its not being dishonest but rather being selective honest. icon_smile.gif
  • Sk8Tex

    Posts: 738

    Oct 05, 2010 2:28 PM GMT
    Most guys I know even if they feign interest in your past dates and activities, would really rather not hear about it.
    Ever go on a date when the other person talked about their ex-boyfriends?
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    Oct 05, 2010 2:46 PM GMT
    QE, I really like your honesty and I think you did the right thing by explaining your past. I mean he asked and you answered.. I don't think you went out of your way to explain your past. I almost see this is a "If you really don't want to know, don't ask the question" type thing.

    Granted not everyone has a past that is perfect. Everyone was young and im sure everyone made mistakes... Not all mistakes are equal..

    In this day and age with the worry of STDs and whatnot, being honest about your prior experiences I think is a good thing. Some people just cannot handle the truth. Nor would they want to deal with it... But then that's his loss for not getting over what already happened..

    The other thing I think about is "was this the right time".. I mean you can say no as it was the first date. But why not get that out on the table? HE wanted to know... Saying something like "Oh well it’s a LONG story, I’ll tell you another time" to me sounds shady and it would peak my curiosity and make me immediately worried.

    But that is my opinion. Clearly you can make whatever decision you want. I think you found someone who can be a good friend and not a mate then. Awesome! Keep on looking for Mr. Right. He's out there.
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    Oct 05, 2010 2:59 PM GMT
    Personally, I really don't need to know someone's complete unabridged sexual history either on the first date or when we're unloading the U-Haul. I feel some things are important before you jump into bed, like HIV status. But beyond that, the past is the past. I don't need to know that my partner used to go to sex parties in his early 20's and get gang fucked by everyone in the room. He doesn't need to know I used to be into blood sports, tying guys up, fisting the hell out of them and pissing in their mouths.

    I find that talking about past sexual encounters can be fun after the relationship has taken off, provided that both people are secure enough. But on a first, second or even third date? Leave a little mystery there. I'd be more concerned about him campaigning for anti-gay legislators or popping his collar.
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    Oct 05, 2010 9:24 PM GMT
    He reiterated his point like 3 times throughout the 2+ hour date... I knew right then and there the date was a flop. Even if I had responded differently he was pressuring me to tell him in details... I also made a sardonic quip about how I would have no stories to tell otherwise. I don't think that went over well with him.icon_redface.gif

    I specifically asked him about his past and he didn't really go in to that much details about it... but he was definitely new to the "guy dating guy" thing or atleast he had only ever fooled around with 1 guy and that was in college when they were studying and it just happened.

    PhillyBrat - Thank you very much. I was hoping 1 person would atleast slightly agree with me. I guess it's just me and a couple other people who think this way, I'd rather know what I'm getting into on the first date, in case something does happen. Finding out later could really spoil things.
  • owen19832006

    Posts: 1035

    Oct 05, 2010 9:36 PM GMT
    tell all love, secrets are no good and they come back to bite you in the arse!
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    Oct 05, 2010 9:45 PM GMT
    Your past isn't a secret until you lie about it.
    However, answer the questions that are directly asked of you.
    Spare the sordid details, but keep to the point.
    One man's slut is another man's fun, while another man's saint will get none.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 05, 2010 9:45 PM GMT
    You should live your life with no regrets, and if you care about the person you're dating with you shouldn't have to keep anything a secret. If you keep secrets it will only hurt them when they find out and make you look like a dickhead icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 05, 2010 9:51 PM GMT
    The more you get to know them, the more open you become, the more stories you tell. I dont think I would dive right into "sex stories" on the first date nor have the audacity to ask if I was serious about a guy.
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    Oct 06, 2010 12:10 AM GMT
    RunintheCity said
    One man's slut is another man's fun, while another man's saint will get none.


    Thank you, that really made my day.icon_biggrin.gif

    So i feel like I'm kind of getting mixed responses... I'll probably just not go into details about these type of things on dates.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 06, 2010 12:12 AM GMT
    Nothing.........blame anything he might have heard about you on your twin that he hasn't and will not meet!
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    Oct 06, 2010 12:13 AM GMT
    I have to make up non-existent past experiences. A guy told me in detail we weren't going to work out because I didn't have enough prior dating experience. I mean wtf unless he came with a 401k that's such an asshole move.
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    Oct 06, 2010 12:25 AM GMT
    Ciarsolo saidI have to make up non-existent past experiences. A guy told me in detail we weren't going to work out because I didn't have enough prior dating experience. I mean wtf unless he came with a 401k that's such an asshole move.


    i can't believe that, but i'll sell you some of my stories!
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    Oct 06, 2010 12:26 AM GMT
    skotty75 said
    Ciarsolo saidI have to make up non-existent past experiences. A guy told me in detail we weren't going to work out because I didn't have enough prior dating experience. I mean wtf unless he came with a 401k that's such an asshole move.


    i can't believe that, but i'll sell you some of my stories!



    That sucks... People need to be more accepting and less judgmental.

    Yeah, you can have mine, I've already used mine up.icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 06, 2010 12:27 AM GMT
    The first date is way too soon for the complete bio. Some light banter, some convo about your interests to see if any of them overlap with his, some hints of where you are in life so he'll feel confident you're not some crazed ax murderer, but save the bedroom resume for much much later. (If ever).
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    Oct 06, 2010 12:29 AM GMT
    skotty75 said
    Ciarsolo saidI have to make up non-existent past experiences. A guy told me in detail we weren't going to work out because I didn't have enough prior dating experience. I mean wtf unless he came with a 401k that's such an asshole move.


    i can't believe that, but i'll sell you some of my stories!


    Oh I've enough fucked up moments in my dating history to fill a Quonset hut.
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    Oct 06, 2010 12:31 AM GMT
    Positive correlation with future-planning.
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Oct 06, 2010 1:01 AM GMT
    manners3.jpg
    Miss Manners considers this not a proper subject for a first date. Sex, religion, politics and other "meatier" topics should be avoided. The topics of conversation should be light.
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    Oct 06, 2010 1:09 AM GMT
    swimbikerun said
    Miss Manners considers this not a proper subject for a first date. Sex, religion, politics and other "meatier" topics should be avoided. The topics of conversation should be light.


    Yes, this trend of the first and second date resulting in insta-relationships...we are behaving more like the stereotypes of our lesbians sisters!
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    Oct 06, 2010 8:11 AM GMT
    RunintheCity said
    swimbikerun said
    Miss Manners considers this not a proper subject for a first date. Sex, religion, politics and other "meatier" topics should be avoided. The topics of conversation should be light.


    Yes, this trend of the first and second date resulting in insta-relationships...we are behaving more like the stereotypes of our lesbians sisters!



    I will keep that in mind for the next guy I date... I realize I screwed up, but it's a lesson I had to learn or be told at some point :/. I guess you could call me naive.

    This was actually for the better, since I am dating another guy as well... I actually feel more connected chemistry (although he isn't as good looking as the 1 mentioned in this topic) with the guy I'm still with. 5 dates, going on 6th on sat.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 06, 2010 8:22 AM GMT
    It kinda goes by itself, you share more and more as you go along.. I would not grill someone about their sexual history and find it strange if they do.. the topic just comes up naturally in conversation