When a FATHER hits a son

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    Oct 05, 2010 6:14 AM GMT
    I went over to my house and was probably the biggest mistake i have done in my life,i didn't go alone my friend he's not my bf came with me and waited in the car.To my surprise no one was home but my dad
    so i knocked on the door and he came outside but when he saw my friend he got crazy screaming to me why i braught a homosexual to his house.I told him to calm down we argued and he kept telling me to take him from his house,he told me to come in and come back to the house but i started to back away slowly and he said if i got in the car that was it no more second chances.I looked at my dad and at my friend and i walked over to my dad and told him I RATHER BE GAY THEN TO BE YOUR SON and he slapped me.
    I don't know if i made the right choice but i got in that car and didn't look back
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    Oct 05, 2010 8:00 AM GMT
    You made the right choice.
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Oct 05, 2010 8:09 AM GMT
    Keep making your choices based on respect and caring, not on emotional blackmail. I don't think you can go wrong. Hope things get resolved with your dad one day.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Oct 05, 2010 10:01 AM GMT
    Sorry that you had to go thru that but you definitely made the right choise
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    Oct 05, 2010 1:43 PM GMT
    You did the right thing. You are who you are, and if he couldn't accept you like that, it is his problem.
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    Oct 05, 2010 1:47 PM GMT
    It sounds like you made the right choice.
    Your dad sounds irrational on the gay subject and you have to do what's right for you. Take it easy bud..
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    Oct 05, 2010 1:48 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidYou made the right choice.
    Ditto
  • alphatop

    Posts: 1955

    Oct 05, 2010 2:00 PM GMT
    PRINCETONY saidI went over to my house and was probably the biggest mistake i have done in my life,i didn't go alone my friend he's not my bf came with me and waited in the car.To my surprise no one was home but my dad
    so i knocked on the door and he came outside but when he saw my friend he got crazy screaming to me why i braught a homosexual to his house.I told him to calm down we argued and he kept telling me to take him from his house,he told me to come in and come back to the house but i started to back away slowly and he said if i got in the car that was it no more second chances.I looked at my dad and at my friend and i walked over to my dad and told him I RATHER BE GAY THEN TO BE YOUR SON and he slapped me.
    I don't know if i made the right choice but i got in that car and didn't look back


    Yes, u did. I did the same thing just a couple of days ago, when I arrived from Serbia to China to study. My father molested me for more than 20 fucking years, and I finally stood up for my right to live and to love the way I want to. I told him so many things that I know about him in past 2 decades, he was in shock, didn't see that coming...Than I told him I don't want him or my passive aggresive mother or my crazy sister around anymore, and I changed my last and first name, and took off to China ( for the second time ). Best decision I have ever made. Although, every night since than, I keep dreaming about them, even though they never showed some respect to me as a person. They see me ONLY as gay ( even though I am bisex ), and I have many, many layers, and I don't define myself only as gay man,but as a writer, traveler, linguist,polyglot, adventurer, spirit chaser etc. I don't want any contact with them, and I even changed my email and phone number. That's it. You have to make a choice, buddy. I hear you. Be strong, it is not an easy choice, but once you make it, there is no way back. Think about what is the most important thing in your life. For me, it is freedom to be whatever I want and to travel the world. Hugzicon_smile.gif
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    Oct 05, 2010 2:02 PM GMT
    you made the right choice man, I hate that something like that happened to you. I really hope your dad comes to his senses one day and you two can resolve your differences. Stay strong.
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    Oct 05, 2010 2:06 PM GMT
    One think you must remember, never live in the shadows of anyone. If you thought about his approval and happiness. there isn't anything that you could have done to make him less mserable. Its his issue not yours. He will have to go to his grave with that thought in his mind. Although you should respect your parents, you did the right thing. "confronting it." But saying that you didnt want to be his son could be a little harsh. Forgive him, love him and when and if he is ever ready, you can have a relationship with him. icon_razz.gif
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    Oct 05, 2010 2:27 PM GMT
    "Blood is thicker than water," goes the old saying.

    One's relationship with family is so important, especially as we get older. Good parents won't abandon their children easily, so don't give up on your father.

    Before you write off your relationship with him, you might want to consider which is more likely: that over time your father will come to terms with your choices, or that your relationships with current friends and bf's will endure like that of real family.
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    Oct 05, 2010 2:27 PM GMT
    So sorry to hear that, man. I'm sure everything's gonna be ok.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Oct 05, 2010 2:34 PM GMT
    Pretty dramatic moment, sometimes those moments last an eternity and I would have avoided it I would expect.

    On the positive side... you nailed the issue right on your Dad. Either your relationship is going to improve or it won't. I won't hold it against him that he slapped you. Maybe he will apologize, I'm sure he should feel guilty on the basis of what he did. Remain open minded, see what happens with your Dad, you never know......

    I hear things like this and I realize I'm very lucky for not going through the same sort of thing..... but you can still have a positive outcome. Don't give up.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11525

    Oct 05, 2010 2:35 PM GMT
    singinnc said....Good parents won't abandon their children easily, so don't give up on your father....
    this man is hardly an example of a "good parent" icon_rolleyes.gif

    Tony did the right thing here.
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    Oct 05, 2010 2:40 PM GMT
    You did the right thing. I'm so sorry that you had to go through something like that.... and it's sad that your dad has the ignorant views that he has.
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    Oct 05, 2010 2:43 PM GMT
    Correct choice.
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    Oct 05, 2010 2:56 PM GMT
    why would you question whether you did the right thing. It had to have hurt emotionally for you both. I would never hit my son, under any circumstances, but sometimes you have to let your folks come to terms with this in their own time rather than put it in their face before they are ready to accept it. I'm sure your dad was hurt by what you said.

    My mom caught me having sex, nude with a dude, engaged in full intercourse when she walked in, and it was shocking and disturbing to her. We did not talk for many years afterwards.

    But eventually comes acceptance. Family is family, and things will turn around at some point and you'll make your peace with your father. But hurting him is not the answer, and hitting you isn't either.

    I wouldn't provoke things. After all you need your father and your father needs his son. Just give it some time.
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    Oct 05, 2010 3:00 PM GMT
    Go over with a bat and spit in his face.icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 05, 2010 3:08 PM GMT
    You made the right decision.

    And just because they are blood, does not mean shit. They may never come around and leaving their hate and intolerance behind will be the best thing for you.

    I know, I did it over 10 years ago after years of second chances.

    Best of luck.
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    Oct 05, 2010 3:12 PM GMT
    singinnc said"Blood is thicker than water," goes the old saying.

    One's relationship with family is so important, especially as we get older. Good parents won't abandon their children easily, so don't give up on your father.

    Before you write off your relationship with him, you might want to consider which is more likely: that over time your father will come to terms with your choices, or that your relationships with current friends and bf's will endure like that of real family.


    I'm gonna step in here and say, "No, blood is not thicker than water." If you look at the thread I posted about letting your family go, you will see how many people came to a point where they just don't want to keep in touch with their family anymore because they made them feel like shit for decades and decades and decades.

    My advice to this young man is to move out and BE ON YOUR OWN.
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    Oct 05, 2010 3:37 PM GMT
    Glad you are standing firm; it may be not easy but you are certainly a strong person. Just remember he will always be your father and time heals all wounds....believe me, I once was there. *cyber hug!*
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    Oct 05, 2010 3:39 PM GMT
    There's too much cynicism in the thread. Its all a "FUCK YOU" to the parents. Which is really kind of selfish, its not all about you, the world doesn't revolve around you. You don't know the dynamics of the family, and there will always be love in the family no matter what even if its dysfunctional. Sometimes you have to just bide your time, bite your tongue, and let things progress. Being mature or maturing as you grow up will change that.

    So to all the people who say blood isn't thicker than water, fuck you!

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    Oct 05, 2010 3:57 PM GMT
    CaliBoySwag saidThere's too much cynicism in the thread. Its all a "FUCK YOU" to the parents. Which is really kind of selfish, its not all about you, the world doesn't revolve around you. You don't know the dynamics of the family, and there will always be love in the family no matter what even if its dysfunctional. Sometimes you have to just bide your time, bite your tongue, and let things progress. Being mature or maturing as you grow up will change that.

    So to all the people who say blood isn't thicker than water, fuck you!




    Hey, let's swap families. Have your father be like Jack Nicholson in "The Shining." See how much love you get out of that.

    You have obviously not lived the lives many of these people have. Now go home to your terrific parents and exchange snuggies for Christmas and talk about "the good ole days."

    Lord.
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    Oct 05, 2010 4:00 PM GMT
    PRINCETONY saidI went over to my house and was probably the biggest mistake i have done in my life,i didn't go alone my friend he's not my bf came with me and waited in the car.To my surprise no one was home but my dad
    so i knocked on the door and he came outside but when he saw my friend he got crazy screaming to me why i braught a homosexual to his house.I told him to calm down we argued and he kept telling me to take him from his house,he told me to come in and come back to the house but i started to back away slowly and he said if i got in the car that was it no more second chances.I looked at my dad and at my friend and i walked over to my dad and told him I RATHER BE GAY THEN TO BE YOUR SON and he slapped me.
    I don't know if i made the right choice but i got in that car and didn't look back


    You're really brave. I hope one day your dad gets over you being gay, and sees that.
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    Oct 05, 2010 4:02 PM GMT
    I am really sorry that this has happened to you - or to anyone for that matter.

    These situations just make me even more grateful for my father and mother and the rest of my family. They have shown me nothing but respect and love over the years.

    hmmm - may need to call 'em this afternoon.