Were you married to a woman, but then got divorced because your gayness couldn't be denied?
It wasn't necessarily because the gayness couldn't be denied, it ended more so because the elements that had brought me into the marriage were no longer a strong forceful factor in my life.How did you get into the marriage?
I was brought up by an authoritarian religious family in a community and peer group that enforced that belief system. Homosexuality being unacceptable, marriage to a girl of certain dimensions approved by my family was the the only way to be able to move away and live my own life. (The notion that my life would be threatened as well for being gay was also a definite factor). True I grew to love the woman, but had not fallen in love
with her. She was my companion as I suffocated and crumbled in an arrangement I allowed to happen.How did you feel in the marriage?
I was wrong. Not only did I have to deal with in-laws who were no different than my parents, but my family's struggle for a powerful role in my "new life" only strengthened. The importance of procreation in their religion was manifested in their never-ending pressure to have children. All this I followed under the false conditioned notion that I was obligated to my family to make them happy, that my happiness was contingent upon theirs and satisfying them was ticket to heaven in the afterlife.How do you feel out of the marriage?
Once my parents died, I was hit with the realization that their existence in my life was temporary and I was meant to live for my own happiness, not theirs. This feeling of freedom however is tarnished by a past I'm ashamed of. Though I love my children dearly, they are the innocent sufferers of the divorce, another pang of guilt that keeps me up at night. Gone are my youth and looks, along with the motivation to live a life that I could call my own and not under the jurisdiction of others.How do you feel about the whole effect of the marriage on the woman?
She was a means to an end by my family, by her family, by all those who dogmatically support such a way of life, and first and foremost myself. She was the collateral damage of a gay closeted man who was too weak to stand up on his own. She was a person whose potentially bright future, whose potential for a happy life, were abruptly ended when she accepted to participate in my world. Of course, this never happened to me. There is no doubt, however, that similar scenarios occur in this world. Seeing as no member here seems to have lived it and considering strong opinions concerning issues of religion, theism, various lifestyles, and the tolerance/acceptance of homosexuality expressed not only on the realjock forums but also in the outside world...I felt it necessary to address.
And I was bored.