Married and Gay?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 04, 2008 3:40 AM GMT
    Where you married to a woman, but then got divorced because your gayness couldn't be denied?

    How did you get into the marriage?

    How did you feel in the marriage?

    How do you feel out of the marriage?

    How do you feel about the whole effect of the marriage on the woman?
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    Mar 04, 2008 6:03 PM GMT
    This better be good.
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    Mar 04, 2008 6:37 PM GMT
    YourExwife saidThis better be good.


    Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Don't fret Ex-wife, you're $ettlement and alimony payments won't be affected. You're still assured your fair share of some poor guy's entire estate as per court order, honey. Just relax - and go find yourself some really straight sucker this time, babe.
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    Mar 04, 2008 6:40 PM GMT
    Where you married to a woman, but then got divorced because your gayness couldn't be denied?
    Yes, more or less.

    How did you get into the marriage?
    College. Naivete. Desire not to be gay. So-called reparative therapy. The usual drill.

    How did you feel in the marriage?
    OK at the beginning, conflicted in the middle, utterly trapped toward the end.

    How do you feel out of the marriage?
    Much better, but lots of lingering consequences.

    How do you feel about the whole effect of the marriage on the woman?
    My ex was aware of my gay-ness from the beginning. When we separated, she obviously felt hurt and disappointed. I think, though, that we were both extremely naive thinking that marriage and faith could cure the gay out of me.
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    Mar 04, 2008 6:41 PM GMT
    Jockbod48 said[quote][cite]YourExwife said[/cite]This better be good.


    Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Don't fret Ex-wife, you're $ettlement and alimony payments won't be affected. You're still assured your fair share of some poor guy's entire estate as per court order, honey. Just relax - and go find yourself some really straight sucker this time, babe.[/quote]
    Here, here!
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    Mar 04, 2008 6:45 PM GMT
    wow, so many questions...I could write a book on this one. Ill try to not make it to long and boring, short and sweet....

    In high school I had a best friend that was very flambouyant. We were made fun of every day for being gay. Both of us ended up being gay but didnt come out to each other until after graduation, anyway...

    To try to prove I wasn't gay I had a girl friend. We never got along, fought all the time and 3 months b4 we graduated she got pregnant. We did the marriage thing, had another kid and it ended 3 years into the marriage. We were so opposite and I realized I was gay but didn't want to deal with it.

    After leaving her I was with a man for the first time. I knew the second he held me and kissed me that this is what I wanted. I dated men for about 7 years and with me being monogamous minded it never worked out. They either cheated on me or was abusive in some way.

    I ended up meeting a woman I worked with and knew she was attracted to me. She was an incredible woman. Beautiful, smart, worked hard, independant, and we got along great. We became great friends, I even took her to the gay bar with me a few times. I knew she wanted more so I sat her down and told her all about my past and she said she still wanted to give it a try if I wanted to. I thought maybe it would work since my first wife was psycho and this woman was so easy to get along with.

    Well it lasted 5 years. We had a great relationship and we still do. I care for her so much. But each year got harder and harder. Even though we would have sex, had one child together, there was still always something missing. I never felt complete, or whole.

    In time I couldn't do it anymore and explained to her how I was feeling. I refused to be one of those guys being married 20 years and cheat on his wife. She didn't deserve that, I wanted her to have someone that would treat her like she deserved to be treated.

    We divorced and are still the best of friends and share in evertying taking care of our son. After we split up I met the man of my dreams and she is now living with a great guy also. We both really like each others boyfriends and we all get along great. She is very open minded and accepting and has never given me a hard time about the gay thing.

    My relationship now with my partner is one that I have waited for my whole life. When married I enjoyed the feeling of committment, honesty and loyalty to a person but it was always something missing with a woman, not just physical but mentally and emotionally.

    With my partner we are very committed in every way. He is so loving and accepting and loves my kids and they love him. I feel for once in my life I have a complete package. Nothing missing, I am not settling for less, and I dont have to hope for something better...I have it now.

    I feel horrible for the women in these situations but my 2nd wife knew from the beginning. I dont think it makes it any easier but atleast I was not guilt ridden for not telling her. Women are amazing creatures but no matter how happy I thought I was, there was always the missing part that got to me and grew over time.

    The feeling of a mans arms around me, his warm embrace and beautiful kiss is what I needed. The love between two men for me is a beautiful thing. I wish I hadn't had to have gone through all of this to find it, but because I have, I know what I have and how valuable it is.
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    Mar 04, 2008 9:03 PM GMT
    Where you married to a woman, but then got divorced because your gayness couldn't be denied?

    Nope, got divorced as she changed and ended up being a bitch from hell and a manic depressive and baiscaly no sex for almost 2 years!!!!!!!

    How did you get into the marriage?
    gay is a label for some not all, she was the one and always thought we would be together, been with both sexes before I dont consider myself gay, or even bi for that matter, more just a sexual being that doesnt mean yuo cant be monogamous with the right person

    How did you feel in the marriage?
    Great at the beginning, fat and depressed towards the end.

    How do you feel out of the marriage?
    Happy but sad that the marriage failed and she changed

    How do you feel about the whole effect of the marriage on the woman?

    My ex was aware of my sexuality from the beginning. She blamed me at first but then realised she was as much if not more to blame for it failing.
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    Mar 04, 2008 9:42 PM GMT
    Married for over 11 years to a lesbian.

    We married because we both wanted kids, and at the time it seemed the best way to go about it.

    We each had sexual partners but would not bring them into the home, on account of the kids. We had an agreement that we would dissolve the marriage if one of us ever got "serious" about a partner. My wife met Linda, and we divorced.

    The kids turned out great. They stayed with her and Linda, and they had two terrific moms and a dad who stayed involved with them. For a while, even two dads.
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    Mar 05, 2008 12:04 AM GMT
    Were you married to a woman, but then got divorced because your gayness couldn't be denied?
    Pretty much. I was starting to get a little suspicious partway into it all when I found gay porn under the bed one day, but things were good, so I pushed it out of my mind.

    How did you get into the marriage?
    A small private outdoor ceremony, about 50 close friends and family. She wore an ivory gown, I had a tux. The minister person said a bunch of stuff, we said "I do" or something to that effect, and we all ate cake. There were presents.
    For reals: I proposed. We'd been dating for almost five years, and living together quite sinfully for almost three.


    How did you feel in the marriage?
    Utterly, blissfully content. You know, except for the libido that I sensed somehow wasn't what it should have been.

    How do you feel out of the marriage?
    There are ups and downs, but currently pretty damn content, though my ex has moved out of the state and we miss each other terribly. We talk most every day on the phone, sometimes admittedly just so I can talk to my dog.

    How do you feel about the whole effect of the marriage on the woman?
    She only falls for gay guys now, according to her. She says I spoiled her on thoughtless, inconsiderate straight guys. I suspect she's at least partly joking. She's infinitely proud of the fact that she kept me straight for over eight years. For my part, I will always be haunted by the thought of having hurt her, however inadvertently.
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    Mar 05, 2008 12:39 AM GMT
    I always knew you were/are gay. All that nonsense about "ride me, honey" was just your way of saying you're a bottom. It was ridiculous to try to deep throat me as I have a vagina, but, I'm sure you just never noticed. Now, my ass hurts. "I'm going home to my mother!". Does that sound familiar mister man?
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    Mar 05, 2008 12:42 AM GMT
    1, Were you married to a woman, and did you divorce because of gayness? Yes, I was married for 16 years, I divorced because #1 I found her very hard to enjoy being around, and because I was gay and with our differences I couldn't deal with it. Had she been a soul mate I might have stayed. We were unhappy so for the sake of the kids I asked for a divorce, later the kids came to live with me. 2, How did you get into the marriage? I would not accept being gay, I wanted children, I was taught that a person could "overcome" being gay, and I was dumb enough to believe it. So I married thinking all would work out, but being gay doesn't leave a person. 3, How did you feel in the marriage? UNCOMFORTABLE, Like I was in a sherade or a play acting out something other than me. I went through the motions, but having children was a great highlight in the marriage. 4, How do you feel out of the marriage? I've never enjoyed life any better!!! being married was a strain in nearly every way, I wonder now how I ever stayed in it so long, my kids have even asked me how I had managed so long with their mother. 5, How do I feel about the affect of the marriage on the woman. Kind of ambivalent, I gave it my best try, I shouldn't have married her, but I did, so I'm one to make the best of even a mistake and live without regrets. We get along fine, most of the kids events, graduation, marriage, visits, birthdays, and such all took place at my house, and I treated her as a friend. For quite a while though she treated me pretty rotten but she got over it after a few years and after the kids telling her off over it several times. So overall it worked out, but I wouldn't advise trying it !!!! Its too big of a gamble !!!
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    Mar 05, 2008 12:55 AM GMT
    Caslon saidWere you married to a woman, but then got divorced because your gayness couldn't be denied? Yes, sort of. Married for 22 yrs, then decided that definitely time to stop lying and be myself.

    How did you get into the marriage? Did what society indicated was the right thing to do, marry and have a family. I was very naive and was not sexually active before being married (I know, hard to believe), liked looking at guys but figured would go away once I was sexually active (WRONG).

    How did you feel in the marriage? Had a good marriage, good wife, good kids. Fun times and feel I was a good father and husband, but was always something missing. The love I wanted was just not there with my wife. She tried, but I just couldn't do it.

    How do you feel out of the marriage? I'm ok so far. Still living together so not totally out yet. Not divorced yet.

    How do you feel about the whole effect of the marriage on the woman? She is very hurt. Very much mourning a big lost. She feels it was a sham (although I think she knows it wasn't), but going through the stages. I think she'll look back and, although disappointed, she'll see that what we had and what we did we did in love and it was good. We hardly ever fought, I was always home, cared for the kids, cleaned the house, did a lot of things other wives only dream of their husbands doing! She appreciates all that.

    She's also been very supportive of me coming out. Eventually it will be to others but for now, for her sake, just her.

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    Apr 01, 2008 9:10 PM GMT
    Were you married to a woman, but then got divorced because your gayness couldn't be denied?

    It wasn't necessarily because the gayness couldn't be denied, it ended more so because the elements that had brought me into the marriage were no longer a strong forceful factor in my life.

    How did you get into the marriage?

    I was brought up by an authoritarian religious family in a community and peer group that enforced that belief system. Homosexuality being unacceptable, marriage to a girl of certain dimensions approved by my family was the the only way to be able to move away and live my own life. (The notion that my life would be threatened as well for being gay was also a definite factor). True I grew to love the woman, but had not fallen in love with her. She was my companion as I suffocated and crumbled in an arrangement I allowed to happen.

    How did you feel in the marriage?

    I was wrong. Not only did I have to deal with in-laws who were no different than my parents, but my family's struggle for a powerful role in my "new life" only strengthened. The importance of procreation in their religion was manifested in their never-ending pressure to have children. All this I followed under the false conditioned notion that I was obligated to my family to make them happy, that my happiness was contingent upon theirs and satisfying them was ticket to heaven in the afterlife.

    How do you feel out of the marriage?

    Once my parents died, I was hit with the realization that their existence in my life was temporary and I was meant to live for my own happiness, not theirs. This feeling of freedom however is tarnished by a past I'm ashamed of. Though I love my children dearly, they are the innocent sufferers of the divorce, another pang of guilt that keeps me up at night. Gone are my youth and looks, along with the motivation to live a life that I could call my own and not under the jurisdiction of others.

    How do you feel about the whole effect of the marriage on the woman?

    She was a means to an end by my family, by her family, by all those who dogmatically support such a way of life, and first and foremost myself. She was the collateral damage of a gay closeted man who was too weak to stand up on his own. She was a person whose potentially bright future, whose potential for a happy life, were abruptly ended when she accepted to participate in my world.


    Of course, this never happened to me. There is no doubt, however, that similar scenarios occur in this world. Seeing as no member here seems to have lived it and considering strong opinions concerning issues of religion, theism, various lifestyles, and the tolerance/acceptance of homosexuality expressed not only on the realjock forums but also in the outside world...I felt it necessary to address.

    And I was bored.


    fam12ix8.jpg


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    Apr 01, 2008 9:38 PM GMT
    Surly if a man was to wed a women, and like men too. This puts them under the banner of Bisexual. As a pure homosexual, could never play in the playground of a vagina.

    Remember. We are not one community.
    Not one people.
    I am One. But we are not.

    It's like a one size fits all mentality. But....this does not fit me.

    Not slagging off at the Bi community. I just don't deem, a guy whom has the best of both worlds, and the privileges of the str8 world. Get to stand under the gay banner, as they are Bisexual. Living a lie, or not.

    Why do people insist on forcing us all under the one banner? But then One is more than happy to stand alone under the Banner of Fag. As to be a Fag, you must be born with a dick. Be a pure homosexual, so no bi's. It is a banner for regular homosexuals, whom are into other regular guys. So sorry no queens either.

    A pedophile, whom has a wife, and like to molest young boys. Does this make him gay?
    To me no!
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    Apr 01, 2008 9:50 PM GMT
    Well they put under one banner just as you have ie just because they are with a woman it does not define them as bi

    Kinsey's scale is just one example and explanation of sexuality and their are hundreds of variations and definitions of sexuality.


    I think it is you that has issues and some weird propensity to a fixation with labels.

    I am sorry if our non pure blood upsets you but I didnt realised this was some Neo Gay Nazi site only for purebloods that meet your strict criteria
  • dhinkansas

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    Apr 01, 2008 10:01 PM GMT
    I give props to the ex married guys for answering so truthfully...takes real men to do that.
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    Apr 01, 2008 10:24 PM GMT
    onmyway saidWere you married to a woman, but then got divorced because your gayness couldn't be denied?

    It wasn't necessarily because the gayness couldn't be denied, it ended moreso because the elements that had brought me into the marriage were no longer a strong forceful factor in my life.

    How did you get into the marriage?

    I was brought up by authoritarian religious family in a community and peer group that had similar belief system. Homosexuality being unacceptable, marriage to a girl of certain dimensions approved by my family being the only way to be able to move away and live my own life. True I grew to love the woman, but not be in love with her. She was my companion as I suffocated and crumbled in an arrangement I allowed to happen.

    How did you feel in the marriage?

    I was wrong. Not only did I have to deal with in-laws who were no different than my parents, but my family struggle for a powerful role in my "new life" only strengthened. The importance of procreation in their religion was manifested in their never-ending pressure to have children. All this I followed under the false conditioned notion that I was obligated to my family to make them happy, as my happiness was determined by theirs and my entry into heaven.

    How do you feel out of the marriage?

    Once my parents died, I was hit with the realization that their existence in my life was temporary and I was meant to live for my own happiness, not theirs. This feeling of freedom however is tarnished by a past I'm ashamed of. Though I love my children dearly, they are the innocent sufferers of the divorce, another pang of guilt that keeps me up at night. Gone are my youth and looks, along with the motivation to live a life that I could call my own and not a jurisdiction of others.

    How do you feel about the whole effect of the marriage on the woman?

    She was a means to an end by my family, by her family, by all those who support such a dogmatic way of life, and first and foremost myself. She was the collateral damage of a gay closeted man who was too weak to stand up on his own. A person whose potentially bright future, whose potential for a happy life, were abruptly ended when she accepted to participate in my world.




    Wow OnMyWay....we must be twins from a different mother! LOL Nicely put, I'm right there with you!
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    Apr 01, 2008 10:28 PM GMT
    Pattison saidSurly if a man was to wed a women, and like men too. This puts them under the banner of Bisexual. As a pure homosexual, could never play in the playground of a vagina.

    Remember. We are not one community.
    Not one people.
    I am One. But we are not.

    It's like a one size fits all mentality. But....this does not fit me.

    Not slagging off at the Bi community. I just don't deem, a guy whom has the best of both worlds, and the privileges of the str8 world. Get to stand under the gay banner, as they are Bisexual. Living a lie, or not.

    Why do people insist on forcing us all under the one banner? But then One is more than happy to stand alone under the Banner of Fag. As to be a Fag, you must be born with a dick. Be a pure homosexual, so no bi's. It is a banner for regular homosexuals, whom are into other regular guys. So sorry no queens either.

    A pedophile, whom has a wife, and like to molest young boys. Does this make him gay?
    To me no!


    I'm gonna be uncharacteristically blunt and to the point, and this is all I'll say on the subject, ever. One is a mouth-breathing troglodyte with his head up his own gonnorhea-infested ass if One believes this. One needs to cease with the homo-hating diatribes, let go of the obvious internalized homophobia exhibited in numerous posts, and get with the times. Finally, One is an antipodean trainwreck that gives a bad name to Aussies everywhere (and I've met many many fine ones), not the Queen Motherfucking Mum, so One needs to perhaps get Oneself to a shrink, get a grip on Oneself, and stop addressing the mere unworthy fags like a god on high. And that's all.
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    Apr 01, 2008 10:31 PM GMT
    zdrew78 saidOne is an antipodean trainwreck that gives a bad name to Aussies everywhere (and I've met many many fine ones), not the Queen Motherfucking Mum, so One needs to perhaps get Oneself to a shrink, get a grip on Oneself, and stop addressing the mere unworthy fags like a god on high. And that's all.


    Good Lord, ZD, "antipodean trainwreck"? Now, folks, THAT is funny writing.

    Wow.
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    Apr 01, 2008 10:36 PM GMT
    Thank you, zdrew!
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    Apr 02, 2008 2:31 AM GMT
    Ok, I'll give it a go....this will be good therapy.

    Where you married to a woman, but then got divorced because your gayness couldn't be denied?

    Yes, I was married to a beautiful woman for 8 years. My wife initiated the divorce because she wanted more "passion" in her life; basically she figured out what was up with me before I did.

    How did you get into the marriage?

    Growing up, I completely suppressed the gay identity; the mind is very powerful that way. In retrospect, I remember looking at men and stealing glances at Playgirl, but I never made the leap to homo. It was my conservative, Southern Baptist upbringing that taught me that gays were defectives, perverts, & sinners. I just knew I was none of that!

    I did what all good Baptist boys do; they marry a women. I didn't even feel as if I was being deceitful to my wife; I was deceiving myself as much as her.

    How did you feel in the marriage?

    Unlike some, I actually loved being married; I loved my wife; I loved our life together. If she hadn't left, I would still be married to her. The sex was never great, but I suppose that wasn't a priority for me. We were best friends. I have no regrets about getting married.


    How do you feel out of the marriage?

    After my wife left, I felt lost and alone. I basically hibernated for 8 years trying to come to terms with what happened and who I am.
    I finally came out one year ago. It's been small steps, but the path has been positive for me; no negatives yet. I'm happy with where I am at this point in my life.

    How do you feel about the whole effect of the marriage on the woman?

    I was most worried that my wife would be bitter and hate me. We didn't really speak of the gay issue for nearly 8 years after getting divorced. Once we did talk about it, I felt a huge relief. She just wants me to be happy. She has since remarried and has a little girl. She told me she has no regrets and would not undo our 8 year together. That means the world to me.

    p.s. I was always faithful to my wife while I was married.
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    Apr 02, 2008 2:50 AM GMT


    zdrew78 saidI'm gonna be uncharacteristically blunt and to the point, and this is all I'll say on the subject, ever. One is a mouth-breathing troglodyte with his head up his own gonnorhea-infested ass if One believes this. One needs to cease with the homo-hating diatribes, let go of the obvious internalized homophobia exhibited in numerous posts, and get with the times. Finally, One is an antipodean trainwreck that gives a bad name to Aussies everywhere (and I've met many many fine ones), not the Queen Motherfucking Mum, so One needs to perhaps get Oneself to a shrink, get a grip on Oneself, and stop addressing the mere unworthy fags like a god on high. And that's all.


    You get me so hot when you're all blunt and sassy like that. Mouth-breathing troglodyte is one of my all time favorite descriptive phrases.icon_razz.gif
  • calipally

    Posts: 246

    Apr 02, 2008 3:07 AM GMT
    lol

    "One" needs to learn English.
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    Apr 02, 2008 3:15 AM GMT
    zdrew78 said[quote][cite]Pattison said[/cite]Surly if a man was to wed a women, and like men too. This puts them under the banner of Bisexual. As a pure homosexual, could never play in the playground of a vagina.

    Remember. We are not one community.
    Not one people.
    I am One. But we are not.

    It's like a one size fits all mentality. But....this does not fit me.

    Not slagging off at the Bi community. I just don't deem, a guy whom has the best of both worlds, and the privileges of the str8 world. Get to stand under the gay banner, as they are Bisexual. Living a lie, or not.

    Why do people insist on forcing us all under the one banner? But then One is more than happy to stand alone under the Banner of Fag. As to be a Fag, you must be born with a dick. Be a pure homosexual, so no bi's. It is a banner for regular homosexuals, whom are into other regular guys. So sorry no queens either.

    A pedophile, whom has a wife, and like to molest young boys. Does this make him gay?
    To me no!


    I'm gonna be uncharacteristically blunt and to the point, and this is all I'll say on the subject, ever. One is a mouth-breathing troglodyte with his head up his own gonnorhea-infested ass if One believes this. One needs to cease with the homo-hating diatribes, let go of the obvious internalized homophobia exhibited in numerous posts, and get with the times. Finally, One is an antipodean trainwreck that gives a bad name to Aussies everywhere (and I've met many many fine ones), not the Queen Motherfucking Mum, so One needs to perhaps get Oneself to a shrink, get a grip on Oneself, and stop addressing the mere unworthy fags like a god on high. And that's all.[/quote]


    Wow!!!!!!!!!! Nicely done!!!!

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    Apr 02, 2008 3:23 AM GMT

    One, I am your buddy and I laughed all the way through that post icon_razz.gificon_razz.gificon_razz.gif but, WHY did you say that in here? This particular court is fulla queens, doll.