My coming out journal

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    Oct 08, 2010 5:36 PM GMT
    I thought it might be kind of fun to share my coming out story as it happens. I was tanked last night (hah, one too many jack and cokes) and ended up coming out to a girl I am very good friends with. She was beyond supportive and even told me a secret in return. Anyways, I'm really happy to be out to somebody I'm close with! Excited to come out to the rest of my family/friends over the next few months.
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    Oct 08, 2010 5:41 PM GMT
    Awesome, may you be so blessed ea time! Best of luck to you..
  • shoelessj

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    Oct 08, 2010 11:13 PM GMT
    well, good for you, no matter if it was liquor fueled or not. hope it goes well, that the road isn't too rocky. if it does, remember there are many guys here who can offer support and advice. good luck!
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    Oct 08, 2010 11:19 PM GMT
    I'm happy for you!
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    Oct 13, 2010 3:30 PM GMT
    Last night I came out to my mom. I was at my parent's house using their scanner and fax machine because I needed a breather from my office, and decided to talk to her about it. I was expecting that she would have already had a hint ("mother always knows", not to mention we are insanely close) but she was visibly shocked when I told her. But it wasn't anger or sad shock, it was more that she had never considered it.

    She could not have been more supportive though, she told me that this couldn't possibly change how much she loved me, and also that she would be just as happy to accept my future husband as she would have been to accept my future wife. We also bounced ideas back and forth as to which family members might have issues (can only think of two out of twenty or so), and how to handle it. It was a gigantic confidence booster and has made me more confident to tell my dad later this week (my mom says she can't imagine he'd react negatively in any way).
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    Oct 13, 2010 3:46 PM GMT
    A lot are discovering the meaning of 'unconditional love' when it comes to parents. Speaking as one, without generalizing, we only want our kids to be happy in life. My wife used to say of our youngest son "I don't care if he brings home a guy, as long as he's clean, has manners and is a good man". Pretty much the way most parents who love their son would feel...Congrats brother, the road is smoother....Keithicon_cool.gif
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    Oct 13, 2010 4:01 PM GMT
    Thanks for sharing your story, I'm glad coming out is going so well. You and I live in one of the most enlightened areas of the world (surrounded by bright people and lots of diversification) and it sounds as though our coming out experiences are similar. You also have a good profile, and it is easy to see that you're a great guy with a future of fun and success ahead of you. May you do what I have done and enjoy it all!
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    Oct 13, 2010 4:26 PM GMT
    travelfanShe could not have been more supportive though, she told me that this couldn't possibly change how much she loved me, and also that she would be just as happy to accept my future husband as she would have been to accept my future wife.


    Man... I am so envious of you. Yet to come out to my mom and for good reason. Brokeback mountain was on the tv and she said, "Gah, faggots, that is so disgusting." I was like icon_eek.gif Oh well, it will happen sooner or later, but not looking forward to it. Congrats to you though, glad you had the balls to do it and it went well for you.
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    Oct 13, 2010 4:37 PM GMT
    KardioKing said
    Man... I am so envious of you. Yet to come out to my mom and for good reason. Brokeback mountain was on the tv and she said, "Gah, faggots, that is so disgusting." I was like icon_eek.gif Oh well, it will happen sooner or later, but not looking forward to it. Congrats to you though, glad you had the balls to do it and it went well for you.

    Oh, crap…why would your mom say something like that?
    I’m guessing she knows already and wanted to make sure you don’t tell her, so she can continue to live in denial.
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    Oct 13, 2010 6:05 PM GMT
    dustin_K_tx said
    KardioKing said
    Man... I am so envious of you. Yet to come out to my mom and for good reason. Brokeback mountain was on the tv and she said, "Gah, faggots, that is so disgusting." I was like icon_eek.gif Oh well, it will happen sooner or later, but not looking forward to it. Congrats to you though, glad you had the balls to do it and it went well for you.

    Oh, crap…why would your mom say something like that?
    I’m guessing she knows already and wanted to make sure you don’t tell her, so she can continue to live in denial.

    Possibly.
    Even if not, a counter by you when she said that would have gotten her off guard, and perhaps made her think very clearly what was so "disgusting" about those "faggots" and contrast you and them. It would have given you a better understanding of what makes her tick.
    You may have animosity towards her now because of her thinking regarding gays - that includes you. Or perhaps she'll catch on that people sometimes say hurtful and stupid things because they're parrots and don't think for themselves in critical matters.
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    Oct 13, 2010 8:53 PM GMT
    KardioKing said
    travelfanShe could not have been more supportive though, she told me that this couldn't possibly change how much she loved me, and also that she would be just as happy to accept my future husband as she would have been to accept my future wife.


    Man... I am so envious of you. Yet to come out to my mom and for good reason. Brokeback mountain was on the tv and she said, "Gah, faggots, that is so disgusting." I was like icon_eek.gif Oh well, it will happen sooner or later, but not looking forward to it. Congrats to you though, glad you had the balls to do it and it went well for you.


    Maybe you will be the one to force her to question those views though. That's what I was talking with my mom about yesterday, we have about 20 or so close relatives that I feel would deserve an in-person coming out with, and we both agree that only 2 of them will have a hard time with it. But we also were thinking that maybe it's important to have somebody they care about come out, because then it may force them to reconsider their views.

    What's that really good Harvey Milk quote about coming out again?
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    Oct 13, 2010 11:32 PM GMT
    TravelFan....Just for you!

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  • disasterpiece

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    Oct 14, 2010 2:43 AM GMT
    I'm really happy for you man. I went through the same just this week, telling my mother.

    Now, I'm looking forward coming out to my father. Let's do it together ;)
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    Dec 19, 2010 9:01 PM GMT
    Well, haven't constantly updated this, but I am now out to my immediate family (mom, dad, brother), all the girls I know and a couple guy friends (jncluding my roommate).

    Two things have been constant in every case. First, nobody ever guessed or suspected, even the ones I was positive would have figured it out. Second, nobody cared. Not one person even seemed slightly uncomfortable about it, even for a second. Everybody has been beyond supportive and if anything I feel like most of the relationships that I had worried would suffer are now closer.

    I am also out to the other gay man in my office, I wanted his opinion about how our office would handle openly gay men. He says he has never faced any sort of discrimination (and he said he would absolutely tell me if he had), and that everybody is supportive. I'm not planning on coming out to the office or anything like that (I just don't think it's appropriate), but if anybody asks about dating girls or something I'll be honest with them and let the work gossip mill take care of the rest.

    So yeah, essentially I'm out now. It feels good and was infinitely easier than I expected it would be, but that's probably just lucky on my part.
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    Dec 19, 2010 9:05 PM GMT
    i agree with the easy part, i've found with all the people i've told, it was no big issue with them...i wish that was the same for everybody....but good for you brother...you go girl...................Keithicon_cool.gif
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    Dec 19, 2010 9:09 PM GMT
    travelfan saidWell, haven't constantly updated this, but I am now out to my immediate family (mom, dad, brother), all the girls I know and a couple guy friends (jncluding my roommate).

    Two things have been constant in every case. First, nobody ever guessed or suspected, even the ones I was positive would have figured it out. Second, nobody cared. Not one person even seemed slightly uncomfortable about it, even for a second. Everybody has been beyond supportive and if anything I feel like most of the relationships that I had worried would suffer are now closer.

    I am also out to the other gay man in my office, I wanted his opinion about how our office would handle openly gay men. He says he has never faced any sort of discrimination (and he said he would absolutely tell me if he had), and that everybody is supportive. I'm not planning on coming out to the office or anything like that (I just don't think it's appropriate), but if anybody asks about dating girls or something I'll be honest with them and let the work gossip mill take care of the rest.

    So yeah, essentially I'm out now. It feels good and was infinitely easier than I expected it would be, but that's probably just lucky on my part.


    Great job dude. But don't worry about too many people reacting negatively. You live in an extremely liberal area, and as for the people who think negatively--they're just water under the bridge.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11819

    Dec 19, 2010 9:31 PM GMT
    Journaling is a awesome way to work through situations in your life...Much luck to ya....BUD
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    Dec 19, 2010 10:45 PM GMT
    wow. I'm so happy for you...Congratulations!!! icon_biggrin.gif

    I wish...oh...icon_confused.gif

    Congratulations again!!!! icon_smile.gif
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    Dec 19, 2010 10:54 PM GMT
    Congrats Travelfan....
    I made the decision to come out several months ago to immediate family (sisters & kids) and close friends. It has not been an issue with anyone. You'll find that people like you for you... irregardless of your sexual orientation.
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    Dec 20, 2010 3:22 AM GMT
    Life is much more satisfying and relaxing when there are non-issues.

    Glad to hear that things are developing well for you.
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    Dec 20, 2010 3:35 AM GMT
    Congrats - the first step is (one of) the hardest!

    On a similar note, did anyone ever read the blog "Nothing Golden Stays"? It was a great - and incredibly well-written - coming out journal. The blogger made it private, though icon_sad.gif. I was a sad panda when I found that out.