How can you be gay and Not have an anxiety disorder.

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    Oct 08, 2010 9:39 PM GMT
    I was just thinking about this. I mean basically everytime u are out and doing stuff its not socially acceptable to look at a guy u find attractive as it is okay for a guy to look at a girl he finds attractive. I feel like i'm always hiding in the shadows and trying to suppress outwardly what i feel inwardly, just so i don't piss off other people.

    I've been caught checking out another guy before and it got weird. real weird. real fast. But u can't help it sometimes ur eyes just go places its human nature.

    I hate always feeling weird about this stuff. how do u guys deal with this?
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    Oct 08, 2010 10:01 PM GMT
    well when i'm caught in act, I just approach the guy and ask if he'd like a blow job.

    But seriously though, after my first experience of being caught starring, I started wearing sunglasses when I'm in the mood to check out guys... Hey, you gotta be creative. Anything to satisfy my lusting eyes. I mean with sunnies you can even check the guy's crotch too. mmmmm! yum~
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    Oct 08, 2010 11:36 PM GMT
    There are plenty of guys who are able to adjust to their sexuality without develping psychological problems.

    For those who develop such psychological problems: Accept who you are and learn to deal and cope with whatever life throws at you.... as quickly as possible.
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    Oct 09, 2010 5:27 AM GMT
    When a guy catches me and makes a big deal out of it, I just say "now you know how girls feel when you ogle their boobs."
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    Oct 09, 2010 5:37 AM GMT
    wear shadows! lol for some reason they give me the courage to even smile back lol

    and if you can and are ready just say "yeah that guy its cute dont you think"

    but I do know what you mean
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    Oct 09, 2010 6:00 AM GMT
    I"ve never had anyone make a big deal about it, but I don't think i'd really care. I'd probably say something like "If you sotp being hot I'll stop looking at you."
  • CalebKM

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    Oct 09, 2010 6:14 AM GMT
    Be secure and you'll be fine. I'm in a bible back area and people don't like it but I let them know about themselves. icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 09, 2010 6:17 AM GMT
    You just get over it. With age.
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    Oct 09, 2010 6:23 AM GMT
    Rune saidI"ve never had anyone make a big deal about it, but I don't think i'd really care. I'd probably say something like "If you sotp being hot I'll stop looking at you."
    Or if you wanna figure out whether or not he's gay, tell him you're just thinking of improvements that would need to be made before you could do anything with him. If he's gay, you'll find out really quick.
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    Oct 09, 2010 6:25 AM GMT
    I just keep staring and smile. Who cares?
    He should be flattered that I find him hot, lol!
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    Oct 09, 2010 6:31 AM GMT
    I'm minding my business and enjoying the view. I'm too busy checking some hot guys ass and watching the bulge in his pants dance to be concerned and I don't feel weird doing it all. I have eyes and I'm all about using them.

    I'm doing that guy a favor anyway. I'm giving him options. LOL. Besides that people don't really know what it is you are looking at and if they are spending that much time checking out what you are doing then you shouldn't really feel weird about that.
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    Oct 09, 2010 6:33 AM GMT
    Are you out or are you still in the closet?

    I certainly don't mean to be rude but I think you hit the nail on the head when you self-identified as having an anxiety disorder. You don't need to go through life being unhappy. You should reach out for help such as either psychological counseling, anti-anxiety medication, or both.
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    Oct 09, 2010 6:36 AM GMT
    I have anxiety myself, stil seeing a shrink for it, not taking meds though, we're trying to help m just cope with stress and to lessen it through other means... Talking abou tit with friends, on RJ helped me alot....

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    Oct 09, 2010 7:01 AM GMT
    supress your nature, perpetuate such a society that 'ostracizes' you. because u are part of that society.
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    Oct 09, 2010 7:17 AM GMT
    Rune saidI"ve never had anyone make a big deal about it, but I don't think i'd really care. I'd probably say something like "If you sotp being hot I'll stop looking at you."


    Pretty much.
    The older I get, the more confident I get.
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    Oct 09, 2010 12:19 PM GMT
    Sylas saidI hate always feeling weird about this stuff. how do u guys deal with this?

    I only once had to deal with it, ordinarily being totally out. But a BF I had for a couple of years was closeted, or so he thought. Actually most of his straight friends knew he was gay, and only he thought he was fooling everyone. But I humored him, cause that was his delusion that made him happy.

    Anyway, the first time we ever went to a major social event together, some art premiere dressed formally in black bow tie, with an exclusive private dinner party afterwards, he took me aside and scolded me. Seems some of his straight friends asked him why my eyes were riveted on him, following him all around the museum wherever he went, my interest a little too obvious.

    And I guess I was doing just that, I had really fallen for the guy. But he wanted to maintain the illusion that we were just 2 casual friends. So OK, for the rest of the night I looked anywhere but at him, and continued to do that for the entire time we dated whenever we were in mixed company.

    But anxiety disorder related to being gay myself? Not in the slightest. On the contrary, any maladjustment I once had was due to my trying to convince myself I was straight, before I came out. Once I came out the anxiety & confusion evaporated, and I was never happier nor more self-confident.

    We are best adjusted when we accept our natural orientation. It's the pretending that screws us up, not behaving as Nature intended. I understand that sometimes we have to put on an act for our own protection, depending upon circumstances. But inside we should always know who we are, and be proud of it, never ashamed.

    It's like when I get invited to cocktail parties in Boca Raton or Palm Beach, Florida, and almost everyone there is a Republican. And they're spewing all kinds of racist & class hatred, and looney conspiracy theories straight from Glenn Beck, the same idiocy you hear from some right-wing members here.

    So I just try to look pleasant, and avoid engaging them, knowing tiny conservative minds cannot grasp actual facts. Meaning that I can't persuade or influence them, no need to waste my time on lost causes. I fulfill my social obligation for the evening, and make sure they never appear on my own invite list.

    I think that's the same way we must approach straights generally at times. And certainly have no anxiety disorders over it.
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    Oct 09, 2010 12:56 PM GMT
    PGHiccups saidThe older I get, the more confident I get.


    Looking at your main pic, I'd never have guessed icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 10, 2010 2:08 AM GMT
    I mean sometimes I'll be talking to a straight 'acquaintance' and I really feel just like gazing into his eyes, it sucks that I feel I can't or have to look down . But I know most guys would find that weird and be freaked out. The funny thing is; even if i know he is feeling it too. And it has little at all to do with being gay.


    Its an issue because I don't want to get punched in the face or called out in public. I am not used to being 'myself' I wish I could be around you guys to see someone actually do it and not get punched in the face.

    I guess its again different if the guy is your 'aquaintance'. Its not some random guy. thats what i mean.



    P.S.

    There should be nothing wrong with gazing into a guys eyes, holding his hand or anything like that. Other cultures do it all the time and its normal the U.S.A is so homphobic that any sign of male to male emotional intimacy is seen as "gay" . Dude emotional intimacy happens between straight guys all the time they just block it cause culture tells them its gay. Fritz Klein famous sex researcher talks about this alot.
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    Oct 10, 2010 2:34 AM GMT
    Try not to think so much. Just enjoy the moment and if someone makes a fuss, just shrug it off. You would think that they would be at least flattered that you even look.
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    Oct 10, 2010 3:05 AM GMT

    There can't be anything wrong in eye contact for a sustained period of time; i don't think there is anything unnatural in it from a straight or any other perspective. And it doesn't have to be because you are attracted to the person, you might just be in a meditative state (for instance) and merely enjoying the other's presence..
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    Oct 10, 2010 3:43 AM GMT
    guess i've been called a fag too many times when I was in a meditative state.



    fml
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    Oct 10, 2010 4:22 AM GMT
    I think now days almost everyone has that disorder, not just the gay population.
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    Oct 10, 2010 4:55 AM GMT
    I think you're right. People have no idea and have lost touch with what real human interaction feels like.


    Its fucking sad and pathetic. Next time you are in a business place or any store. Just look around and see how everybody gives everybody else a sideways glance.

    Fun.
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    Oct 10, 2010 7:05 AM GMT

    true, but maybe we are being too harsh...people can just feel shy :-)
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    Oct 10, 2010 7:37 AM GMT
    Sylas saidI mean sometimes I'll be talking to a straight 'acquaintance' and I really feel just like gazing into his eyes, it sucks that I feel I can't or have to look down . But I know most guys would find that weird and be freaked out. The funny thing is; even if i know he is feeling it too. And it has little at all to do with being gay.


    Its an issue because I don't want to get punched in the face or called out in public. I am not used to being 'myself' I wish I could be around you guys to see someone actually do it and not get punched in the face.

    I guess its again different if the guy is your 'aquaintance'. Its not some random guy. thats what i mean.



    P.S.

    There should be nothing wrong with gazing into a guys eyes, holding his hand or anything like that. Other cultures do it all the time and its normal the U.S.A is so homphobic that any sign of male to male emotional intimacy is seen as "gay" . Dude emotional intimacy happens between straight guys all the time they just block it cause culture tells them its gay. Fritz Klein famous sex researcher talks about this alot.


    I feel you.