Sylas saidI hate always feeling weird about this stuff. how do u guys deal with this?
I only once had to deal with it, ordinarily being totally out. But a BF I had for a couple of years was closeted, or so he thought. Actually most of his straight friends knew he was gay, and only he thought he was fooling everyone. But I humored him, cause that was his delusion that made him happy.
Anyway, the first time we ever went to a major social event together, some art premiere dressed formally in black bow tie, with an exclusive private dinner party afterwards, he took me aside and scolded me. Seems some of his straight friends asked him why my eyes were riveted on him, following him all around the museum wherever he went, my interest a little too obvious.
And I guess I was doing just that, I had really fallen for the guy. But he wanted to maintain the illusion that we were just 2 casual friends. So OK, for the rest of the night I looked anywhere but at him, and continued to do that for the entire time we dated whenever we were in mixed company.
But anxiety disorder related to being gay myself? Not in the slightest. On the contrary, any maladjustment I once had was due to my trying to convince myself I was straight, before I came out. Once I came out the anxiety & confusion evaporated, and I was never happier nor more self-confident.
We are best adjusted when we accept our natural orientation. It's the pretending that screws us up, not behaving as Nature intended. I understand that sometimes we have to put on an act for our own protection, depending upon circumstances. But inside we should always know who we are, and be proud of it, never ashamed.
It's like when I get invited to cocktail parties in Boca Raton or Palm Beach, Florida, and almost everyone there is a Republican. And they're spewing all kinds of racist & class hatred, and looney conspiracy theories straight from Glenn Beck, the same idiocy you hear from some right-wing members here.
So I just try to look pleasant, and avoid engaging them, knowing tiny conservative minds cannot grasp actual facts. Meaning that I can't persuade or influence them, no need to waste my time on lost causes. I fulfill my social obligation for the evening, and make sure they never appear on my own invite list.
I think that's the same way we must approach straights generally at times. And certainly have no anxiety disorders over it.