I'm not really sure what to do

  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Oct 08, 2010 10:04 PM GMT
    I've been in love with this boy for almost 4 years. We dated. he left to the states for college. He's home, I'm home. We... kinda had a small thing again. But then i dated someone else and he was mad. And now we are jsut close friends. and I'm still head over heels for the boy. And suddenly he has a new bf. Like form one day to the next, after something failed about a week ago.

    I also found my adoption papers today. And learned everything about my birth family. and I found pictures of my mother. and sister, and found out I had an older brother.

    And I'm pretty sure my life is crashing down around my ears, and I have no idea what I can do.

    so Hey, if you are in toronto, find my at woodys tonight. I'll be the kid who doesnt fit in with the empty pitchers.
  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Oct 08, 2010 10:10 PM GMT
    jprichva said
    mizu5 said
    I also found my adoption papers today. And learned everything about my birth family. and I found pictures of my mother. and sister, and found out I had an older brother.

    And I'm pretty sure my life is crashing down around my ears, and I have no idea what I can do.

    As an adoptee, isn't locating your birth family a GOOD thing? So why is your life 'crashing down around your ears"?

    As for the boyfriend's boyfriend, wait a week or so. It'll be over by then.
    he's not my boyfriend.

    And I always knew I was adopted. my parents jsut hid the pictures. they said she never elft any. they hid the fact that i have a sister and a brother. and all the physical information of my birth family.
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Oct 08, 2010 10:14 PM GMT
    Hold on now, you don't know the full story of your adopting, like the potential that your parents hid your families past from you, at their request. Talk to the about it, and assume the best when they speak. They aren't perfect, and they make mistakes, but likely have the best of intentions.

    As for the guy you like(d), did you ever bother mentioning how much he means to you?
  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Oct 08, 2010 10:22 PM GMT
    DCEric saidHold on now, you don't know the full story of your adopting, like the potential that your parents hid your families past from you, at their request. Talk to the about it, and assume the best when they speak. They aren't perfect, and they make mistakes, but likely have the best of intentions.

    As for the guy you like(d), did you ever bother mentioning how much he means to you?


    it wasn't liek that. I've been todl her anme and shown the papers. She chewcked off that she ;left pictures, they said she never gave them in. They hid all the res tof the [papers too, except hers., and they were photocopies with large pieces "whited" out by paper.


    I couldn't tell him. he was over me, and I should be happy to see him happy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 09, 2010 5:43 PM GMT
    you have adoptive parents who love you very much.
    Could it be, that they are just afraid of losing you, if you find out more about your biological parents?
  • Iakona

    Posts: 367

    Oct 09, 2010 6:53 PM GMT
    In Toronto here too... even though your life seems to be crashing around you, it will always get better.
    If the ex bf and you were meant to be, then it will come around full circle... you just need to be patient.
    As for your biological family, embrace it, get to know them. It's always nice to have family around, adoptive, biological, a family that we chose for ourselves.... If you need someone to talk to , as I said, I am in Toronto, and there are a lot of java places around....

    Cheers
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 09, 2010 7:00 PM GMT
    First off, keep your head on straight and don't think that any of this is earth shattering. Looking back on life there have been several life challenges that seemed insurmountable at the time, but in retrospect they weren't really that big of a deal. It was only how I chose to react to them (or over-react) that made them seem so traumatic.

    Things will be fine. Just don't be shy about talking with the people you care about. Lack of communication almost always makes bad situations worse.
  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Oct 10, 2010 3:07 PM GMT
    Iakona saidIn Toronto here too... even though your life seems to be crashing around you, it will always get better.
    If the ex bf and you were meant to be, then it will come around full circle... you just need to be patient.
    As for your biological family, embrace it, get to know them. It's always nice to have family around, adoptive, biological, a family that we chose for ourselves.... If you need someone to talk to , as I said, I am in Toronto, and there are a lot of java places around....

    Cheers
    Thank you <3
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 10, 2010 3:09 PM GMT
    *Hugs* icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 11, 2010 11:43 AM GMT
    Well..."I've been in love with this boy for almost 4 years. We dated. he left to the states for college. He's home, I'm home. We... kinda had a small thing again. But then i dated someone else and he was mad. And now we are jsut close friends. and I'm still head over heels for the boy."

    Why date someone else when you were head over heels in love? It's easy to see why he reacted that way.

    Ask your parents why they hid your adoption info before judging them.
  • Stin7

    Posts: 33

    Oct 11, 2010 11:26 PM GMT
    Yeah your parents love you so much that they are afraid...

    I hope u are ok now.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Oct 11, 2010 11:47 PM GMT
    You need some perspective. It's obvious you're a bit overwhelmed with so much happening at once. Take a step back and try to be objective about each of these separately. Life sometimes throws us a ton of stuff at once. It's not a conspiracy. It's just the way things are.

    As for the ex, there's not a lot you can do. He's dating someone else right now. You can't break them up. And even if you could, you shouldn't. You wouldn't want someone to do that to you, would you? Relationships can often come down to the luck (good or bad) of timing. If he's really the guy for you, then you have to be patient. But don't think he's the ONLY guy for you. There are a ton, even if it doesn't feel that way. Don't close your eyes to other possibilities.

    As for the family situation, I agree with those above who say your adopted parents were just scared of sharing that information with you. Scared of losing you. Give them some slack here and forgive them. They kept the pictures, right? That means they must have meant to give them to you at some point. They had a long time to destroy and throw them out but didn't. That should count for something. Have it in your heart to forgive them and be thankful that you do have that connection to your birth family that you hoped for. There are so many adoptees who never find their birth family or any bit of information. You had some big information right under your roof.

    Don't empty those pitchers alone.

    All the best,

    Eric
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 11, 2010 11:53 PM GMT
    mizu5 saidI also found my adoption papers today. And learned everything about my birth family. and I found pictures of my mother. and sister, and found out I had an older brother.
    My adoption papers were sealed.
    Then when I was 31, my birth mother found me online and contacted me. I drove to see her (she was only 3 hrs away). Turns out she'd been trying to find me since shortly after the adoption was final, and had spent her entire life savings on private investigators. All they came up with was my real name. If I used an alias online, she never woulda found me.

    That's the only time we met, but we keep in touch via email.
  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Oct 14, 2010 11:17 PM GMT
    Well anyway, sorry if it's weird I update this?

    The boy is happy, and I guess that's all I can wish for him right? To be happy. Sadly I did empty those pitchers alone, and I'll be doing it again this saturday. I know it's no way to deal with the problem but it helps. I can sit in that bar and look at all the guys who will enver look at me or give me the time of day.

    And I think you all misunderstood. I knew I was adopted. They just hid the pictures, and whenever they ask about adoption all i ever say is I wish I knew what my mother looked like.

    Woodys saturday at 10? Check.