Should I Cut Ties Altogether??

  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Oct 11, 2010 12:43 AM GMT
    So, back in June my aunt gave me her old car (1998 Honda CRV w/ 157,000 miles) for free. She got the new 2010 CRV and all I had to pay was gas, insurance, etc. It worked great up until last week. It was due for an oil change but I realized that the check engine light began to flash. I took it in on Monday the 4th and the guys at the dealership told me that it would cost roughly four thousand dollars to fix. Apparently the engine was misfiring and the 3rd cylinder head failed or something icon_razz.gif On top of that, it needed new tires and other little maintenance things that would add up.

    I called my aunt and told her the situation and she said that she thought it should be brought to her local dealership. It was a good idea BUT I was already paying like $120 for them to diagnose it and so it would have cost another $60 dollars to get it diagnosed somewhere else PLUS the $$ for towing it. I was advised NOT to drive it. I agreed because it REALLY sounded bad,

    So, because all that stuff would cost me almost the blue book value of the car, my parents and I decided to just trade it in and get a new car. I figured it wasn't worth it and it was bound to happen anyway. So by Tuesday I got a new car and the salesman was gay and cute, but that's another story icon_eek.gif

    I called my aunt a few days later to tell her I got a new car (although she already knew b/c news travels fast in a small family) Now I expected her to be somewhat mad, I don't know why but I know her that well to predict this. I told her and she just said, "Ohh, you were supposed to ask me before trading it in." She also said that she may have wanted to look through it one last time and look in some "hidden" places. I said to her that she sold me the car in June. She had her chance when she was the owner to get all the stuff out. I was supposed to go over her house to watch her dogs but she said, "You don't need to come over tomorrow (Thursday), in fact you don't need to come over ever again."

    I just said fine and hung up. NOW she has always been dramatic and insane when it comes to little things. In a nutshell our relationship has been-Great when I was in HS, then I moved out here and lived with her for a little and she has kicked me out of her house 2, and almost 4x. She is explosive and will go for months without speaking to anyone. She doesn't really get along w/ my parents or even her other sisters. I know that in a few months or so she will come back and want to be friends again. Knowing our history, is it worth it? I know we are family but I don't want to be around unstable ppl
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Oct 11, 2010 12:48 AM GMT
    I think there is a little instability in every family.....keep contact with the ones you are comfortable with and as for the ones you are not...let them stay in contact with you..on their time not yours. icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 11, 2010 12:49 AM GMT
    Jmuscle33 said... She is explosive and will go for months without speaking to anyone. She doesn't really get along w/ my parents or even her other sisters. I know that in a few months or so she will come back and want to be friends again. ...
    You already have your answer: Wait till she wants to be friends again, and ignore her for an extra month. The result may be a pleasant surprise. icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 11, 2010 1:27 AM GMT
    Jmuscle33 saidSo, back in June my aunt gave me her old car (1998 Honda CRV w/ 157,000 miles) for free. She got the new 2010 CRV and all I had to pay was gas, insurance, etc. It worked great up until last week. It was due for an oil change but I realized that the check engine light began to flash. I took it in on Monday the 4th and the guys at the dealership told me that it would cost roughly four thousand dollars to fix. Apparently the engine was misfiring and the 3rd cylinder head failed or something icon_razz.gif On top of that, it needed new tires and other little maintenance things that would add up.

    I called my aunt and told her the situation and she said that she thought it should be brought to her local dealership. It was a good idea BUT I was already paying like $120 for them to diagnose it and so it would have cost another $60 dollars to get it diagnosed somewhere else PLUS the $$ for towing it. I was advised NOT to drive it. I agreed because it REALLY sounded bad,

    So, because all that stuff would cost me almost the blue book value of the car, my parents and I decided to just trade it in and get a new car. I figured it wasn't worth it and it was bound to happen anyway. So by Tuesday I got a new car and the salesman was gay and cute, but that's another story icon_eek.gif

    I called my aunt a few days later to tell her I got a new car (although she already knew b/c news travels fast in a small family) Now I expected her to be somewhat mad, I don't know why but I know her that well to predict this. I told her and she just said, "Ohh, you were supposed to ask me before trading it in." She also said that she may have wanted to look through it one last time and look in some "hidden" places. I said to her that she sold me the car in June. She had her chance when she was the owner to get all the stuff out. I was supposed to go over her house to watch her dogs but she said, "You don't need to come over tomorrow (Thursday), in fact you don't need to come over ever again."

    I just said fine and hung up. NOW she has always been dramatic and insane when it comes to little things. In a nutshell our relationship has been-Great when I was in HS, then I moved out here and lived with her for a little and she has kicked me out of her house 2, and almost 4x. She is explosive and will go for months without speaking to anyone. She doesn't really get along w/ my parents or even her other sisters. I know that in a few months or so she will come back and want to be friends again. Knowing our history, is it worth it? I know we are family but I don't want to be around unstable ppl


    Just for the record didn't your first sentence clearly stated that she gave you her car for free!? and then you turned around traded, and then made a profit out of it by getting a discount for a new car? all awhile your Aunt was not only very generous with you but also not notified of the trade-in, and to top it all off she probably was not given the shared trade-in cost of your new automobile!? nice very very nice!!

    Which reminds me I had a similar situation four years ago with my brother! he had a 1999 Honda CRV but then bought himself a new car and gave me his old one for free!! then a year later I had an accident with the car, and my insurance company told me it was better to trade in for a new one then have it repaired; so when I did traded in and got a new 2008 Honda CRV, I wrote my brother a check out of gratitude because I felt it was the right thing to do!


    Leandro ♥
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Oct 11, 2010 1:28 AM GMT
    She gave you the car, if you had the title (which I assume you did if you were able to trade it in) it was yours. If she doesn't like it, tough.
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Oct 11, 2010 1:38 AM GMT
    fuck that crazy bitch.

    The car was seriously messed up, u had no choice but to trade it in.

    and wtf is up with checking "hidden places"

    did she store weed or her private coke stash in ur car? icon_confused.gif


    Dont sever ties with her, but just realize shes a fucking crazy ass bitch and not to take what she says seriously, because honestly, she sounds like an idiot
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Oct 11, 2010 1:42 AM GMT
    Timberoo saidShe gave you the car, if you had the title (which I assume you did if you were able to trade it in) it was yours. If she doesn't lie it, tough.
    Q F T !!!!!
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    Oct 11, 2010 1:43 AM GMT
    So what about that gay salesman?! ...

  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Oct 11, 2010 1:44 AM GMT
    [quote][cite]ALEZANDAR said/////
    Just for the record didn't your first sentence clearly stated that she gave you her car for free!? and then you turned around traded, and then made a profit out of it by getting a discount for a new car? all awhile your Aunt was not only very generous with you but also not notified of the trade-in, and to top it all off she probably was not given the shared trade-in cost of your new automobile!? nice very very nice!!
    Leandro ♥[/quote]


    nancy, you are a nellie fool. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Oct 11, 2010 1:52 AM GMT
    rnch said[quote][cite]ALEZANDAR said/////
    Just for the record didn't your first sentence clearly stated that she gave you her car for free!? and then you turned around traded, and then made a profit out of it by getting a discount for a new car? all awhile your Aunt was not only very generous with you but also not notified of the trade-in, and to top it all off she probably was not given the shared trade-in cost of your new automobile!? nice very very nice!!
    Leandro ♥



    nancy, you are a nellie fool. icon_rolleyes.gif[/quote]

    My brother could of used his old car for a good trade-in discount on his new car, and he didn't, but rather was nice enough to give it to me for free. So out of pure gratitude after I got a pretty good discount on my new car for the trade-in I wrote him a check for the difference, and even thou he didn't want to take it but I insisted he did.


    Leandro ♥
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    Oct 11, 2010 11:50 AM GMT

    "I called my aunt a few days later to tell her I got a new car (although she already knew b/c news travels fast in a small family) Now I expected her to be somewhat mad, I don't know why but I know her that well to predict this. I told her and she just said, "Ohh, you were supposed to ask me before trading it in."



    So....why didn't you ask her before trading it in?

    curious -Doug


  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Oct 12, 2010 5:39 AM GMT
    Because it was legally mine. Plus the decision happened so fast. I really didn't want to waste time with her going back and forth with the car. I mean I already took one day off from work. I couldn't afford to take more time off. I couldn't take a taxi that was too expensive. My work is not on a reliable bus line so I really needed a car immediately.

    I mean it lasted for a good 5 months. It's not like she gave it to me and then I traded-in immediately icon_razz.gif

    She just treats me like a kid. Why do I have to ask permission?
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    Oct 12, 2010 5:43 AM GMT
    Jmuscle33 saidBecause it was legally mine. Plus the decision happened so fast. I really didn't want to waste time with her going back and forth with the car. I mean I already took one day off from work. I couldn't afford to take more time off. I couldn't take a taxi that was too expensive. My work is not on a reliable bus line so I really needed a car immediately.

    I mean it lasted for a good 5 months. It's not like she gave it to me and then I traded-in immediately icon_razz.gif

    She just treats me like a kid. Why do I have to ask permission?


    You don't. She sounds like she may have some mental issues.

    I wouldn't worry about trying to keep her happy.

    This is why you never borrow/lend money or buy/sell vehicles to relatives.
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    Oct 12, 2010 5:49 AM GMT
    I agree with Zandar. She gave you the car in a pinch, so the kind of gesture he describes would have been big of you. You don't have to make gestures, nobody does, but they define us as people and give credit where it is due.

    People get their feelings hurt a lot when they feel they aren't being properly appreciated. She's being crazy about it, but it's not completely out of the blue irrational, either.

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    Oct 12, 2010 6:01 AM GMT
    Jmuscle33 saidBecause it was legally mine. Plus the decision happened so fast. I really didn't want to waste time with her going back and forth with the car. I mean I already took one day off from work. I couldn't afford to take more time off. I couldn't take a taxi that was too expensive. My work is not on a reliable bus line so I really needed a car immediately.

    I mean it lasted for a good 5 months. It's not like she gave it to me and then I traded-in immediately icon_razz.gif

    She just treats me like a kid. Why do I have to ask permission?

    Stop acting like a child, you DON"T have to ask her permission and she DIDN'T have to GIVE you that car... but she did which was incredibly nice, you could have at least been NICE and told her your plan before hand and let her do what ever she needed to do before the car went.

    personally, she should have used that car as a trade in instead of giving it to the little whiny bitch of a nephew who couldn't even grant her the good manners to tell her before the fact.

    But that's just my take on it.

    But yes, cut ties, saves her the irritation.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Oct 12, 2010 6:44 AM GMT
    I don't know why most people seem to think that you have to cater to family members who treat you far worse than anything that you would put up with from non relatives.

  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Oct 12, 2010 7:03 AM GMT
    lilTanker said
    Jmuscle33 saidBecause it was legally mine. Plus the decision happened so fast. I really didn't want to waste time with her going back and forth with the car. I mean I already took one day off from work. I couldn't afford to take more time off. I couldn't take a taxi that was too expensive. My work is not on a reliable bus line so I really needed a car immediately.

    I mean it lasted for a good 5 months. It's not like she gave it to me and then I traded-in immediately icon_razz.gif

    She just treats me like a kid. Why do I have to ask permission?

    Stop acting like a child, you DON"T have to ask her permission and she DIDN'T have to GIVE you that car... but she did which was incredibly nice, you could have at least been NICE and told her your plan before hand and let her do what ever she needed to do before the car went.

    personally, she should have used that car as a trade in instead of giving it to the little whiny bitch of a nephew who couldn't even grant her the good manners to tell her before the fact.

    But that's just my take on it.

    But yes, cut ties, saves her the irritation.


    Ohh I thought u were somewhat attractive till you attacked me randomly here

    I was nice and told her my plan. I even said I might have to trade it in and SHE NEVER said to ask her first.

    It's like if I gave you a computer and 6mnths later it needs repair that is very expensive and you want to trade it in. Personally I don't really care about it. IT IS a material object and I got over it when I decided to give it to you back then. You don't give someone something and then remain all attached to it. It's not like we are dealing w/ children or animals lol

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    Oct 12, 2010 7:07 AM GMT
    Give it time. Things will cool off, or not.
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Oct 12, 2010 8:10 AM GMT
    LOVALOT saidit was your car. so chill. u did nothing wrong, u needed to get on with ur life which was the whole purpose of ur aunt GIVING u that car and if she can't understand that, then she might've not had ur best intentions in mind when she had given you the car; she might've just been doing it to save face.. ur aunt sounds like she's a Cancer.


    My mom and other aunt have a theory. My aunt gets very emotionally attached to objects. She has had that car for 12 years. She has been through 2 dogs with that car and she loved those dogs like crazy. My mom/aunt think that she wasn't REALLY giving up the car by giving it to me. The car was still there and she still had some connection to it. Now, she has 2 NEW dogs, a new car and so I think she has a very very hard time moving on and letting go of the past. The new dogs and new car are just cover ups to let ppl on the outside think that she is OK.

    Did I tell you about the times she kicked me out and called my bff a "manipulator, a user and a thief?" LOL
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    Oct 12, 2010 8:36 AM GMT
    Jmuscle33 said

    It was a good idea BUT I was already paying like $120 for them to diagnose it and so it would have cost another $60 dollars to get it diagnosed somewhere else PLUS the $$ for towing it. I was advised NOT to drive it. I agreed because it REALLY sounded bad,


    You got charged for getting your car diagnosed? I am pretty sure this is not normal, not in LA at least. You got ripped off dude. I had junky cars in HS and throughout college and had to take it to the shop all the time and was never charged to have it diagnosed and I went to several mechanics to get quotes.

    Jmuscle33 said
    I called my aunt a few days later to tell her I got a new car (although she already knew b/c news travels fast in a small family) Now I expected her to be somewhat mad, I don't know why but I know her that well to predict this.


    If you knew she would get mad why didn't you try to prevent it by calling her and letting her know? I would've done that just out of respect especially when I had a feeling she would get mad. She did give the car to you for free.

    Jmuscle33 said
    I was supposed to go over her house to watch her dogs but she said, "You don't need to come over tomorrow (Thursday), in fact you don't need to come over ever again."

    I just said fine and hung up.


    Did you consider apologizing for the miscommunication rather than hanging up? Dramatic much?

    Its sounds like not a lot of good judgment is being used here. I would have to agree with lilTanker.
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    Oct 12, 2010 8:40 AM GMT
    Jmuscle33 said
    lilTanker said
    Jmuscle33 saidBecause it was legally mine. Plus the decision happened so fast. I really didn't want to waste time with her going back and forth with the car. I mean I already took one day off from work. I couldn't afford to take more time off. I couldn't take a taxi that was too expensive. My work is not on a reliable bus line so I really needed a car immediately.

    I mean it lasted for a good 5 months. It's not like she gave it to me and then I traded-in immediately icon_razz.gif

    She just treats me like a kid. Why do I have to ask permission?

    Stop acting like a child, you DON"T have to ask her permission and she DIDN'T have to GIVE you that car... but she did which was incredibly nice, you could have at least been NICE and told her your plan before hand and let her do what ever she needed to do before the car went.

    personally, she should have used that car as a trade in instead of giving it to the little whiny bitch of a nephew who couldn't even grant her the good manners to tell her before the fact.

    But that's just my take on it.

    But yes, cut ties, saves her the irritation.


    Ohh I thought u were somewhat attractive till you attacked me randomly here

    I was nice and told her my plan. I even said I might have to trade it in and SHE NEVER said to ask her first.

    It's like if I gave you a computer and 6mnths later it needs repair that is very expensive and you want to trade it in. Personally I don't really care about it. IT IS a material object and I got over it when I decided to give it to you back then. You don't give someone something and then remain all attached to it. It's not like we are dealing w/ children or animals lol


    OH NO, you don't find me attractive anymore.. I totally retract my statement!

    *rolls eyes* seriously, couldn't care less really wasn't any point you mentioning that.

    did you ask if shes okay with that?

    The fact of the matter is she's not you, who gives a shit if you aren't attached, she gave you a car, maybe she did something that might have put her in a position that was less then what she wuld have been had she put the car in and gotten money for it her self, perhaps she felt an attachment to that car for what ever reason (that you don't know about) perhaps the women would have just liked to have been consulted before hand even if she would have said yes and had no attachment to the car.

    The manners I was brought up with is to check that the person is okay with you getting rid of something before doing it.. perhaps your Aunt has something similar going on...
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Oct 12, 2010 9:06 AM GMT
    Webster666 saidI don't know why most people seem to think that you have to cater to family members who treat you far worse than anything that you would put up with from non relatives.



    YESSSS!!!! icon_exclaim.gif

    she gave you the car.

    it was YOUR car.

    it was NOT her car anymore.

    she was being posessive, bossy and demeaning by her actions.

    ignore her and let her cool off and apologise to YOU.

    if she doesn't.....you haven't loss much, IMO.
  • metta

    Posts: 39144

    Oct 12, 2010 9:06 AM GMT
    Jmuscle33 saidBecause it was legally mine. Plus the decision happened so fast. I really didn't want to waste time with her going back and forth with the car. I mean I already took one day off from work. I couldn't afford to take more time off. I couldn't take a taxi that was too expensive. My work is not on a reliable bus line so I really needed a car immediately.

    I mean it lasted for a good 5 months. It's not like she gave it to me and then I traded-in immediately icon_razz.gif

    She just treats me like a kid. Why do I have to ask permission?


    You seem like you already know what you want to do with your relationship, which is good, because you are the only one that can decide what is right for you.

    Personally, I would probably have handled it a little differently. Maybe saying something like: I wish you would have told me earlier about your things being in the car, I would have looked for it for you. Or mentioning something about looking through the car and taking the things out prior to trading it in would have been good as well.
  • safety43_mma1...

    Posts: 4251

    Oct 12, 2010 9:11 AM GMT
    it is simple really, goodbye not worth the headache and her being that way.
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    Oct 12, 2010 9:50 AM GMT
    it is her problem not yours