Hi..I'm new, and I have a question...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 11, 2010 9:18 AM GMT
    Hey everyone I'm new, and to start off my introduction I have a question to ask, that is why, in part, I joined these forums in the first place:

    I didn't ever realize that I might have been gay (or bi, i'm still not completely sure) until last year, which was my freshman year of college, and so I was 18 years old.

    Think back through high school and stuff, I don't think I was ever in a state of denial or anything, and I really can't ever remember being even attracted to guys earlier than just last year.

    I can't even remember really how it happened, but the earliest thing from last year was watching some videos on YouTube of some guys kissing, which led to watching Brokeback Mountain, and some other gay movies (like Shelter, for example). And then gay pornography, months later.

    Is this normal for anyone to come out this late? If this is really late?

    Also, to further talk about the maybe being bi issue...
    I don't really know still if I'm gay or bi.
    I haven't ever had a girlfriend or boyfriend.
    It hasn't been that I could never get one, it's just that I legitimately haven't had any desire for a relationship yet in my, now, 19 years of living. I'm pretty sure I'm a bit asexual as well as being possibly gay or bi.

    Help? lol


    Thanks,

    - frankcider
  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    Oct 11, 2010 11:45 AM GMT
    Dude, when it comes to sexuality, there is no point in worrying about normal. Sure, some of us figured ourselves out at puberty. Others figure it out after twenty years of marriage. All that matters is that you're finally on your way!


    Btw, if you like gay porn, I don't think asexual is an option anymore.
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    Oct 11, 2010 11:51 AM GMT
    Oooo my friend you are so like me i think i am bi-sex becouse i find some guys attractive and jet i find some grls too but i am still a vergin never had a BF or a GF
  • Sayrnas

    Posts: 847

    Oct 11, 2010 11:57 AM GMT
    I'm with Jlly, it'll happen when it happens and it's going to happen. There is no later or early, good or bad. You are still growing. I wouldn't get stuck on trying to categorize yourself into a group. Just be you. If you happen to be gay, welcome to the family! If you happen to be str8, you're part of the family some where down the line so you're stuck with us.

    Regardless, just be you and be happy.


    **edit: And safe! (Thank you MikeInSLC)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 11, 2010 11:58 AM GMT
    This is why 'experimenting' is so common in college. I think we get freed from 'the box' after High School. Whatever you do just play it safe.

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    Oct 11, 2010 12:09 PM GMT
    i dated girls till i was 25 then i realised i was gay... i've dated guys ever since... until then i never recognised my attraction to guys... it was only as i accepted that i am gay that i can look back on the past and see the signs that were there all along... some of us know from the day we have conscious thoughts, (like me) others are a lot slower...
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    Oct 11, 2010 12:21 PM GMT
    I knew pretty much sice I was like around 7 and had a crush on a boy... other guys I knew simply got married and didnt really know till aftr their divorce
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 11, 2010 12:53 PM GMT
    frankcider said
    Also, to further talk about the maybe being bi issue...
    I don't really know still if I'm gay or bi.
    I haven't ever had a girlfriend or boyfriend.
    It hasn't been that I could never get one, it's just that I legitimately haven't had any desire for a relationship yet in my, now, 19 years of living. I'm pretty sure I'm a bit asexual as well as being possibly gay or bi.



    Don't put a label on what type of sexuality you are. Once you do that it's just going to get confusing.
    For right now you should just know this: You like who you like and you can't help it... if that's a guy, then great. If that's a girl, then great. Don't let anyone tell you you have to pick one.
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    Oct 11, 2010 2:22 PM GMT
    It's called repression. Your psyche didn't feel save expressing your sexuality and kept it safely locked in your subconscious. Now that you are in college, you have more freedom and it is coming out. Since you haven't addressed your sexuality before, you are just now sorting out youyr feelings and figuring out where you fall on the sexuality continuum between 100% straight and 100% gay. Play safe. And realize heartache is part of the process. Enjoy the adventure of discovering who are. Try not to be to serious and emo about it.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19133

    Oct 11, 2010 2:28 PM GMT
    There are no rules when it comes to coming out, other than you should do it at your own pace when you feel emotionally ready. This is different for everybody, so don't be so hard on yourself. You'll know what is best for you. There is no set or easy time to come out -- only the right time that feels right for you.
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    Oct 11, 2010 2:34 PM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ saidThere are no rules when it comes to coming out, other than you should do it at your own pace when you feel emotionally ready. This is different for everybody, so don't be so hard on yourself. You'll know what is best for you. There is no set or easy time to come out -- only the right time that feels right for you.

    oh for gods sake! Don't listen to him. There is a whole handbook on the subject. Send me $100 and I will send you a copy. icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 11, 2010 2:53 PM GMT
    I know where you are coming from bud. I fooled around a few times in high school, but it wasn't until college that I really started noticing how much I was attracted to guys, not to mention how girls never really did it for me.. In hindsight, I think I just had such a crazy time growing up that sexual attraction was secondary, or at least repressed until I was able to look at it with acceptance.
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    Oct 11, 2010 7:08 PM GMT
    Well thanks everyone, I just read through all your posts, and they do help.

    As far as the labels go though, I was kind of expecting all the "be yourself", and "don't try so hard to label yourself" kind of responses, but I really like labels, and I'm a pretty realist type of a person, so I just like to know how it is I guess.

    But yeah, I just need to experiment I guess, just to truly figure it all out.

    But thank again everyone icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 11, 2010 7:23 PM GMT
    frankcider said...but I really like labels, and I'm a pretty realist type of a person, so I just like to know how it is I guess.

    But yeah, I just need to experiment I guess, just to truly figure it all out.

    But thank again everyone icon_smile.gif

    You really like labels?
    Then you defiantly want to be a gay man we have the most labels I think:
    top, bottom, vers, vers. Top, vers. bottom, power top, power bottom, bear, bear cub, leather Bear, leather bear daddy, muscle bear, Twink…on and on

    So you have a lot of experimenting to do; no time to waste.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Oct 11, 2010 10:26 PM GMT
    True, I think in general people are coming out sooner rather than later these days. Most people seem to become aware of their "tendencies" at adolescence, but not always. Or they want so hard to be straight. Still, there are plenty of people who come out in their 20s, 30s, or 40s. There really is no such thing as too late, but 18 is still way early.
  • baldone

    Posts: 826

    Oct 11, 2010 10:31 PM GMT
    dustin_K_tx said
    frankcider said...but I really like labels, and I'm a pretty realist type of a person, so I just like to know how it is I guess.

    But yeah, I just need to experiment I guess, just to truly figure it all out.

    But thank again everyone icon_smile.gif

    You really like labels?
    Then you defiantly want to be a gay man we have the most labels I think:
    top, bottom, vers, vers. Top, vers. bottom, power top, power bottom, bear, bear cub, leather Bear, leather bear daddy, muscle bear, Twink…on and on

    So you have a lot of experimenting to do; no time to waste.
    after all, we are all gay men, aren't we supposed to be label conscious???icon_smile.gif
  • mcwclewis

    Posts: 1701

    Oct 11, 2010 10:33 PM GMT
    On a primarily unrelated note,


    cider makes me have to poop.