DO FEMS REALLY NEED TO COME OUT?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 11, 2010 5:00 PM GMT
    Can Feminine men really have "coming out" stories?

    Is there such a thing as a feminine man that has to come Out?

    Isn't that like me telling my white friends that I was actually a black man...

    Doesn't everyone ALREADY know about them secretly...if people are surprised when told, are they were just ACTING or in DENIAL?

    I'm NOT bashing, just asking the question...I admit fems have it harder because they don't have a choice to be discreet or not.
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    Oct 11, 2010 5:05 PM GMT
    People might just think they were French.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 11, 2010 5:09 PM GMT
    This should be a pleasant discussion....
  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Oct 11, 2010 5:10 PM GMT
    ahh, maybe come out at straight?

    Idunno i think it depends on how fem, and what situation they live in.
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    Oct 11, 2010 5:15 PM GMT
    You'd be surprised at all the naive people who are like, "Well I just thought you were... blah blah blah."

    So yeah, in a way they have to confirm it... but in reality, they don't really need to confirm it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 11, 2010 6:26 PM GMT
    There are straight people who are not that smart and lack the sophistication to recognize the queer clues that are so obvious to the rest of us.
  • mcwclewis

    Posts: 1701

    Oct 11, 2010 6:29 PM GMT
    Dude you would be surprised at how many people will believe an effeminate man who claims to be straight.


    Hell, sometimes they actually are
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 12, 2010 2:23 AM GMT
    yeah i mean...there are straight guys that are fem and we should assume that they are gay.
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    Oct 12, 2010 2:29 AM GMT
    Lostboy saidPeople might just think they were French.


    LOL!!! I like THIS response the best!!! .icon_lol.gif
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    Oct 12, 2010 2:32 AM GMT
    The questions misses that coming out is largely about self-acceptance and having the bravery to embrace that self-acceptance in a visible, public, and honest way. It's not about confirming the suspicions of others.
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    Oct 12, 2010 2:34 AM GMT
    honestly I don't know
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    Oct 12, 2010 2:37 AM GMT
    coming out is a process, with several common stages...

    regardless of the relative femininity of a gay guy, they still have internal coming out to go through.
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    Oct 12, 2010 2:43 AM GMT
    Indy404 saidCan Feminine men really have "coming out" stories?

    Is there such a thing as a feminine man that has to come Out?

    Isn't that like me telling my white friends that I was actually a black man...

    Doesn't everyone ALREADY knew about them secretly...if people are surprised when told, are they were just ACTING in DENIAL?

    I'm NOT bashing, just asking the question...I admit fems have it harder because they don't have a choice to be discreet or not.


    I always wonder this myself. This one guy I know was like, "I am gay, but please don't tell anybody I don't want everyone to know just yet." I wanted to be like... um... yes they already know, your facebook picture is with a drag queen and you still look like the most feminine in the picture!
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Oct 12, 2010 2:44 AM GMT
    Lostboy saidPeople might just think they were French.
    or British icon_lol.gif
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    Oct 12, 2010 2:49 AM GMT
    I don't see why not.. it's kind of like a rite of passage; a transition from questioning to the affirmation of one's homosexuality.
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    Oct 12, 2010 3:09 PM GMT
    amazinglyamazing saidyeah i mean...there are straight guys that are fem and we should assume that they are gay.



    This is very astute.
    There are men and teens that are straight with feminine characteristics and they get harrassed. A few have killed themselves. The more feminine have a huge disadvantage; they can't hide.
    If they're straight, both straights and gays often don't believe them.
    I can only imagine what existence in those horrible circumstances must be like.

    -Doug
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    Oct 12, 2010 3:16 PM GMT
    It is true that we make assumptions about people based on their mannerisms just like breeders do. And coming out is about owning your identity

    I know a guy who works in construction, rebuilds old cars for street racing, wouldn't be caught dead at a Cher or Lady Gaga concert, and tells homophobic and racist jokes. He's 100% gay.

    I know a guy who is basically Mitch from Modern Family in looks and mannerisms, works in theatre, and is happily married to a woman for 20 years with two great kids.

    If we don't want straight people to decide for us who we are, we shouldn't do it to each other, either.
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    Oct 12, 2010 3:25 PM GMT
    Lostboy saidPeople might just think they were French.
    Most fems I've met wear deodorant and cologne, so that assumption is incorrect. icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 12, 2010 3:26 PM GMT
    Is it better to be black or gay?

    Black - you don't have to tell your parents.
  • nv7_

    Posts: 1453

    Oct 12, 2010 3:28 PM GMT
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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 12, 2010 3:28 PM GMT
    On a serious note I think the people you come out to are more honored that u trusted them. I'm not feminine but my mom had a feeling cuz i brought hot guys over and not girls, vbut she still appreciated my effort to tell her