I Have Never Been In A Relationship

  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Oct 12, 2010 7:48 PM GMT
    What are ur responses when some guy says that?? Is it good? Bad?? What ate
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    Oct 12, 2010 7:50 PM GMT
    Case by case basis...
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    Oct 12, 2010 8:01 PM GMT
    I've gotten bad responses when I've disclosed that. I've basically been told it's the equivalent of not having job experience and therefore no second date for me.
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    Oct 12, 2010 9:45 PM GMT
    Ciarsolo saidI've gotten bad responses when I've disclosed that. I've basically been told it's the equivalent of not having job experience and therefore no second date for me.

    Whew. You probably wouldn't want to date an idiot like that, anyhow!
    (:
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    Oct 12, 2010 10:00 PM GMT
    Yeah I've gotten raised eyebrows when I say this...even after I explain why they still think something must be "wrong" with me since I'm (supposedly) attractive and I have been living in a very "gay" city (Atlanta).
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    Oct 12, 2010 10:21 PM GMT
    Caesarea4 said
    Ciarsolo saidI've gotten bad responses when I've disclosed that. I've basically been told it's the equivalent of not having job experience and therefore no second date for me.

    Whew. You probably wouldn't want to date an idiot like that, anyhow!
    (:



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    We all know if experienced guys got it rt they wouldn't be single. So I wouldn't care too much.
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    Oct 13, 2010 10:33 AM GMT
    Depends how old the guy is and the reasons why - is he a committment-phobe, is he a total unapologetic slut, did he have a physical disability that has now been resolved, was he held hostage by the Taliban for his entire adult life...you need more detail!

    Assuming they are a regular guy, aged mid-20's upwards, it would personally concern me a little bit, but if it's just because they haven't met the right guy yet, maybe not a big deal.
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    Oct 13, 2010 10:35 AM GMT
    I have never been In a relationship and i am a vergin would love to be so i dont think is that bad.
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    Oct 13, 2010 11:36 AM GMT
    i never had a problem with that when i was dating people. some things are just out of your control! i think you should be judged on your present and not your past.
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    Oct 13, 2010 11:41 AM GMT
    I am one of those guys but not for lack of trying. I have gotten negative responses everytime. I am to a point though where its something I could care less about and play with the cards life has dealt me.
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    Oct 13, 2010 11:47 AM GMT
    I haven't either yay
  • leaozinho

    Posts: 177

    Oct 13, 2010 11:58 AM GMT
    Thanks for the post. I really understand this one.

    I am 41 years old and I have never had a LTR. I have been dating since I was 18 and trying to have a LTR. I get the question from many people and it hurts me because it makes me feel defective, as if there is something wrong with me.

    It is a case by case basis as to why various relationships don't succeed. Sometimes it is luck or timing, bad circumstances. Sometimes it is me and sometimes it is the other guy. I keep trying but it is discouraging. On my part, I expect "a lot": "a lot" being someone who will treat me well (respect, thoughtfulness, generosity), "a lot" being someone who is not an asshole or jerk. I have been disappointed by these experiences and my parents are divorced since I was 9 years old. I have "abandonment" issues.

    However, I have tried and did have short serious dating experiences that were good. The only downside is that they ended after a few months.
    One guy moved to Tokyo for work. One guy lived in PR and had his own issues which prevented him from moving forward with me.

    I am a very giving lover and it bothers me sometimes that all that I have to give is not being utilized in giving all that love to another man.

  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Oct 13, 2010 12:26 PM GMT
    It's somewhat concerning, but not something to run away from. If he is under 30 I think it's completely understandable. What can also be concerning is a serial dater who has been in a half dozen or a dozen two year relationships.

    I know one guy who has probably had about 30 six month relationships. Once it gets to be about six months he breaks up with them....the other guy usually has no clue why. I just think he is afraid that they will eventually break up with him and he wants to avoid that.
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    Oct 13, 2010 12:39 PM GMT
    It would be a non-issue for me provided that the person didn't show any strong signs of crazy. People aren't perfect and sometimes it just doesn't happen right away, especially in the gay world with many of people not coming out until later in life and not having a chance to have a lot of experience in this realm. Some of the best people I know did not get into a LTR until their late 20s, and these people ended up with somebody they had known as a friend for years prior.
  • fitartistsf

    Posts: 638

    Oct 13, 2010 12:41 PM GMT
    I can beat Leaozinho...
    I'm 48, and never had a relationship, boyfriend, or partner.
    And like him, not for lack of trying. I have dated for years, coming close a couple times, and thinking, "this is the one", but inevitably, they leave after only 2-3 months. I don't think it's me. Some have either come back later, or I found out through channels, saying that I was one of the nicest guys they ever met...
    Where is it written that we all, gay or straight, MUST have a mate. For most, it just isn't written in the cards that all of us will be with someone. It sucks, I have a lot of love to give a guy, but there it is....

    As I have posted before in another thread, here is the song that best describes me:

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    Oct 13, 2010 1:02 PM GMT
    I like it. I guess, in a sense, it means they've had the time to enjoy being single and exploring who they are and what they like/prefer. I'd rather date someone who hasn't had a relationship and is comfortable with themselves than someone who jumps from one relationship to the next in rapid succession.

    And I'm amazed that fitartistsf is still single. I guess the truly good ones are just too good.
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    Oct 13, 2010 1:10 PM GMT
    interesting perspectives...

    I too havent been in any serious LTR and I don't see any problem with it.

    Personally (and like many others out there) I've made the decision to not seek a LTR until my life circumstances improve a little more and I am happy with my maturity level and life plan. Only then will I be ready to 'share' my life with someone, and similarly I will share in my partners life too (thankfully I'm just about ready lol )

    I'm sure there are others out there who are of the same view?

    Anyways - no problemo here

    icon_biggrin.gif
  • shirty

    Posts: 290

    Oct 13, 2010 1:49 PM GMT
    danielryan saidi think you should be judged on your present and not your past.


    I agree! It's important to know the past because it shapes you, but I do think you need to look at the present a lot more. Some people use the past to make themselves look like a better person when their reality is a mess. It can go both ways.
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    Oct 13, 2010 1:55 PM GMT
    Jmuscle33 saidWhat are ur responses when some guy says that?? Is it good? Bad?? What ate


    Well I can say that because I haven't. Would you prefer me to lie instead?? lol.

    I don't think it can be judged as to whether it's good or bad...unless you're like 60 and you still have never had a relationship - that's a bit bad...
  • mybud

    Posts: 11829

    Oct 13, 2010 2:05 PM GMT
    rent a lie detector.......BUD
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    Oct 13, 2010 2:17 PM GMT
    leaozinho saidThanks for the post. I really understand this one.

    I am 41 years old and I have never had a LTR. I have been dating since I was 18 and trying to have a LTR. I get the question from many people and it hurts me because it makes me feel defective, as if there is something wrong with me.

    It is a case by case basis as to why various relationships don't succeed. Sometimes it is luck or timing, bad circumstances. Sometimes it is me and sometimes it is the other guy. I keep trying but it is discouraging. On my part, I expect "a lot": "a lot" being someone who will treat me well (respect, thoughtfulness, generosity), "a lot" being someone who is not an asshole or jerk. I have been disappointed by these experiences and my parents are divorced since I was 9 years old. I have "abandonment" issues.

    However, I have tried and did have short serious dating experiences that were good. The only downside is that they ended after a few months.
    One guy moved to Tokyo for work. One guy lived in PR and had his own issues which prevented him from moving forward with me.

    I am a very giving lover and it bothers me sometimes that all that I have to give is not being utilized in giving all that love to another man.



    I have a similar story, but I would definitely date you.
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    Oct 13, 2010 2:19 PM GMT
    I'm in the same boat as Leaozinho and Fitartistsf. Believe me, it's not from the lack of trying. Sometimes it just doesn't work out, but I'm grateful for the experience and the lessons I've learned.

    I think I've had enough practise, let's get to the main event.lol
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    Oct 13, 2010 3:46 PM GMT
    Hmmm...if you've been dating at all, seeing someone casually or seriously, you've been in a relationship. Long or short term, they are relationships.

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    Oct 13, 2010 4:12 PM GMT
    Ciarsolo saidI've gotten bad responses when I've disclosed that. I've basically been told it's the equivalent of not having job experience and therefore no second date for me.


    Agreed! granted there are individuals who have never been in a relationship because they do not like commitment but society does a lot categorizing in fitting everyone in such situation in one mentality which is unfair and unjust. Everyone deserves a second date icon_wink.gif
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    May 10, 2011 3:11 PM GMT
    I have never been in a relationship, but I am absolutely ready to be in one. The relationship thing is a double-edged sword for me. On the one hand, I've always been single because I have been on active duty for the last 19 years, so dating is a rare thing for me, and on the other hand, if I was to find the right person to be in a relationship with, I would have the great displeasure of having to move every few years without the usual family support systems that heterosexuals enjoy (should I be at least common-law married).

    Just today, I was thinking how I wish I could have had someone to share our military experiences with together. At the least, a confidant. It's really tough to be in a position like that. But it's all almost over now....