Sex. You and your mate on different biological time clocks. What do you do?

  • silverfox

    Posts: 3178

    Oct 15, 2010 11:36 AM GMT
    You like getting it on in the morning..... He is a "before bed" kind of guy. You work all day and that is the last thing you feel like doing. He doesn't want you to TOUCH him before his first cup of coffee ....and by that time you are halfway to the office.


    So guys......what do you do?

    Any true life stories? Any suggestions? I realize "true love conquers all"....but kind of going through this right now......would like to hear from some of you the face similar situations...


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    Oct 15, 2010 11:44 AM GMT
    I'm a morning guy, I wake up randy as hell and wanna do it then, half sleepy and totally not thinking clearly hehehe

    the sex isn't the worlds best at that time in the morning, but damn it feels good and I eventually wake up and things get even better hahaha.

    But, I compromise, sometimes its the morning other times (mostly weekends or time off) I'd be happy to have it at night OR better yet, morning and night hehehe

    you both just gotta work around it, sometimes morning, sometimes night, sometimes middle of the day.
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    Oct 15, 2010 12:09 PM GMT
    I like to do it at least once a day, and sometimes up to five or six times in a day. Morning, noon, night, anytime in between, with or without someone else...it's all fair game.

    Sounds like you two should work more on libido enhancing foods instead of attempting to schedule sex like an office call. That way you'd both be horny at the same time, and horniness can overcome tiredness in most situations. icon_wink.gif
  • silverfox

    Posts: 3178

    Oct 15, 2010 12:49 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidI like to do it at least once a day, and sometimes up to five or six times in a day. Morning, noon, night, anytime in between, with or without someone else...it's all fair game.

    Sounds like you two should work more on libido enhancing foods instead of attempting to schedule sex like an office call. That way you'd both be horny at the same time, and horniness can overcome tiredness in most situations. icon_wink.gif


    Well it is a little more complicated then the sex drive which neither of us is at a loss... work schedules are completely off kilter between the 2 of us.
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    Oct 15, 2010 1:31 PM GMT
    silverfox1 saidYou like getting it on in the morning..... He is a "before bed" kind of guy. You work all day and that is the last thing you feel like doing. He doesn't want you to TOUCH him before his first cup of coffee ....and by that time you are halfway to the office.
    So guys......what do you do?
    Any true life stories? Any suggestions? I realize "true love conquers all"....but kind of going through this right now......would like to hear from some of you the face similar situations...


    Use an electric coffee maker with a timer (I have a 'Cuisinart'). The coffee will be freshly brewed whenever you want it to be. Something you'll both look forward to.
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    Oct 15, 2010 1:34 PM GMT
    silverfox1 said
    paulflexes saidI like to do it at least once a day, and sometimes up to five or six times in a day. Morning, noon, night, anytime in between, with or without someone else...it's all fair game.

    Sounds like you two should work more on libido enhancing foods instead of attempting to schedule sex like an office call. That way you'd both be horny at the same time, and horniness can overcome tiredness in most situations. icon_wink.gif


    Well it is a little more complicated then the sex drive which neither of us is at a loss... work schedules are completely off kilter between the 2 of us.
    Well maybe you two do need to schedule sex like an office call. icon_lol.gif
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    Oct 15, 2010 1:36 PM GMT
    silverfox1 saidYou like getting it on in the morning..... He is a "before bed" kind of guy. You work all day and that is the last thing you feel like doing. He doesn't want you to TOUCH him before his first cup of coffee ....and by that time you are halfway to the office.

    So guys......what do you do?

    Any true life stories? Any suggestions? I realize "true love conquers all"....but kind of going through this right now......would like to hear from some of you the face similar situations...

    Like many relationship & sexual issues, there are parallels between the gay & straight worlds. Lots of straight couples experience this same "out of sync" problem with their sex lives as you've described. Here's some things I've read that I imagine would apply equally well to gay couples:

    If a fundamental part of the problem is your daily business schedules forcing you to make only "night or day" choices, then you should create unstructured opportunities for sex outside the narrow time windows you're currently dealing with. Hopefully you both get some free days at the same time, for instance weekends. Plan ahead for them, turning them into romantic getaways. The idea is to break out of the confining routine you've got now, and to introduce a change of scenery if possible.

    Which could be a day & night at the Parliament House (especially before the higher Winter rates hit), or just a Mom & Pop motel down along the ocean. Consider taking a full vacation, like we just did to New England, but beware of overly-structured & demanding itineraries, which could recreate the same problem you have at home.

    You can also take a "vacation" right at home, if you are disciplined & creative enough. Since you seem to be more the morning person, serve him breakfast in bed. Don't touch him before his first cup of coffee if that's what he wants, but do hand it to him with whatever affectionate words work best with him.

    Make sure you both get a lot of rest, and remove as many stressors from the calendar as you can before one of these "me & him" days is coming up. You want both your mind & body cleared for action, which will get you both into the mood more easily.

    Try sex in the middle of the day, when you've got a day off. And do silly things. My late partner used to periodically declare a "naked Saturday" during which we couldn't wear a stitch all day at home, behaving like a pair of nudists. (My current partner tries to make every day naked) And before the naked Saturday was done, it would invariably lead to being a naughty Saturday, too.

    But failure to resolve this issue can be deadly to a relationship. I did have one BF with whom I lived, who would get insatiably horny at the oddest hours. And he'd expect me to instantly turn on my own sex drive, revving up from idle to highway speed the moment he would approach me unexpectedly. Sometimes it worked, even could be a kind of turn-on, but also a turn-off if I was really tired or out of sorts, and he wouldn't take no for an answer.

    And worse, get mad at me if my performance was less than its usual porn-star level (OK, I exaggerate, but he would become too demanding & unreasonable with me). One time he even threw and smashed a coffee cup when I said no to his demand for immediate sex. We were definitely a sexual mismatch, and I wasn't ever able to solve it, even when I tried to talk about it in calmer moments, as you should with your guy.

    So I can't offer you a guaranteed approach, but give it your best. And let me know what's a good room to take at the Parliament House. icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 15, 2010 1:55 PM GMT
    Silver you mentioned that things are more complicated due to work schedules? Do you both have the weekends off?

    Me and my partner had the same kind of issue, I am a morning person and he is before bed.. We just found out that during the week things just were forced and that on the weekends it was just way better for us to have our fun.

    If you both don't have the weekends off, I would say then whenever one of you is off should (for a lack of a better term) perform when the working one wants it...

    Just my 2 cents =)
  • silverfox

    Posts: 3178

    Oct 15, 2010 2:52 PM GMT
    Thank you phillybrat and artdeco....great ideas there. Yes we are working on the fun aspects....though the Parlament House for us....is a NO NO but good idea in general. Weekends you are right. Nothing is better than a late afternoon nap (please let it rain...even better)....
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Oct 15, 2010 3:34 PM GMT
    i work either day shift or 4pm to midnight.

    the bf works 7pm to 7 am.

    we compromise and have fun "in the witching hour" (quoting Ann Rice's memorable novel title, set here in new orleans) on our days/nights off.

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  • safety43_mma1...

    Posts: 4251

    Oct 16, 2010 7:29 PM GMT
    sex in the morning is hot. my ex i use to wake him up with a bj in the morning then he was in the mood lol lol. i am ok with it at night also but the morning is the best what better way to start your day.
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    Oct 16, 2010 7:33 PM GMT
    My partner and I often work completely different schedules. That, and a host of other factors, mean long dry spells. Don't really have any recommendation to offer.

    I'll be watching this thread to see what kinds of solutions other guys come up with.
  • owen19832006

    Posts: 1035

    Oct 16, 2010 7:36 PM GMT
    my bf is never in the mood in the morning, plus morning breath puts me off, so we do it before bed! even though at that time in knackered and ready for actual bed!
  • owen19832006

    Posts: 1035

    Oct 16, 2010 7:36 PM GMT
    forgot to say bf and i work different shfts so we normally do it on weekends :S
  • xtratall

    Posts: 63

    Oct 16, 2010 7:47 PM GMT
    the conflicting work schedule is one thing. but as for being into it at different times of day, both of you just need to perfect the ancient art of "strategic caving." sure, sometimes a no has to be a no. but sometimes you just need to cave and go with the flow and get more into it as the play progresses. at least that's been my experience...
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    Oct 17, 2010 4:33 AM GMT
    We are in a similar situation as well.
    And since you want a story: I work 70-80 hrs/week. He always works days and is usually home by 6 pm. I am a shift worker, with many being night shifts. Additionally, we have young children.

    As tired as I am at the end of the day and hoping that he doesn't reach out to me, I try not to refuse more than twice in a row. It means LOTS of quickies- partially satisfying. But when I have off days, we make up for them.

    Tell him that you think the both of you should make more effort. When you both have time, try to do something nice for each other. Have a date with each other, have one-night stands with each other. It really does end up being scheduled then, but it's not boring. It's not really a chore, so the anticipation builds up.

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    Oct 25, 2010 3:06 AM GMT
    I, too, am a natural night-person (except when traveling - go figure!) and I was always ready to have sex any time of the evening or night while my ex liked it in the morn. HATED THAT! Bad breath, sluggish, blah blah. icon_neutral.gif

    We often found compromise on days off - but gotta say it was tough sometimes. Also, I had more of a sex-drive than he did. When I wanted sex he was reading art-history books. Man it would make me nuts. So I took to bringing a Nintendo DS into the bed to play Zelda - or go to the next room w/my laptop and work on music. Or jerk off in the bathroom. icon_confused.gif
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    Oct 25, 2010 3:12 AM GMT
    silverfox1 saidThank you phillybrat and artdeco....great ideas there. Yes we are working on the fun aspects....though the Parlament House for us....is a NO NO but good idea in general.

    Well I only mentioned it because I know it's near you. And my partner has been there, and has talked about it if we ever spend some time in Orlando, though it's unknown to me.

    But I gather you got the basic idea: a getaway, to break the at-home monotony. That's the concept, the salient thing I would suggest. Have you made any progress since your OP?
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    Oct 25, 2010 3:21 AM GMT
    If one wants sex before bed, and one wants it in the morning.. one should have a day job and the other an evening job

    Personally, I think twice a day works for me, maybe more lol
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    Oct 25, 2010 3:30 AM GMT
    Well, perhaps rely on the other aspects of what makes you guys together great, and let sex take a passenger seat at times.
    As well, there's something about delving into the what and whys of your partner's times of arousal, like swimming in a good ocean. Something to be learned and appreciated. I discovered tastes (like morning stuff) through Bill..and no few lunch times as well, lol!


    -Doug
    PS I should add, that Bill and I never pester each other for sex, or even allow that perception to be felt between us. That connection is too valuable; so our hands are, after all this time, still the fall back when we're unsynchronized (lol, sounds like swimming), to give each other emotional/romantic/sexual (they gestalt) room. I hope this is making sense!

    -Doug