When do I ask him to be my boyfriend?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 16, 2010 3:29 AM GMT
    I've been dating this guy for 6 weeks and it's starting to feel like a relationship, but i'm not very GOOD at relationships...
    what's the usual time frame for asking a guy to "go steady?"
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    Oct 16, 2010 3:31 AM GMT
    When it feels right and you feel like you've already been dating and connected.

    There is no "right time" and as a matter of fact, you could continue going the same way you are with him and never put a label on it if you're even a tiny bit unsure.
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    Oct 16, 2010 7:46 AM GMT
    I like that idea of just happening organically, however just be very clear with him.
    Talk to him directly and see if he is seeing other people. Save yourself the heartbreak and infections.

    Years ago, I asked a guy, "I know I don't like labels, but I would like to safely say that we are dating each other?"
    He said, "I like you alot. I think we are seeing each other, but I'm not opposed to seeing someone else."

    I never saw him after that for that reason.
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    Oct 16, 2010 8:00 AM GMT
    hauptstimme saidYears ago, I asked a guy, "I know I don't like labels, but I would like to safely say that we are dating each other?"
    He said, "I like you alot. I think we are seeing each other, but I'm not opposed to seeing someone else."

    I never saw him after that for that reason.
    That's why I like to let people know I'm openly polygamous before ever going on the first date.
    It saves a lot of heartbreak, wasted time, and hard feelings.
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    Oct 16, 2010 8:06 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    hauptstimme saidYears ago, I asked a guy, "I know I don't like labels, but I would like to safely say that we are dating each other?"
    He said, "I like you alot. I think we are seeing each other, but I'm not opposed to seeing someone else."

    I never saw him after that for that reason.
    That's why I like to let people know I'm openly polygamous before ever going on the first date.
    It saves a lot of heartbreak, wasted time, and hard feelings.


    Everyone always appreciates this! Believe me, it's better to just be honest from the beginning. No one will get hurt this way.
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    Oct 16, 2010 2:53 PM GMT
    Well we HAVE talked about our desire for a monogamous relationship, but if it's monogamous...does that mean he's my BOYFRIEND? I mean what does that label mean? And don't give me this bullshit about not applying labels. lol. Just like there are a set of characteristics that makes a marriage, a marriage and a fling, a fling, is there a set of expectations for "boyfriend?"
  • CuriousJockAZ

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    Oct 16, 2010 3:03 PM GMT
    Since communication in any relationship is key, why not just ask him what this thing is you've got going on together. See what his perspective on it is. If you've decided to be monogamous, I'd say that pretty much means you're boyfriends. Maybe you haven't been very GOOD at relationships in the past because you hadn't met the right guy yet. Perhaps you'll be better at it now if you really like this guy. 6 weeks is still pretty early though to be putting a label on it -- unless you're both feeling like it's time to do that.
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    Oct 16, 2010 3:09 PM GMT
    ROFL Paul you crack me up, "That's why I like to let people know I'm openly polygamous before ever going on the first date."

    So, you like to have relationships with several women at the same time?

    ....or did you mean polyamorous?

    Here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory

    xo -Doug
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    Oct 16, 2010 5:29 PM GMT
    RunAwayFast saidI've been dating this guy for 6 weeks and it's starting to feel like a relationship, but i'm not very GOOD at relationships...
    what's the usual time frame for asking a guy to "go steady?"

    Why do you think you're not very good at relationships?
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    Oct 16, 2010 5:57 PM GMT
    NEVER! You'll appear desperate! Don't give him the power or the chance to reject you. If HE asks you to be his boyfriend, then you have the power. Right now, be flirty, and playful and it will drive him wild. When he realizes that you are a gem, he will ask you to be his. If he doesn't , it's his loss.
    2. Get him to chase you alittle bit and not the other way round.
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    Oct 16, 2010 6:01 PM GMT
    If you are monogamous then he is your boyfriend.
    When you move in together then he becomes your partner.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Oct 16, 2010 6:33 PM GMT
    RunAwayFast saidI've been dating this guy for 6 weeks and it's starting to feel like a relationship, but i'm not very GOOD at relationships...
    what's the usual time frame for asking a guy to "go steady?"


    You by the very act of thinking about it shows ya it's the time...So ask already....and much happiness.....BUD
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    Oct 16, 2010 6:34 PM GMT
    RunAwayFast saidI've been dating this guy for 6 weeks and it's starting to feel like a relationship, but i'm not very GOOD at relationships...
    what's the usual time frame for asking a guy to "go steady?"


    dating the same guy for six weeks is no joke. what you feel cannot go wrong against you. leave the apprehension. go ahead and ask him.

    take care,
    venky
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    Oct 16, 2010 6:42 PM GMT
    define it however you want to define it, and most of all don't worry about it. If it is a label, then who gives a shit. Discuss the desired outcome with your guy and if you want to call him your fuckfriendbestbuddyfriend, then do that!

    Best to you, hope you get everything you wanticon_biggrin.gif

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    Oct 16, 2010 6:58 PM GMT
    To me, being boyfriends means that I'm required to do, all the stupid crap he might want me to do. Like.. I'm just expected to do something with him on his birthday. Make it a point to spend some of the holidays with his family, and invite him to do the same with mine, on the others. If he REALLY wants me to go see a movie with him.. no matter how much I think the previews sucked.. I should still go.

    See.. when you're just 'dating'.. you have the OPTION of doing, or not doing, certain activities with the guy. Once you're the boyfriend I think by large that goes away.

    Honestly.. if you like the guy, then you're probably already doing most of this crap. So it's not going to be a big change for you. For some folks, their expectations run deeper. Others really could care less.

    When the moment comes you think you might be ready, just ask him... "how would things change between us, if I were to ask you to be my boyfriend?"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 16, 2010 6:58 PM GMT
    When you want to have a boyfriend and are ready, willing, and ale to be one... that's when you should ask.
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    Oct 16, 2010 7:01 PM GMT
    RunAwayFast saidWell we HAVE talked about our desire for a monogamous relationship, but if it's monogamous...does that mean he's my BOYFRIEND? I mean what does that label mean? And don't give me this bullshit about not applying labels. lol. Just like there are a set of characteristics that makes a marriage, a marriage and a fling, a fling, is there a set of expectations for "boyfriend?"


    Like everyone has already stated communication is key, your perception of what 'boyfriend' and 'monogamous' means, maybe be different of what that might be thinking and feeling...I know that it sounds stupid, but sometimes we are coming from one manner of thought of perception while someone else is thinking something else. The important thing is you have built a trust relationship at this point and I would just sit down in a relax setting and have a conversation with him.
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    Oct 16, 2010 7:16 PM GMT
    LOVALOT saidjust tell him u want him to be the mother to ur kids.


    You sure that's not too subtle?
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    Oct 16, 2010 8:19 PM GMT
    The guys above have hit it on the head. It's time for you to talk with the guy and let him know that you could see things moving to another level, but you aren't sure what that fully means. Talk about the expectations he has about a boyfriend; about setting up plans, phone calls, cuddling, public shows of affection, etc.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Oct 16, 2010 8:26 PM GMT
    i've posted this reply on another thread here, but here goes again:

    about 10 months after our first time together, my bf (of almost 3 years!) invited me to a BBQ he was throwing for his co-workers.

    we both had been burnt by past relationships; so we both had avoided using the word "boyfriend" or any other variation of the term.

    it was a cold, blustery day that we sometimes can have here in new orleans in the spring time. the day before the temperature was about 15 degrees warmer, making that day even worse.

    i was still recovering from knee surgery, was doing quite badly on the crutches, shaking like a dog passing a watermelon seed from the combined effects of the pain pills, the cold, the wind, not enough quality sleep...

    and yet he seemed so proud to put his arm around my waist, gently guide me from co-worker to co-worker and introduce me with the words "...and this is my boy friend Rnch...."