Your more confident but...

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    Oct 17, 2010 5:33 PM GMT
    I was texting with one friend and she bluntly told me "Your more confident but not in a good way, your crass and judgmental, as if no one can touch you." This friend knew me at my first assignment when I was naive to the ways of the world and had no self-esteem whatsoever.

    This just literally blew my day up. I dunno how to feel at this moment, I don't intentionally sit atop my throne and judge the world at it sounds like i'm perceived but apparently people think I think like this.

    Should I try to adjust my behavior or just find new friends? I like this girl, but just when I think I'm doing good for myself my world is shattered.
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    Oct 17, 2010 5:55 PM GMT
    do some dialogue with her and keep an open mind. sometimes we all need a pit stop to change tires.....Keithicon_cool.gif
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Oct 17, 2010 5:57 PM GMT
    If you value her friendship talk to her
    .... she may be right or wrong
    See what she has to say ... sometimes you can get good insight from the people around you on the way you're perceived
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    Oct 17, 2010 7:12 PM GMT
    By human nature, most people's first instinct is to become defensive at a confrontation like that. However, it's best to put ego and hurt feelings aside and open your ears. She may be telling you something you need to hear, something others won't tell you. Others may just distance themselves from you and leave you wondering why. This girl values your relationship enough to not do that.

    Self-esteem is a good thing. Lots of confidence is a good thing. But for many people, guys especially, it's easy to blur the lines between confident and cocky. Confidence is a good, attractive trait. Cockiness and arrogance is anything but. Know the difference.

    Someone with "quiet confidence" as they say, is very attractive. It's having complete belief in yourself, comfortable with who you are. Humble, gracious, and respectful of others.

    Cocky and arrogant is just being bullheaded and overbearing. Probably smug, as if you know you're always right and if someone disagrees with you, they're wrong. Being forceful, loud, and confrontational in stating your opinion.

    Do an honest assessment. Which of these is descriptive of you these days?
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Oct 17, 2010 7:21 PM GMT
    Actually it's a good sign that you are self analyzing yourself at this point and that her remark has had an impact on you. Obviously she is incorrect because she did "touch you" with her words, and she seems the one to be the judge judy.

    For her to say that someone else is "judgmental" is rather hypocritical, don't you think?
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    Oct 17, 2010 7:44 PM GMT
    Ricovelas saidI was texting with one friend and she bluntly told me "Your more confident but not in a good way, your crass and judgmental, as if no one can touch you." This friend knew me at my first assignment when I was naive to the ways of the world and had no self-esteem whatsoever.

    This just literally blew my day up. I dunno how to feel at this moment, I don't intentionally sit atop my throne and judge the world at it sounds like i'm perceived but apparently people think I think like this.

    Should I try to adjust my behavior or just find new friends? I like this girl, but just when I think I'm doing good for myself my world is shattered.



    Glad your mood is back up icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 17, 2010 8:09 PM GMT
    In all due respect you've come off like that, like nothing is worth your own time, but I think she probably meant that in a helpful way not to ruin your day. Sometimes its good for our friends to say that stuff to reality check us.
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Oct 17, 2010 10:16 PM GMT
    Confidence is a good thing, i run into so many people with none at all... . I dont give unwanted opinions generally about things , i just observe and keep quiet unless its really something i need to say.....
    Like i said, Confidence is good, just dont respond to everything, nobody likes a know it all......
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    Oct 17, 2010 10:21 PM GMT
    Its about balance...be a little cocky but also sit back and chill. Hold on loosly... Do not take it so hard...Humilty is not something I aspire to either.
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    Oct 17, 2010 10:25 PM GMT
    To be honest I talked to someone who says, your change (which personality wise I have did a complete 360) was necessary because you let people run all over top of you and you wanted to please the world. Now you have an air of confidence and some people don't like it when you change from what they use to know.

    I agree with that because I was a literally mess at 18 I had fake friends and people who made fun of me and I said nothing about it, and depended on people to have my back. Now at 24 I don't stand for it and call people for the BS when I see them trying to pass BS. I'm not perfect nor could I be but I guess you can't make everyone happy.

    thanks guys icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 17, 2010 10:27 PM GMT
    agri_sci saidIts about balance...be a little cocky but also sit back and chill. Hold on loosly... Do not take it so hard...Humilty is not something I aspire to either.


    O not me, humility and deference are great virtues for me... thats what I generally dislike about the modern west... it's become a breeding ground for unfounded arrogance... self-assuredness is totally cool, but arrogance is something else entirely... I like people with big mouths, in fact I love them, but I still expect them to stay respectful when they run their mouths
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    Oct 17, 2010 10:31 PM GMT
    amar_m said
    agri_sci saidIts about balance...be a little cocky but also sit back and chill. Hold on loosly... Do not take it so hard...Humilty is not something I aspire to either.


    O not me, humility and deference are great virtues for me... thats what I generally dislike about the modern west... it's become a breeding ground for unfounded arrogance... self-assuredness is totally cool, but arrogance is something else entirely... I like people with big mouths, in fact I love them, but I still expect them to stay respectful when they run their mouths
    Agreed!
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    Oct 17, 2010 10:32 PM GMT
    Ricovelas saidTo be honest I talked to someone who says, your change (which personality wise I have did a complete 360) was necessary because you let people run all over top of you and you wanted to please the world. Now you have an air of confidence and some people don't like it when you change from what they use to know.

    I agree with that because I was a literally mess at 18 I had fake friends and people who made fun of me and I said nothing about it, and depended on people to have my back. Now at 24 I don't stand for it and call people for the BS when I see them trying to pass BS. I'm not perfect nor could I be but I guess you can't make everyone happy.

    thanks guys icon_smile.gif


    I was the same way...My whole group of friends changed because of that. "If I am not for myself, who will be for me. If I am only for myself, who am I?"-Rabbi Hillel

    Just do your own thing dude!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 17, 2010 10:32 PM GMT
    Don't detach yourself from the people that will let you know what everyone else is thinking (probably).

    Friends can offer you valuable insights. Your question seems to revolve around whether you want to change yourself or change your surroundings.

    If her comment is to help you make sure you are coming off as you intend to be (and thus, if you don't want to seem stuck up you may look into that), it may be helpful to change what you feel may be affecting that (or ask her). My 2 cents.
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    Oct 17, 2010 10:35 PM GMT
    amar_m said
    agri_sci saidIts about balance...be a little cocky but also sit back and chill. Hold on loosly... Do not take it so hard...Humilty is not something I aspire to either.


    O not me, humility and deference are great virtues for me... thats what I generally dislike about the modern west... it's become a breeding ground for unfounded arrogance... self-assuredness is totally cool, but arrogance is something else entirely... I like people with big mouths, in fact I love them, but I still expect them to stay respectful when they run their mouths


    I see humility and deference as defense mechanisms...I prefer people to mean what they say, say what they mean and not be concerned about it being appropriate. That being said, tact is important. I hate timid! Get up in my face...too many people hate direct confrontation.
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    Oct 18, 2010 4:16 AM GMT
    cut that bitch. lol
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    Oct 18, 2010 4:23 AM GMT
    agri_sci said
    amar_m said
    agri_sci saidIts about balance...be a little cocky but also sit back and chill. Hold on loosly... Do not take it so hard...Humilty is not something I aspire to either.


    O not me, humility and deference are great virtues for me... thats what I generally dislike about the modern west... it's become a breeding ground for unfounded arrogance... self-assuredness is totally cool, but arrogance is something else entirely... I like people with big mouths, in fact I love them, but I still expect them to stay respectful when they run their mouths


    I see humility and deference as defense mechanisms...I prefer people to mean what they say, say what they mean and not be concerned about it being appropriate. That being said, tact is important. I hate timid! Get up in my face...too many people hate direct confrontation.


    Babe, I am anything but timid, and I mean what I say, but I am always respectful when I say it... they are NOT defence mechanisms, they are good breeding.... how would you treat your grandparents if they say something you dont like ? Are you gonna go "fuck you bitch, you dont know shit" or are you gonna go "I respect your opinion grandpa, but my decision is to disagree"

    Same shit, one is respecful, the other isnt
  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Oct 18, 2010 4:23 AM GMT
    Im like that a lot. it stops people from hurting me.

    and it stops me from hurting people.

    I'm not sitting high on my throne though, just alone and distant.
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    Oct 18, 2010 4:36 AM GMT
    If she is a good friend and knows you well then her opinion of you might be spot on. You should look into it and reflect on how you've treated others in the past.

    Worse cast scenario is that she is right in which case it will be up to you to change and better yourself. No one said the truth was was nice.
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    Oct 18, 2010 5:15 AM GMT
    I dont think you are judgemental man. Just take it for what it is and move on. You are a very beautiful person.
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    Oct 18, 2010 5:38 AM GMT
    Ricovelas saidI was texting with one friend and she bluntly told me "Your more confident but not in a good way, your crass and judgmental, as if no one can touch you." This friend knew me at my first assignment when I was naive to the ways of the world and had no self-esteem whatsoever.

    This just literally blew my day up. I dunno how to feel at this moment, I don't intentionally sit atop my throne and judge the world at it sounds like i'm perceived but apparently people think I think like this.

    Should I try to adjust my behavior or just find new friends? I like this girl, but just when I think I'm doing good for myself my world is shattered.



    Well judging from your video on your profile, by just reading your persona through your beautiful smile, the twinkle in your eyes, and the overall body language, I can still sense the timid person in you, but at the same time a much more contempt and confident person as well! is it bad to have both? I don't think so!! but if you and the girl have been friends for a very long time I am sure her observations are well intended, and not necessarily meant to hurt your new found confidence, which I am sure you always had it only that now you finally realized it. Good for you, and please have a heart to heart talk with your friend.


    Leandro ♥
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    Oct 18, 2010 5:40 AM GMT
    Ricovelas saidI was texting with one friend and she bluntly told me "Your more confident but not in a good way, your crass and judgmental, as if no one can touch you." This friend knew me at my first assignment when I was naive to the ways of the world and had no self-esteem whatsoever.

    This just literally blew my day up. I dunno how to feel at this moment, I don't intentionally sit atop my throne and judge the world at it sounds like i'm perceived but apparently people think I think like this.

    Should I try to adjust my behavior or just find new friends? I like this girl, but just when I think I'm doing good for myself my world is shattered.
    Be glad she's being honest about her feelings instead of blowing smoke up your ass to make you feel good.
    That's what true friends do. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Oct 20, 2010 6:22 AM GMT
    I wanted to update this because I've talked to numerous amounts of people and it had to come up to a third party intervening to her admitting she was being a bitch. People have told me to cut this girl loose as this isn't the first time she has been a "bitch". However, during a phone conversation she had with me yesterday she sounded sincere in her apology and told me to let her know if she was being bitchy again in the future.

    That being as far as me being me, I can't help it. I'm a busy guy and my humor is a bit off. I will say those who like me and know me well enough know this. She and I aren't on the strongest of friendships but I'm willing to work on it. I value relationships of people I've had long ties with.

    Again thanks guys as aways.