Am I Wrong?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2010 8:07 AM GMT
    Im feeling kinda bad about what I did...

    Being very much about politeness... I got offered a drink for free by a bartender today.. now I happen to have been told just today that all the bartenders at this club are gay (i wouldnt have known, no gaydar, but I trust the person, cause he's in the know)... so I kinda felt like I was being flirted with here.. now there are some hot bartenders, and Ill admit, he wasnt a bad-looking guy at all.. I took the drink after havng slight doubts... because well, I wasnt really attracted to him though, but refusing the drink seemed to be even less nice to him...so I took the drink, but I still feel bad I did, seeing as I'm not at all interested in the guy...


    So Im wondering.. would you guys accept a drink from someone your not at all interested in? Is it more polite to accept even if your not going to return the flirt? I used to think it was better to turn the drink down, as accepting it might cause expectations... now Im not so sure...

    Your thoughts?
  • LEOPOLDIVX

    Posts: 64

    Oct 20, 2010 8:11 AM GMT
    Take the drink as a complement. Nothing is expected of you unless you allow it. Enjoy the drink thank him would be polite and hope he is generous at least once a week with your drinks!!!! Now where is my gin and tonic I am thirsty. icon_twisted.gif
  • tajsreve

    Posts: 418

    Oct 20, 2010 8:31 AM GMT
    It's a bartender. That's alot different that another customer offering to buy you a drink. As a bartender, most have that option to offer a free drink to a good customer on occasion. So some bartenders offer it to someone they might find hot or just like. I don't know any good bartenders who look at a "free drink" as a marriage proposal, but it is bait... if you take it... cool, if not well, so it is.
    like LeopoldIVX said. Take it as a compliment and let it go. You were not being rude. If you would turn down the drink because you're not thirsty or because you don't drink, would that still be rude?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2010 8:33 AM GMT
    amar_m saidSo Im wondering.. would you guys accept a drink from someone your not at all interested in?
    Very regularly, yes.
    I let the person know I'm not interested in sex, and if they still want to buy me a drink, I'll take it (unless I'm driving).
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    Oct 20, 2010 8:55 AM GMT
    tajsreve said If you would turn down the drink because you're not thirsty or because you don't drink, would that still be rude?


    In my mind it would be... the only reason I can legitimately refuse an offer for food or drink is if I am medically unable to take it... but I am aware that it's a culture thing
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2010 8:56 AM GMT
    tajsreve said As a bartender, most have that option to offer a free drink to a good customer on occasion. So some bartenders offer it to someone they might find hot or just like. I don't know any good bartenders who look at a "free drink" as a marriage proposal.


    not a marriage proposal, but a flirt yes, and I figure accepting it means I have to offer something in return, like I "owe" him now, but I guess not
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2010 9:00 AM GMT
    amar_m said
    tajsreve said As a bartender, most have that option to offer a free drink to a good customer on occasion. So some bartenders offer it to someone they might find hot or just like. I don't know any good bartenders who look at a "free drink" as a marriage proposal.


    not a marriage proposal, but a flirt yes, and I figure accepting it means I have to offer something in return, like I "owe" him now, but I guess not
    Remember all the free drinks I was getting on Sobe? Yeah, I still haven't done anything for him. Just continue being a good customer. Sometimes that's all they ask in return. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2010 12:45 PM GMT
    A bartender offering a patron a free drink? Oh, my. I hear wedding bells.
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    Oct 20, 2010 12:58 PM GMT
    McGay saidA bartender offering a patron a free drink? Oh, my. I hear wedding bells.


    Word about that. I know a bunch of straight and girl bartenders and they always give out free drinks to people. It's at their discretion. I honestly don't see the point of reading into further than that.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Oct 20, 2010 12:59 PM GMT
    Absolutely ...and you are overreacting. He was being polite.. and nice. It isn't an invitation for sex. I would have thanked him, maybe some polite conversation and moved along. If he used the action as a way to break the ice, I'd still be polite and friendly, but in my case, I'd make it clear that I'm happily involved with someone and I'm not looking for anything except a great
    friendly bartender and I'd smile.

    No reason to make a big deal out of it. Pretty minor compared to what you could find.
  • bad_wolf

    Posts: 1002

    Oct 20, 2010 1:01 PM GMT
    Relax
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2010 1:29 PM GMT
    my thoughts amar... take the drink, he offered it... there could be a multitude of reasons, eg. maybe you're just a good customer... you're certainly a very good looking man, maybe he offered you the drink to stay, at it's simplest, you make the bar look attractive to other attractive clientele...

    if it was me, i'd buy a drink back, to equal the score... but since he's the bartender, he may not be allowed to drink... in that case i'd actually say thanks and then leave a tip on the bar that equates to the cost of the drink...
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    Oct 20, 2010 1:36 PM GMT
    Accepting the complimentary drink is the correct thing to do. You are assuming why he was doing it. You may be wrong. To refuse on your suppositions would be offensive. He might have just been being friendly with no great strings attached. If later, he comes on more strongly, you are also perfectly right to refuse his advances. Accepting the drink puts you under no obligation. The risk is totally his.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2010 1:57 PM GMT


    Are you in the bar now?

    What did you do? did you take the drink or not?

    Christ I need to know, can someone tell me?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2010 1:58 PM GMT
    Now, if it was I who bought you a drink, I'd expect something in return, something of my choosing, something that would put you in the submissive position you deserve. icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2010 2:17 PM GMT
    I agree with most of the comments above. A bartender whether at a straight or gay bar can provide free drinks to particular customers. There is no need to read into it. Just smile and sip away.
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    Oct 20, 2010 2:58 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidAbsolutely ...and you are overreacting. He was being polite.. and nice. It isn't an invitation for sex. I would have thanked him, maybe some polite conversation and moved along. If he used the action as a way to break the ice, I'd still be polite and friendly, but in my case, I'd make it clear that I'm happily involved with someone and I'm not looking for anything except a great
    friendly bartender and I'd smile.

    No reason to make a big deal out of it. Pretty minor compared to what you could find.


    I agree....100%!! You're making waaaay too much of this, bud.
  • Csrobbie2000

    Posts: 359

    Oct 20, 2010 3:05 PM GMT
    If you are not into the guy, just say thank you, have a sip and put it down.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2010 6:20 PM GMT
    Me and someone were talking about this eariler this week and it's problematic for gays guys and str8 girls alike.

    I'ma tell you what a good gay buddy of mine told me. "Take the drink, you didn't ask for it and nod. If you do anything more it gets awkward unless you want something more."

    You could send the drink back, this can be seen as snobbish or all that other crap, but if you just don't want it do what best fits you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2010 6:20 PM GMT
    Me and someone were talking about this eariler this week and it's problematic for gays guys and str8 girls alike.

    I'ma tell you what a good gay buddy of mine told me. "Take the drink, you didn't ask for it and nod. If you do anything more it gets awkward unless you want something more."

    You could send the drink back, this can be seen as snobbish or all that other crap, but if you just don't want it do what best fits you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2010 6:22 PM GMT
    P. sometimes it's just good business for the bar to give freebies, don't take it to much to heart, I know you're a very sensitive man....Keithicon_cool.gif
  • Sk8Tex

    Posts: 738

    Oct 20, 2010 6:23 PM GMT
    I get free drinks from the bartenders at Baja Bettys ALL THE TIME and I've never really put too much thought into it other than harmless flirting. Theres a rule for this sort of thing...

    Never trust a man that works for tips
  • mcwclewis

    Posts: 1701

    Oct 21, 2010 5:20 AM GMT
    I hand out free drinks to good customers... thats it.


    Some of my coworkers give out drinks to flirt... but generally they'll follow suit with another form of flirting..


    Regardless, if someone offers you something, its not wrong of you to take it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 21, 2010 5:32 AM GMT
    take all the drinks you can get.

    It won't be long till you will be the one that will have to buy the drinks to get a guys attention.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 21, 2010 5:36 AM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidAbsolutely ...and you are overreacting. He was being polite.. and nice. It isn't an invitation for sex. I would have thanked him, maybe some polite conversation and moved along. If he used the action as a way to break the ice, I'd still be polite and friendly, but in my case, I'd make it clear that I'm happily involved with someone and I'm not looking for anything except a great
    friendly bartender and I'd smile.

    No reason to make a big deal out of it. Pretty minor compared to what you could find.

    ^^^
    This. icon_biggrin.gif