Does this make me seem rude??

  • EricPrado

    Posts: 206

    Mar 07, 2008 8:42 PM GMT
    I'm not sure wether it's just me or if everyone else does it but when someone says Hi to you is it just ok so smile at them without saying hi or anything?
    I really hate making small talk. seriously.
    I never really thought of it as "rude" but i guess this guy took it that way because earlier today i went for a jog and happenend to come across him and
    he's like "Hi!" and i just nod and smile at him lol
    It was a little funny if you ask me (well i guess you just had to be there) so he tells his friend i was all rude and totally ignored him which i didnt dooo.
    idk i guess its just me?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 07, 2008 8:45 PM GMT
    depends where you're from: in new york city, no, that's not rude. in the south, yes, it is.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 07, 2008 8:55 PM GMT
    I used to do that. People probably thought I was rude, but I was just shy. Now at least I try and say hi, with a little smile.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 07, 2008 9:56 PM GMT
    I can kinda see where he might think it's rude. It's good that you smiled, that's way better than not smiling at all -- but generally when someone speaks to you, you should answer back. It's easy to say, 'hi, how U doin?'

    I gotta be honest with you, if I say 'hi' to someone and they don't answer back, I usually think it's kinda rude, or at least a little unusual.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Mar 07, 2008 10:23 PM GMT
    LOL...as a person who was originally FROM New York City
    that was basically a whole conversation in itself
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 07, 2008 11:41 PM GMT
    A nod and a smile is not rude no matter where you go (south or otherwise). You acknowledged him with a simple greeting in passing. Considering what you were doing and where you were at I'd say what you did was and is quite common.

    The guy who said you were rude was actually the rude one by complaining and not ackowledging your nod and smile.

    You aren't alone in feeling this way though. When I go jogging or I'm at the gym I usually have my headphones on. When someone looks like they are saying something to say to me I just smile nod since it's a universal form of body language.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 08, 2008 12:18 AM GMT
    I don't think it's necessarily rude. In the restaurant business you learn to deal with people like this all the time. As their waiter, server or busser people see you as nothing more than a indentured servants. But like dancerjack said, it's a matter of where you are, and I say, who you're with. But for safe measure, if I was you, I'd concider telling people the truth. Say straight up, "I don't like small talk", or a small utterance like, "Uh huh", "Right", or whatever. Around here in Boston people are used to pushing you over and walking all over... and maybe I've grown used to it, but there's a bit of sense to it. But you know, whatever makes you happy.

    But, nobodies perfect. Some people who think they're rude, tend to make up for thier opinion of themselves being extra nice; and a some people who concider themselves nice are ruder than they dare admit. Then there are some people who like to just say the right thing though they really don't care, so everyones ideas about what's "pleasant" and what's "rude" are relative to what they want to believe.

    Like people who still see Bush as good guy; though he sent people to fight, die and kill in Iraq; or others who saw John Lennon as a threat and wanted to deport him; though he spent time protesting war, advocating for peace and engaging people in thinking about the difference we could make if we just do something. So, it's anyone's guess what's nice, or mean, or matters at all.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 08, 2008 12:23 AM GMT

    I have this problem too. You need to never forget that you have an athletic build, which can make you appear more aggressive than you mean too. I learned this by doing my trademark grin at myself in the mirror. YIKES, I really do still look mean when I do it!

    Also, my rule of thumb, when it comes to greetings is: if someone takes the effort to say "hello." to me, why can't I make the effort to say "Hello." (or more) back.

    Cops have a protocal they are supposed to take when dealing with suspects and that protocal is to one-up the actions of any potential suspect. If a suspect uses obscenities, move to mace, if he moves to strike, you move to your night stick, and if he moves to grab a weapon, you apply deadly force!

    LOL, you are not a cop and potential friends are not armed criminals, but I've found that it's quite pleasant to one-up anyone who greeta me. If they say "Hello.", I say "Hello, how are you?" or "Hello, nice to meet you!" If they wave, I extend my hand to be shake theirs. If they stop me from moving to greet me with a gesture or an outstretched hand, I ask if they would like to sit and talk.

    I do this because every person who greets me and I flash them an underexecuted half grin, I might have just missed out on a good potential friendship. LOL, I just began my one-up procedure this year and have had positive results!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 08, 2008 12:23 AM GMT
    yes, in the south, if someone says hello to you and all you do is smile small and nod, it's rude.
  • vacyclist

    Posts: 162

    Mar 08, 2008 12:26 AM GMT
    A nod and a smile returned from a nod and a smile is great. But a nod and a smile returned from a "Hi" or maybe a "Hi, how ya doin'" strikes me as odd, bordering on rude. Unless you're mute or somehow speech-disabled.
    When someone speaks to me I consider it common courtesy to return some manner of speech, kind or nasty be the actual words.

    Shy is no excuse, best get with the program on this communication stuff sooner rather than later.
    (FWIW my up-bringing & culture derive from New York state, New Hampshire & western Canada, so this is not just a southern US thing)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 08, 2008 1:24 AM GMT
    It would come off as rude in the Midwest too. I guess it depends on the geography.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 08, 2008 1:39 AM GMT
    Definitely rude. How hard is it to say "hi" or "how's it going?"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 08, 2008 2:04 AM GMT
    Saying "hello" or "hi" isn't "making small talk". Making small talk would be turning the greeting into a conversation about the weather or something like that. What is expected here is simple politeness, nothing more.

    Anyway, you should learn to make what you call "small talk". It's what breaks the ice, and as Guilty said above, can lead to more meaningful talk and perhaps a new friend. And it's not that bloody hard.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 08, 2008 2:07 AM GMT
    LOL. Guess I'm rude then because I'm all about smiling and nodding. I lived in the South (among other places worldwide) and did that all the time and oddly enough came off as a very nice person. If I didn't smile and nod I at least gestured with my hand signaling "hi" but rarily do I ever feel the need to verbalize it unless I'm physically meeting someone. I don't take offense when someone smiles and nods at me either. It's a universal language.

    I would consider it rude if say I was being physically introduced to someone and they didn't respond back with some formal gesture of hello or at least a hand shake, which I don't even like doing because of a personal matter. I think the orignal poster was asking if it was rude that he smiled and nodded back to someone while he was jogging. In that instance I wouldn't consider it rude simply because he was jogging and it was a fleeting moment so a smile and nod seems pretty appropriate. He acknowledged the individual so I fail to see where the problem lies. Some people cry "foul" while others say "fair."

    Man, it seems alot of guys make some pretty bogus snap judgements over the tiniest of things like a simple "Hello." I'm sure there are things far more worthy of the title rude.

    icon_razz.gificon_smile.gificon_wink.gificon_razz.gificon_smile.gificon_wink.gificon_razz.gificon_smile.gificon_wink.gificon_razz.gificon_smile.gificon_wink.gificon_razz.gificon_smile.gificon_wink.gif
  • Barricade

    Posts: 457

    Mar 08, 2008 3:02 AM GMT
    I guess if he said hi and kept going the whole time and didn't see you nod/smile he may have thought you was rude. Saying hi isn't making small talk either. lol.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 08, 2008 3:11 AM GMT
    That's a possiblity or maybe the individual didn't hear him say hello. Happens all the time but that's no reason to peg someone as rude.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 08, 2008 3:28 AM GMT
    Guy101 saidA nod and a smile is not rude no matter where you go (south or otherwise).

    Sorry, but where I'm originally from (North Carolina) it is considered rude not to at least say "Hi" back. Now, I will admit that there are more people in the South now that won't speak back than there were when I was growing up, but it's still considered rude. Likewise, when you're driving down the road in the South, people you don't even know will sometimes wave at you as you approach each other... and to not wave back is also considered rude.

    Really... how much effort does it take to just say "Hi" as you jog on by? None. Doesn't mean you have to stand there and make small talk, it's just a matter of common courtesy and being friendly. No, saying "Hi" in passing is not "making small talk".
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 08, 2008 3:40 AM GMT
    Just going along with the crowd here, but yeah if someone makes the effort to speak to you then you should do the same. I was the same way before, until someone called me out.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 08, 2008 3:54 AM GMT
    I don't think smiling and nodding is rude. You know what IS rude?: Telling his friends that you were rude and that you ignored him. Clearly this guy puts way to much importance on the trivial.

    Hmm,... maybe he has a crush on you icon_wink.gif

    On a similar topic, I thinks it rude when people believe that just because they speak the world owes them a response, or that if they ask a question it is their right to recieve an answer. Sure, they have a right to speak, and to ask questions. They also have the right to listen to the crickets if we choose not to respond.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 08, 2008 4:06 AM GMT
    If you were on a jog, then no, that's not rude. But I apply the same to wearing headphones. When I have headphones on, if someone says hi, all they get back is smile and a nod. Headphones are the universal 'Do not disturb' in my book. Reading something is close, and depending on how into it you are. All other situations I try to give a "Hi, how are you?" and usually want at least the same back.
  • GeorgeNJ

    Posts: 216

    Mar 08, 2008 4:08 AM GMT
    jprichva saidSaying "hello" or "hi" isn't "making small talk". Making small talk would be turning the greeting into a conversation about the weather or something like that. What is expected here is simple politeness, nothing more...


    I would agree with JP here totally. Refusing to respond in kind -- with just a simple Hi or wave of the hand -- portrays an image of smugness or conceit.

    Like jbedwards above, I was very shy growing up, and I was confronted by college classmates and friends on my attitude. It doesn't take too much energy to change -- plus, a simple kind response has opened me up to several new friends over the years with people I might otherwise have passed by.

    Also, living in the NE NJ area just outside of the city, and frequently going into the city, I grew up with that NYC attitude of suspicion of any stranger who greeted me. I would immediately glance all around me to see if the person greeting me was a distraction from his fellow mugger(s).

    So far, no muggers.
  • GeorgeNJ

    Posts: 216

    Mar 08, 2008 4:20 AM GMT
    Matterych said..... Headphones are the universal 'Do not disturb' in my book...


    This sounds so sad.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 08, 2008 4:48 AM GMT
    I want to know why a smile and nod is considered rude?
    Everyone knows what a smile and nod means so what classifies it as a rude gesture?

    If I didn't acknowledge the exsistence of someone and just kept to my world then that would be rude. A smile and nod is clearly responsive to an open-ended one-worded greeting like "Hi".

    Only when you add something more to it like "Hi and how are you doing?" or "Hi, how's the weather?" do you deserve something more from it then just a simple smile and nod since now you're asking a question. Again I say lived in all over the world and I've never had any problems doing the simle and nod or wave gesture and I frequent all parts of the south. It's used and accepted everywhere just like money. Unless there's some offical polite handbook roaming around the south that I don't know about then that's a fair and polite gesture.

    I think some people missed the orginal poster's dilemma and are putting way too much stock into something that's not that big of a deal. If you want more then a simple smile and nod then you should add more to the approach because "Hi" has many nonverbal answers to it unless you'd rather not get a response at all....now that would be rude.

    I think what it boils down to is that alot of you feel you are being ignored if a person doesn't give you a verbal response in return. You'll get over it...trust me.

    A smile and nod is just as polite as saying "hi" or "hello" and doesn't portray any kind of smugness or conceitedness. The way I see it is unless you plan on doing something about the smile and nod that you recieved from them then consider yourself lucky in getting a response in the first place. You guys complain about it but what exactly would you do in that situation? Not a damn thing so be happy with the smile and nod and just press on. It's not a crime so don't treat liek it is.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 08, 2008 8:05 AM GMT
    Next time, just say "Heyyy..." while walking awayyy. Works all the time. xx
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 08, 2008 8:32 AM GMT
    Guy101 saidI want to know why a smile and nod is considered rude?
    Everyone knows what a smile and nod means so what classifies it as a rude gesture?

    It is not that a smile and a nod in and of itself is a rude gesture. Rather, it is that someone put forth the effort to be courteous to you and said "Hi", and it is rude not to expend similar effort and courtesy. It's about propriety and social graces.

    This is how I was raised, and since the original post was asking people's opinions, this is mine, based on my upbringing and my experiences, having lived 40 years in a small southern community in North Carolina. I'm not saying you're wrong, as I'm sure your experiences are different from mine. However, at least with my generation and those prior, when someone spoke to you it was expected that you speak back, and if you didn't, it was considered rude... or at best, very lazy. It is still that way in many smaller southern communities today, though not so much in the larger cities.

    Honestly, as far as I'm concerned, it has nothing to do with thinking I'm being ignored. Insecure is one word that just doesn't apply to me.