Safe sex? Never?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 23, 2010 10:59 AM GMT
    I did a search of guys that had "never" checked under the safe sex category on their profile. I have to admit that Im in shock!

    I will have to say that I dont want to come across as judgemental for I myself am not a huge fan of condoms. Most of the unprotected sex Ive had has been while in a monogamous relationship, but as I found out the hard way you cant always trust that either.

    In this day & time Im just shocked at the # of guys that say they "never" have safe sex. Especially the number of young guys.

    Even though hiv is more manageable now adays it breaks my heart to see so many young guys not protecting themselves. With all that Ive been through since having hiv, if I could go back & protect myself, you best believe I would.

    I guess as long as both people know the consequences & agree to them its ok but I dont think people are thinking it all the way through.
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    Oct 23, 2010 11:22 AM GMT
    I liken it to the skydiver who loved free-falling so much that he purposely left his parachute at home because it takes away that wonderful feeling. He had read some articles online that told how a landing from free-fall "can" be survived, and wanted to give it a shot. He just didn't think about the fact that most people don't survive it, and those who do still end up damaged for life.

    That is not a true story, but it's the closest analogy I can think of this early in the morning. icon_lol.gif
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Oct 23, 2010 1:21 PM GMT
    According to my search, there are 685 guys on here who checked the "never" box on the Safe Sex section. Not as many as I thought from the original tone of your post (there are 250,000+ members of RJ) but it's still way too high. Affirming and owning your interest in putting yourself in harms way is a deal breaker in my book, like refusing to wear your helmet or a seatbelt. Gambling with your life is not sexy.

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    Oct 23, 2010 2:30 PM GMT
    You honestly cannot trust those things.... tons of the guys that say they "always" are having "safe sex" are also "sometimes" not having safe sex. People lie.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 23, 2010 3:03 PM GMT
    Well, we have 'never' on our profile, because exclusivity to each other is a cornerstone of our relationship and always has been.

    -Doug
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    Oct 23, 2010 3:13 PM GMT
    meninlove said Well, we have 'never' on our profile, because exclusivity to each other is a cornerstone of our relationship and always has been.

    -Doug


    However in reality you should check "Always" since you are in a committed exclusive relationship which by definition is free from risk of contraction of STD/STI and would be considered "Safe Sex".
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 23, 2010 3:19 PM GMT
    lol, interesting perspective that neither of us had considered....but we understand unsafe sex to be no condoms, for example, rather than being in an open relationship or single.
  • somedaytoo

    Posts: 704

    Oct 23, 2010 3:30 PM GMT
    Thanks for the public service announcement! I hope it changes at least one persons mind. It will be worth it.

    If you play with fire, you might get burned.

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    Oct 23, 2010 3:36 PM GMT
    meninlove said lol, interesting perspective that neither of us had considered....but we understand unsafe sex to be no condoms, for example, rather than being in an open relationship or single.
    I consider safe sex to be a padded headboard.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 23, 2010 5:19 PM GMT
    Do a search for how many guys age 18-25 list their HIV status as positive. The search I did turned up 186!

    Think there's a correlation?
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    Oct 23, 2010 5:25 PM GMT
    Even though the ones that had the honesty to check "never", I think there are many others that probably don't check anything because they don't like having safe sex.

    Looking at the big picture, even if its a small percentage of this site what does that say about the younger generation these days nation/worldwide?

    Hiv cases are still on the rise, unwanted pregnancies in young hetero relationships and etc. Its obvious people, the younger generation especially aren't practicing safe sex.

    I just think its disheartening that as much info as there is out there and there are so many of us that are living with hiv & have died from it that the numbers of cases of hiv should be declining while safe sex should be on the rise.
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    Oct 23, 2010 6:56 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidI liken it to the skydiver who loved free-falling so much that he purposely left his parachute at home because it takes away that wonderful feeling. He had read some articles online that told how a landing from free-fall "can" be survived, and wanted to give it a shot. He just didn't think about the fact that most people don't survive it, and those who do still end up damaged for life.

    That is not a true story, but it's the closest analogy I can think of this early in the morning. icon_lol.gif


    i lol'd
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 23, 2010 7:07 PM GMT
    please, there are plenty of guys out there that say always and then try ignoring it in the bedroom...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 23, 2010 9:36 PM GMT
    redbull saidEven though the ones that had the honesty to check "never", I think there are many others that probably don't check anything because they don't like having safe sex.


    I hope u ain't talkin'bout me!

    I don't have anything checked off because I do no engage in sexual contact with other individuals. So checking something off would be rather misleading.

    I'm pure. icon_redface.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 23, 2010 9:40 PM GMT
    There needs to be an 'I choose not to have sex at all' option. Stop assuming aspects of my life RJ!
  • owen19832006

    Posts: 1035

    Oct 23, 2010 9:44 PM GMT
    truth be told if you are in a monogamous and serious/ committed relationship you can have unprotected sex and if none of you had an sti before you began having unprotected sex then theres no way you would get one unless you have been unfaithful as stis are not selfgenerating.
    so having unprotected sex should be ok, and then maybe those who put never use a condom might be in a committed relationship
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 23, 2010 9:45 PM GMT
    owen19832006 saidtruth be told if you are in a monogamous and serious/ committed relationship you can have unprotected sex and if none of you had an sti before you began having unprotected sex then theres no way you would get one unless you have been unfaithful as stis are not selfgenerating.
    so having unprotected sex should be ok, and then maybe those who put never use a condom might be in a committed relationship


    You'll get seventeen replies to this argument that you can't ever trust your monogamous partner to stay faithful. It's pretty much how it's retorted 'round these parts.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 23, 2010 10:14 PM GMT
    Ciarsolo said
    owen19832006 saidtruth be told if you are in a monogamous and serious/ committed relationship you can have unprotected sex and if none of you had an sti before you began having unprotected sex then theres no way you would get one unless you have been unfaithful as stis are not selfgenerating.
    so having unprotected sex should be ok, and then maybe those who put never use a condom might be in a committed relationship


    You'll get seventeen replies to this argument that you can't ever trust your monogamous partner to stay faithful. It's pretty much how it's retorted 'round these parts.


    I know... what's the point of having a monogamous partner if you can't trust them with your life?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 23, 2010 11:29 PM GMT

    I think some people take a recklessly relaxed attitude to safer sex because they (not incorrectly) think of HIV as more of a chronic infection than as a lethal threat. What they fail to imagine is the serious effect that HIV and the medicines used to treat it have on health, not to mention the effects that people with HIV have to deal with financially, socially, sexually, etc. They also fail to take account of the cases in which therapy fails and patients develop and die from full blown AIDS.

    Thanks, Redbull, for grinding the numbers on this. Goes to show you're not just another pretty face. icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 23, 2010 11:30 PM GMT
    What a fucking depressing thread. Add it to the other slew of depressing things that happened to me, including getting a rejection letter from an academic program I wanted into. Life really fucking sucks.

    Last week I met an amazing guy who told me he was really interested in me from a relationship standpoint and now a week later he's always putting off returning my texts until I flip a shit at him.

    If I was born hetero I'm sure I've been married by now.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 27, 2010 6:20 PM GMT
    I take full responsibility for my actions......until I have a steady man in my life, I treat all partners as HIV + and they should treat me as such too. Perhaps being a father of two teenagers helps me keep my head on my shoulders, no matter what
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 28, 2010 8:21 AM GMT
    I just don't understand it, personally. When I was having casual sex, it just would never have occurred to me to not use condoms, and I was never asked not to (except by idiots online but you get asked all sorts there).

    It does make me sad that some guys are just not concerned at all about protecting themselves. I guess they don't value their life.
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    Oct 30, 2010 4:38 AM GMT
    bluey2223 saidWhat a fucking depressing thread. Add it to the other slew of depressing things that happened to me, including getting a rejection letter from an academic program I wanted into. Life really fucking sucks.

    Last week I met an amazing guy who told me he was really interested in me from a relationship standpoint and now a week later he's always putting off returning my texts until I flip a shit at him.

    If I was born hetero I'm sure I've been married by now.


    Umm. What? Sorry you're havin' a bad week (life??) but I don't get the correlation.

    This is simply a wake-up call - that I hope many people will read and give consideration to with regard to themselves and their sexual partners. It's not so much "depressing" as sobering to me.

    I assume anyone I engage with is HIV+ and should be treated as such and protected against properly as such. Anyone that assumes otherwise has their head up their ass. And no, I don't think that's "sexy". icon_wink.gif

    Any young guy that doesn't understand this should come talk to me. I will slap the shit out of them 'til they get it. My young friend of 24 was diagnosed with HIV a year ago. When he told me I don't think he realize how lucky he was that I didn't punch him out. I was literally that angry with him. He knew he was engaging in unsafe sex. Just stupidity. I am still angry with him. A terrible waste.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 30, 2010 4:46 AM GMT
    res_ident said, "I assume anyone I engage with is HIV+ and should be treated as such and protected against properly as such. Anyone that assumes otherwise has their head up their ass. And no, I don't think that's "sexy"."

    If only everyone would do this. I did back in the mid 80s til I met Bill, and even for another year after that. And we were fortunate that we were of the same cut when it came to relationships and monogamy, hence the year and not longer.

    -Doug
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 30, 2010 4:48 AM GMT
    I solve this problem by only having sex with people I know well enough to know if they have an STD. Even then no glove no love but actually having sex is just the tip of the iceberg. icon_twisted.gif