18 years old with a 38 yo boyfriend

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    Oct 23, 2010 8:28 PM GMT
    I'm completely in love with my boyfriend. We get along great, have fun, laugh, listen to the same music, watch the same tv/movies, can talk for hours, have the same outlook on life, are strikingly similar, want the same things, and enjoy being together. I'm not new to relationships either, I had a boyfriend for 3 1/2 years. I'm also mature for my age (I know everyone says this, but I've had a lot of experiences in my life that kind of made me grow up a little faster than other people my age.. ex. I moved out when I was 15, had a history of abuse, lived in foster care. But now I'm in college on a full ride living on my own)

    The only catch is I'm 18 and in college and he has his life set up already, though this doesn't bother me. What bothers me is I haven't told my parents (adopted) yet, yes I'm out of the house, but I want their approval and i don't know how to approach the situation.
    I'm really happy, I just want to not have to sneak around.
    I could see myself living with him in the near future, and we've talked about it. I can't lie to my parents forever.

    Is this okay?
    How do I approach the situation?

    HELP!
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    Oct 23, 2010 9:08 PM GMT
    That did nothing to help...
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    Oct 23, 2010 9:14 PM GMT
    I don't think you should date some1 that much oler than you?
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    Oct 23, 2010 9:15 PM GMT
    It's not even the age difference... I met him and I had no idea he was that much older, and he thought I was older, so I think it's okay.
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    Oct 23, 2010 9:41 PM GMT
    yuck im 18 also and i love older guys but not all older guys r hot..your bf sounds ugly and crippled lmfao
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    Oct 23, 2010 10:03 PM GMT
    How does he sound that way?
    I was looking for advice on things, not to hear bashing.
    It's rather rude and immature.
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    Oct 23, 2010 10:07 PM GMT
    buddha_the_god said1) Yes it's morally wrong to date someone older than yourself.


    BS.

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    Oct 23, 2010 10:13 PM GMT
    Don't live your life to please and get approval from other people. If you like him and he likes you that's all that matters. Parents included.
    BTW you are 18 and not living at home. You are not a child anymore so learn to be your own person. You are actually a grown man believe it or not.

    footnote: I've noticed over the past 10-15 years that guys in this age bracket seem to be devolving into for lack of a better term man-children lacking the courage to strike it out on their own and make their own way, mistakes and all. , just my observation
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    Oct 23, 2010 10:35 PM GMT
    buddha_the_god said1) Yes it's morally wrong to date someone older than yourself.
    2) Lying is a good trait to practise, especially to your parents. I mean if it was me I'd be happy to die, not truly knowing my own child.

    Also, no one under the age of 25 is mature. Yes I bazingad myself..

    ^^^^
    OP, pay no attention to this post. It does not contain one piece of good advice.





    If you are on your own, you can afford to tell your parents and then allow them time to come to terms with it.

    And now for the Debbie Downer, realistic advice: If at 18, you think you have found the love of your life and it is going to last forever, you are sadly mistaken and thinking that because you are 18. You have not yet met your true love. Just go for it and have fun with it while this relationship lasts.


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    Oct 23, 2010 10:39 PM GMT
    Lostboy said
    buddha_the_god said1) Yes it's morally wrong to date someone older than yourself.


    BS.



    Agreed. Complete BS.
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    Oct 23, 2010 10:45 PM GMT
    beneful1 saidDon't live your life to please and get approval from other people. If you like him and he likes you that's all that matters. Parents included.
    BTW you are 18 and not living at home. You are not a child anymore so learn to be your own person. You are actually a grown man believe it or not.


    You have to do what you are comfortable with doing. It's your life. Who gives a fuck what others say or think. As for your parents, tell them if they ask...icon_rolleyes.gif

    BTW, personally, there's no way in hell I could ever live with a man 20 years older or younger.icon_exclaim.gif
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    Oct 23, 2010 10:49 PM GMT
    Yes, it is morally wrong to date someone older than yourself. After all, your happiness as a couple should take back seat to another person's infantile sense of morality... fucking idiots.

    Anyway, to the question!

    Your parents may not be so hot on this relationship not because the age thing is itself a problem. They may be concerned that you are being taken advantage of. People show such concern either out of love for you or because of their own prejudices (like the asshat above). So you have to assure people that you are both happy and that no one is taking advantage of the other.

    But first, how serious is this relationship? I can't imagine you two have been dating for terribly long given your age and what you wrote. The time to tell them might not be right out of the gate but after you two are in a steady relationship for a while. Your relationship is going to cause a bit of initial anxiety. And it is totally worth putting them through if you see this guy for a while. But if you have just been dating for a month or so it could fizzle tomorrow.
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    Oct 23, 2010 10:54 PM GMT
    All of this sounds like a bunch of bollocks! Why are you worried about what they might think? Do they know you are into men? I don't see why that would be worrisome. Or is it that you have a bf that is 20 yrs older than you? I've gone out with men 20 yrs older than i and my Ma was ok with it as long as i was happy with him she didn't care so, talk to your bf and ask him for some advice.
  • laxdude25

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    Oct 23, 2010 10:57 PM GMT
    I just checked out your profile, and there is another post, since erased, which refers to a 39 yo bf. So maybe this is not a real posting. But I will give you the benefit of the doubt.

    I am generally pretty indifferent to age differences in relationships, as they have worked for me with guys my own age (now 50) and guys as young as 22. But I agree with the other posters, it's very unlikely to be the "one" and last forever. Enjoy what you have for what you have for as long as it works. If you are truly on your own, and as independent as you say you are, and you are truly proud of this friendship/relationship, why do you need to ask for permission or approval to introduce this guy to your parents or anyone else. You seem like you're most of the way there to living your life on your own path, the one that is right for you. Live it with self-respect and confidence and you'll be just fine.
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    Oct 23, 2010 10:59 PM GMT
    capitolhillboy said I'm also mature for my age.

    icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

    ok, i'm back. you two are 2 decades apart. you may be a happy honest couple now, but whether you like it or not this age difference will become an issue. you two WILL have different goals in life that will end your relationship. you had your fun and so did he. you probably do love each other, but you are not through changing and discovering yourself. it's best for both of you.
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    Oct 23, 2010 11:22 PM GMT
    There's nothing wrong with being 18 and having a 38 year old boyfriend.
    The generation gap ruins it for most couples.
    Other things ruin it for most couples of similar age.
    Dating while in college can prove to be detrimental to your career, regardless of the age of the person you're dating.
    Making the relationship work will take lots of work from both people involved, regardless of age differential.
    Nobody can tell you whether or not it will work. They can only tell you their opinions.

    As for bringing it up to your family, that's up to you also. You will tell them when you're ready. Just expect a lot of flak. Keep in mind that you've lived with the knowledge of yourself for a few years, and you'll be spilling that few years of information on them in one or two sentences. It will be a shock to them.

    That's all the advice I can give. The decision is ultimately yours. Good luck. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Oct 23, 2010 11:22 PM GMT
    beneful1 said

    footnote: I've noticed over the past 10-15 years that guys in this age bracket seem to be devolving into for lack of a better term man-children lacking the courage to strike it out on their own and make their own way, mistakes and all. , just my observation


    I've noticed that too, but this is the first time he's dated someone my age, and I can honestly tell he's not into that.
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    Oct 23, 2010 11:25 PM GMT
    buddha_the_god said1) Yes it's morally wrong to date someone older than yourself.
    2) Lying is a good trait to practise, especially to your parents. I mean if it was me I'd be happy to die, not truly knowing my own child.


    1) In the gay world... either guy is going to be older than the other. With your statement there, every gay relationship is morally wrong. Wow...

    2)This is why some people should never reproduce... aka... yourself.
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    Oct 23, 2010 11:26 PM GMT
    buddha_the_god said1) Yes it's morally wrong to date someone older than yourself.
    2) Lying is a good trait to practise, especially to your parents. I mean if it was me I'd be happy to die, not truly knowing my own child.

    Also, no one under the age of 25 is mature. Yes I bazingad myself..
    3) Apparently I'm the only one here who reads this as the sarcasm it is. icon_lol.gif
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    Oct 23, 2010 11:29 PM GMT
    MunchingZombie said

    But first, how serious is this relationship? I can't imagine you two have been dating for terribly long given your age and what you wrote. The time to tell them might not be right out of the gate but after you two are in a steady relationship for a while. Your relationship is going to cause a bit of initial anxiety. And it is totally worth putting them through if you see this guy for a while. But if you have just been dating for a month or so it could fizzle tomorrow.



    The relationship is pretty serious, we've been dating for 6 months, He just turned 39 and I'm almost 19. I just worry telling them later is going to hurt them more than not telling them. I hate sounding cliché, but this relationship is honestly something refreshing and like i've never had. I can say I do love him and I haven't been able to do that before. I was a victim of abuse when I was younger and have always been rather afraid of men, but he takes that fear away and helps me grow. It's like our age doesn't matter at all when we are together, just when someone stereotypes us.
  • Buddha

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    Oct 24, 2010 12:30 AM GMT
    ...

    I can't believe anyone took my post seriously...? The whole thing was overly ironic.
  • Buddha

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    Oct 24, 2010 12:30 AM GMT
    Oh good paulflexes actually caught iXD
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    Oct 24, 2010 12:32 AM GMT
    Age doesnt matter, the most important thing is you guys in love with each other. Hope you guys happy everyday icon_smile.gif
  • pianoplayer

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    Oct 24, 2010 12:40 AM GMT
    Look Guy IT IS YOUR LIFE...no one elses.......most of us guys are searching for love and can't find it...so if you have..........then ALL THE MORE POWER TO YOU.....AGE doesn't have to make a difference.....if your willing to make a committment to each other. I have lots of much younger guys that want to date me...I choose not to ONLY because I WANT to date an older mature guy that will prayerfully grow old with me.... but if he's ten years younger thats fine with me....... Theres NOTHIN GREATER THAN LOVE DUDE..!!!!!
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    Oct 24, 2010 12:50 AM GMT
    If you really wanna spend your life together, and you're okay with him dying 20 years before you, then I guess it's fine!

    I'm 20 and my parents are divorced. My Dad is now married to a girl who is 21...he is 48. That's a 27 year difference. When he introduced us to her (she's from the Phillippines) he told us she was 3 or 4 years older than she really was, and I discovered her real age on my own. It really bothered me from the start that she was so young, and then to find out she was even younger caused even more problems.

    Eventually, I decided my relationship with my Dad was more important to me than being angry at him over the age of his new wife. So I moved on, and just accepted it. It still bothers me at times, but I think if your parents really value their relationship with you, they will come to accept it sooner or later.

    But you can't blame them for being angry, if they get angry. As parents, they probably will feel as if you're being taken advantage of by this guy since he is so much older.