When is the right time?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 25, 2010 11:50 AM GMT
    When is the right time to say "I love you" in a new relationship? It'd be great to hear your thoughts...
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    Oct 25, 2010 12:19 PM GMT
    When you feel it.
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    Oct 25, 2010 12:22 PM GMT
    NickFit saidWhen you feel it.


    Can it be too soon though? I've heard of cases where it scares the guy off... icon_eek.gif Say you've only been dating a few months...
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    Oct 25, 2010 12:37 PM GMT
    I usually say it right after I orgasm, as I'm on my way to get them a wet washcloth....icon_twisted.gificon_wink.gificon_lol.gif
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    Oct 25, 2010 1:48 PM GMT

    What NickFit said. And you can also say it in a casual way while doing something fun together rather than accompanied by an intense stare across a table for two where you can hear a pin drop, for example. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug
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    Oct 25, 2010 1:54 PM GMT
    WestAussieGuy said
    NickFit saidWhen you feel it.


    Can it be too soon though? I've heard of cases where it scares the guy off... icon_eek.gif Say you've only been dating a few months...


    If you're not sure whether they are quite there yet, then you can always say "I don't need to hear it back, but I just wanted you to know that I love you."

    Even that is a bit formal. To me, it should just be a natural thing, that's totally unplanned, and you just find it pops out of your mouth with no conscious thought. If that scares a guy off, well maybe he wasn't right for you anyway?

    I think after a few months, you probably know whether you are falling for someone. Maybe that's a better way of putting it - don't say "I love you" just say "I think you're amazing and I'm definitely falling for you."

    Then gauge their response!
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    Oct 25, 2010 2:32 PM GMT
    WestAussieGuy saidWhen is the right time to say "I love you" in a new relationship? It'd be great to hear your thoughts...


    Um.. within the first months I would be skeptical of a guy who said it. icon_confused.gif
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    Oct 25, 2010 3:13 PM GMT
    mnboy said
    WestAussieGuy saidWhen is the right time to say "I love you" in a new relationship? It'd be great to hear your thoughts...


    Um.. within the first months I would be skeptical of a guy who said it. icon_confused.gif


    Wouldn't it depend entirely upon what occurred in those months or weeks and the maturity of the persons involved?

    Bill and I said it to each other at 3 weeks...nearly 21 years ago. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug
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    Oct 25, 2010 3:20 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    mnboy said
    WestAussieGuy saidWhen is the right time to say "I love you" in a new relationship? It'd be great to hear your thoughts...


    Um.. within the first months I would be skeptical of a guy who said it. icon_confused.gif


    Wouldn't it depend entirely upon what occurred in those months or weeks and the maturity of the persons involved?

    Bill and I said it to each other at 3 weeks...nearly 21 years ago. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug


    You dont have to be mature to love someone.
    A child loves their parent just because they arent mature does it make their love any less real?
    Love is something that is made through bonds and connections. I couldnt conceivable love someone within a few months, so I expect the same.
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    Oct 25, 2010 3:47 PM GMT
    Wait until he says it first.
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    Oct 25, 2010 3:56 PM GMT
    I have found there is a helluva dif between the straight world's 'I love you' and that of they gay world.....It seems in the gay world, one does have to walk on tenterhooks and 'feel' out the other guy for fear, as the OP said, of scaring them off. I've never actually heard of anything quite so odd. To say you love someone shouldn't scare them off, but I do agree that in either gender relationship, timing is essential and the heart usually handles that with a little advice from the head..........if that makes any sense whatsoever......Keithicon_cool.gif
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    Oct 25, 2010 10:29 PM GMT
    NickFit said
    WestAussieGuy said
    NickFit saidWhen you feel it.


    Can it be too soon though? I've heard of cases where it scares the guy off... icon_eek.gif Say you've only been dating a few months...


    If you're not sure whether they are quite there yet, then you can always say "I don't need to hear it back, but I just wanted you to know that I love you."

    Even that is a bit formal. To me, it should just be a natural thing, that's totally unplanned, and you just find it pops out of your mouth with no conscious thought. If that scares a guy off, well maybe he wasn't right for you anyway?

    I think after a few months, you probably know whether you are falling for someone. Maybe that's a better way of putting it - don't say "I love you" just say "I think you're amazing and I'm definitely falling for you."

    Then gauge their response!


    Thanks for the great advice...
  • Karnage

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    Oct 25, 2010 10:39 PM GMT
    In my first long term relationship I said it after about five or so months, right before he left for Spain for the summer, and he didn't say it back. When we got back the relationship sort of fizzled out, though we are still friends.

    Looking back on it, I do not think that I was actually in love with him. We had sort of reached a plateau and I was ready to grow further in the relationship, and saying 'I love you' seemed like the logical next step for me. I said it because I thought I should, not because I actually felt it. Again, looking back, I think this was the main sign that this relationship wouldn't last - I was ready to take that next step, but I was not with someone who I could feel that deeply for.

    I guess what I'm getting at is this - if you're going to say it, make sure you're doing it because you do love him, not just because you want to love him.
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    Oct 25, 2010 10:46 PM GMT
    WestAussieGuy saidWhen is the right time to say "I love you" in a new relationship? It'd be great to hear your thoughts...
    How timely, I've been going out with a guy and was just thinking that same thing. Although I've fallen head over heels for him, after just a couple of months I think it might be more appropriate to say 'I lust you'! LOL

    I think it is something you feel and with some it's sooner than others. I think in my case, it may be sooner but trying not to dilute the meaning by saying it too soon and then having him wonder if I'm just desperate or what.
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    Oct 25, 2010 10:46 PM GMT
    Karnage saidI guess what I'm getting at is this - if you're going to say it, make sure you're doing it because you do love him, not just because you want to love him.
    I think this is a very good point.
  • Karnage

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    Oct 25, 2010 10:57 PM GMT
    eb925guy said
    Karnage saidI guess what I'm getting at is this - if you're going to say it, make sure you're doing it because you do love him, not just because you want to love him.
    I think this is a very good point.

    Thanks eb. I also want to put in a quick edit to say that if you have never been in love before, I think it is very difficult to tell the difference between the two. I think that if it really is love, you will know it.
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    Oct 25, 2010 11:00 PM GMT
    eb925guy said
    WestAussieGuy saidWhen is the right time to say "I love you" in a new relationship? It'd be great to hear your thoughts...
    How timely, I've been going out with a guy and was just thinking that same thing. Although I've fallen head over heels for him, after just a couple of months I think it might be more appropriate to say 'I lust you'! LOL

    I think it is something you feel and with some it's sooner than others. I think in my case, it may be sooner but trying not to dilute the meaning by saying it too soon and then having him wonder if I'm just desperate or what.


    Its great to know that I'm not the only one going through this...

    I'm pretty sure the words will pop out of my mouth sometime soon...
  • GQjock

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    Oct 25, 2010 11:28 PM GMT
    After you had sex on a first date icon_eek.gif ROFL


    Then say just kiddin' icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 25, 2010 11:36 PM GMT
    mnboy said
    WestAussieGuy saidWhen is the right time to say "I love you" in a new relationship? It'd be great to hear your thoughts...


    Um.. within the first months I would be skeptical of a guy who said it. icon_confused.gif

    I've heard it after the first date. icon_eek.gif

    Yeah, that was a little too soon. And yeah, it did freak me out a bit.
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    Oct 26, 2010 12:26 AM GMT
    Yeah, I’ve had it said to me right after/during sex on more than one occasion, with someone whom I only knew physically; little scary to continue a relationship, unless you have carefully inspected there medicine cabinet and don’t have a bunny rabbit.

    I go with when you feel it; it’s in their kiss.

    And to those who cannot conceive of doing it within a few months, all I can say is you haven’t met that guy yet.
    Good luck to you when you do.
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    Oct 26, 2010 1:06 AM GMT
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/1202020
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    Oct 26, 2010 1:13 AM GMT
    my ex said it to me a month and a half after we started dating, granted he was drunk at the time, but he backed it up the morning after haha.

    if you feel it, then theres no "right time" for it.
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    Oct 26, 2010 1:41 AM GMT
    There are three kinds of love:

    1. Animal Magnetism. This is physical attraction and is a genuine sense of love and passion.
    2. Possessive Love. This is where you love someone, but want to possess them in some way.
    3. Free Love. This is real love and care for someone and means you want them to be well, happy and free even if that means they are not with you, and even if you are not happy also.

    I would think that you should wait at least until something that seems real honestly develops, or at least begins to, and you have gotten to know the person to some extent. Whether that happens in a week, a month, or a year would be determined on an individual basis.

    I would say, use good judgment and say it only when it is appropriate and you know you feel it. If the other person doesn't reciprocate, or isn't developing toward that, end it and move on.

    It seems to me that it is a bit stalkerish to say it too soon. Some people are so horny or so lonely that they feel a desperate need to be with someone immediately, and it is a bit out of their own control. Or, they feel a strong animal magnetism toward someone and mistake it for free love.

    I was chatting on line with a guy last week and he suddenly said he loves me. We had chatted only once before that. It was inappropriate. This shows a real psychological problem in that he was not in love with me, but was obsessively projecting his ideal onto me and using me to fulfill that ideal without the real me participating, except as the live piece of meat sitting there.

    I told him this, he admitted it was true and I ended the chat and moved on.
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    Oct 26, 2010 1:46 AM GMT
    WestAussieGuy saidWhen is the right time to say "I love you" in a new relationship? It'd be great to hear your thoughts...


    As soon as I meet Mark Porplyzia or Joel Selwood.
  • tuffguyndc

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    Oct 26, 2010 1:54 AM GMT
    vetteset saidI have found there is a helluva dif between the straight world's 'I love you' and that of they gay world.....It seems in the gay world, one does have to walk on tenterhooks and 'feel' out the other guy for fear, as the OP said, of scaring them off. I've never actually heard of anything quite so odd. To say you love someone shouldn't scare them off, but I do agree that in either gender relationship, timing is essential and the heart usually handles that with a little advice from the head..........if that makes any sense whatsoever......Keithicon_cool.gif

    bro, that is total wrong it works the same way in straight world too. however, usually it is the woman telling a guy she loves him. i mean it just depends on the situation and the individual. i know people who have said i love you after dating for 3 weeks. i know people who have waited later. i think if you really like someone and it has been over a month and you know they really really like you. then go ahead and say it. however, he is a man so you might want to say listen i hope this doesn't change anything between us but i have to tell you something. i love you.