Guy I'm seeing told me I treat him like a hooker?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 25, 2010 10:22 PM GMT
    I've been seeing a guy for the past two months on and off. Usually we meet up at a bar and then go back to his place and hook up after.

    The last time we hung out (a week ago) he told me that he wanted more from me than just to go out to clubs and have sex after. He said he wanted to go on more real dates like going out to dinner and that sometimes he feels like I treat him like a hooker because everytime we hang out I expect sex from him.

    The thing is is that I have tried repeatedly to schedule real "dates" with him and he is usually the one that bails on me! For example I suggested we go to dinner on sunday and he agreed . When sunday came he texted me his flight was delayed (he travels a lot for work) and that he couldn't make it. He didn't suggest a make-up date which annoyed me....why should I be the one to make the effort to hang out....?

    So basically I'm wondering if he's just messing with my head? I like him so much more than as just a hookup...I just feel like everytime I actually do what he says he wants he just becomes distant and starts ignoring me. So what do you all think the deal is? Should I just ignore him and see if he puts in some effort?
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Oct 26, 2010 12:36 AM GMT
    Ask him when he is free to go to his favorite restaurant. If he botches that one, move on.
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    Oct 26, 2010 12:52 AM GMT
    who's the bottom and the top in the relationship? I can explain the behavior if I know this....
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Oct 26, 2010 1:00 AM GMT
    Why are you asking this of us, instead of him? He's the only one who knows the answer. Why do men have so much trouble communicating?
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    Oct 26, 2010 1:05 AM GMT
    WOW! It doesn't matter what positional role one plays in the relationship. If you aren't being treated right you just aren't being treated. It's that simple.

    Sit down and talk to you man and make it happen. Don't allows expect sex from him when you guys hang out (so he says). If it happens then it happens but you should never expect it. Set up a time that works best for him and if he bails on you again you've got your answer. In fact why should you be the one to push it further? If he really wants a date then nothing says he can't set something up.

    It seems like he is waiting for you to do all the work. If he isn't willing to show the initiative to wanna make the relationship work then in reality he should be expect to be treated like hooker. I wouldn't even say a hooker because hookers make that money and get something out what they do. Hahaha.

    Hooker_Tracks.jpg
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Oct 26, 2010 1:48 AM GMT
    Dude, this guy sounds like he is playing games. I mean seriously, if he is canceling and becoming distant when you do anything. He is playing games dude. If I were you, I would just continue to have sex with him and that is it. If he brings up the treating like a hooker than. Tell him to schedule a real date and if he breaks it then all we are about is hooking up. I am sorry you have feelings for the bum but seriously you seem like a descent guy so go find you someone who will appreciate you
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 26, 2010 2:03 AM GMT
    You guys are able to schedule times to meet up at bars and clubs... why can't you just change the meeting location to somewhere that isn't a bar or club and call it a real date?
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    Oct 26, 2010 2:06 AM GMT
    Next he he comes over, give him $250 cash in an envelope as he leaves.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 26, 2010 2:08 AM GMT
    Sounds like he has issues. Try again and say let's go out at such and such a time. If he still can't make it then maybe you should cut your losses. If you stop seeing him for awhile maybe then he'll wise up.
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    Oct 26, 2010 2:12 AM GMT
    I'd love to hear the other side of these stories! ... icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 26, 2010 2:17 AM GMT
    When you casually date someone and they want to call it off they are not usually blunt with you. It is not you, it is them. They like you and don't want to be cruel by telling you that you are a lousy lay, or they hate that you fart so much, or that they find you boring, or whatever reason it is they don't want to see you anymore. So they try to make it some other thing. In this case, he wants to stop seeing you so he expresses a desire for something and then makes it impossible for you to fulfill that desire.

    Try one last time to make a "real date" (I have no idea what is so fake about your dates. They sound awesome.) and if he flakes tell him goodbye.
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    Oct 26, 2010 2:20 AM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidWhen you casually date someone and they want to call it off they are not usually blunt with you. It is not you, it is them. They like you and don't want to be cruel by telling you that you are a lousy lay, or they hate that you fart so much, or that they find you boring, or whatever reason it is they don't want to see you anymore. So they try to make it some other thing. In this case, he wants to stop seeing you so he expresses a desire for something and then makes it impossible for you to fulfill that desire. .

    ...cuz youre treating him like a whore and he doesnt like it. icon_wink.gif
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Oct 26, 2010 2:37 AM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidWhen you casually date someone and they want to call it off they are not usually blunt with you. It is not you, it is them. They like you and don't want to be cruel by telling you that you are a lousy lay, or they hate that you fart so much, or that they find you boring, or whatever reason it is they don't want to see you anymore. So they try to make it some other thing. In this case, he wants to stop seeing you so he expresses a desire for something and then makes it impossible for you to fulfill that desire.

    Try one last time to make a "real date" (I have no idea what is so fake about your dates. They sound awesome.) and if he flakes tell him goodbye.
    Yeah MZ is probably right. It might help if you visualize your relationship with him like a song playing. How does it sound? Does it hit "wrong" notes?
    In short, why not double-down? Tell him directly how you feel and you'd like to take him on a special date and see what happens. You might even want to take a break from sex if that is getting in the way of communication.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 26, 2010 2:37 AM GMT
    Get him to organise the 'real' date. Make him put in the effort to see if he means what he says.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 26, 2010 2:47 AM GMT
    Until he can practice what he preaches in regards to "dating", just keep fucking him like a hooker.

    Just being fuck buddies can be fun, and is much less overhead, maintenance, and emotional investment.

    If he's serious about asking you to make more of an emotional investment in your relationship, then he needs to work with you. You can't be the only one doing the work.

    That won't work.
  • maximumrisk

    Posts: 799

    Oct 26, 2010 2:49 AM GMT
    I have to say that he has nothing to complain about if he hasnt made the effort at all. I am pretty sure he knows your number.

    A point that I really like to ignore sometimes is, that if someone doesnt care to call you, then how can you expect them to care enough for a relationship?
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    Oct 26, 2010 3:41 AM GMT
    Time for him to set up the date. And tell him he needs to.

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    Oct 26, 2010 3:52 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidNext he he comes over, give him $250 cash in an envelope as he leaves.


    Actually, if he's good in the sack, pimp him out to your friends and make money off his turned out ass. Then, he can truly say, "You're treating me like a hooker"...

















    ...and you can respond with "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" and bitch slap that hooker!
    bitchslap.jpg

    You gotta keep the ponies in line or you won't have no stable.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 26, 2010 4:10 AM GMT
    I would drop him make him realize his mistake. He obviously doesn't care that much if he is always bailing on dates. I think its kinda messed up he's putting the blame on you, when you have tried. I would talk to him and leave all your cards on the table.
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    Oct 26, 2010 5:09 AM GMT
    swimbikerun saidIn short, why not double-down?


    You mean ask him for a threeway? icon_lol.gif

    OP, sounds like you may be losing your fuck buddy soon. If you want to date him, the next time you go out, don't hook up with him. If he comes on to you and wants to have sex, then it sounds like he's got a few emotional issues he's projecting onto you. If not, then maybe he actually wants to date you instead of being your hooker?
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    Oct 26, 2010 12:44 PM GMT
    GAMRican said
    paulflexes saidNext he he comes over, give him $250 cash in an envelope as he leaves.


    Actually, if he's good in the sack, pimp him out to your friends and make money off his turned out ass. Then, he can truly say, "You're treating me like a hooker"...
    Good idea! icon_twisted.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Oct 26, 2010 12:49 PM GMT
    I think this is totally overblown. Are you paying for him, is he making money off of the "relationship"?

    And so you offered him dinner... have you suggested you do something that doesn't end with sex at the end. How about a trip to the zoo?

    I suggest you decide if you really want to date the guy or if you just want him for sex. If you want a dating relationship, I suggest you communicate that to him and get the reaction. If you just want him for sex, I'd clarify
    that it's not "hooker" relationship since its minus the money.

    icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 26, 2010 12:52 PM GMT
    sanddunes saidI've been seeing a guy for the past two months on and off. Usually we meet up at a bar and then go back to his place and hook up after.

    The last time we hung out (a week ago) he told me that he wanted more from me than just to go out to clubs and have sex after. He said he wanted to go on more real dates like going out to dinner and that sometimes he feels like I treat him like a hooker because everytime we hang out I expect sex from him.

    The thing is is that I have tried repeatedly to schedule real "dates" with him and he is usually the one that bails on me! For example I suggested we go to dinner on sunday and he agreed . When sunday came he texted me his flight was delayed (he travels a lot for work) and that he couldn't make it. He didn't suggest a make-up date which annoyed me....why should I be the one to make the effort to hang out....?

    So basically I'm wondering if he's just messing with my head? I like him so much more than as just a hookup...I just feel like everytime I actually do what he says he wants he just becomes distant and starts ignoring me. So what do you all think the deal is? Should I just ignore him and see if he puts in some effort?



    Yea man ask the guy out make him feel special i you really like him in that way and not just like a hook up make him feel how much he means to you and try not to have sex after icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 26, 2010 1:01 PM GMT
    If he doesn't want to be treated like a hooker . . .

    Take him at face value. Treat him well. Be an adult if you want an adult relationship. It might work. And if it doesn't with him, it will work with someone soon.

    The zero tolerance advice you are getting above is another way of saying never let you guard down. But that's not how you get a relationship.

    Also, what kind of relationship is based 100 per cent on clubs and fucking? A relationship where sex is the only important thing. He feels like a hooker because that's all you have in common thus far. If you like him, make the relationship happen already!

    And if you get hurt, so what? You'll get over it.

    The real question is: what if you don't get hurt? What if you get what you want here? That can be scary, too.

    Good luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 26, 2010 1:02 PM GMT
    Instead of meeting at the bar, why not "spontaneously" change plans and go to a restaurant or some place similar. Do you two always have to meet at a bar/club?

    OR

    if he is a lazy flake, he needs to man up and be serious about what he wants. Next time he opens his mouth to make a smart remark, tell him to put up or shut up.