OK, Back Home From The Hospital & Exhausted -- Have You Got Your Legal Medical Paperwork In Order?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 26, 2010 12:46 AM GMT
    A stressful day, and a stressful night ahead, I'm really worried about him. He probably didn't have a major heart attack, but some kind of cardiac incident did happen, and they know his heart rhythms are all wrong, putting him at further risk. More tests will be done tomorrow.

    I left him at 8, fortunately not too far away. He needed the rest, and they've got him wired up and being monitored on a cardiac floor, but not in an ICU. Right now I'm having some wine to try to relax, and using RJ to have someone to communicate with. He still doesn't want any of his family or local friends to know about this, so I have no one to discuss it with. He apparently feels if the doctors release him quickly he won't have to tell anyone.

    Once again, as with his last emergency exactly 1 year ago, I can't stress enough the importance of making prior legal arrangements. All our info was already in the hospital computer from last time, and my name appears as his next of kin and health care surrogate, able to make all decisions if he can't.

    And allowed to be at his side at all times, and to consult with his doctors & nurses. None of this barring a gay partner from the bedside that happens in some parts of the US, even right here in Florida in at least one notorious case. No excuse, guys, for not already having the appropriate legal documents drawn, which vary by US State.

    Look into it tomorrow! When we woke up this morning we didn't know by afternoon he'd be going to an ER and spending tonight in a hospital. And that's the way it was last year, and years before that with my previous late partner. You just never know, so consider these documents like good insurance against the unforeseen.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Oct 26, 2010 12:58 AM GMT
    your partner has a darn good man looking out for him. icon_cool.gif
  • creature

    Posts: 5197

    Oct 26, 2010 12:58 AM GMT
    I'm sorry to hear about his condition. It seems like it's one thing after an another. Is your hospital fully privatized? I know President Obama did order hospitals that accept federal funding to permit visitation rights for same-sex partners. But if the hospital is fully privatized then they can limit visitation.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Oct 26, 2010 1:11 AM GMT
    You damn right I do....

    You never know what might happen to you in this life. My will, trusts and additional paperwork are in good order and with my recent scare, glad, very glad I took the responsibility to see everything was done corrrectly.
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    Oct 26, 2010 1:32 AM GMT
    creature saidI'm sorry to hear about his condition. It seems like it's one thing after an another. Is your hospital fully privatized? I know President Obama did order hospitals that accept federal funding to permit visitation rights for same-sex partners. But if the hospital is fully privatized then they can limit visitation.

    It's not fully privatized. But I'm not sure of the status of Obama's order. I believe it was issued to the Dept of HHS, not to hospitals directly, but I thought there was talk of the Republicans in Congress trying to delay it. Plus it takes months for the bureaucrats to draw up the implementing regulations & policies, which may not have officially gone into effect yet.

    And I believe non-traditional couples covered by Obama's directive (which includes straight unmarried as well as gays) must still establish their legal relationship by some means. Otherwise just anyone could walk into a hospital and claim a right to make medical decisions for another person. Simply living with a guy will not necessarily do the trick.

    So that I think it may still be necessary to have documents drawn, in US jurisdictions where gay marriage is not legal. It's just that hospitals receiving Federal aid must honor those agreements under the Obama directive. Something that was not done in an infamous case in Miami 2 years ago, the hospital's decision to bar a lesbian from her dying partner being upheld by the Florida State Supreme Court, despite their having such documents.

    In any case, right now my partner & I do have documents drawn up that our hospital is honoring. And I encourage every gay in the US who's partnered to consult with an attorney to determine what special documents you might need. Even if they're like our best gay friends, who have New Hampshire residency and are legally married, DOMA specifies that no other States are required to recognize a gay marriage contract, and most do not. Therefore even they need additional protections outside of New Hampshire.
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    Oct 26, 2010 1:40 AM GMT
    southbeach1500 saidDespite the differences you and I have had on here, I do hope he pulls through.

    Thank you, that's considerate & decent of you to say.
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    Oct 26, 2010 1:54 AM GMT
    rnch saidyour partner has a darn good man looking out for him. icon_cool.gif

    I know he does, and if I catch him in that hospital room one more time I'm gonna call security. icon_lol.gif

    We look after each other; I give him nothing more than he gives to me. My own health is actually much more precarious and more of an issue on a daily recurring basis than his situation. He's had to deal with my seizures, my bad back, arthritis, etc, a hundred times more often than these few instances when he's been hospitalized.

    I don't want to become maudlin here, but any proper definition of gay partnership includes such mutual care. Young guys usually don't think much about it because they usually don't need it much. But you never know, why I stress the protective legal paperwork.

    And if you're not ready & willing to take on that supportive role for your partner, then you aren't cut out to be a partner in the first place. It's an implied duty that goes with the territory. The straights do have it correct: "In sickness and in health."

    And my partner has always stood by me in sickness. Standing by him in turn is an easy decision. No, that's wrong, not a decision at all. It's a given.
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    Oct 26, 2010 1:55 AM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    rnch saidyour partner has a darn good man looking out for him. icon_cool.gif

    I know he does, and if I catch him in that hospital room one more time I'm gonna call security. icon_lol.gif

    We look after each other; I give him nothing more than he gives to me. My own health is actually much more precarious and more of an issue on a daily recurring basis than his situation. He's had to deal with my seizures, my bad back, arthritis, etc, a hundred times more often than these few instances when he's been hospitalized.

    I don't want to become maudlin here, but any proper definition of gay partnership includes such mutual care. Young guys usually don't think much about it because they usually don't need it much. But you never know, why I stress the protective legal paperwork.

    And if you're not ready & willing to take on that supportive role for your partner, then you aren't cut out to be a partner in the first place. It's an implied duty that goes with the territory. The straights do have it correct: "In sickness and in health."

    And my partner has always stood by me in sickness. Standing by him in turn is an easy decision. No, that's wrong, not a decision at all. It's a given.
    Check yer email!
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    Oct 26, 2010 4:25 AM GMT
    TropicalMark saidCheck yer email!

    Thanks, did. Been on the phone 2 hours talking about my partner.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Oct 26, 2010 4:35 AM GMT
    You're a prize.
    And, you're lucky to have each other.
    I'm sending a good luck wish for a speedy recovery.
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    Oct 26, 2010 5:50 AM GMT
    Webster666 saidI'm sending a good luck wish for a speedy recovery.

    Thanks! And I'm still awake, unable to idle back, too tired to sleep as the saying goes.

    Just got off the phone, talking with another RJ member who emailed me his phone number. And it turns out he knows my partner from years ago, although he now lives hundreds of miles away!

    And he & I may have met before, too, during an international gay chorus gathering in 2008 in Miami, when my partner & I hosted a reception. And now we're hoping to meet in Key West during the SMART Ride in November, provided my partner's health doesn't make us cancel those plans.

    Can you imagine such coincidences? The Internet is truly amazing. As big as it is, I always run into people I've known in other ways. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 26, 2010 5:57 AM GMT
    You have got to find a way to shut your brain off, as hard as it may seem to do. He is in bed and knows very well how much you love him and when he looks in your eyes and sees the sleeplessness, a frown will appear on his brow. He may chastise you for not taking care of YOURSELF during this time. Maybe the hospital will let you sleep in the room with him (and because of how you are, I know of thousands of people who will step in to take care of the house for you). Take care of yourself so you can be there to take care of him. He will appreciate that more just as much as you taking care of him and watching out for him. A speedy recovery and quick to home release for him and a peaceful night's sleep for you!
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19129

    Oct 26, 2010 6:23 AM GMT
    Prayers for your partner (and you) and I sincerely hope things get better real soon.

    Hugs from Arizona!!!!