Being Suicidal: What it feels like to want to kill yourself

  • metta

    Posts: 39104

    Oct 27, 2010 7:11 AM GMT
    Being Suicidal: What it feels like to want to kill yourself

    " Tyler Clementi as he was driving towards the George Washington Bridge to end his own life in the wake of being cruelly and voyeuristically outed over the Internet, I’d bet my bottom dollar that he felt even the songs on the radio weren’t meant for him, but for “normal people” more relatable to the singer and deserving of the song’s message. "


    “Our best route to understanding suicide is not through the study of the structure of the brain, nor the study of social statistics, nor the study of mental diseases, but directly through the study of human emotions described in plain English, in the words of the suicidal person.”

    “suicidal people have an aversive or anxious awareness of the recent past (and possibly the future too), from which they seek to escape into a narrow, unemotional focus on the present moment.”

    http://www.scientificamerican.com/blog/post.cfm?id=being-suicidal-what-it-feels-like-t-2010-10-20
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    Oct 27, 2010 7:42 AM GMT
    It's about fucking time they realize this.
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    Oct 27, 2010 12:53 PM GMT
    You mean they still dont know what it feels like? Thats rich...depression is the most common diagnosed mental problem in north america... and suicidal tendencies common....
  • bad_wolf

    Posts: 1002

    Oct 27, 2010 1:17 PM GMT
    Suicidal tendencies are subsequent. Depression evolves to it, to first understand suicide you need to understand depression and the endless circle of learned helplessness.
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    Oct 27, 2010 1:35 PM GMT
    I can tell you exactly what it feels like to want to kill yourself:
    You're a complete emotional void, and death looks good because you don't even want to feel better. It's hurts worse than anything you've ever felt before.

    Been there.... and am so grateful to be freed from that state of mind.
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    Oct 27, 2010 2:14 PM GMT
    Our culture is going through something that's rare in history: we have everything and yet feel nothing. This usually happens at the apex of a civilization.
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    Oct 27, 2010 2:26 PM GMT
    SAHEM62896 saidI can tell you exactly what it feels like to want to kill yourself:
    You're a complete emotional void, and death looks good because you don't even want to feel better. It's hurts worse than anything you've ever felt before.

    Been there.... and am so grateful to be freed from that state of mind.



    Very true Sahem. For me it felt like I was drowning from an incredible weight on my shoulders. The idea of death felt like release from it all.
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    Oct 27, 2010 2:40 PM GMT
    For me, the times I'd felt suicidal came with an unrelenting sense of overwhelming fear or dread/panic of the future... all possibilities seemed negative, daunting, impossible to surmount or circumnavigate. This was usually paired with a very personal sense of "lack of purpose" or meaning to my own existence. icon_sad.gif
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19129

    Oct 27, 2010 2:42 PM GMT
    SAHEM62896 said

    Been there.... and am so grateful to be freed from that state of mind.



    I'm glad you're free from that state of mind too -- BIG HUG to all who have ever been in that place!!!!
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    Oct 27, 2010 2:50 PM GMT
    makavelli saidOur culture is going through something that's rare in history: we have everything and yet feel nothing. This usually happens at the apex of a civilization.


    that just gave me goosebumps. It's true
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    Oct 27, 2010 2:55 PM GMT
    When everything you've worked so hard for was for nothing, when your family doesnt even understand what youre going through, when your friends abandon you, when youre so exhausted trying to explain yourself to people who dont listen because theyre too self centered to care, when you feel like a loser because you feel you couldnt be a great uncle to your nephews, when you just feel like a burden to everyone you love...
    That sinking feeling, the heaviness in my chest, the hopelessness I feel everyday, it hurts my head...

    But I just keep telling myself, its gonna be okay. Because Im not a quitter. Quitting is not an option for me.
    Its gonna be okay.
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    Oct 27, 2010 2:55 PM GMT
    although, Makavelli, the posts here are all about feeling and what people feel. The internet is flooded to capacity with people's feelings.

    ...and then there's this:




    -Doug
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    Oct 27, 2010 3:08 PM GMT
    I was diagnosed with POTS (post traumatic stress syndrome) , anxiety and depression about five years ago when my career was abruptly ended due to the hours I was working...and a boss who had NO empathy for my situation, though I had made millions of dollars for him.
    I do have occasional panic attacks...and am forced to take meds that I would rather not...but they DO help. And I am usually able to work through it with a few phone calls and messaging people who care about me.... MANY of them I have met on RJ and am eternally grateful for those who listen to my babble!!
    Someone once said this: "Suicide is a long term solution to a short time
    problem". This I use as my "mantra" when I feel all is lost.
    Another thing that works for me is the idea that I could not bear the pain and suffering of those I would leave behind to deal with the horrible selfish act.
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    Oct 27, 2010 3:25 PM GMT
    mocktwinkie said
    makavelli saidOur culture is going through something that's rare in history: we have everything and yet feel nothing. This usually happens at the apex of a civilization.


    that just gave me goosebumps. It's true


    Except for hate, there's plenty of that to go around.

    Fear, anger, hate and suffering. A total cliche, but so true.

    If I'd have to take an honest look at my own life, those 3 are probably the prevailing emotions throughout the years. And I just can't help but wondering how different life would have been, where I'd be now if I wouldn't have been guided by fear and anger.

    This is actually way to personal to put on a fucking forum.
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    Oct 27, 2010 5:38 PM GMT
    I felt it a few times, for about a year, off and on.

    You walk by that bridge every night on your way home from work, and think, would anyone really cry? You dont have good grades, you work part time jobs, you're in debt up to your ass, you're gay so 80 percent of the world would agree with you smashing all over those rocks, your mom and sister love you but you're more just a financial liability, your dad already abandoned your family for another one, you're gonna see 3 bills in your mailbox if you make it home, and really, who do you think you are trying to be something in this world that couldnt give two shits if you live or die...

    Its scary when death and you are simply 30 meters apart (the bridge drop). A xanax kept me alive many nights, ill never discount the ability of it and drugs like it. Im better now, but the world is still a harsh place. If you seek psychological help you can't get jobs in many sectors, you can expect to pay large bills with money most dont have, and all it does is postpone or numb your rage for a while.

    Consider yourself blessed when you have it under control, many dont.


    p.s. Im better now, i have a life path and i did seek help from friends. They are who i live for icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 27, 2010 5:57 PM GMT
    makavelli saidOur culture is going through something that's rare in history: we have everything and yet feel nothing. This usually happens at the apex of a civilization.


    Yup we is definitely living in the Roman empire... the rich are so rich and the poor so poor, the system is set to self-destruct

    And no, Im not talking the end of the world, Im talking about the end of the present civilisation.. which is wasteful, wanton and in no way sustainble into a future of any kind
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    Oct 27, 2010 6:00 PM GMT
    pat3rob saidI felt it a few times, for about a year, off and on.

    You walk by that bridge every night on your way home from work, and think, would anyone really cry? You dont have good grades, you work part time jobs, you're in debt up to your ass, you're gay so 80 percent of the world would agree with you smashing all over those rocks, your mom and sister love you but you're more just a financial liability, your dad already abandoned your family for another one, you're gonna see 3 bills in your mailbox if you make it home, and really, who do you think you are trying to be something in this world that couldnt give two shits if you live or die...

    Its scary when death and you are simply 30 meters apart (the bridge drop). A xanax kept me alive many nights, ill never discount the ability of it and drugs like it. Im better now, but the world is still a harsh place. If you seek psychological help you can't get jobs in many sectors, you can expect to pay large bills with money most dont have, and all it does is postpone or numb your rage for a while.

    Consider yourself blessed when you have it under control, many dont.


    p.s. Im better now, i have a life path and i did seek help from friends. They are who i live for icon_smile.gif


    I totally agree with you, pt3, I live for my loved ones now, no longer for me.. me I worth shit lol

    and hearts for you:

    little-hearts.jpg
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    Oct 27, 2010 6:01 PM GMT
    Tazo995 said
    mocktwinkie said
    makavelli saidOur culture is going through something that's rare in history: we have everything and yet feel nothing. This usually happens at the apex of a civilization.


    that just gave me goosebumps. It's true


    Except for hate, there's plenty of that to go around.

    Fear, anger, hate and suffering. A total cliche, but so true.

    If I'd have to take an honest look at my own life, those 3 are probably the prevailing emotions throughout the years. And I just can't help but wondering how different life would have been, where I'd be now if I wouldn't have been guided by fear and anger.

    This is actually way to personal to put on a fucking forum.


    Hearts for you too icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 27, 2010 6:12 PM GMT
    Thanks amar icon_smile.gif I think living for oneself is what put many of us where we are now, selfish, therefore yes, live for others, and do for others.
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    Oct 27, 2010 7:06 PM GMT
    The vacuum of empathy in this nation will destroy it...... we are watching it happen.
    Sadly, the lack of empathy starts at the TOP..

    Churches, Presidents, politicians etc etc etc..
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    Oct 27, 2010 7:11 PM GMT
    Things like show you that we don't need terrorists to bring us down. We'll do it by ourselves. Our lack of empathy and humbleness, our materialism, our belief that resources are unlimited, and so on. It's a volcano waiting to erupt!
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    Oct 27, 2010 7:36 PM GMT
    i sometimes chuckle at the psycotherapeutic community who think they can put a feeling, name or brand on every thing they come across so at the end of the day, they can get it into the AJM or some other medical magazine.

    Why would anyone think that suicidal feelings would all be the same, that our thought process at that moment in time could be compared or that we could be pigeon holed? My feelings, whether is was during a suicidal moment or a lighter and brighter time, don't fit into any category, they're mine and mine alone.

    They'll never get to the bottom of it, because understanding the human mind is way too complex for any man to think he is wise enough to have the answers................Keithicon_cool.gif
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    Oct 27, 2010 7:39 PM GMT
    meninlove said although, Makavelli, the posts here are all about feeling and what people feel. The internet is flooded to capacity with people's feelings.

    ...and then there's this:




    -Doug


    Rifkin's theories are fantastic. All humans are soft-wired to experience the plight of others as if we are experiencing it ourselves, but it's the hard-wiring done to us throughout our lives by our family, peers and media that pushes the soft wiring to the side. And what's up with Rifkin's theory that human beings are not wired for aggression, but for affection? Yeah, right (tell that to the curb-stomping, face-punching Tea Baggers).

    I wish I could be as optimistic as Rifkin, but all you need to do is pick up the daily newspaper. We are eating each other alive! We have the whiff of death and empathy, for sure, but we celebrate the suffering of others. There are few human beings with the necessary spiritual consciousness to feel real empathy and accept others for who they are. I know of a few: Dalai Lama; Master Kong (Confucius); and Jesus Christ. That's it, and that's sad.
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    Oct 27, 2010 7:43 PM GMT
    reppaT said
    I wish I could be as optimistic as Rifkin, but all you need to do is pick up the daily newspaper. We are eating each other alive! We have the whiff of death and empathy, for sure, but we celebrate the suffering of others. There are few human beings with the necessary spiritual consciousness to feel real empathy and accept others for who they are. I know of a few: Dalai Lama; Master Kong (Confucius); and Jesus Christ. That's it, and that's sad.


    I have to disagree.... But i will agree in one way: our attitudes out here in the west stinks, and the wealthier we get, the more it seems to stink... if you go to really poor places like villages in Nepal or in the Amazon jungle, its a different planet.. ppl really care for each other there.. I mean, yes, there is war and fighting like everywhere else, ... and people there suffer many more hardships than we do... but ppl preserve their humility and humanity in the face of immense hardship... .whereas western wealth is only breeding arrogance and competitiveness and a hateful attitude towards others...
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    Oct 27, 2010 7:43 PM GMT
    reppaT said
    meninlove said although, Makavelli, the posts here are all about feeling and what people feel. The internet is flooded to capacity with people's feelings.

    ...and then there's this:


    -Doug


    Rifkin's theories are fantastic. All humans are soft-wired to experience the plight of others as if we are experiencing it ourselves, but it's the hard-wiring done to us throughout our lives by our family, peers and media that pushes the soft wiring to the side. And what's up with Rifkin's theory that human beings are not wired for aggression, but for affection? Yeah, right (tell that to the curb-stomping, face-punching Tea Baggers).

    I wish I could be as optimistic as Rifkin, but all you need to do is pick up the daily newspaper. We are eating each other alive! We have the whiff of death and empathy, for sure, but we celebrate the suffering of others. There are few human beings with the necessary spiritual consciousness to feel real empathy and accept others for who they are. I know of a few: Dalai Lama; Master Kong (Confucius); and Jesus Christ. That's it, and that's sad.



    Only two; the Dalai Lama and Master C. Jesus is not real.