Dude, I'm so confused!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2008 4:58 PM GMT
    Ok so heres the deal...I'm 18

    I've been struggling with my sexuality for a long long long time!

    I look at gay porn all the time and masturbate frequently...

    However, all my life...when I masturbate, I feel horribly guilty when I cum! I cannot understand why! It's all good when I'm looking at the porn, but then when I cum I feel terrible...I thought the guilt would go away with time but it never seems too!

    Also, when I climax...its never that good! I want it to feel amazing but it just doesn't! The guilt takes over and I end up wanting to change my sexuality and quit looking at porn!

    I've had sex a few times too, but usually just fooling around...

    I don't know...any advice?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2008 5:39 PM GMT
    Are you a Catholic from Alabama?
  • Sirkit

    Posts: 182

    Mar 09, 2008 10:59 PM GMT
    Sounds like you've created an association between your sexuality and a feeling of guilt (look at me, I'm captain obvious!). Probably the only way to get around it would be to deal with the root of the problem. It's not the masturbation that's causing you to feel guilty, but probably an external source (parents, religion, family, internalized homophobia) that is making you feel this way.

    Actually this phenomenon is fairly common in your queer youth. If it is related to your sexuality (which based on what you've posted it does) then you really have to become okay with who you are and what you're doing. Sometimes this has to manifest as coming out to family and friends (to garner acceptance which would in turn make what you are doing feel more acceptable), with coming to terms with a faith that is making you feel guilt, or getting a boyfriend or steady sex partner that can make it possible for you to be okay to yourself with what you are doing. These are some general suggestions they may not be what is right for you, they may be exactly what you need; only you can decide.

    All these things are good starting points but really the guidance of a counselor/psychologist may be necessary for a few weeks to get things started and, if necessary, to monitor progress and suggest alternatives as the need arises. Also, much like working out, it is a long process that could take you several years before you are completely comfortable with this aspect of yourself.

    Be strong, you're not alone in this.
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    Mar 10, 2008 12:50 AM GMT
    I remember having a similar reaction as a teenager, and I'm sure looking back that it had everything to do with my being brought up with strong church background that Masterbation was wrong, that homosexuality was wrong also, and that the homosexual man could change this "WITH THE HELP OF GOD". Well you can no more change what sex your body/mental makeup is attracted too, than you can change what color skin genetics/race gave you. Until I accepted being a gay man, I was conflicted about the above. Your a young man, so there's lots of time ahead of you to enjoy your sexuality. But you'll have to come to terms between what you were taught about sexuality/masterbation in relation to your sexual reality. I know how troubling some of this can be, so I feel for you. Hang in there, you'll get it sorted out. Do you by any chance have an older gay friend to talk to? I hope you have some support, it will make things a lot easier for you. Take care !!!
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    Mar 10, 2008 7:04 AM GMT
    I know what that's like; I hope things become clearer for you. I'm still dealing with sexuality issues. If you find some good advice feel free to pass some my way.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 10, 2008 7:46 AM GMT
    If it makes you feel better, I've talked with my straight friends once about the feeling of guilt you get after climaxing. We were still senior high school (around 16 years old) when we talked about it. They all said they felt the same way.

    How you suddenly felt disgusted at what you've just been masturbating to, etc. Take note that these are STRAIGHT guys talking about looking at hetero porn.

    It's not a solely gay guy phenomenon. It's because of the way the current society basically labels anything sexual as 'sinful'. If you're religious, you're especially prone to this.

    One thing I can say though, is that you can't change your sexuality just because you want to. At least nothing short of a brainwashing session will do, which'll leave you much worse than you started with.

    The sooner you accept you are gay/bisexual/bicurious straight the better.

    I don't have the guilt episodes now. icon_razz.gif
  • Seabiscuit2

    Posts: 2

    Mar 11, 2008 9:30 PM GMT
    Are you out?
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Mar 11, 2008 9:44 PM GMT
    Where did he go?

    I hope no one sent him rude messages, or anything like that?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 12, 2008 12:04 PM GMT
    Don't look at me. icon_wink.gif
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Mar 12, 2008 9:31 PM GMT
    Sedative14 saidDon't look at me. icon_wink.gif

    Wouldn't dream of it icon_wink.gif

    I know you would never do anything like that icon_smile.gif