Really Depressed--- EVERY Guy I Date Runs Off/Disappears

  • chance86

    Posts: 34

    Oct 28, 2010 8:33 PM GMT
    I'm kind of shy, so I'll post a picture of myself later once I feel more comfortable here. Promise.

    Meanwhile, I'm 23, and I've been out of the closet for two years now. And since I've come out, I've had terrible luck with dating guys. I have no trouble getting a guy to get interested in me, and I constantly have people tell me how attractive I am (though I don't see it), but I have trouble KEEPING a guy.

    In the last two years, I've dated about fifteen guys. And it usually happens like this: I'll meet a guy, he'll seem interested in me, we'll set up a date, go out once or twice.... and then I don't hear from him ever again. Even if I text him, he won't respond. And sometimes, a guy will lose interest or stop talking to me BEFORE we even go out!

    I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but it's killing me and I'm scared I'll end up alone. The only thing I can think of is that I'm shy (especially around guys I'm REALLY attracted to), and most of the guys I've "dated" are outgoing; maybe they want someone who's outgoing/crazy like they are?

    I'm a nice guy; I'd give the shirt off my back to anyone in need; I'm in good shape and take care of my body; I'm honest; I'm romantic. I just don't know how to get out of this situation.

    I thought it was just bad luck at first, but now I'm realizing it's something that I'm doing wrong.

    Can anyone help me or give me any advice?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 28, 2010 8:48 PM GMT
    Sounds like me!

    I've had this happen before and kind of at the moment. Are you a virgo? ha I'm not usually into the "signs" but I definitely have this thing where when I am really attracted to someone and can't even focus on another person, especially when you are REALLY into them. I tend to put my eggs in one basket and I wear my heart on my sleeve. Sometimes it's hard to gauge how the other person is and what level of attraction they have to you. Sometimes it's not immediately the same intensity and constantly texting or communicating can be a turn off which I have learned the hard way. Trust me it's difficult just staring at the phone waiting for a reply. Also, we are just 23 and we have a lot of time to find it, even if we think it's THAT person at THAT time, It just might not be. I have yet to be successful in a conquest, but I'm still hoping it will happen and they want more than just sex.
  • chance86

    Posts: 34

    Oct 28, 2010 8:57 PM GMT
    LBTriGuy saidSounds like me!

    I've had this happen before and kind of at the moment. Are you a virgo? ha I'm not usually into the "signs" but I definitely have this thing where when I am really attracted to someone and can't even focus on another person, especially when you are REALLY into them. I tend to put my eggs in one basket and I wear my heart on my sleeve. Sometimes it's hard to gauge how the other person is and what level of attraction they have to you. Sometimes it's not immediately the same intensity and constantly texting or communicating can be a turn off which I have learned the hard way. Trust me it's difficult just staring at the phone waiting for a reply. Also, we are just 23 and we have a lot of time to find it, even if we think it's THAT person at THAT time, It just might not be. I have yet to be successful in a conquest, but I'm still hoping it will happen and they want more than just sex.


    Haha, no, I'm not a virgo; I'm a libra. But a lot of what you say about getting focused on a certain person you're really attracted to, I can see in myself. And this might sound kind of weird, but I got so tired of waiting for texts/replies that I keep my phone on silent all the time now when I'm talking to a new guy (so I won't wait for the text alert beep), and I only let myself check it every fifteen minutes.

    I guess I do get attached pretty quickly to guys, but I try not to let it show. The sad thing is, every other area of my life is going amazingly. And I would treat a guy I'm with like a prince.... but no one seems to want that from me.

    However, I do feel a little bit better that I'm not the only one going through this, even though I hate that you're suffering through it too. It sometimes seems like every guy around me is dating successfully or has no trouble getting a boyfriend but me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 28, 2010 9:33 PM GMT
    Yeah this is tough but your story is not unusual...Even SEXY guys get the same treatment at times...Heck, I've been on both ends of this with guys who were WAY better looking and well off than me...

    My attitude is, if we don't click, there's no reason to continue wasting each others time...So we should continue a charade just for politeness?

  • chance86

    Posts: 34

    Oct 28, 2010 9:36 PM GMT
    Indy404 saidYeah this is tough but your story is not unusual...Even SEXY guys get the same treatment at times...Heck, I've been on both ends of this with guys who were WAY better looking and well off than me...

    My attitude is, if we don't click, there's no reason to continue wasting each others time...So we should continue a charade just for politeness?



    Well, when I've talked to some of my other friends about it, they act puzzled or confused as to why this happens to me, which is why I felt so badly about it.

    But I find it hard to believe that I just couldn't click with 15 different guys; I can understand maybe a few I wouldn't click with, but not that many. That's why I think there's something I'm doing wrong to scare guys off or put them off in some way.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 28, 2010 9:38 PM GMT
    Just a suggestion…try dating only guys over 35
    Keep us posted.
  • chance86

    Posts: 34

    Oct 28, 2010 9:43 PM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidJust a suggestion…try dating only guys over 35
    Keep us posted.


    Why do you say that? Not that I'm opposed to dating older guys...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 28, 2010 9:53 PM GMT
    are you putting out for these guys? if so, they've got what they wanted and moved into the pasture again......Keithicon_cool.gif
  • chance86

    Posts: 34

    Oct 28, 2010 10:02 PM GMT
    vetteset saidare you putting out for these guys? if so, they've got what they wanted and moved into the pasture again......Keithicon_cool.gif


    Ummm.... a couple of them, yes. But I quickly saw how stupid that was for me to do (especially since I've never been in it for a one-night stand; when I first came out, I naively thought that having sex right away with the guy would make him want to be in a relationship with me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 28, 2010 10:05 PM GMT
    I just met a guy at the gym. He had me memorize his email so we could go out. NO WAY!

    Why?

    He is totally self-centered. During the course of our conversation in the locker room, he cut me off while I was speaking 2 or 3 times. That clued me in that he was listening to me. He wasn't interested in what I was saying. And ultimately he wasn't interested in me. He was all wrapped up in himself. And I am not interested in going thru that on a date. And definitely not interested in dating him thinking he will change.

    I will prolly see him at the gym again. If he presses me for why I never emailed, I will try to gentle but frankly tell the above.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 28, 2010 10:05 PM GMT
    I think the reasons are obvious; however, if stated will incite a flame war.

    I’m guessing you have your “check list” and the guys that you are dating check off all your boxes, but don’t call back.
    Maybe, just maybe, you should add a box or two that will add the ones who will call you back.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 28, 2010 10:08 PM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidI think the reasons are obvious; however, if stated will incite a flame war.

    I’m guessing you have your “check list” and the guys that you are dating check off all your boxes, but don’t call back.
    Maybe, just maybe, you should add a box or two that will add the ones who will call you back.


    AND,,,,make sure you have one close friend who is honest with you and will risk hurting your feelings to tell you that you have one very annoying feature...a lot of 'friends' don't have the cajones....Keithicon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 29, 2010 1:24 AM GMT
    Oh my...well, I dated over a hundred guys over 14 years before I met Bill.

    Say, maybe this is happening because you keep picking the outgoing type? How about trying out a shy guy like yourself? icon_wink.gif


    -Doug
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 29, 2010 1:32 AM GMT
    Same problem here dude
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 29, 2010 1:34 AM GMT
    if you're out

    why dont U have pictures?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 29, 2010 1:40 AM GMT
    At 23 it might seem like 15 strike-outs is remarkable but over the course of a few years you will encounter dozens if not hundreds of men and have dates. You will find that even though the disappointment ratio may not change much, you will meet a good match.

  • xKorix

    Posts: 607

    Oct 29, 2010 1:42 AM GMT
    Hmm you should look into why you're attracting guys who abandon you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 29, 2010 1:47 AM GMT
    chance86 said I keep my phone on silent all the time now when I'm talking to a new guy (so I won't wait for the text alert beep), and I only let myself check it every fifteen minutes.

    I think this is a big clue to what the problem is.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 29, 2010 1:48 AM GMT
    Maybe you need to slow it down. Take some time off and reflect.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 29, 2010 1:50 AM GMT
    15 people really isn't that much man. Also, look at where your meeting them too. If it is the Internet I can tell you that people usually place little to no value to these relationships. Try volunteering for a gay organization or join a gay club. You will meet people who share similar interests if it is something you enjoy and/or care about.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Oct 29, 2010 1:53 AM GMT
    I think it has to do with your level of confidence when you're on a date with the guys. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 29, 2010 1:59 AM GMT
    Also remember that dating is a satanical diabolical game that everyone hates and bitches about, yet plays at the same time. Think of it like poker, you don't give away what you have right away, leave him guessing a bit.

    Lastly, relationships aren't found, they are built through experience and common interests. I wouldnt worry about your looks so much but what you like to do, people will connect with that.
  • chance86

    Posts: 34

    Oct 29, 2010 2:27 AM GMT
    meninlove said Oh my...well, I dated over a hundred guys over 14 years before I met Bill.

    Say, maybe this is happening because you keep picking the outgoing type? How about trying out a shy guy like yourself? icon_wink.gif


    -Doug


    I have dated another shy guy. And he was even more shy than I am--- so much so that I drove him crazy with thinking he didn't really like me that he eventually dumped me. icon_sad.gif
  • chance86

    Posts: 34

    Oct 29, 2010 2:28 AM GMT
    N8tiveNuYawhka saidif you're out

    why dont U have pictures?


    I'm going to put them up soon. I'm just shy.
  • chance86

    Posts: 34

    Oct 29, 2010 2:28 AM GMT
    xKorix saidHmm you should look into why you're attracting guys who abandon you.


    I've tried. Even when I've tried asking those guys why they stopped talking to me or dating me, they usually don't tell me (they just disappear without ever responding to me again).